Empowering Children Through Chores

Last updated on August 9th, 2026 at 04:33 pm

Research Reveals the Myth of Family Dinner Time as Cure-all

Last updated on June 14th, 2026 at 07:33 pm

The clock is approaching 6:00 pm and your household is frazzled. Half the kids are still at soccer practice. You have to pick them up in 20 minutes. The younger kids are in “witching hour” mode and running around crazy and begging for snacks. You haven’t yet considered what will be on the menu for dinner.

Does this sound like your house? Many times family dinner time can easily turn into stressful time. Yet, we hear all the time that families who eat dinner together reap great benefits for themselves and their children.

Most of us have heard all the research about how important family dinners are to kids’ long-term outcomes. Just a few years ago, journalist and filmmaker Miriam Weinstein wrote a book entitled, The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier, and Happier, in which she outlines the research that supports the role that family dinners play in kids’ lives.

Reading this research, it really sounds like family dinners are the magic bullet of family life. Family dinners have been associated with all sorts of positive outcomes for kids, such as less teenage delinquency and drug use, lower rates of obesity, greater emotional stability, and even better preparedness for reading. It sounds a little too good to be true. Something as simple as family dinners could make all these great outcomes appear in your family?

Well, it turns out that the “magic bullet” of the family dinner may be a little too good to be true. New research is delving deeper into the role that family dinners play in the lives of children. This research is not only compelling because of the insight it offers into family life, but it also illustrates a perfect example of the difference between correlation and causation in social science research.

In this new research, scientists used a huge national survey of adolescents. They consider the relationship between family dinners and three main outcomes:

• Teen depression,
• Teen alcohol and drug use, and
• Teen delinquency

At first, the study seemed to replicate previous work, with there being a strong correlation between family dinners and less teen delinquency. Then, however, researchers went one step further.

They controlled statistically for other factors that might explain these differences in families such as:

• How well parents monitor their children,
• How many activities parents do with their children, and
• Family resources

Not surprisingly, when these factors are included in the mix, the correlation between family dinners and teen outcomes drops dramatically. In other words, these other factors, not family dinner itself, can explain much of the effects we see. Family dinner time is “masking” these other factors.

So it turns out that family dinners are not the “magic bullet” that they were once considered to be. As is often the case in social science, the strong correlation between family dinners and teen outcomes did not mean that family dinners were the sole cause of this relationship. As this new research shows, the family dinner is really just a proxy for other positive things parents do with their children such as talking and engaging with them on a daily basis. The key component that seems to be influencing kids is this: connection and communication with parents.

Does this mean that you should give up on family dinners? Of course not!

Dinner time is still a great opportunity to connect with you kids, but it’s not the only way. In his popular book, The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Tell Your Family History, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More, Bruce Feiler discusses different ways in which families can connect throughout the day, not just a dinner.

Here are just a few ideas:

• If after school activities make dinner time difficult, have an early “dinner” at 4:00 for all who can join. Then later at night, have a family dessert for everyone.
• Family time does not always have to center around a meal—how about a walk when everyone gets home from school and work.
• Family storytelling and asking kids questions is key. Every family has stories from grandparents or funny tales from relatives.
• Start a “themed” conversation that happens most times the family is together. Ours is sharing “joys and challenges” of the day or week. Each person shares something that was a “joy” and “challenge” for that day. It is amazing all the good conversation this can start.

Research is clearly showing that “family dinner” is really just a proxy for family connection. Kids that feel safe, connected, and valued by their family are less likely to participate in dangerous activities like drug use, extreme risk-taking or delinquent acts. Furthermore, these kids tend to be happier and are less likely to be depressed.

Take the pressure and stress out of family dinner. Just aim to find a few minutes every day to connect with your family, in any way you can.

How to Ensure Your Holiday Dinner Guests Leave Smiling Not Sick

Last updated on December 13th, 2025 at 04:38 pm

Every host wants guests to leave the table with a full stomach, not a stomach bug. Unfortunately, 76 million cases of food-borne diseases occur in the United States each year, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 325,000 of those cases result in a trip to the emergency room. This time of year, with heaps of food and extra guests, it’s all too easy to contaminate meals with food-borne bugs or a nasty flu virus.

Luckily, there are a few simple safe-cooking precautions that will keep your friends and family safe and healthy this holiday season. Barbara Kowalcyk, director of food safety at The Center for Foodborne Illness Research & Prevention in Grove City, Pa., shares her tips to help prevent both food poisoning and germ-sharing.

At the Store

Keep raw meats and poultry separate from packaged foods in your cart. The outside of meat packages can be contaminated with bacteria, and touching them means you can easily spread germs and bacteria to other products. “Don’t be afraid to use a plastic bag from the produce department as a glove when handling meats,” says Kowalcyk. “A little precaution now can save you from a big mess later.”

At Home

Proper preparation is the key to safe cooking. Before cooking any meals, clean your hands and all work surfaces. Designate different cutting boards for different types of foods to help prevent cross-contamination. It’s also important to pay attention to what you’re doing. “Don’t go from cutting a chicken to making a salad. Wash your hands,” says Kowalcyk.

Knowing which foods to wash also prevents illness. Always wash the tops of cans and all fruits and vegetables. “People are often surprised to learn that something like a salad can make them sick,” says Kowalcyk. She recommends skipping prepackaged bagged leaves and buying the whole head instead. Remove the outside leaves as well as any with tears, which are the most likely to be contaminated.

Don’t put meat and poultry in the sink. “It doesn’t need to be washed,” says Kowalcyk. Washing raises the risk of contaminating other surfaces in your kitchen. It only takes between three and 10 microbes to start an infection (more than a million can fit on the head of a pin). Just a few drops of dirty water can really wreck havoc on your kitchen. Washing the food won’t kill bacteria, but cooking your food to the proper temperature will.

If You’re Sick

If you’re fighting the flu or a cold, you should stay out of the kitchen altogether. Give instructions to another family member or consider wearing a mask as you prepare the food. If nothing else, wash your hands more often — especially after you cough or sneeze.

In the Oven

Testing meat for color, touch or until juices run clear is not a good way to tell if food is done. “Testing the internal temperature is the only way to know if it’s cooked to a safe temperature,” says Kowalcyk. She recommends you ditch the dial thermometers and pop-up buttons included with some prepackaged turkeys since both may not be calibrated properly. Instead, use a digital thermometer to test meat at its thickest point and poultry at the joint between the thigh and leg.

The United States Department of Agriculture recommends cooking foods to the following minimum temperatures to ensure safe consumption:

• Beef, Pork, Veal & Lamb (steak, chops, roasts): 145 F (62.8 C) and allow to rest for at least 3 minutes
• Ground meats: 160 F (71.1 C)
• Ham, fresh or smoked (uncooked): 145 F (62.8 C) and allow to rest for at least 3 minutes
• Fully Cooked Ham (to reheat): Reheat cooked hams packaged in USDA-inspected plants to 140 F (60 C) and all others to 165 F (73.9 C)
• All Poultry (breasts, whole bird, legs, thighs, and wings, ground poultry, and stuffing): 165 F (73.9 C)
• Eggs: 160 F (71.1 C)
• Fish & Shellfish: 145 F (62.8 C)
• Leftovers: 165 F (73.9 C)
• Casseroles: 165 F (73.9 C)

At the Table

Don’t let food sit out for more than two hours. This includes the time it may be on the counter or table before you serve it. Keep hot foods hot in the oven and cold foods cold in the refrigerator. “Don’t let your foods get to room temperature,” says Kowalcyk. “That’s where bacteria likes to grow. And the longer it sits out, the more you increase your risk of getting sick.”

After the Meal

Transfer warm leftovers to shallow dishes so they’ll cool down evenly and quickly in the fridge. Also keep in mind that the temperature increases in an overstuffed fridge, so you may need to adjust yours for a few days after a big meal to make sure it stays at a safe 40 F.

The Next Day

Everyone loves leftovers, but not everyone should reach for the cold turkey. Those vulnerable to illness — young children, pregnant women and people with chronic conditions — should reheat leftovers to 165 F before eating them. “Most people will be OK, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry,” says Kowalcyk.

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Editor’s Note: This post first appeared on Pediatric Safety in November of 2010. The chart has been updated to include the most current information available on the minimum safe internal temperatures for food. If you’re preparing dinner for guests, print a copy and keep it handy. Wishing all of our readers a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!

Parenting That Fabulous Middle Child

Last updated on April 14th, 2025 at 06:35 pm

Is the “Middle Kid Syndrome” really a problem? Not if we apply the research.

Have more than two kids? Then I’m betting you’ve heard a few of these:

“It’s like I’m stuck in the middle.”

“But I don’t want to do things like my sister.”

“I want my own stuff not these hand me downs.”

“My coach always asks why I can’t play like my brother.”

As soon as my third son was born I became very aware of the so-called “Middle Kid Syndrome.” It wasn’t hard…everyone warned me with those: “Watch out …you have a middle one now.” So I read all those birth order books and tuned into those experts warning us of the dangers of being “sandwiched in between.” I quickly learned to beware: middle kids get a bad rap. And research even proves it.

A longitudinal study from Norway involving hundreds of men found that their elder sibling is smarter by an average of 3 points IQ which can be quite significant on those SATs.

But the lead had nothing to do with genetics!

It turns out if the first born dies, the second sib takes over that IQ lead! So the reason for that IQ boost? We talk to our oldest child more, which gives them a huge edge in language development.

Research also shows (Shhhhh!) that the first born is more favored by their parents and the middle kid realizes that favoritism.

Then there’s the problem of teachers and coaches comparing the middle child unfairly to their older sibling (“Your older brother read when he was three.” “Your sister could sing in tune.”).

What’s more, they have to endure that icky label: “Oh, you’re the ‘middle’ kid.” And that isn’t enough this is the kid that gets far too many hand-me-downs. If we’re not careful this glorious child can get lost in the shuffle of their own families.

Hidden Benefits of Being “Stuck in the middle!”

It seems these middle children also learn valuable skills and perspective because of their unique position in the family. (We just may have to remind them that there are benefits, but there are a few). Studies find these benefits to being stuck in the middle that may be overlooked:

• Middle kids are generally more creative and flexible because they are trying to be different from their elder and younger sibling.
• They are also often more relaxed, independent, diplomatic, resourceful, as well as more balanced and generous than their other siblings.
• They can make great negotiators and have great people skills if we let them forge their own way.

7 Common “Middle Kid” Problems & Solutions

When the Today show asked me to report about the supposed “Middle Kid Syndrome,” I jumped at the opportunity. I reviewed all the research on middle children, but also asked a number of “ middle” moms and kids (including my own) for their take on the issue. And chime in they did! Here are seven common problems that both researchers warn us of and middle kids complain about from being sandwiched in between and parenting solutions for each hot-button issue.

No. 1. Feel less favored

Not only do middle kids pick up on which sibling is the parental favorite, but researchers (after viewing videos of parent-child interaction) confirm it.

Sixty-five percent of mothers and 70 percent of dads exhibited a preference for one child–in most cases, the older one.

The middle kid pays the price. So, though we may think we treat our kids equally, research shows otherwise.

Be honest. Do your eyes light up with the same intensity for each of your children? That’s your test.

No. 2. Overlooked and skimped on attention

The first child is always the big deal. The last is “our baby.” The poor middle kid feels overlooked. As a result research says they can become rebellious or our little “people pleasers” to make up for what they feel is the missed attention.

• Make a big deal over their trophy (even if the eldest has one, too).
• Jump for joy that you get to go to the Christmas Pageant (again!)
• Make special time so your middle kid doesn’t feel she’s overlooked. Each child deserves his own special “firsts.”
• Keep that baby book open and ready to jot down those “firsts.”

No. 3. Hate to be compared

One of the biggest complaints of middle children is that they say they are always compared to their older sibling. “Your older brother could do that when he was three.” “Your sister liked piano.”

• No fair! Tell Aunt Harriet to bite her tongue.
• Your cardinal parenting rule is: Never compare.

No. 4. Hide true feelings

Middle kids learn to not reveal their feelings. After all, the elder sibling is usually more verbal and gets our ears. So the second child often keeps things to himself. So….

• Draw your middle one out.
• Keep the communication open.
• Ask how he’s feeling.
• And make the older one listen to the middle child’s ideas.

No. 5. Tired of playing referee

This breed is most often to be the diplomat in the family. They smooth things over and tote the family peace pipe because they hate conflicts and anger. They become fabulous little negotiators and grow up to have wonderful people skills.

But right now this kid shouldn’t have to take on the role of United Nations in his own home.

• Watch your middle child’s inclination to always smooth things over, and give in to the elder or younger siblings just to keep the peace. They can be taken advantage of and causes resentment as well as just not being fair.

No. 6. Always get the hand-me-downs!

• Okay, every once in a while is fine, but watch those: “But the coat is perfectly fine.” Or: “Your sister never played with the doll. It’s brand new.”

No. 7. Forced to follow siblings footsteps

• Let your middle kid march to his own drum and not have to hang onto the coat tails of an older sibling. Tap into your middle’s child true potential and emphasize each child’s unique strengths and true potential. These kids are usually more creative and individualistic. Draw out their natural nature.
• Sure, how our kids turn out does have a lot to do with genetics and pre-disposed temperament. But it also has to do with how they are treated by us as well as the experiences they have with their siblings. Let’s tune in a little closer to this now – there are peacekeepers with great people skills who are not afraid to march to their own drum.

P.S. As a mom of a middle kid let me assure you, they turn out not only fine, but plain wonderful.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com.

Putting an End to Battles with Your Kids

Last updated on March 29th, 2025 at 04:02 pm

Tired of nagging your kids to pick up their dirty clothes to no avail? Do you sound like a broken record repeating, “Eat your veggies”? Good news: You can put an end to the daily battles!

“Most fights come about because a parent is trying to limit, correct or stop something the kid is doing,” says Dr. Fred Zelinger, a child and family psychologist in Cedarhurst, N.Y. “But it’s easier to give a choice than a command. And it’s more effective to plan ahead how you’ll handle certain situations, rather than react in the moment.” So stop squabbling. Try these expert strategies to break four of the most common parent-kid conflicts once and for all. (No nagging required!)

Conflict: Your 9-year-old won’t do her chores.

Solution: Chores aren’t negotiable; they’re a fact of family life. Designate a few simple tasks for your child to do every day (e.g., make her bed, set the table) or a few bigger ones for her to do each week (e.g., empty the trash). Set a specific chore time each day and explain that the task must be done before she watches TV or has a playdate. Then enforce the rule!

“Every time children complete a job they don’t want to do, it teaches them delayed gratification,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a child and family therapist and the author of The Self-aware Parent. “Plus, it bolsters their self-esteem.”

Also important: keeping kids motivated. Instead of criticizing, “You didn’t tuck in the sheets when you made your bed,” say, “Good job! I love it when you help out.”

Conflict: Your 7-year-old dawdles in the morning and can’t get to school on time.

Solution: Mornings are super-stressful – there’s so much to do in such a short time. No wonder tempers flare! First, be sure you’re ready for the day ahead of your child so you can stay calm and be responsive to him. Streamline the process by making lunch the night before, putting out your kid’s clothes before he goes to bed and leaving his backpack by the door. Then, create a morning routine and prod your child along as necessary.

But be flexible: Rather than standing in his room yelling, “Get dressed or you’ll be late!”, let him put on his shirt as he goes down the stairs for breakfast. “If you nag too much, your kid will tune you out,” says Dr. Laurie Zelinger, a child psychologist and the author of Please Explain “Anxiety” to Me! Simple Biology and Solutions for Children and Parents. If your dawdler doesn’t have time to put on his socks and shoes before you have to leave, let him walk to the bus stop barefoot. “He can finish dressing in front of his friends,” she says. “He’ll suffer the natural consequences – and it won’t happen again.”

Conflict: Your 6- and 8-year-old sons fight over toys, say “I hate you,” and call each other names.

Solution: Families need a zero-tolerance policy for name-calling and verbal aggression. Keep in mind that statements like “I hate you” are driven by powerful emotions that your child doesn’t know to express properly.

The next time one of your kids says something hurtful, remind him that statements like those won’t be tolerated, then help him acknowledge his feelings and offer more appropriate alternatives. “Sit down with both kids and say, ‘It sounds like you’re saying that you’re super-mad at your brother. Tell him why you’re mad. I’ll help him sit still, and I’ll listen too,’” explains Walfish. “This approach teaches them that it’s OK to have strong feelings, but they must express those strong feelings in acceptable, not hurtful, ways.”

Conflict: Your 10-year-old daughter refuses to eat fruits and veggies.

Solution: Food is a deeply personal choice – and an area in which parents shouldn’t set up unnecessary control struggles. “As long as your child is healthy, why bother fighting about food?” says Fred Zelinger.

Be sure you’re making a variety of fruits and veggies available – maybe your daughter has yet to taste one that pleases her palate – and be sure she’s taking enough vitamins. If she still refuses to eat her reds and greens, let it go. As Walfish notes, “Most kids outgrow picky eating by adolescence. They do it on their own terms – as long as parents haven’t pushed too hard.”

Choosing the Right Chores for Kids of Any Age

Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:27 pm

Several years ago I learned a Mommy Secret from my girlfriend about kids’ chores that I’ve never forgot. Cindy and I were busy chatting away when she announced to her kids: “Chore time!” As quick as a wink they jumped up from playing and scurried to their kitchen where they proceeded to unload dishes, and put clean ones in the cupboard. And they did so without an ounce of help or uttering one complaint. When finished they turned for their mom’s sanction (she nodded approvingly), and then grinned and ran back to play. (Oh, by the way: her kids were three and five years old. Cross my heart!)

So what was the secret to the mom’s success? Believe me, I asked her, and my girlfriend shared these three simple secrets and I used them that afternoon with my own kids. 1. Cindy chose tasks that fit her kids’ developmental abilities. 2. She planned for chore success. (For example: She bought no-break plastic dishes, and cleared a bottom cupboard so they could put dishes away without help). 3. She first modeled exactly how to do a chore, and then made sure they could do it alone. The result: success! You can use these same secrets with your children to boost their helping attitudes. Here are a few chores for kids that are appropriate for different ages.

Chores for Toddlers

It’s never too early to begin, but let’s be realistic. Do not expect a toddler to do any “chore” on his own, but you can gently encourage his helping spirit. Here’s how:

• Toddlers love to help and learn best by copying and working next to you. So purchase a pint-size broom, rake, or vacuum (that looks like Mommy’s). Your little one can grab his broom and copy you.
• Set out a special box, bin or basket for your toddler to help you put his toys away. He won’t do this alone, but would love to help you do the task (for a few seconds anyway).

Chores For Preschoolers

The important Mommy Secret for this age is if you expect this age of child to do chores first alone, they are likely to give up in frustration. So if you want your preschooler to succeed (or really any age child), first show them exactly how to do the task right. They probably will still need your guidance. Here are a few appropriate chores:

• Set and clear the table and fold napkins: Be on the lookout for placemats that provide inked-in outlines of a fork, knife, spoon and plate. Some moms make them by drawing utensil outlines using permanent black marking pens on construction paper and then covering them with clear laminating paper.
• Sponge off tables and counters: Hand him a damp sponge and a squirt bottle filled with water and a bit of your favorite cleaner and let him go to town cleaning away
• Pick up toys: Provide a box, basket, or bin for your child to put away his toys
• Recycling: He can stack magazines and papers (do specify exactly where you want items placed) and empty small wastebaskets.
• Gardening: Fill a water can and designate certain plants that should be watered.

Chores for School-Age Kids

School-age kids are ready to help out in the household as well as some yard work. Go through each new chore step by step with your child so that he clearly knows how to do it. Then observe him doing it at least once to make sure he can handle it.

• Routine household chores: Set and clear table, put dishes in dishwasher, put clean ones away, vacuum, dust, sweep.
• Laundry: Gradually increase the repertoire until your child can do the majority alone.
• Meals: Make their lunch and be responsible for cooking one part of evening meal
• Pet care: Feeding, taking them on walks, brushing, bathing, cleaning out cage.
• Gardening: Weeding, watering plants, raking leaves, mowing the lawn, sweeping patio
• Personal bedrooms: They should slowly become their soul responsibility including dusting, making the bed and changing sheets.
• Laundry duties: Putting his dirty clothes in hamper, emptying hamper, folding and sorting lights and darks.

Chores for Preteens and Teens

In a few short years this same kid is probably will be living on his own. So think of assigning chores to help prepare him for independent living.

• Cooking: Learning a few basic cooking recipes to cook alone
• Laundry: Completely doing own laundry
• Bathroom: Cleaning their shower, toilet, tub (My kids’ roommates have thanked me)
• Car care: When she gets that license make her responsible for maintaining car appearance washing exterior, cleaning windows, filling it with gas, even taking in for service.

It’s never too early for your child to help out with the household chores. (Okay, do wait until your child is at least out of diapers and can talk). But the fact is the sooner you begin chores, the easier it is be to nurture your child’s responsibility muscle. Remember to choose tasks that match your child’s abilities, show your child exactly what you expect, and finally stand back. The real mommy secret is this: Don’t do any task your child can do alone. Kids needs to see themselves as responsible family contributors.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com

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