Research Reveals the Myth of Family Dinner Time as Cure-all

Last updated on June 14th, 2026 at 07:33 pm

The clock is approaching 6:00 pm and your household is frazzled. Half the kids are still at soccer practice. You have to pick them up in 20 minutes. The younger kids are in “witching hour” mode and running around crazy and begging for snacks. You haven’t yet considered what will be on the menu for dinner.

Does this sound like your house? Many times family dinner time can easily turn into stressful time. Yet, we hear all the time that families who eat dinner together reap great benefits for themselves and their children.

Most of us have heard all the research about how important family dinners are to kids’ long-term outcomes. Just a few years ago, journalist and filmmaker Miriam Weinstein wrote a book entitled, The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier, and Happier, in which she outlines the research that supports the role that family dinners play in kids’ lives.

Reading this research, it really sounds like family dinners are the magic bullet of family life. Family dinners have been associated with all sorts of positive outcomes for kids, such as less teenage delinquency and drug use, lower rates of obesity, greater emotional stability, and even better preparedness for reading. It sounds a little too good to be true. Something as simple as family dinners could make all these great outcomes appear in your family?

Well, it turns out that the “magic bullet” of the family dinner may be a little too good to be true. New research is delving deeper into the role that family dinners play in the lives of children. This research is not only compelling because of the insight it offers into family life, but it also illustrates a perfect example of the difference between correlation and causation in social science research.

In this new research, scientists used a huge national survey of adolescents. They consider the relationship between family dinners and three main outcomes:

• Teen depression,
• Teen alcohol and drug use, and
• Teen delinquency

At first, the study seemed to replicate previous work, with there being a strong correlation between family dinners and less teen delinquency. Then, however, researchers went one step further.

They controlled statistically for other factors that might explain these differences in families such as:

• How well parents monitor their children,
• How many activities parents do with their children, and
• Family resources

Not surprisingly, when these factors are included in the mix, the correlation between family dinners and teen outcomes drops dramatically. In other words, these other factors, not family dinner itself, can explain much of the effects we see. Family dinner time is “masking” these other factors.

So it turns out that family dinners are not the “magic bullet” that they were once considered to be. As is often the case in social science, the strong correlation between family dinners and teen outcomes did not mean that family dinners were the sole cause of this relationship. As this new research shows, the family dinner is really just a proxy for other positive things parents do with their children such as talking and engaging with them on a daily basis. The key component that seems to be influencing kids is this: connection and communication with parents.

Does this mean that you should give up on family dinners? Of course not!

Dinner time is still a great opportunity to connect with you kids, but it’s not the only way. In his popular book, The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Tell Your Family History, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More, Bruce Feiler discusses different ways in which families can connect throughout the day, not just a dinner.

Here are just a few ideas:

• If after school activities make dinner time difficult, have an early “dinner” at 4:00 for all who can join. Then later at night, have a family dessert for everyone.
• Family time does not always have to center around a meal—how about a walk when everyone gets home from school and work.
• Family storytelling and asking kids questions is key. Every family has stories from grandparents or funny tales from relatives.
• Start a “themed” conversation that happens most times the family is together. Ours is sharing “joys and challenges” of the day or week. Each person shares something that was a “joy” and “challenge” for that day. It is amazing all the good conversation this can start.

Research is clearly showing that “family dinner” is really just a proxy for family connection. Kids that feel safe, connected, and valued by their family are less likely to participate in dangerous activities like drug use, extreme risk-taking or delinquent acts. Furthermore, these kids tend to be happier and are less likely to be depressed.

Take the pressure and stress out of family dinner. Just aim to find a few minutes every day to connect with your family, in any way you can.

Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite! Really!!

Last updated on November 24th, 2025 at 06:18 pm

For many of us, the bedtime warning, “Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” was just a silly thing grown-ups said. Now it’s a real and rising threat in many parts of the country.

After more than 50 years of virtual elimination in the U.S., bedbugs have made a roaring comeback over the last decade, spreading most rapidly in the last six years, according to Richard Cooper, a research entomologist and vice president of BedBugCentral.com. The nocturnal feasters come out of the woodwork (literally), the mattress and the bedding to sink their teeth into sleeping humans and suck their blood. And they hitchhike on people from one location to another.

“Bedbugs don’t discriminate,” says Cooper. “They’re not a sign of poor hygiene, but people still say, ‘I wouldn’t get bed bugs.’ That attitude has fostered the spread.”

Once bedbugs settle into an environment, they’re very tough to stop. Bedbugs typically first install in sleeping areas, but they eventually move into closets, dressers, even behind picture frames. The key is to catch an infestation when it’s relatively new — which is easier said than done.

In small numbers, bedbugs are hard to spot, and by the time you’ve got rows or clusters of itchy bites on your body, they’ve been making themselves at home in your house for months. By then, says Cooper, “they’re very difficult and very costly to control … too costly for many people. If you find them in the first few weeks, it would cost under $500. Later on, it would be $500 to $1,500, and sometimes more.”

To keep ahead of a possible infestation, Cooper recommends taking the following steps to stop bedbugs in your home:

1. Get educated.

Read up on bedbugs and how they spread. Know what the bites and the bugs look like.

2. Start snooping.

When was the last time you turned over your mattress and inspected the underside? Probably never. But that’s the first place you’re likely to find bugs.

As parents prepare for another school year, there’s one routine they should add to their daily repertoire – checking their child’s backpack and other school items for bed bugs. …from the EPA’s Bed Bugs in Schools – Guidance for Parents

3. Save a sample.

If you think you see a bedbug, grab it with tweezers and put it in a small container with rubbing alcohol. Or pick it up with clear tape, and tape it to a piece of paper. Before you spend money ridding your home of bedbugs, you want to make sure you actually have them.

4. Call the pros.

They can do what you can’t: treat your home and furnishings with a variety of techniques, including chemical sprays, targeted vacuuming, commercial steam-cleaning and structural heat processes. Make sure the company uses a multifaceted approach rather than just chemicals, warns Cooper, because bedbugs are becoming resistant.

5. Turn up the heat.

“Heat is the Achilles’ heel of bedbugs,” says Cooper, so wash your clothes in hot water whenever possible, and dry them on high.

6. Invest in gear.

There are a number of products that can limit the access of bedbugs to your sleeping areas, including mattress encasements and the ClimbUp Interceptor, which keeps bugs from scaling your furniture legs.

It may take awhile to complete treatment to stop bedbugs, but once you’ve made it for 60 days with no new bites, you can finally rest easy.

Tips for Parents of Kids Entering the Entertainment Industry

Last updated on September 27th, 2025 at 12:09 am

It all started when our daughter was 11 months old. I remember the day clearly. She was sitting in an infant seat in a neighborhood McDonald’s when a stranger walked up to our table and handed my husband a dollar bill.

“Your daughter is so pretty with her red – hair and I want to just give you some money to buy her something. You should get her an agent – she really is pretty.”

We were both at a loss for words. What was the meaning of this action? We were perplexed. And yes, as the years passed and her mane of red – curly hair grew, our young daughter continued to attract attention and we continued to be offered all kinds of “career” advice for her. So, it came as no surprise when she was about seven years old that our first – born announced she wanted to be on television like the Olsen twins from Full House. Luckily, we were able to postpone our budding thespian to the age of twelve.

In retrospect, I wish I had researched what to expect when you have a child join the professional world of the performing arts. Most of what I learned was through trial and error, word of mouth and a few books or articles that gave a realistic perspective. This article is my way of educating parents of talented kids what I wish we had known.

In no certain order:

1. Have a life of balance, set limits, and give assurances.

I am a firm believer that kids need to be kids. They need to run and play and figure out life on the playground and not on a movie set or on stage. However, there are some children that have a passion for the performing arts and for them being in this realm IS their form of play. How to create balance while not squashing talent? Allow your child to safely explore and develop skills. Let their creative juices flow by putting a video camera in their hands to practice their monologues or allow them to write their own scripts. This may be their way of seeking enjoyment in a healthy and constructive manner.

Be mindful of the child who is hyper-focused on “the career” and not allowing balance. This is a child who may be feeling an overwhelming sense of pressure to perform, fear of rejection or worried that walking away would be huge disappointment to the parent(s). Allow them to walk away. No amount of fame or money is worth the emotional health of a child.

…And what about the financial piece?

Reassure your child that at the end of the day all will be OK if the part is not secured, the role is cut, etc. Some children carry a huge burden that they believe their family is depending on their success for income. Not only is that an emotional strain that creates a huge amount of stress, but also, it is not fair if the parents do indeed say that.

Read a recent CNN article about when parents put too much pressure on their children.

2. The whole family joins in this venture – whether they want to or not!

In the movie FAME there is a famous line when a young performer gets accepted in to the school for the performing arts. The mother shouts, “WE made it!”

This scene may be from a Hollywood production, but in fact is a reality in homes worldwide. You may not realize it, but the whole family joins the entertainment business when a family member does. Schedules may need to be rearranged. Financial burden may result due to lack of parental wages (a parent or appointed guardian must accompany a minor) and music, acting and dance teachers need to be paid.

And, then there are the siblings. What becomes of them when their parent(s) are busy with the actor in the family? Who brings them to football practice or gymnastics? Why does everyone pay attention to the one child who is a musical prodigy and not to them? The siblings are the ones’ that often concern me the most as what will they do to shine the spotlight on themselves if they don’t receive the same attention as their more “famous” sibling. And how will the family dynamic change when the performing child moves from the home to seek fortune in fame in Hollywood, Broadway or other destinations? Which parent will join and which will remain at home? It is important to keep tabs on the emotional and physical health of all in the family when you are parenting the talented. Many families can negotiate with ease the changes in family dynamic while others find the pressure insurmountable. Family meetings can be helpful to keep the lines of communication open and all in check.

Sometimes the child and family will get caught up in the excitement of the entertainment world. There even may be some early successes or awards offered that give the child a false sense that they are beyond the need for education. “They already have a job – so why go to school?”

Parents let me tell you as an educator and a parent to a child who did have success at a young age – education MUST be a priority. Why? Simply, because at the end of the day there are a thousand cute red – headed girls who are all very talented. And not everyone can be the principal dancer at ABT.

Imagine what life would be like for the child if they did not have a proper educational foundation? In this competitive world we as parents are responsible for providing an education for our child that will give them building blocks for the future. Moreover, emphasize that college IS the plan or at the very least- the back up plan!

Read about famous child performers who have attended college

And learn how education is listed as a top priority within the performing arts industry, too. Read more

4. Safety also MUST be a priority.

This is a business where you need to go to the thousandth mile in doing your due diligence. There are a lot of good people in the entertainment industry. Many will actually care about your child. But in reality, there also are creeps and scammers. The problem is that the good guys look and sound a lot like the bad guys. That is when you get to become the “parent sleuth”. Investigate the person who claims to be the “best acting coach in town.” Be an advocate for your child when it comes to issues of safety by checking on licensure and reputation of all involved.

Recommendations for keeping a minor safe in the entertainment industry: Read here

5. Learn who does what role in the industry and where to find concrete information that is reliable and valid. Click the links below for great resources.

• Screen Actors Guild and American Federation of Television and Radio Artists
• Talent Managers
• Talent Agents
• Resources for children with special needs in the acting field
• Read how the Coogan Laws keep your child’s finances safe.

NOTE: For headshots, sizzle reels, etc. please use only reputable and recommended resources. And never allow your child, tween or teen go to a headshot session or audition alone.

In closing, a child working in the performing arts can be exposed to some wonderful opportunities and fun. It can be an amazing experience and one the whole family can enjoy. I wish all who pursue this adventure much success!

“Break a leg!”

Spend Wisely on Organics to Protect Your Family & Finances

Last updated on May 3rd, 2025 at 06:02 pm

You do a lot to keep your family healthy, including making smart choices about the food you buy. And chances are, you’d buy everything organic if you could. But for most parents, a totally organic kitchen isn’t realistic, considering the items can cost upward of 50 percent more than their conventional counterparts.

“We all need to prioritize our purchasing based on what’s important to us,” says eco-cuisine expert Jackie Newgent, a registered dietitian and the author of Big Green Cookbook. Your first priority may, obviously, be to provide your family with plenty of healthy fruit and vegetables, calcium-rich dairy, and whole grains – organic or not.

Beyond that, however, Newgent and other experts say that if and when you can budget for a few organic goods, certain picks are worth the cost. Check out this shopping guide to help you know where to allocate your organic dollars and where to save.

1. Fruits and Vegetables

When it comes to pesticides in produce, not all fruits and veggies are equal. Certain types are exposed to and retain more chemical residue than others, even after washing. The worst offenders – aptly nicknamed “the dirty dozen” – include peaches, apples, bell peppers, kale, nectarines, strawberries, cherries, green beans, spinach, grapes, blueberries and pears.

“If you want to buy organic but have a limited budget, spend it on these,” says Colleen Doyle, a registered dietitian and the nutrition and physical activity director for the American Cancer Society.

Produce that has thick skin, on the other hand, is usually the least tainted, says Christopher R. Mohr, Ph.D., R.D., a nutrition expert based in Louisville, Ky. The outer covering acts like a shield, protecting the edible portion from pesticides, so paying extra for organic isn’t necessarily worth it if you’re on a budget. In other words, much of the chemical residue that may be on foods like bananas, pineapple, melon, kiwi, mangoes or avocados likely ends up in the trash along with the peel anyway.

And despite not having thick peels, broccoli and cabbage also tend to retain among the lowest levels of pesticides, says Doyle.

2. Dairy

“Organic milk and other dairy products are worth the extra cost whenever possible,” says Dr. Christine Gerbstadt, an anesthesiologist and registered dietitian, and a Sarasota, Fla.-based spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. This is especially important for women and children who tend to eat and drink a lot of milk for its calcium.

The government’s organic stamp signals that milk-producing cows were not exposed to pesticides in feed, nor were they given antibiotics or artificial hormones.

Gerbstadt and others recommend organic because they’re concerned that the use of antibiotics in livestock could potentially contribute to strains of drug-resistant bacteria that may affect humans.

Equally worrisome is the hormone given to some cows to increase milk production – called recombinant bovine growth hormone, or rBGH. Although studies have found no significant difference between milk produced with rBGH and that without without, Gerbstadt and other experts recommend erring on the side of caution and avoiding it entirely. That way, there’s zero risk that any trace amounts of artificial hormones from milk will enter your – or your child’s – system.

If the cost of organic dairy is prohibitive, you can find non-organic milk without rBGH – the next best thing. Look for terms like “rBGH-free” on labels. Not all manufacturers put this information on their labels, however, so if you have a favorite brand, call the company’s customer service number or visit its Web site to check.

3. Eggs

With all the various terms that can appear on egg cartons, choosing what’s best for your family can be especially difficult. The bottom line: It’s OK to buy an inexpensive, non-organic option to save money. All eggs, organic or not, are rich in nutrients and high-quality protein, says Newgent.

For starters, you needn’t worry about growth hormones like those sometimes given to milk-producing cows. “Egg-laying hens in the U.S. are not given hormones, additives or preservatives,” she says. Furthermore, eggs produced by chickens that were raised on non-organic feed don’t pass on pesticides to you, she confirms. Finally, it’s also not necessary to pay extra for brown eggs; shell color has no impact on quality, nutritional value or flavor.

“Eggs are fantastic for you,” reiterates Mohr. “They can be one of the least expensive sources of protein in the whole grocery store.” And because organic cartons tend to be so much more expensive – often $2 or more above the cost of conventional – practicality trumps any potential benefit you’d get from organic, he says.

4. Other Grocery Items

Bread, cereal, pasta, cookies – you’re faced with a plethora of organic choices elsewhere in the grocery store too. But the majority is not worth paying extra for, since grains generally have low concentrations of pesticide residue to begin with. “They do not need as many pesticides [when growing] as other foods,” says Mohr.

One exception: rice. Buying organic makes sense since it can contain higher levels of pesticides. (Rice is grown in water, which carries more pesticide particles than soil.) Luckily, though, organic rice won’t bust your budget: It’s nearly as inexpensive as conventional, especially if you buy in bulk.

You’re used to budgeting for the things that benefit your family most. And buying organics only when those benefits outweigh the cost is the best way to keep both your family and your finances healthy.

Food Allergies Ruining Your Holiday Plans? Fork It!

Last updated on January 6th, 2025 at 02:28 pm

The holidays are upon us- creeping up around the corner and taunting us, reminding us that food shall be everywhere soon. If your kids have food allergies, do you hide? Do you stay home and make your own safe feast? Or, do you accept someone else’s invitation and imagine that it could be just that simple. Before you gasp and start to list the reasons of why you should not do this, let’s go over the reasons of why you should.

Spreading knowledge I know most of us are up to our eyeballs with how many times we have tried to educate others on living with food allergies. I still stand by my word- knowledge is power. The more that you help others learn about the foods that you can have and the recipes that they can also make easily and safely, the more they will feel empowered to do so. What you do need to remember is that this requires a lot of patience and courage on your part to make sure that all of the safety details are passed on as well.

Bonding time What better way to have an excuse to spend extra time with friends and family than to grab a bunch of food?! Because having food allergies often means extra preparation for those who don’t normally handle food allergies, this is the perfect way to finally catch up and make some edible items. By doing so in a social situation rather than the actual day of a holiday, there is less tension in the air, less worry of serving a meal on time and more chance that the food allergy-free lesson will be remembered.

Eating Because, let’s face it, we all love to eat. Nobody can tell me that the smell of good cooking and great conversation leading to a full belly is a bad thing (as long as it’s done safely). Rather than thinking of all of the reasons not to eat, think of all of the reasons that we should eat. Don’t fear the food- be cautious, be prepared but don’t feel that your life should be limited by a diet that is different. Even with food allergies, you have the ability to indulge.

Learn to enjoy the holidays again Even if you are not at ease with having someone else cooking for you; remember that the holidays are meant to be a time full of joy. Obviously, how you decide to do this is up to you but looking back, do you most remember the bad things or do you cherish the good things? Use your favorite recipes and cook. Plan your menus ahead of time to make it easier on yourself. Start new memories of your own and see how others also begin using your recipes in the coming years.

Recreate a food that you always wanted to try but didn’t. Who says that stuffing has to be made from bread? Why does pie have to have milk when there are so many dairy free options to try? Research recipes and products that you can use, add and tweak ingredients and just go for it. The best part if tasting- for you, for your family and you get to lick the spoon.

Celebrate yourself too because you deserve a pat on the back for everything that you do on a daily basis. It’s ok to acknowledge that your life is different from people who do not have food allergies. It’s ok to tell everyone how you had a horrible recipe experience and the food was just awful. This happens to everyone, every day and it’s not just with food allergies- it’s with every single person that cooks anything. Being honest about what you accomplish is a great way to boost your own morale. It’s also another way to encourage others to try some of the foods that can be offered to you at a future gathering.

Enjoy the holidays, eat well and be happy with all that you have been given over the past year. When you invite positive thoughts, more are sure to follow. Don’t put the fork down- pick it up.

Need a new holiday recipe? I am sharing one of my favorite recipes with all of you-

Mahogany Rice & Quinoa Stuffing

• 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
• 2 Tablespoons Minced Onion
• 4-5 Apple Chicken Sausage (cut into pieces)
• Baking Spray
• 1 1/2 Cups cooked Lundberg Family Farms Black Japonica Rice
• (cooked in organic chicken broth)
• 1 1/2 Cups Cooked Quinoa
• 1 1/2 Teaspoons Rosemary
• 1/2 – 1 Cup Already Roasted Brussels sprouts*
• Sea Salt to Taste

*To roast Brussels Sprouts, heat the oven to 400°, chop clean Brussels Sprouts in half and toss with oil, garlic and sea salt. Stir to prevent burning on one side.

1. Using a medium frying pan, heat the oil using medium heat. Add the onion and sauté. Add the sausage and stir until sausage is browned. Set aside.
2. Lightly oil a large casserole dish with baking spray. Combine the cooked rice, quinoa and rosemary.
3. Using a mini chopper, chop the Brussels sprouts until it is in small pieces. Mix into the casserole dish. Next, add the chicken sausage either as bite sized pieces or ground in the mini chopper. Add sea salt to taste. Use this to stuff the turkey or bake at 350° and serve as a side dish.

Makes approximately 6 servings

How Your Dog Is Affected By Your Family’s Emotions

Last updated on December 9th, 2024 at 12:45 am

As humans, we all experience a very wide range of emotions for any given situation, at any given time. And oftentimes, we tend to ‘assign’ those same emotions onto the animal that spends the most time at our sides – our dogs.

The following is just a short list of some of the statements I consistently hear from my clients about their dogs:

• “She knows exactly what she did wrong! The minute I came into the room, she ran!”
• “He ate the arm of the couch because he was angry (or mad) that I went out without him!”
• “He destroyed my son’s favorite pair of slippers to get even with him for yelling at him!”

In general, I spend a great deal of time dispelling some of the myths regarding a dog’s ‘emotions’ and more importantly, their ‘actions’ – which are more reactions than actions.

What do I mean by this? Let’s review the above statements and break them down. In each one, the person is assuming that the dog’s actions are based on an emotion. The reality is that to feel guilty, or to retaliate out of anger requires a cognitive thought process… one of “I’ll show you!” Sorry folks… dogs do not possess the ability to dissect everything the way we do. They live in the moment and rely heavily on instinct. They clearly read your body language, their instinct of self-preservation kicked in and they decided to get out of the line of fire! They had no clue why you were displeased…. they just knew by your body language that you were!

On the flip side of that, there are basic emotions that dogs can/do feel… for example, they can feel anticipation of something good or bad to come. If your child comes home from school every day at the same time on the bus, you will see them excitedly pace in front of the window or door as that time rolls around, and display excitement at every bus that passes until they see one stop and your child disembark. They can also feel happy when your child runs in, drops down on all fours and lavishes love on them. And because they can physically feel barometric changes, if thunderstorms frighten them, they may exhibit stress-related behaviors in anticipation of the impending storm. Other human emotions that dogs can feel and display are fear, feeling threatened, anxiety, sadness, and pleasure. I do not know for sure if they actually feel love, but by their obvious displays of affection, I like to think they do.

So why did I explain all of that and what does it have to do with my topic? Because how we feel, behave, and act can have a profound effect on our dogs, and can cause them to act or react in a positive or negative way. I had touched on this a bit in my article on teaching special-needs kids how to use “calm energy”. In one of the examples, I discussed the differences I saw in the way the dog reacted to the hyperactive child versus how they reacted to older or calmer family members, and then related my own personal struggles in my early training career of working with small toy breeds.

Even a calm, even-tempered, well-mannered and well-trained dog can react negatively in situations that they had once previously enjoyed but have since started to feel hostile.

My dog Reilley had enjoyed going everywhere in the car with me since he was a baby. All I had to do was grab my keys and he was running to his ‘Service Dog in Training’ vest so he could join me. About a year ago, from what seemed to be ‘out of nowhere’ he was hiding when I got my keys and didn’t want to go! I had to use firm commands to get him to come out, and when we got into the car, he would start whining, crying, and shaking. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why! Then one day the reason suddenly became very clear.

We had just finished at my doctor’s, he was calmly and quietly lying in the back seat, and someone cut me off. We were not in an accident- not even close- but the barrage of angry insults that came streaming out of my mouth had him crying and shaking all over again! And suddenly, I got it. In general, I tend to be a pretty up-beat easy-going person, but there had been quite a bit of emotional upheaval in my life at that time, and because I dislike driving to begin with, that became my time to ‘let it out!’ My husband had spoken to me numerous times about this and I knew my behaviors upset him, it just never occurred to me how much my actions and behaviors were affecting my dog!

How can this relate to your household? Dogs rely completely on routine, schedules, rules and consistency… and in an ideal world, we could always stick to that! Unfortunately none of us live in an ideal world…. and things change. But in a dog’s world, just one of those four things changing on them can totally throw them out of balance. We all get angry, upset, frustrated, over-exuberant… and so do our kids! Even more so it seems, now that we’ve added in the emotional overload that appears to be accompanying the current U.S. elections. But scroll back up to that limited list of emotions that dogs feel… anything outside of those can be very confusing to them. Also, just because they may feel those feelings, it doesn’t mean they can understand them! A dog calmly sleeping when an argument erupts, or a door gets slammed, or shouting begins, can become frightened, causing them to resort to one of two behaviors that come instinctively to them; Fight or flight. Some dogs when panicked will take off and hide, others will steel themselves to do battle.

Remember also that sometimes it is not just family arguments or a child’s sudden temper tantrum that can set them off… An innocent game of tag between your child and their friends is confusing to your dog. They don’t understand the friend is ‘tagging’ your child – or even that it is a game! They see someone hitting a member of their pack, and they may suddenly go into ‘protection’ mode. Your teenager daughter’s high-pitched squeal while on the phone with her girlfriend may have startled and then annoyed you, but if Rover was relaxing on your son’s lap chilling, you may need a few band-aids as you remove his nails from your son’s leg!

So how do we keep everybody in the household (including the dog) safe? Well, the best place to start is by observing your dog during some of these times, and how they react. Start a journal marking down the date, the time, the action, the child’s reaction, and then the dog’s reaction.

Example:

• 9/5/24 – 5:00 pm: Told John to turn off the computer and do homework 3X. He ignored me. I got angry and stormed upstairs while yelling. Argument ensued. Dog peed on the rug during that time-frame.
• 9/6/24 – 7 :00 am: Woke Jane up for school three times. She missed the bus, expected a ride and I refused. Argument ensued. Dog started whining and panting and then hid the rest of the morning.
• 9/11/24 – 6:00 pm: car backfired, dog started growling before he ran under the bed.
• 9/12/24 – 4:15 pm – Michael came home from school, front door closed quickly behind him with a loud bang, dog barked at him then ran under the bed.
• 9/13/24 – consistently noticing since the bedroom door was slammed, all loud noises scare him.

Essentially what this is creating is a document of how the family’s behaviors (yours included) are directly affecting the dog’s behaviors. Now, it is time to call a family conference. Begin by stating to your child or children that you are noticing some troubling behaviors in the dog lately, and to understand why these behaviors were happening and to best figure out how to help him, you began documenting what was going on prior to the behavior. Before reading any of the entries out loud, make it clear to everyone that this is not about pointing fingers or laying blame, but rather a group effort to figure out what you all, as a family, can do and change to help Fido.

Assuming the dog and the kids have a good solid relationship, it stands to reason they will all be interested in banding together to help him. You can also ask if there were any behaviors they might have noticed that you missed. If finger-pointing and blame begins, remind them gently that it is not about getting each other in trouble… its about your concern for the dog, who has always been nothing but kind and loyal to everyone, and helping him to overcome his new negative behaviors.

You can also potentially start an alternative list…. A ‘positive reactions’ list, that chronicles tender, loving or kind moments that you happen to notice. This way, if any of the kids are choosing to not be involved, you can gently remind them, “Michael, last week when you were really upset about not making the team, Fido sat next to you and didn’t move for hours because he knew you were upset and needed a friend. Are you willing to be his friend now when he really needs you?”

Once everyone is on board and willing to help, go back over the list one by one, and say something like, “Okay… John… how could you and I have communicated better about the computer, so we didn’t both get so angry?” etc.

Allowing the kids to have an active role helps to create unity… everyone coming together to create a calmer, happier environment ‘for the dog.’ All the while learning to be a bit kinder to each other. Talking without screaming and listening to each other. Acknowledging that they heard what the other one has to say. What they may not realize, however, is that they are learning to work together…and coming together as a family. Which in the end, is helping everyone! What a beautiful gift!!

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