Currently browsing healthy habits for kids posts

Should Kids “Motor Mouth”? (do they need an electric toothbrush?)

Has your dentist recommended an electric toothbrush for your child?

Why spend the money? You didn’t have one and turned out just fine, right? Well you may not have had a car seat as a child either but does that mean it was right?

Clinical research shows that electric toothbrushes are far superior to manual brushing when it comes to removing plaque and preventing gum disease. Children who lack the understanding of proper brushing or the motor skills necessary to do so are given a much more effective way to maintain good dental health. It is important to instill the behavior of good oral hygiene habits early to promote a life long understanding. Your child may begin with an electric toothbrush as soon as he/she is able to hold it steady and firmly.

Starting your child with a basic, colorful electric toothbrush is recommended.

There is an assortment of toothbrushes with your child’s favorite characters or princesses available that will help encourage use. If your child already uses a manual toothbrush, they may not be interested in the switch. Any brushing is better than none so if the transition doesn’t go well, you can always try again later.

Of the many electric toothbrushes, there are also many features offered and the cost can vary from $15-$200. It is important to choose a brush that is age appropriate in size and speed. Electric toothbrushes with a timer and include a melody and/or light up make for a more fun brushing experience. Of the higher end models, such as Sonicare and Rotadent, you are actually able to provide a much more cost-effective way to provide electric tooth brushing to your entire family. With these systems, your family can share the handle and just replace the head (or brush) with their own when it’s time to brush. These systems have different speeds, different types and sizes of brush heads ensuring that everyone in the family can brush correctly and safely. These higher end electric toothbrushes also come with warranties and can be repaired or replaced in the event of malfunction.

The best benefit to electric toothbrushes, as a parent, is the peace of mind that our children are creating and maintaining good dental habits.

Since an electric toothbrush does a better job of cleaning your child’s teeth, this eliminates the need for you to step in and finish the job. I don’t know about you but I’m all for improved dental health, preventing gum disease and whiter, healthier teeth with less work!

6 Cures for Family Morning Madness

Family Eating BreakfastMornings with kids may be the most tiring part of the day, but parents often make it worse by getting caught in a cycle of nagging and yelling. Without meaning to, they train kids to expect to hear multiple times what they need to do to get ready.

“If you’re yelling at your kids, and things aren’t changing, then they’re not the slow learners here,” says Ann Pleshette Murphy, author of The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Loving Your Life without Losing Your Mind.

A certain amount of morning craziness is inevitable, but you can control it with a little detective work and planning. “Step outside the circus ring and figure out which of the acrobats is tripping you up,” says Murphy. Then, with your family’s help, ritualize the process of preparation. Here’s how:

Morning Madness Cure No. 1:

Start the day before, not the night before. The moment your kids get home from school (or as soon as you get home from work), begin organizing for the next morning, suggests certified professional organizer Kristi Meyer. Pull homework and lunch boxes out of their backpacks immediately. While you make dinner, have the kids pick out their snacks for the next day’s lunch. Make the rest of their lunch then and clean up just once.

Morning Madness Cure No. 2:

Set the stage. After the dinner dishes are cleared, ask your kids to set the table for breakfast. Before bed, have (or help) them lay out their clothes for the next day. Put their coats, boots and backpacks (with completed homework) in their designated spot (yes, you should have one) so they won’t have to hunt them down in the morning.

Morning Madness Cure No. 3:

Tuck them in on time. Set an early bedtime so they get enough sleep to wake up focused and energized.

Morning Madness Cure No. 4:

Beat the crowds. Get up at least 15 minutes before your kids do so you have a few minutes alone — with your coffee — to prepare for the day. You’ll be better able to cope when the mad dash begins.

Morning Madness Cure No. 5:

Give them enough time. Set the alarm for your kids at a time that allows them to complete their morning routine comfortably. Build in some cushion for them to chill out or cuddle with you too. A lot of morning dawdling or crankiness is really a cry for connection, says Murphy.

Morning Madness Cure No. 6:

Limit the breakfast options. Create a weekly menu or a small list of choices, such as yogurt and granola, healthy cereal with fruit, or hard-boiled eggs and toast. You can even prepare smoothie ingredients ahead and store them in the refrigerator overnight. Keep it simple. Few decisions make for peaceful mornings.

Adding controls can greatly reduce morning madness and nagging. Be patient, though: New routines require explanation and practice. Think ahead and get your children involved. Then prepare to have a great day!

Taking Care of YOU So You Can Protect Your Kids and Pets

Being a member of numerous online social networking pages, I recently started to notice a huge rise in the number of ‘Dog Missing’ and ‘Dog Found’ posts across several of the sites. And apparently, I was not the only one to notice this. On one of those sites someone wrote, “Is it me? Or does there seem to be a much larger number of pets getting posted as missing than ever before?” Well, obviously as a canine professional, this peaked my interest, and I started to really think about why this is happening. It also resonated a bit more with me than ever before because I am coming up on my 10th year of being in business, and a few weeks ago, one of my boarders also got out…. which has never happened before! Even though he was found and was fine, it was the most frightening and tear-filled two hours I have encountered since opening the business. So I had to really question why! What is going on for me and others around me?

As I started to reflect on what was going on for me, I started to realize I was extremely overworked and my eating habits have been terrible; often eating one meal a day or less, and grabbing the unhealthy junk on top of the fridge because I am just too tired to spend time making a meal. On top of that, I had started to become isolated…I started to avoid the phone…. viewing it as yet another disruption of everything I needed to do. And I found myself getting angry every single time it rang.

Amazingly, one of the times I did answer it, it turned out to be one of my closest friends… she was going through the EXACT same thing I was! She’s a full time stay-at-home Mom for a one and a half year old, and just like my husband, her husband also works very long hours away from the home. We spent some time commiserating together about our exhaustion, our lack of patience, our short fuses and tempers threatening to flare at any moment….

And I remembered an acronym I had learned in recovery a very long time ago. H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Each one of these things, in and of itself, can be a dangerous thing…. And I was allowing myself to live in all four day after day.

So you may be asking yourself, “Why is this important? What does this have to do with child and canine health and safety?

Simply this: when you allow yourself to get this run down and tired, there are many important things that you miss. It becomes harder to focus and pay close attention. You tend to make more mistakes that seem careless and avoidable! And when dealing with children AND animals, not paying attention can have numerous negative consequences.

What do I mean?

  • You make bad decisions that end up adding to your exhaustion. Example: “The kids were bored and were driving me crazy, so I took them to a pet store to play with some puppies to entertain them….the next thing I know, I now have a pup in my living room who’s now ADDING to the chaos! It’s pooping and peeing everywhere, crying non-stop, and jumping on and chasing the kids all over the house!”
  • You give in on decisions you normally wouldn’t have, and now someone’s gotten hurt (more mommy guilt!) Example : “My children were begging me for a dog; I’m so tired I thought it would be a great idea to get one for them to keep them occupied. We went to a shelter and found one, but we don’t really have time to train it (Or “I had no idea how much work it would take to train it”) so now my older children (who begged me for it) are afraid of it because it’s so hyper and wild. It goes to chase them to play and they scream and run! On top of that, my two year old has been knocked down and run over by it so many times, he is constantly black and blue and crying! So the dog gets put outside alone or penned up in its crate, which is making it even more wild and crazy!”
  • You do things when not paying attention that could unintentionally put others in danger. Example: Because I don’t have children, I didn’t realize the ‘whirlwind’ the whole ‘sending the kids back-to-school and going back to work now that the pandemic restrictions have lifted’ created and how it’s affecting my clients. And in that flurry of activity (to get new school clothes, school supplies, get yourself out the door, etc.) no one realized the back door was left open and the dog just walked right out. And since no one noticed the dog was outside while you drove away, no-one thought to check if the gate was shut. And even if the gate hadn’t been left open, the panicked dog (having being left alone in the yard), found their way over, under, or around the gate. Now your dog is roaming free through the neighborhood, potentially putting himself and/or other neighborhood children or pets in danger. OR the more simple version: as the kids ran out the front door to catch the school bus and you ran to the kitchen desperate for a cup of coffee, guess who ran out the door right behind the kids and is now roaming free through the neighborhood? (Remember I mentioned about all the missing dogs lately?)
  • Or you are just doing the simple tasks that you would normally not have to think twice about – such as shuttling the kids to and from school and lessons or driving the dog to the vet – but now you are doing them utterly exhausted – which is the same as if you are under the influence. All it takes is:
    • Turning right to go to work instead of left to drop the baby off at daycare. The baby is sleeping in their rear-facing car seat in the back seat – you can’t see or hear them…
    • Looking in the rear-view mirror too long when the dog is barking at something out of the window
    • All it takes is one second of not paying attention behind the wheel of a car, and the results can be devastating! These are not bad parents – they’re just exhausted!!
  • Any caregiver – whether for a child, an elderly parent, or even a pet – can put themselves and those entrusted to their care at risk when exhaustion sets in. Even I, as a professional dog trainer, recently experienced consequences from allowing myself to get so run down. How many articles have I written where I ‘preached’ about being aware of your dog’s body language at all times? I had a 6 month old pup staying with me for some training. I was very tired and had not had a chance all day to eat …. And I was not paying attention. I went to put her in her crate, and was totally taken by surprise when she suddenly turned around and bit my hand. The fact is, I should not have been taken by surprise, nor should I have gotten bitten. This pup has always been clear with her body language, and I am sure she gave me numerous ‘warning’ signs that she was ‘not in the mood’ to go into her crate. But because I was so tired and was not paying attention, I missed all of them. Luckily, it was not a bad bite, but enough of one to snap me awake and make me realize I cannot afford to NOT be paying attention in my line of work! I was lucky…as are most of us, most of the time, but unfortunately none of us are lucky all the time. And decisions are compromised by exhaustion every day. I say in just about every article, “Never leave your child unattended with your dog” but when we are exhausted, how easy is it to just say, “It is only for a little while…. They’ll be fine…I’m right in the next room!” I am a professional trainer… when that bite happened I immediately knew what to do to de-escalate and redirect the situation…. but what if that had been your child who decided to do something that the dog did not like?

So, how do we combat this? How do we put aside that never-ending to-do list and take the time we need to recharge our batteries?

First step– recognize that there’s a problem and figure out what’s causing the overload – is this a short term (like going back to school craziness) or longer term (such as my friend dealing with a new baby) situation I need to address? Recognizing the situation and knowing when there’ll be an end in sight is half the battle!

For me, the second step was empowering myself and understanding that I am no good to anyone else unless I take care of me. I sometimes struggle with this because I feel I am being selfish. But I have to force myself to look at this from a different perspective. For me, it’s always been easier to help someone else than to help myself…. Which is probably why I became a care-giver to begin with! So, I ask myself, “If my best friend told me she did everything I have done today and had five or six more things still left to do, what would I tell her?” Well, I’d tell her to turn off the phones, and take at least an hour for herself each day. If you have a young child that cannot understand the concept of ‘me-time’ then you need to forgo the six loads of laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, and everything else you squeeze into the hour that they are napping. Give yourself permission to take care of you for that hour.

The third thing to practice is setting boundaries….. this begins with learning to say “NO”. It’s another thing I too struggle with! When customer’s call me saying, “If you can’t help me, I’m going to have to get rid of this dog” I have a hard time not springing into action! But saying no to them does not mean I do not care. It doesn’t mean I’m this horrible person! All it means is my plate is already full and I would not be helping either of us to say yes.

The fourth thing is scheduling something to do that is specifically for you, outside the of the house, at least once a week. And it needs to be guilt-free! If you have a partner, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, or even a good friend, make arrangements for them to come and take care of the kids for a day…. Or even for a few hours. If you cannot find a relative or friend, hire a babysitter for the day. And while you are at it, put Fido in a doggy day care for a few hours or find a local place that offers some sort of day-train program. He’ll get some (probably much needed) exercise, socialization and play time at doggy day care, and a bit of extra training can never hurt!! ! I know it can get a bit costly, but if you think about it…this is your sanity and the health and well being of your kids.

The final thing is when you know you are tired, view your decision making process just like your go-home instructions after anesthesia. “Avoid making any important or life-altering decisions for the next 24 hours.”

We all love our kids and pets, and we always strive to do our very best for them! We owe it to them to give them our very best… but not our all! Make time for you, because you are important and deserve it! And when you do make that time, you will find you have much more patience, tolerance, and you will be able to enjoy your kids and pets again! And I would wager that they will feel the difference, and be much happier too!!!

Be good to yourself. You are the only ‘you’ you’ve got!

What Happens at Home CAN Cause Problems at School

Last updated on February 26th, 2022 at 08:23 pm

Can your child get into trouble at school for what they do online at home?

While the answer to that question depends on where you live, the most likely answer to this is that a school can discipline a student for off-campus activities in some cases. The majority of U.S. states allow for it, reports the Cyberbullying Research Center. The rationale for this is for when activities off-campus negatively effect on-campus life beyond a reasonable amount.

That means that when a student engages in inappropriate behavior online, such as bullying a student or sending out racy images of another student, the school may have the right to take disciplinary action. While students (and parents) may argue that their actions don’t fall under the school’s province, the courts have decided otherwise.

And this is not just limited to actions taken by students. The same rules apply to staff/faculty as well. In my own county, a teacher was fired for comments made on her blog under an assumed identity that was derogatory towards her students. Her lawyers argued that she had the right to free speech, but a federal appeals court agreed with the school district for firing her, saying that her actions were “so disruptive at school as to tip the Pickering balance in the school district’s favor.” The Pickering balance refers to a 1968 case that determined that an employee’s right to free speech is protected IF it is a matter of public concern AND if the employee’s interest outweighs the public employer’s interest in an efficient workplace.

When my daughter was in sixth grade, I spoke with the vice-principal about this: kids using social media and how it affects the school environment. He told me that a day didn’t go by when he didn’t have students in his office, discussing something that happened online that caused a problem when the students saw each other again.

What makes that even more troublesome is that this was a grade school, going up to sixth grade. At this point, the students are almost certainly no older than 12 years old. This is important because most social media companies out there require that users be at least 13 years old to use their apps in order to avoid violating the Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Rule of 1998, more commonly known as COPPA. This act was designed to limit the amount and type of data that companies can data-mine from them. In reality, it is one of the most broken laws we have, as millions of minors use apps that they should not be using.

How to Avoid Problems

Let’s be honest – most children have at least one incident through their school years that requires the school to take corrective action of some kind. One way to minimize that from happening is to follow the T.H.I.N.K. Principle, as recommended by Fifty Shades of Purple against Bullying, an organization designed to help families who have been affected by bullying in any form. The T.H.I.N.K. Principle helps teach everyone to avoid doing or saying something that could cause problems for them later by focusing on five key points:

  • TRUE Is what I’m saying True?
  • HELPFUL Is what I’m saying Helpful to the situation?
  • INSPIRING Is what I’m saying Inspiring to others?
  • NECESSARY Is what I’m saying Necessary?
  • KIND Is what I’m saying Kind?

It always amazes me as to what I see people post online, especially on Twitter. People say things online that they would never do in person, sometimes hiding behind the anonymity of an app. If we can’t honestly answer yes to these five questions, then we probably shouldn’t post it.

Maybe a better way to consider it is that we should dance like nobody else is watching, but post like we expect it to be read in the principal’s office or even open court someday.

Shame Nation: Choose To Be Part Of “The Solution”

Last updated on February 26th, 2022 at 08:22 pm

It was July 2017 and I was at home when I got a call from my niece. She and my sister were driving somewhere, and I remember this particular call because it went something like this…

    • “Hey Aunt Stef…you’ve got to check this out…it’s the funniest thing…You remember when we did that show Legally Blonde? Well there’s this group of young kids, and I guess they did a performance of it too, only their teacher video-taped it and posted it on YouTube and oh my G-d Aunt Stef, it’s AWFUL. I mean it’s so bad it’s funny. You’ve got to watch it. Here let me text you some of it.”
    • No that’s ok babe, I don’t need to see it”…
    • “Really Aunt Stef, it’s sooo funny, mom watched it and she thought it was hysterical. I can’t believe their teacher posted this. It went viral so fast it’s incredible. Look I know it’s really long but you can fast forward through some of it, I’ll tell you where the funniest parts are”.
    • Honey…how old are these kids?”
    • “I don’t know…I think they’re in middle school… Look Aunt Stef I’ve got to go, I just texted it to you…watch it later and tell me what you think. You’re going to die laughing…. I love you!!”

I didn’t check it out. But I also didn’t tell her not to. And that bothered me. Something felt really wrong with this video. I was worried about those little kids…I was worried FOR those little kids. How old were they. How long had this been going viral, and how many people around the world were laughing at them. I knew for a fact my niece and her friends at school were…and still, even though it bothered me…I said and did nothing.

When I look back at it now, I think it’s because my niece and her friends weren’t bad or mean kids. Actually quite the opposite. My niece is a gifted and talented young actress studying at a high school for the arts, and I am incredibly proud of her, but for a very different reason. I can say without a doubt that she is one of the nicest, kindest people I know, and she would NEVER deliberately hurt someone! In fact, she feels things very deeply. Yet she missed this! She didn’t see the pain she and the other people watching and laughing over that video were causing.

How the heck did we get here??? To this place where we can sit in a room and make fun of someone who is not there to defend themselves and have no sense at all that our laughing at them could be hurting them.

That is EXACTLY what nationally recognized speaker, parent advocate, and Internet safety expert Sue Scheff explores with the help of journalist, YA author, and blogger Melissa Schorr in her newly released book Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate. Sue knows firsthand how devastating cyber shaming can be. In 2006 she won a landmark case for Internet defamation and invasion of privacy. Now a leader in the movement against cyber bullying, she focuses on teaching others how to avoid virtual cruelty and how to effectively react when it occurs.

According to Shame Nation, psychologists point to several factors that have allowed online cruelty like this to flourish:

  • the anonymity of the Internet;
  • the distance, or lack of face-to-face contact, with a victim,
  • mob mentality run amok,
  • lack of gatekeepers and
  • lack of consequences.

Taken together these factors have become known as the “online disinhibition effect”, the notion that people behave far differently online than they would in reality.

But it’s more than that. It’s also due in part to our failure to instill empathy in young people, and Shame Nation explores this as well. Parenting expert Dr. Michele Borba, EdD, author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World makes a strong case that a decrease in basic empathy has created a culture ripe for online attacks. The inability to see those on the other side of the computer screen as people deserving of our compassion is a huge driver. Instead of feeling sad for their pain, we make it funny. We sit at home and watch the “People of Walmart” and laugh as people are publicly shamed. You don’t see or feel the hurt…it’s so far removed, it’s not “real”.

That was what happened with the middle-school performance of Legally Blonde. My niece missed the ball on this one. There was an opportunity to be an “Upstander” …not just a bystander…or worse, add to the teasing and humiliation, and she missed it. But whose fault was that really? If I’m being honest, it was mine

I’m the adult, I set the example. This means I and the other adults in her life need to know what’s happening out in the cyber-world so I can educate her. So she knows what to look for to avoid becoming a victim…or inadvertently a bully.

And while we’re on this subject, I know some of you may be thinking “lock her in her room and for anything other than schoolwork, shut off the internet and all those damn devices” is the answer. But while it may sound good on paper, realistically, I can’t tell her to stay off-line. No-one can. For better or worse, this is a connected world we live in…all of us… kids and adults. Going off the grid is just not an option – and it won’t save her. As Nancy Jo Sales describes in her book American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers, “I spoke to girls who said, “Social media is destroying our lives. But we can’t go off it, because then we’d have no life.”

So my niece is on the grid (and I am guessing if you are reading this, so is a child you care about), and she is not getting off any time soon – not as a child, and realistically not as an adult. But I can help her. I can:

  • Teach her how to avoid trouble: give her guidelines for online sharing; show her how to protect her online identify and run regular checkups to make sure no-one is damaging her reputation
  • Teach her how to control a disaster if things go wrong: how to document, block, report and identify someone trying to harm her.
  • Teach her how to get support: to take advantage of resources like HeartMob and Crisis Text Line and Online SOS…and know there are systems in place providing help, from simple letters of support to full-on legal aid, if she finds herself a victim of a digital attack.

Because that’s what I learned from Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate.

And finally, I can Teach her to be an Upstander. I can explain what that word is, why it’s important to stand-up for someone else. And then I can apologize for not doing that…and for failing her and those kids. And that’s when I realized if I didn’t do something right at that moment, I would be failing them both again.

So I picked up the phone and called her. And it was a difficult call. Because while it was about something she had done, in truth, it was more about what I hadn’t done. And my very sensitive niece brought up an excellent argument – one I’m betting every one of you will have to deal with at some point, because it’s really fundamental to the Upstander / bystander question:

  • “But Aunt Stef, I don’t think there’s really anything I could have done…there were millions of people…that post went viral”.

She had a point – but then again, that’s the battle every single person faces when they’re being bullied online. They’re one person and it feels like they’re fighting the world. That’s what made this book so insightful, and so powerful, at least for me. What do you do…what can you do…if you come up against this situation… Whether you are living this or just witnessing this. This was my answer…

“Well, hon, what do you think about this”…and I gave her an example I had read (thank you Sue) about a heavy-set middle-aged man who was being publicly humiliated. All he did was dance at a local bar with friends, but someone captured it on video and posted it and the rude comments started coming in from all over. Until two women in LA created a #FindDancingMan twitter campaign, said “I’d dance with that guy”, and created a movement that turned the shaming into a party of compassion.

    • “I’m not saying you have to create a “dancing man campaign” but do you think you and your friends could come up with something creative that might make those kids feel even just a little bit better?”

 

    • I don’t know…maybe”.

And just like that, this HUGE weight came off my shoulders. She didn’t have to have an answer… that wasn’t the magic pill here. She’s a brilliant kid with a big heart and this hit home. I stood up for those kids…and for her …and I think when she has an opportunity, she will stand up for someone else.

It has to start somewhere… That day, it started with us…

No Forced Kisses for Your Kids: A Holiday Safety Tip for Families

Last updated on February 26th, 2022 at 08:22 pm

As parents well know, the holiday season is both incredibly exciting and potentially overwhelming for kids, sometimes all rolled together into one. At gatherings with families and friends, expectations about affection, attention, and teasing can create unnecessary stress and discomfort. By accepting our children’s different personalities and thinking through our boundaries ahead of time, we can teach our kids important life skills and make holiday parties and reunions more fun.

Most of us can remember being pressured to just “suffer through it” from our own childhoods. Who doesn’t recall being forced to kiss “Great Aunt Edna” as a kid, or getting scratched by Uncle Bob’s beard as he leaned in for a squeeze? Or, being told to just ignore the teasing and roughhousing of our cousins?

As a mother, I can relate to the embarrassment that a parent might feel when a child doesn’t want to give a big hug to Grandma when she walks in the door—especially if Grandma has been eagerly anticipating the visit for weeks and months. But through my work teaching personal safety as a Kidpower instructor, I have learned that supporting our children when they set boundaries is a very important practice.

Backing up a child who doesn’t want to be kissed or hugged does not mean that Grandma, or Great Aunt Edna, or Uncle Bob or Cousin Sara are doing anything wrong, but it does demonstrate that touch and play for affection or fun is your child’s choice in all situations. The holidays are a perfect time to work on “boundary setting” with our kids, so they feel confident and empowered as they move through different ages and stages of life.

When possible, try to bring relatives into this conversation ahead of time, letting them know that you are practicing with the kids to help them learn to set boundaries—and who better to practice with than people who know and care about the kids. That way, when a child sets a boundary with Grandma, she can feel that she’s part of a positive practice rather than left out. Some parents report that this is a difficult conversation to have, but I maintain that is an important one, and an opportunity for meaningful dialogue and exploration. Many parents feel that their culture has expectations the children show adults respect through affection.

At Kidpower, we have found that this is truly a cross-cultural phenomena across a wide variety of backgrounds, and an issue that is worth addressing: how can we come up with ways for children to show respect to their elders in ways that feel nurturing and respectful to the child as well? One point I like to emphasize about child safety is to ask “How can we expect our children to set clear boundaries about touch when they are on their own, if we do not support them in doing so when we are together with our families, standing right there in a position to advocate for our kids and back them up?” In practice, this may be as simple (yet powerful) as saying, “Do you want to give Grandma a hug, a high-five, a kiss, or a wave? ….Not right now? Okay… Maybe you’ll want to blow a kiss or do a high-five later.”

Some kids are social butterflies and will thrive on the opportunities to be the center of attention. Be prepared to help them to notice the boundaries of others and to remember to follow your safety rules about Checking First before changing the plan, even in a family gathering. Other children are more reserved and are best off being allowed to warm up at their own pace. They might need your involved advocacy to redirect unwanted attention away from them and your help in setting boundaries when well-meaning adults try to pressure them.

Even if a relative is offended when a child does not want to kiss or hug them, this is an important time to keep in mind the bottom line—kids need to learn from an early age that touch or play for affection or fun should be the choice of BOTH people, safe, allowed by the adults in charge, and not a secret. This core safety rule should be respected in all situations. (Editor’s Note: remember…this is not just a “keep my child safe “during COVID” rule – this is a teach my child a skill that will keep them safe “for LIFE” rule).

Touch or play for affection or fun should be the choice of BOTH people, safe, allowed by the adults in charge, and not a secret.

It’s confusing for kids to try to set aside their feelings of discomfort for certain kinds of affection or teasing in the name of good manners, since it gives young people a contradictory message about their boundaries. Keep in mind Kidpower’s founding principle: A child’s safety and healthy self-esteem are more important than ANYONE’s embarrassment, inconvenience, or offense. Or, more simply stated: Put Safety First.

Here are additional Kidpower resources about how to use boundaries to make our holiday gatherings truly joyful:

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