Raising Optimistic Children

Last updated on March 15th, 2026 at 08:13 pm

A 2011 study in Pediatrics, examined optimism in 5,634 children who began taking part in the research when they were 12 to 14 years old. The researchers found that the quarter of kids who were the most optimistic had almost half the risk of showing signs of depression compared with those who were least optimistic. Being highly optimistic only had a “modest” link to less heavy substance abuse and antisocial behavior. Likely because substance use and antisocial behavior have strong genetic correlates.

Raising optimistic children has been meaningfully explored by Dr. Martin Seligman since he studied learned helplessness in the 1970’s. In 1991, Seligman published Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Since that time, his influence on the field of Positive Psychology has been instrumental in teaching the public that what you think and how you reframe your life experiences impacts your life view as well as your health. People who rate high on optimism live longer, have better mental health and are physically healthier than people who rate high on pessimism.

If you are wishing to encourage optimism in your children consider these time-honored strategies:

1. Help your children set themselves up for success. Participating in tasks, academic activities and physical sports that are within your child’s ability will provide them with positive experiences increasing their self-esteem and allowing them to see themselves as capable.
2. Give specific feedback on what your child does well. Instead of offering general praise, be specific. “You practiced so many multiplication problems that you earned an A on your recent test.” “Your effort and practice earn you better grades.”
3. Validate their feelings offering some strategies for looking more hopefully at the circumstances. “It didn’t feel very good to miss the goal at soccer, but your footwork on the field was excellent. Daddy and I will play more with you in the backyard so you are better prepared for the next time.”
4. Use positive not negative labels. Negative labels lead children to believe they are the label. So use positive labels when talking with and about your child. As an example, when your child exhibits a behavior that is unsuitable such as whining refrain from calling your child a “whiner” and practice using a new tone with your child. “Joey, when you ask for what you want in a positive tone, I can respond better to you.” “Let’s use a happy tone as we talk with one another.”
5. Comment on the bright side. “I know it’s raining so we must play indoors, this is our chance to make a huge train station today.”

Raising optimistic children begins with you. Seeing the positive side of life experiences, learning from mishaps and practicing positive thoughts leads to happier children. You can find more ideas and strategies for raising the optimism quotient in your family by reading Martin Seligman’s book The Optimistic Child.

Why Does Your Child Bite …And What Can You Do?

Last updated on August 3rd, 2025 at 12:25 pm

While it’s shocking and probably embarrassing when your child bites, it’s not unusual behavior for young kids. When children are overcome with feelings such as anger, fear, frustration or disappointment, for example, because another child has possession of a toy they want, they don’t have the language to express it.

IN A NUTSHELL: 5 of the 10 reasons in Bloom – WHY KIDS BITE.

1. They do not have the language, words or ability to express what they need to say.
2. They are frustrated, upset or irritated, and biting seems to be the quickest way for them to communicate this.
3. The child is overwhelmed by sensory input when several other children are present.
4. Even though the child “knows” biting hurts on a cognitive level, he may not have developed the emotional maturity to control this urge when frustrated.
5. At a young age, biting is normal and needs to be redirected.

YOU HELP THE CHILD… by stating how he might feel and providing him with the solutions (new words, thoughts and behaviors) the child cannot find on his own. It’s important to help the child figure out, what thought, feeling or perception caused their escalation because awareness provides the opportunity to make a different choice next time.

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Written for real parents with anxious, angry and over-the-top kids, Bloom is a brain-based approach to parenting all children. Taking its lead from neuroscience and best practices in early childhood mental health, it offers parents, teachers and care providers the words, thoughts and actions to raise calm, confident children, while reducing the need for consequences and punishment. The first book of its kind, it provides pages full of printable mantras you can carry with you, hang on your fridge or use in your classroom to raise emotionally competent kids. Stop second-guessing the way you handle misbehaviors, and learn why they occur in the first place. Bloom is available at amazon.com

Squirmin’ Wormin’ Kids? …3 Ways You Can Help Them

Last updated on March 29th, 2025 at 04:04 pm

Brain development happens over time. As the brain matures, children often gain better control of their attention, motor inhibition and their emotional responses to social situations.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Here is a video along with three resources for YOUR CHILD’S BUSY BODY

1. Kids who move a lot are often seeking brain stimulation. Creating days filled with a variety of calming and alerting activities is just the ticket. For calming activities, yoga, listening to music, drawing, crafts and art are body calmers. You can find an array of activities on Lynne’s community FB. For alerting activities consider 15 minutes outside several times a day for little ones and longer periods of time for older kids.
2. Research tells us that children who exercise remain calm longer, think better and socialize with less impulsivity. So playing outside, jumping rope, playing tennis in the drive-way, walking to day camp, shooting hoops or kicking a soccer ball are all good movement morsels to sprinkle throughout the day. SPARKPE is a terrific resource for schools and families.
3. Music can be both calming and alerting, so it’s pretty magical. Playing piano (even if you aren’t very good at it) for 10 minutes at a time can re-organize the brain and the body. For your kid’s listening pleasure visit The Kiboomers or Stressfreekids.com.

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Written for real parents with anxious, angry and over-the-top kids, Bloom is a brain-based approach to parenting all children. Taking its lead from neuroscience and best practices in early childhood mental health, it offers parents, teachers and care providers the words, thoughts and actions to raise calm, confident children, while reducing the need for consequences and punishment. The first book of its kind, it provides pages full of printable mantras you can carry with you, hang on your fridge or use in your classroom to raise emotionally competent kids. Stop second-guessing the way you handle misbehaviors, and learn why they occur in the first place. Bloom is available at amazon.com

Looking For A Stress-Free Way to Get Your Toddler to Bed?

Last updated on March 29th, 2025 at 04:03 pm

By the end of the day, you’re wiped out. But your energetic toddler is still up and about — and fighting your every attempt at getting him to sleep.

It’s normal for toddlers to resist bedtime. They want to continue the fun, and they don’t want to separate from you. But getting enough sleep is essential for your toddler’s healthy development, not to mention your sanity. Here’s how to help your child slow down, switch gears, and head off into the Land of Nod.

1. Create a routine

Start each night with a relaxing routine that will set the stage for going to sleep. Changing into pajamas, brushing his teeth, and washing his face every night will help establish that these are the things that happen before bedtime. Other calming activities include listening to quiet music, reading a story, or giving him a bath. Resist the urge to play with your toddler at this hour, since it will only get him more excited than relaxed.

2. Be consistent

Stick with the same routine every night, so your toddler learns to expect that bedtime is coming. Soon he’ll know what’s expected of him, too.

3. Make it comfortable

Let your child take her beloved teddy bear or blanket to bed with her. Allow one drink of water. Turn on a nightlight before closing the door. Taking care of your toddler’s comforts will make it easier for her to relax — and give her fewer excuses for climbing out of bed again.

4. Pause before answering a call

Children this age are likely to call out to you after you leave the room. Resist the urge to respond every time your toddler cries out, and wait several seconds before answering. With each time she calls for you, wait a few seconds longer, which will give her the chance to fall asleep before you respond. When you do answer, remind her that it’s bedtime. If you go into her room, don’t turn on the light or stay too long.

5. Be patient

Teaching a toddler good sleep habits doesn’t happen overnight. And it isn’t easy, since toddlers love your companionship. But keep doing the same thing every night. Eventually, your toddler will learn to go along with the plan.

Erin’s Law: Teaching Kids to Recognize & Avoid Sexual Abuse

Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:30 pm

In October 2011, New York State announced it would join the ranks of those states that have introduced a bill entitled Erin Merryn’s Law. The measure would require schools to make a change to their existing curriculum for child abduction to include child sexual abuse prevention. This alteration would give critically important information to victims – many of whom do not know there is a way out of their horrific situation. As a child, Merryn was abused by both a neighbor and a family member. She says she stayed silent due to a combination of threats from her abusers, and the lack of knowledge about available help. When it passed, New York became the 37th state to enact Erin Merryn’s law, following Missouri and Merryn’s home state of Illinois.

It would take until 2015 for a federal version of Erin’s Law to be signed by President Obama under the Every Student Succeeds Act. Still, as each day passes…as another child assault is reported in the news or another adult tells the story of their stolen childhood…we are reminded that parents should continue to be vigilant about teaching child sexual abuse prevention in the home. By age three, children should be taught that their bodies have private parts and no one is to touch those parts (with the necessary medical and hygiene exceptions). Of course children should be taught the correct terminology for their body as nicknames can be confusing and delay a disclosure.

The following are some tips that are often overlooked:

1. When someone tickles a child, if the child says No, all tickling should cease. Children need to know that their words have power and No means No.
2. Teach children that it is OK to say No to an adult. Without permission from you, many children may be reluctant to do so even if the adult is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable.
3. Teach children that all of these lessons apply to other children as well. If another child is touching your child in a way that makes him or her uncomfortable, teach your child to say No, get away and tell someone.
4. Be careful with the language you use when speaking with children. Avoid saying things such as “Have a good day and do everything your teacher tells you to do.” Children are very literal and need to be told that they should not listen to someone who is telling them to do something that might be harmful to them or to someone else.
5. Let your child decide how they want to express affection. If they do not want to hug or kiss Grandpa goodbye or sit on Santa’s lap, do not force them. You take away their power over their own body if you force them to be demonstrative in their affection. Children need to be taught their body belongs to them.
6. Teach children to respect the privacy of others. They should learn to knock on doors that are shut before opening them and close the door to the bathroom when they are using it. If they learn to respect the privacy of others, they may be more likely to recognize that an invasion of their privacy could be a red flag meaning danger.
7. Use your poker face. Encourage your child to come you if they have questions about anything. Avoid looking shocked or embarrassed by the question. Children who sense their parents’ discomfort will be less inclined to approach the parent next time he or she has a question.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 20 boys is sexually abused by age 18 in the United States. 90% of the abuse happens at the hands of those trusted by the child or the child’s family members. With the passage of Erin Merryn’s Law, critical information now has the ability to reach every child in the United States…and we are beginning to see Erin’s Law recognized internationally.

Are you teaching child sexual abuse prevention in your home?

7 Ways to Engage Your Family in Keeping Your Home “Pet-Clean”

Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:28 pm

For animal lover families, life without pets is just unthinkable. Still, there are days when hair-covered couches, stained carpeting and the constant scent of Eau de Woof get to even the most tender-hearted, causing a domestic meltdown: “Why am I the only one cleaning up after this dog?!” Clever moms, however, know it doesn’t have to be this way.

Having children care for pets fosters both responsibility and compassion. Here are seven ways to make keeping your home pet-clean a family affair:

1. Simplify cleaning.

“The important thing is to make it as easy as possible for kids to clean up messes as they happen,” says Tracie Hotchner, host of both Dog Talk and Cat Chat radio shows. “Feed animals on plastic place mats and keep a chamois cloth close by water bowls.”

2. Exercise pets.

Well-exercised dogs tend to be more relaxed — and that translates into a cleaner house. Mellow pooches are less likely to shred that box of tissues or unstuff the couch cushions. (They’re also less likely to have an accident on the floor.) Plus, when kids walk them, kids stay fit too!

3. Grooming.

Brushing your pet is an easy chore for kids and a boon for housekeeping. Frequent brushing allows you to limit where the fur flies, which means less hair all over the place. Find a nice spot where kids can sit comfortably, and store the brushes there for daily use. “Just like kids, dogs like a routine — it’s comforting. If you brush your animals outside, the kids can see how birds and mice use hair for their nests. Plus, you don’t have to vacuum,” says Hotchner.

4. Wipe out stains.

When your pet urinates on the carpet, speed is your best weapon against staining. The Humane Society recommends these steps for cleaning up the mess: Place a thick layer of paper towels on the wet spot, covered by a thick layer of newspaper. If you can, place newspaper underneath the soiled area as well. Stand on the padding for about a minute. Remove and repeat until the area is nearly dry.

Put the wet paper towel in the area where it belongs — the litter box or typical outdoor spot where your pet goes — to reinforce the right behavior. Rinse the accident area thoroughly with clean, cool water. Then remove as much water as possible by blotting with paper towel or using a wet vac.

5. Wash your pet.

Giving your dog a footbath right after returning from the outdoors can dramatically reduce the amount of dirt your pet tracks into your home. “Use one of those plastic under-bed storage bins, fill it with 1 inch of water and put a towel down on the floor for the dog to step on,” says Hotchner.

6. Scoop cat litter.

Neglected cat boxes are the main reason kitties go where they shouldn’t. Boxes should be cleaned daily (after all, people flush every single time) and topped up with fresh litter. Monica Leighton, president of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters recommends putting out an extra box so there’s plenty of room. (Note: Not all kids can handle cleaning a cat box, and cat feces can carry disease. So be careful when delegating this chore.)

7. Open the windows.

Many clean-air experts advocate airing your home for 10 or 15 minutes per day to let a variety of household toxins out. Dander, dust and odor can all be managed by daily airings, except during the most extreme weather.

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