How Concerned Should Parents Be About Kik?
Kik is one of the more popular messenger apps used by tweens and teenagers. Parents should learn about this app because it has a history of being a breeding ground for online predators, spammers, hackers and more. Worse yet, I’ve spoken with local law enforcement officers who report that the company has been very reluctant to help them with cases involving cyberbullying and harassment where other platforms would be more willing to help.
Kik was going to shut down in 2019 but came back in a modified format. In the new format, users can have Kik put them together into a private chat based on mutually liked topics, such as music, games, travel, etc. These private rooms are anonymous, and users have several minutes to decide if they wish to continue the discussion using their official profiles.
Another feature allows people can create group chats for up to 50 people. The members of the group stay in the group even after they stop using the app each day so they can return to it later. Additionally, Kik has created quite a few public chatrooms for groups based on topics like where they live, hobbies, etc. Many of them, especially those that are from a specific geographic area, tend to fill up quickly. That makes them an easy place for predators to find local targets.
Take a look at the graph below to see how I rate Kik on several key areas of concern for parents. In my article for Pediatric Safety on Instagram, I explain in much more detail what the values on the graph mean and how using an app might endanger a child, but here it is in short form:
What the Numbers Mean:
The numbers / ratings represent the likelihood that you will see the risky behavior occur within this app.
- Rating < 5 is minimal risk and is highly unlikely to occur on the platform, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen.
- A rating of 5-6 is average risk – it should concern parents, but not overly so.
- A rating of 7 or 8 is problematic and should concern parents quite a bit.
- A 9 or 10 rating is very troubling as that behavior is almost a certainty within this app, and involves issues that are likely of extreme concern to parents, such as sextortion and child pornography.
Catfishing (10 out of 10)
Of all of the apps that I’ve seen, Kik rates the worst when it comes to the number of catfish (fakes) on it. Similar to Whisper, Kik is considered an “anonymous app”, but unlike Whisper, it actually has a profile of sorts. This can trick people into believing that the person at the other end is as shown in the profile. It’s not a safe assumption, but many people, especially inexperienced kids, often make it.
Cyberbullying (7 out of 10)
Cyberbully can happen on any site and Kik is no different. It is pretty easy to block someone who attacks you directly in private messages. Where cyberbullying is most likely to happen is within a Kik group. Once in a group, the members can “roast” another person. Unlike the humorous roasts people see on TV of celebrities, social media roasts tend to be cruel. Imagine being attacked online, live, by dozens of people all at once!
I’ve been invited into more than one group, only to be roasted because of my age (I show my real age). When teens see someone old enough to be their father on Kik, they feel the need to treat them with disdain. Many either see me as a predator or at the least, a weirdo for being online with teenagers. I take that as a good sign, actually, that those teens are at least looking out for predators. Sometimes, however, I’ve been approached by younger users who want to start a relationship with me.
Language (10 out of 10)
One of the funniest things on Kik is seeing people using intentionally incorrect spelling. They’re trying to avoid being detected by filters to help identify cyberbullying, sexting and the like. For example, rather than saying that they are looking for sex, they will put spaces between the letters. Another option is to spell words phonetically.
What they fail to realize is that the site has no interest in doing such a thing. Even casual observation by the company would notice how prevalent the problem is and if the company wanted to take action, they could do so easily. If they wanted to scan for people who type, “I want sex,” they can also scan for people who type, “I want s e x,” or some other common variation of vulgar/inappropriate speech.
Profanity, racial and homophobic slurs are very common on Kik. As are attacks based on nationality, political beliefs and just about anything else that people can think of to attack. The public groups created by people are often listed as “unmoderated” or “no limits” and the posts in those rooms can get intense, but not always. I’ve seen some group admins be responsible and remove users who act inappropriately.
Nudity (9 out of 10)
This app features plenty of nudity on it, including both pictures and videos. Like many social media apps, users have a profile picture. While many of the accounts have acceptable images, that’s not always the case. Some users include inappropriate images, even of younger children.
Private chats between users can embed images directly in the conversation. I have seen quite a bit of nudity sent, usually from automated accounts trying to get me to follow a link to have access to even more images. I have also received unsolicited images and videos from people that contain nudity, both of men and women. Below is a private message sent directly to me from an account that I never engaged with previously. The image on the left is the profile picture on the account.
I have reported accounts to Kik but have never seen any actions taken as a result. It is possible that the service took actions without telling me, but I have my doubts. Even if they did, it’s all too easy to simply start a new account with another email address.
Privacy (5 out of 10)
I don’t consider any app/site to be private. That said, Kik scores lower than most simply because of how it works. There is really no expectation of privacy on the app. Users can block individual users from contacting them, but that’s about it. My personal blocked list has several hundred accounts on it.
Sexting (10 out of 10)
Despite what the original or publicly claimed intention was for Kik, it has evolved into essentially a pure sexting app. I’ve spent quite a bit of time on this app and while there are a few people not looking for sexting, I find that the majority of users are hoping to find someone for sexting purposes.
Beyond the posting actively looking for people to sext or roleplay with, a innocuous introduction to someone, such as “Hi.” or “How are you?”, can often result in an obscene reply, often with images. Considering the amount of catfishing that happens on the site, who knows if the images are of the actual user.
Sextortion (9 out of 10)
Hand in hand with sexting comes sextortion, the blackmailing of someone to provide nude images/videos. If you’re not familiar with what sextortion is, take 60 seconds to watch this video. It is a very realistic demonstration as to how sextortion starts.
Stalking (5 out of 10)
Offline stalking with this app is very difficult to do, so long as users don’t share personal information with others, such as telling them where they live or go to school.
With its anonymous nature and limited profile, the only way that most people can be stalked on Kik is by not blocking people who might follow them on the app. Even if they do, people can easily create a new profile and stalk people and predators are known for having multiple accounts on each apps to stalk people and avoid being blocked. Some even use another account to create two distinct personalities – one to stalk and harass someone and another to befriend the person.
Viruses (10 out of 10)
Most of the accounts that I have blocked appear to be automated accounts (bots). They typically offer free nude pics to anyone who will follow the link provided. I have never followed any of the links, because it’s one of the easiest ways to allow viruses/malware access to your device.
I can’t say it any plainer than this: just don’t follow any link that you don’t absolutely know it’s origin and destination, no matter where it looks like it might be taking you. To see what I mean, read this article I wrote on malware and see just how easy it is for people to trick you.
Bottom Line
It’s all too easy for bad things to happen to good people on Kik. I’m not saying that the company does this intentionally, but I haven’t seen much in the way of the company helping prevent it. Bark, a company that provides parenting software for kids’ devices reported earlier this year that Kik has the most flagged app for severe sexual content.
To help navigate Kik as safely as possible, kids should do the following:
- Personally, I don’t trust any of the KiK accounts to be what they claim to be. Trust but verify is very difficult to practice here, as there are way too many accounts that seem to be something other than what they claim to be.
- Remember that links don’t always take you where they look like they may go. Never follow a link sent by someone to avoid the risks of having viruses and malware accidentally installed on your device.
- Avoid giving anyone information that can be used to help locate you to avoid giving a potential predator a way to track you down. That includes giving them an email address, credentials to a different social media account (very common on Kik) or personal information such as your address or phone number.
With four topics receiving a maximum of 10 and two that received a 9, Kik is an app that parents should think twice about before letting their kids use it.
As I mentioned earlier, I have already done a similar article here on Instagram as well as one on Whisper and will be doing more apps in the future, so please feel free to check back here for more articles on popular apps. You can also check out my other articles here on Pediatric Safety by visiting my profile and complete list of articles.
How Concerned Should Parents Be About Whisper?
Whisper is an anonymous app, launched almost 10 years ago, where people post things that they might not want to admit to in public. While maybe not as well known by parents as some others, it has over 900 million accounts, according to the Washington Post and many of them are teens.
According to the Whisper’s own terms and conditions, users must be at least 13, but anyone under the age of 18 may only use the app under the supervision of a parent or legal guardian who agrees to their terms of use. They indicate that anyone who does not agree with these terms should simply not access or use the service. How often do you expect that happens?
While the company calls what people post on the app, “User Content”, most people simply call them either “Whispers” or “Secrets.” I’ve used Whisper and found it to be one of the most interesting apps out there. Of course, I fully expect that most of the “user content” is fake.
Assuming that people actually use it for its intended purpose, to secretly tell things about themselves and that they probably wouldn’t tell people they know, it’s probably harmless. But that’s clearly not all that happens on the app. Below is a graph for a grading system that I devised to help parents understand the risks involved for their children using popular apps. In my most recent article on Instagram, I explain in detail what the values on the graph mean and how using an app might endanger a child, but here it is below in a nutshell:
What the Numbers Mean:
The numbers / ratings represent the likelihood that you will see the risky behavior occur within this app.
- Rating < 5 is minimal risk and is highly unlikely to occur on the platform, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen.
- A rating of 5-6 is average risk – it should concern parents, but not overly so.
- A rating of 7 or 8 is problematic and should concern parents quite a bit.
- A 9 or 10 rating is very troubling as that behavior is almost a certainty within this app, and involves issues that are likely of extreme concern to parents, such as sextortion and child pornography.
Catfishing (10 out of 10)
As an “anonymous” app, there is no attempt made to identify the users. The profiles, what little of it there is on the app, don’t even include the possibility of a picture be added. That makes it perfect for people who don’t wish to be identified. When posting a secret on the app, users have the ability to upload a picture for that individual post, which may be of themselves or it may be one that they took from some other source. Additionally, Whisper has a large library of images available by users and the app will suggest images based on words typed by the user that get superimposed in front of the image.
Cyberbullying (8 out of 10)
The potential for cyberbullying exists anywhere. I’ve seen it on posts/apps where I would least expect it. With Whisper, it can often come from pictures that the person posted which were meant to be silly or sexy. Body shaming is pretty common in cases like this on Whisper, assuming that the image in the post is really of the person who posted it.
As another example, in a recent posting, a woman announced that her boyfriend had revealed online that they were engaged before she wanted it publicly known. Within just a few hours, there were well over 300 replies, many saying that she should be happy that he was excited to be engaged. In fact, the overwhelming majority of the replies were critical of the original post and a few were not polite about it, to say the least.
Language (8 out of 10)
There is virtually no filter on what people say on social media platforms and Whisper is no exception. On social media apps that are popular with kids, they may choose to intentionally spell words incorrectly, but close enough that the reader understands the message. For example, they may use “$” instead of “S” or “!” instead of “I.” Most likely, they are trying to avoid filters that search for specific keywords but considering how often I’ve seen posts on Whisper that have foul/inappropriate words on them, it seems likely that they have little to be concerned about in this area.
Nudity (8 out of 10)
This is a little bit of a gray area. Overall, I have seen very little, if any actual nudity on Whisper, but many images certainly push the boundaries. I have observed images showing both boys and girls in images that their parents would probably object to them using/seeing. As Whisper does allow people to send private messages between users, there may be cases where nudity is involved there, but I can’t say that for sure.
Privacy (6 out of 10)
As an anonymous app, this app has the advantage of not giving others easy access to users’ personal information. Facebook, for example, provides lots of opportunities for people to publicly share where they work, who they’re married to and more. So long as users practice common sense, there’s not too much risk of privacy being lost here. The risk with Whisper is how much personal information people are willing to share within their posts and through private messages. Let’s just hope that common sense prevails.
Sexting (8 out of 10)
This is a huge issue on the app. From what I can see, the majority of posts seem to have at least some sexual connotation to them. The rating would be higher than this based simply on the sheer volume of sexual content (explicit and implicit) on the app, however it is tempered somewhat by the anonymous nature of the app. It clearly has the potential for a higher rating, especially for an app that hosts groups with names such as Sexual Confessions, Horny People, etc.
Sextortion (6 out of 10)
Any app/site that has the potential for sexting also has the potential for sextortion – the act of forcing others to perform acts of a sexual nature online. This typically requires sending images or videos, which the recipient can then use against them to force them to send even more images or do just about anything else they want to avoid the images being made public.
It gets worse if the target provides their profile names for other sites/apps, which is common on Whisper. Unfortunately, it is very common to see people post their Snapchat or Instagram name on the account, (assuming that they’re providing their own information and not intentionally setting someone else up for online harassment).
Stalking (8 out of 10)
I recommend minors not use Whisper and that anyone who does use it disable the ability for the app to know their location. I say that because the app has a feature that will automatically include the location of where the picture was posted from. Other users then have the ability to search for posts made close to their current location.
A little over three years ago, a story made the news about a young girl who met a man on Whisper. She was only 14 but claimed to be 15-17 (Whisper uses age brackets). At some point, the man suggested that they switch over to a different app. At that point, he requested that she send him naked pictures of herself and she acquiesced. Eventually, they met in person, where he provided her with marijuana and eventually, sexually assaulted the young girl, according to authorities.
This was all possible because the predator was able to search geographically on the app to find potential targets. Online predators are very skilled at finding and recruiting, as I’ve written here on Pediatric Safety.
Another feature on Whisper is to find posts that were made recently. This lets predators hopefully find people before they have signed off and can engage them in a conversation. In theory, a good idea, but it is too easy for predators to exploit.
Viruses (3 out of 10)
Sending viruses via Whisper is all but impossible, from what I’ve seen. When entered as part of a secret, the words are there, but it has been converted to an image, not an active link. However, anyone who wished to send a virus could easily do so by placing it into a direct message to someone.
If they, in turn, copy/paste it into a browser, the virus could take effect. The tease of seeing naked pictures might entice someone to do that and with URL shorteners, it wouldn’t even look like a potential risky site.
Bottom Line
Whisper is riskier than it might appear were we to average the nine potential areas of concern. That is, an average would treat each of the concerns equally, but as parents, we may be more concerned with the areas of cyberbullying and sextortion than the risk of a virus. When it comes to using Whisper as safely as possible, there are some basic principles that all users, but especially kids, should follow:
- It may be cynical, however, assume that nobody is who they claim to be on Whisper. Trust, but verify doesn’t apply here because everyone is hiding behind a veil of anonymity.
- Assume that whatever you post on the app will be seen by everyone, not just the people who have access to seeing your posts. When taking the geographic search feature into account, it is very possible that people within your own community can see what you post on Whisper.
- Never, under any circumstances, post a picture of yourself, or anyone else for that matter, that you might regret later. It’s better to think of it not being a question of IF someone you know will see what you post, but WHEN will they see it. That includes parents, teachers, siblings, co-workers, etc.
Like most apps, Whisper can be fun to use, but it comes with risk and those risks need to be considered. As I mentioned earlier, I have already done a similar article here on Instagram and will be doing more apps in the future, so I recommend that you check back here for more articles on popular apps. You can also check out my other articles here on Pediatric Safety by visiting my profile and complete list of articles.
How Concerned Should Parents Be About Instagram?
The most popular social media app used by kids is YouTube, followed by Instagram. Owned by Facebook, its popularity has been steadily on the rise, as Facebook continues to work towards attracting a younger audience.
So, what should parents be concerned about when it comes to Instagram? Do you know what problems can exist online? Cyberbullying is the most commonly known problem for being online, but it’s hardly the only one. It may not even be the most serious one.
Below, I will discuss the potential risks as I see them when it comes to using Instagram.
What the Numbers Mean:
The numbers / ratings represent the likelihood that you will see the risky behavior occur within this app.
- Rating < 5 is minimal risk and is highly unlikely to occur on the platform, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen. Most apps have some risk to them in all of the areas, but specific apps have a greater tendency for it to happen either by the features that the apps have or from sheer volume of use by kids.
- A rating of 5-6 should concern parents, but not overly so. Few apps may rate less than 5 on areas of concern, but most have at least rating of 5-6. That goes true for apps that kids and adults use. Basically what it means is that the possibility of an issue coming up is possible, but not overly so.
- A rating of 7 or 8 is problematic. Not only should parents be concerned that the behavior might happen, they should be prepared for when it will happen. It may not even by something that their child does deliberately. Many predators hunt for children on apps that they know kids will be likely to use and kids often send inappropriate content to each other without asking if it’s okay first. The problems in question may happen often or may be of a serious enough nature that apps with multiple ratings of this high should be considered high risk to parents who wish to keep their kids safe online.
- A 9 or 10 rating is extremely concerning as that behavior is very likely – almost a certainty! It also involves issues that should be of extreme concern to parents, such as sextortion and child pornography. I’m not about to tell you how to parent your child, only to give advice. However, for any app that actually received a rating of 10 for one or more concerns, that’s an app that I will not let my own child use.
Catfishing (9 out of 10)
Like most social media sites, there is little, if any verification that the person using the account is who they say that they are. As this video shows, it is all too easy to pretend to be someone else online and just as easy to use it to trick others. It can go much farther than you might expect, as in the case of Notre Dame football star, Manti Te’o. Back in 2013, he was tricked into believing that he was in a romantic relationship with a woman he’d never even met!
Cyberbullying (8 out of 10)
The potential for cyberbullying exists anywhere, even on LinkedIn, believe it or not. With Instagram, it can often come from pictures that the person posted which were meant to be silly or sexy. Body shaming is pretty common in cases like this on Instagram.
In other cases, it can come from online games, such as “Hot or Not” and “Smash or Pass”, where a collage of people is posted and others indicate if they think specific people are attractive or not. Typically, the collage includes a picture of someone that the initial poster expects will be widely panned by others to entice others to participate.
Language (8 out of 10)
There is virtually no filter on what people say on social media platforms and Instagram is no exception. This can include vulgarity and even hate speech. Companies like Instagram may try to catch/eliminate hate speech, but overall, there is much that gets missed or intentionally left up on the site.
In the United States, Article 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996 has become a hot topic of late. Essentially, it prevents social media companies from being held liable for what others post on their sites, declaring that while they host the content, they aren’t responsible for it. Other countries have similar laws on the books.
Nudity (8 out of 10)
Online nudity is something that I’ve been very concerned about and Instagram is one of the leading examples of why. In a previous article for Pediatric Safety, I explained more about what social media companies will allow and while there are some guidelines, there are plenty of accounts that post pictures and videos that most parents would probably not want their kids to see.
Many adult actors/actresses and lingerie companies have Instagram accounts that push those boundaries. Some even break them. Often, especially in the case of the adult entertainment industry, they use Instagram as a means of attracting people to another site where full nudity is allowed, often for a fee. Similar to language issues discussed above, there is just too much content and pictures are harder search for using technology than text to find inappropriate content.
Privacy (6 out of 10)
Most social media sites allow users to block specific people who troll or harass people. Instagram is one of the sites that allows users to block everyone, so that the account holder has to choose to let people see their account. Instagram calls that setting an account to “Private”. It’s a great feature that more people need to use if they want to limit what others see.
Sexting (7 out of 10)
While probably not the app of choice for sexting, it certainly has the potential for being used this way. That’s certainly true if they wish to include images that they wish to have seen by many people. The reason why this didn’t get a higher rating is because Instagram isn’t really the best app for direct messages between two people, but it is still a place where people can post racy images, as I mentioned above in the section that discusses nudity.
Sextortion (7 out of 10)
Once someone posts an image online that incudes intimate content, they open themselves up for sextortion – blackmail of a digital, sexual nature. Combined with being catfished, the video below is a very realistic example of how sextortion starts. I frequently show this video when I speak at schools or with parents’ groups and the looks I see in the audience never cease to surprise me.
Several years ago, a photographer from New York City caused a major stir when he took racy images, mainly from people’s Instagram accounts and turned them into pieces of art, which he sold in galleries for serious amounts of money without asking for permission. The courts determined that he didn’t need to ask for their permission or compensate them because of what is known as “fair use” laws.
If this can happen, then it’s not too hard to see how easily others might be able to use similar images for sextortion. While very illegal, if someone makes such posts, it opens them up to the possibility of sextortion later. The problem is that if the other person has already downloaded the image and the initial poster deletes it, it’s too late to stop someone from using the image against them. The best solution to this is to never post/send such pictures under any circumstances.
Stalking (8 out of 10)
As it relates to social media, stalking has two areas of concern: online and offline and they are more closely related than you might expect.
Privacy settings, as mentioned above, can help, by helping keep unwanted visitors from seeing what your kids post. Note that I said, helping, not eliminating/stopping. Nothing is foolproof when it comes to preventing social media posts from being seen by unwanted eyes. Nothing.
Even without online interaction, when someone has access to what an Instagram user posts, they can see what they’re doing by simply looking at their posts. This is pretty common between romantic partners after they break up. Even if one person severs the relationship on Instagram, unless their account is set to private, there is nothing stopping the other person from creating another Instagram account and seeing what they post (see above, Catfishing).
Viruses (4 out of 10)
Instagram posts themselves rarely have links in them. That’s because Instagram does not support live links in posts. If a link is included on a post, viewers need to copy/paste it into a web browser and most people simply won’t do that. What can happen though, is a live link can be part of the user’s profile. Posts then indicate that there is a link in the profile for people who wish to “see more” than what they’re seeing on a single post. That post can be to anywhere and it can download virus/malware onto a device.
Bottom Line
What does all this mean? Overall Instagram’s scores seemed pretty high. The fact is they were, and many apps that are popular with kids may look similar. Digging into the details is where you’ll see the subtle differences that will help you, as parents, determine where you need to focus in order to keep your kids safe. When it comes to Instagram, there are some basic principles that all users, but especially kids, should follow:
- Trust, but verify – Be wary of what you share with people online and who you accept to follow you on Instagram. Start by setting your Instagram account to private. Whenever possible, confirm off of the app if someone requests to follow you; making sure that they really are who they claim to be.
- Assume that whatever you post on Instagram will be seen by everyone, not just the people who have access to seeing your posts. There are many different ways that can sidestep privacy settings, so while they are a good first step, they should not be assumed to be 100% safe.
- Never follow links posted by people on Instagram, even if they are your friends. They may have been duped into sharing a link that introduces a virus. Only links from well-known, reputable sources should be followed.
By following these simple guidelines, Instagram can be a fun app to use. For additional information on how to protect yourself and your children on Instagram, check out Instagram’s Help Center.
If you enjoyed this article, please be sure to check back here, as I plan on reviewing other popular apps used by kids using this same method. You can also check out all of my articles here on Pediatric Safety by visiting my profile and complete list of articles.
Preparing Our Kids for Global Digital Citizenship Success
We’ve all heard how our world is getting smaller – how our digital connectivity is conquering distance and outpacing time. But how does this closeness shape the way we interact with each other? More importantly, how does it affect our youth?
This is the reality: The way young people socialize online deeply affects the relationships they have with themselves and the people around them. We have to acknowledge that our kids meet and connect emotionally through their digital devices. They cultivate relationships through a number of virtual world connections – by joining social networks and receiving status updates; building lists of friends and groups; and receiving IMs, texts and video messages.
After hearing countless news stories about identity theft, sexting and cyberbullying, we’ve made the frightening discovery that sometimes wires and signals can separate actions from consequences. And we’ve seen our children’s misguided belief in anonymity slink in easy as pie and place their security, reputations and lives at risk.
But things are changing. Media literacy and global digital citizenship are quickly becoming the key issues in education and law enforcement. Dialogue surrounding the consumption and production of information across connected technologies is growing at a heartwarming rate.
And leaders are working alongside students, using their experience with the Internet, cell phones, MP3 players and gaming devices to create a framework around kids and teens worldwide successfully learning how to be good to each other while engaging in new media activities.
Twenty years ago, good citizenship took place in the microcosm of the classroom and was simply rewarded with a certificate. Today, with its millennial twist, global digital citizenship reaches far beyond the playground fence. Its stewards are enriched with a much deeper understanding of how their actions affect their own lives as well as those of their peers, at home and around the world.
That’s why students must take an active role in identifying and establishing ethical digital use. They need to be involved in the critical thinking and policy creation that affects ultimate change. It’s called buy-in, and these days our savvy students require it if they’ll be expected to have a healthy relationship with technology.
Defining successful global digital citizenship matters to all of us because it profoundly touches our youngest technocrats. Although they are swift enough to sync their social media profiles on their cells, they may not be equipped to handle the overwhelming cyber situations that erupt from uniformed decisions.
We all want to keep our kids safe, but that won’t happen if we create barriers and block device usage. It is only when we empower them to explore their connected world that they will be keyed into the pitfalls and advantages of social navigation across all platforms.
Does Your Family Need New Web Rules?
Having traveled the country working with middleschoolers and high school students to build their self-respect and spread respect for all, I’ve also spoken with hundreds of parents. And it’s no surprise that their top concerns are consistently issues like cyberbullying, sexting and online safety.
Keeping kids safe used to be about curfews and “Don’t talk to strangers.” But now, savvy parents are quickly realizing that the Web – and all the devices kids use to get online – needs to be a part of the family rules too.
Here’s my advice to come up with your own set of Web family rules that will keep your kids better protected – and give you some peace of mind:
1. Ask your kids what they think.
Nobody likes rules just handed down to them – and this makes getting compliance with the rules even tougher. Ask your kids: What are your friends or other kids doing online that you think is unsafe? When you’re online, are you ever worried about your safety? See what they say.
Then share your concerns, like: “I know that when you’re on social networks, anyone can talk to you, and I worry about people with bad intentions reaching out to you or trying to meet you offline.” Or “I don’t like cyberbullying either – what can we do about it?”
Also mention any concerns you have about other online privacy issues – like how hackers can steal identities or predators can lift personal information to try and harm your kids offline.
The bottom line: Get their ideas first for your family Web rules. They’ll have great ideas, and they’ll be more likely to buy into the rules if they help create them. Commit to yourself to listen to their ideas – without interrupting or criticizing. At The Respect Institute, the No. 1 way kids tell us they feel respect is: “When people listen to me.” If you listen to them in noticeable ways every day, when your kids face a safety issue online, they will be more likely to open up to you for support.
2. Set the rules.
With a quick Web search, you’ll be able to find many resources to help you round out your rules. Check out NetSmartz.org or IKeepSafe.org for tutorials and tips. Once your family rules are set, talk them through with your kids. Ask your kids to comment on each one, pose questions and suggest changes. When your family rules are final, post them where everyone can see them.
3. Decide on consequences.
Again, have your kids do the work! Ask them what they think should happen if a rule is broken. Add your two cents. (As a parent, you always reserve your right to set the final boundary to keep your kids safe.) Then, write and post the consequences next to the rules.
Most important, create a space where your kids can ask you for help. We are all afraid of getting in trouble if we break the rules, right? But the goal here is to keep your kids safe. And that ultimately comes down to them seeing you as someone they can trust. So even though you’re all setting the rules together, let them know they are guidelines to keep them safe, and that if they ever break a rule or face a situation they don’t know how to handle, they can come to you. Let them know you will listen and you will hold off “freaking out” to support them. In the end, this kind of connection with your kids will go a long way to protect them.
Parenting Resources to Keep Kids Safe Online
In many cases, children are more adept at using technology than their parents. Today’s children are Digital Natives, meaning that they grew up with technology and social media is a way of life for them. They never knew a time without smartphones and social media. For anyone over 30, their teen years didn’t involve posing for selfies, using emojis or having to worry about sexting problems. However, as parents, we have more LIFE experience than they have and that’s what can make the difference in keeping kids safe online.
Many parents feel a sense of trepidation when it comes to what their children do online and that’s to be expected. The concerns involve not only what can happen to their kids, but how do they help them get through the problems. From cyberbullying to sexting and online predators, there are many real dangers to our children. Shawn Henry, of the FBI reported that at any given time, there are an estimated 750,000 child predators online.
Fortunately, there are some great resources available to help parents with their concerns. If you’re reading this now, then you’ve found one – Pediatric Safety! Dr. Michele Borba, Dr. Lynne Kenney and others are here for you. Dr. Kenney’s article on teaching kids empathy, while not specific to online issues, is spot-on about having life experiences that can help kids with problems of both offline and online matters. Kids with empathy are less likely to cause trouble online.
Below are several other resources available to you, including some free online sources and recommended reading to help parents understand more of what they can do and in some cases, use as teaching aids with their children. They may not always listen to their parents, but when they see real stories about what has happened to their peers, it may open their eyes and make them more receptive to what their parents have to say about online safety.
Cyberbullying Research Center
This is by far, my number one, go-to source on the Internet for help when it comes to online (and even offline) bullying issues. After all, cyberbullying is simply one more form of bullying. It has specific attributes, such as staying anonymous, that physical bullying doesn’t have, but that doesn’t make it any less impactful or less damaging to the target.
Heavily focused on doing the research to make their case, Dr. Justin Patchin and Dr. Sameer Hinduja are outstanding in the field. Too often, people may want to dismiss cyberbullying and its effects as being overblown or simply anecdotal. These guys have done the research to prove the effects and they have plenty of free resources for anyone to use.
Common Sense Media
For parents looking for help on everything from what apps might cause problems to what movies are appropriate for certain ages, Common Sense Media is your best option. The site is broken down by age, by topic and provides “ultimate guides” for many popular apps and websites. There is a wide selection of material available in Spanish as well, which can be extremely helpful! Like the Cyberbullying Research Center, they are heavily involved in research and can provide you with a lot of data to support their positions
Needless to say, I love this organization and everything that they do.
International Bullying Prevention Association
People who bully offline are more likely to bully online. So, while their focus is not exclusive to cyberbullying, IBPA does provide resources to parents trying to understand what their kids are experiencing online. Their dedication to bullying in any form, online or offline, is very hard to beat. They have resources available for youth, family members, educators and more.
I especially like the resources dedicated to our youth. Many victims of bullying never tell anyone, suffering in silence. Just letting kids know that there are resources out there for them, specially designed for them gives them the opportunity to at least find some help if they don’t want to speak to anyone about their problems.
Darkness to Light
Child sexual abuse includes the sharing of intimate pictures of minors online. Perhaps the most valuable resource they provide is working as an advocate for victims of sexual abuse within the community and at all levels of government in the U.S. Education is great, but we need more people who will get involved in protecting our kids and Darkness to Light will do just that!
Unless you’ve experienced this for yourself, you can’t relate to how this feels. Having known a family personally that has been through this experience, I know the kind of trauma it can bring with it. If you ever have the opportunity to attend their training, I highly recommend it.
Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate
I don’t know what I can say about this book except that you should read it. A target of online harassment herself, Sue Scheff, who I am proud to call a friend and a mentor, does an amazing job with this book. Her storytelling teaches us how to avoid the problems that so many of us find ourselves getting into all too often.
These stories illustrate the real life repercussions that often accompany online actions. We tend to think of cybersafety issues such as bullying and shaming as being mainly problems for kids, but Sue shows how it affects people from all walks of life and all ages. Her examples of what I call the #OnlineMeetsOffline lesson is one that we all need to learn the easy way, not the hard way – by learning how to avoid it, rather than experiencing it for ourselves.
Cyberbullying and the Wild Wild Web
Jayne Hitchcock’s latest book is another great book that provides real-life examples of just how much is at stake when we go online. The target by an online stalker, she knows full well how dangerous it can be – something that our Digital Natives may not fully appreciate. While most people would agree that the Internet is largely a wide open, unmonitored and unregulated breeding ground for poor behavior, Jayne shows you quick and easy lessons to avoid problems from happening in the first place.
She uses examples of what can happen to create learning opportunities for people. For families, the fact that the book is relatively short means that children may be less likely to be intimidated by it and actually read it. Once they get started, they won’t want to put it down. I was really involved in reading this book and couldn’t put it down.
Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology
I love this book! Diana Graber is a middle school teacher and a cybersafety advocate whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in person. She uses great examples of how things can go wrong and shows us how to do them the right way. Her C.R.A.P. acronym (Currency, Reliability, Author & Purpose) is a great way to teach the value of doing good online research for school – I now use it in my own classes at Thomas Jefferson University. Diana is very adept at relating to teenagers and parents learn how to talk to their kids about the value of good Digital Citizenship even if they aren’t up on the latest technology.
Conclusion
The approach parents take is key to helping protect our children. A heavy-handed approach rarely works with children in general and in the case of technology/social media, it’s too easy for them to get around any restrictions parents may place on them. The use of multiple accounts on the same platform (known as Finstas) and easy access to zombie devices make it almost impossible to prevent them from using the apps, so it’s more important to make sure that they know how to do it wisely.
I know what other parents are feeling, because I’m a father to a teenage daughter. Our ability to teach our children life lessons based on our own experiences is more important than our ability to use technology as well as they do.
