Kids and Alcohol – An “Inappropriate” Subject?

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:18 am

My nine-year old son, Elliott, recently had another “inappropriate” incident at school. If you read my post from December 9, 2011 entitled, It’s Important to Explain Why “That’s Inappropriate!” you’ll know that I feel this term has become something of an excuse for avoiding challenging discussions with kids in our care. That said, sometimes it’s not obvious how best to handle some of the things our kiddos say and do – and there’s always a learning opportunity in these experiences….

This time the inappropriate statement took place during library period. The fourth-grade class was having a learning session with the librarian and ideas on how to be useful and good to others were being exchanged. As my son put it, they were discussing “how not to be lazy and just sit around playing video games all day.” So what did my bundle of joy offer up?…

“Well, you could do something nice for your parents – like get them some nice steaks and a bottle of wine for dinner.”

Hmmm…a lovely sentiment…doing something nice for your parents. But there’s just the small complication that he’s clearly under the legal drinking age – so can’t purchase alcohol, and probably shouldn’t even be handling it. This idea quickly breaks down in the implementation phase!

If only the librarian had focused on the sentiment – and the funny side – of his comment, then things might have ended there. Instead she told him “that’s inappropriate!” and proceeded to complain to his homeroom teacher and the school’s Assistant Principal….sheesh!

Now I volunteer at my son’s school library, and I really like the librarian. Nevertheless, I have to admit….I was mad! Do I wish my nine-year-old son had suggested something else – something less…controversial? Absolutely yes! But there was no way I was going to call him to account for this. His intention was good – and he didn’t really do anything wrong. If the librarian had praised his sentiment but emphasized that it wasn’t legal for kids to carry this out – and why such laws exist – it might have been a great teachable moment. Instead, he was just made to feel badly for a situation he didn’t fully appreciate.

You see, his comment has to be taken in context – cultural context. Our home and family has a strong European orientation. My husband is first-generation American. Both his parents are from Europe – and most of his relatives still live across the pond. Additionally, we both spent a decade of our early adult years living and working in Europe. With that background, we share an interest in good wines paired with a nice dinner – or a glass of aged port with cheese. We also hold mulled wine parties in the depths of winter, and I cook with wine – in risotto or to make reductions for beef tenderloin.

Consequently, wine – alcohol – is a fairly common presence in our house. That said, we have family members who don’t drink alcohol and we always provide plenty of non-alcoholic beverages at parties. We also have a local college student as a regular babysitter and “adopted” family member – and we were careful not to serve her wine with dinner until she turned 21. My thought was always that demonstrating moderate and responsible alcohol use at home was better than making alcohol a taboo subject.

Nevertheless, this incident got me thinking. Elliott has had several educational sessions throughschool about the dangers of cigarettes and he’s very attuned to the risks of smoking and even second-hand smoke. However, his school has not held any sessions about the nature and risks of alcohol. Maybe just demonstrating responsible use of alcohol isn’t enough? Does he even understand why kids and young adults are restricted from purchasing and consuming alcohol? To better tackle this issue I did some research and found a useful resource from the National Institutes for Health or NIH (an agency of the US Department of Health and Human services and one of the world’s leading medical research organizations) called Make a Difference – Talk to Your Child about Alcohol. Interestingly, the booklet is aimed at parents of children aged 10-14. Since my son is about to turn 10, I guess this isn’t too early to start broaching the topic of alcohol – especially since the NIH states that “parents have the greatest influence on their child’s values and decisions about drinking before he or she begins to use alcohol.” And given that 20% of eighth graders in a national survey reported drinking alcohol within the previous month and 17% said they had gotten drunk in the previous year, there’s no time to waste.

So, we’ve started our talks about drinking. Sure enough, Elliott didn’t have a full appreciation of the nature of alcohol or the risks involved in drinking. And he wasn’t entirely sure why I was bringing this up. But we’re making progress, and at least we’re communicating about a difficult subject – and not just labeling it “inappropriate.”

February 16, 2012 | Filed Under Community | 4 Comments 

PedSafe Weekly Tweet Roundup: 02-06-2012 to 02-12-2012

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:19 am

Welcome to Pediatric Safety’s “Weekly Tweet Roundup”– a recap of the past week’s child health and safety news from around the world.

Each day we strive to tweet relevant and timely health and safety information for parents, medical professionals and other caregivers. Occasionally we may miss something, but we think overall we’re doing pretty well at keeping you informed. But for our friends and colleagues who are not on Twitter (or who are but may have missed something), we offer you a recap of the past week’s top 25 tweet-worthy events.

PedSafe Tweet of the Week:

How to Choose Safe Social Networking for Your Kids http://t.co/Sfdsvfmn

February 14, 2012 | Filed Under Awareness | Leave a Comment 

Is Competition Hurting Your Kids?

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:19 am

Kids face more competition than ever, and that’s not always a bad thing. Competing at something they’re passionate about helps build self-esteem, motivation and persistence. The problems come when the only thing they’re passionate about is winning.

Overly competitive kids often lose their love of the activity, even if they were passionate about it to begin with. “When there’s no prize, they don’t want to do it anymore,” says Wendy S. Grolnick, psychology professor at Clark University and co-author of Pressured Parents, Stressed-out Kids: Dealing With Competition While Raising a Successful Child.

And while being a winner may make kids popular (at least temporarily), being overly competitive can have the opposite effect, according to Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of The Case for the Only Child. “Kids don’t like kids who don’t share the ball,” she says. “It’s a sure way to lose friends, and it’s damaging to the team. You’re not able to be a team player if you have to be the star.”

The consequences of extreme competitiveness aren’t just social. Unchecked, it can lead to long-term problems, such as chronic stress and low self-esteem. Here’s how to ensure competition is a healthy, not harmful, experience for your kids.

1.  Change the focus.

When your kids come home from playing a game, do you automatically ask, “Who won?” Don’t. Kids hear it as “Winning is everything.” Worse yet, they think it’s how you measure their worth, according to Grolnick. “They narrow in on that: Not only is it a nice thing when I win, I’m a good person if I win. And I’m a bad person if I don’t. They think you don’t like them as much when they don’t win.” So focus on the game itself, not the outcome. Ask how the game went, who did what and how they played.

2.  Have them share, not hoard, their strength.

One way to keep competition in perspective is to encourage your kids to share their abilities with kids who aren’t as talented or skilled. Have them hold a practice session with the younger kids in the neighborhood, or offer to tutor kids in the subject they excel in. By helping others improve their performance, your kids will see that their talent has value beyond the trophy or award.

3.  Beware of stress.

For many kids, competition leads to harmful levels of stress, and neither you nor they can see it, according to Grolick. “There’s a lot of burnout in terms of sports,” she says. “It looks like they’re enjoying it, but it’s very stressful.”

Watch for the classic signs of stress: headaches, trouble sleeping, stomachache, appetite loss, and depression. A less obvious symptom: They are unable to stop pushing themselves.

4.  Don’t force competition.

Parents need to let kids find the activities they want to excel at. Pushing them to compete at something they’re not passionate about is futile, according to Newman. “You may get a surge of competitiveness, but in the long run, there’s not much you can do. Down the line they may develop their own sense of wanting to compete for things they’re passionate about.”

5.  Check your own competitiveness.

Parents who get heated up and vocal at their kids’ games send a strong, damaging, message: The thing to get passionate about is winning, not playing your best. Another bad modeling example is when you talk about your own performance in negative terms, according to Newman. When you come home from the gym, say “I lifted 5 pounds more than yesterday” rather than “I can’t even lift 20 pounds.”

“You need to focus on effort,” says Newman. When you have a positive attitude about being competitive, whether it’s against your own goals, or other people, you’ll teach your kids the meaning of positive competition.



February 8, 2012 | Filed Under Community | Leave a Comment 

PedSafe Weekly Tweet Roundup: 01-30-2012 to 02-05-2012

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:20 am

Welcome to Pediatric Safety’s “Weekly Tweet Roundup”– a recap of the past week’s child health and safety news from around the world.

Each day we strive to tweet relevant and timely health and safety information for parents, medical professionals and other caregivers. Occasionally we may miss something, but we think overall we’re doing pretty well at keeping you informed. But for our friends and colleagues who are not on Twitter (or who are but may have missed something), we offer you a recap of the past week’s noteworthy events.

PedSafe Tweet of the Week:

Parents Carpooling Kids Often Skip Booster Seats: Study http://t.co/MHf4ohkC 2012-02-02

February 7, 2012 | Filed Under Awareness | Leave a Comment 

Keifer Sutherland as a Special Needs Parent in Touch

Last updated on March 19th, 2017 at 12:24 am

Touch is a new series on the Fox Network starring Keifer Sutherland as the widower father of a special needs child. His eleven-year-old son doesn’t speak and doesn’t like to be touched, but he can see patterns in the world and in the ways people are meant to connect. The show focuses on seemingly random coincidences, which are not random but actually part of a complex Fibonacci pattern. Some of the coincidences are plausible, while others seem completely contrived. While I am not qualified to review the mathematical or spiritual concepts introduced in the show, I am qualified to report on how the show presents the issues faced by a special needs parent.

Keifer Sutherland shows us once again that he is an amazing actor, jumping between paternal devotion, grief, hopelessness, cynicism, determination and affection. Watch his face as he looks at some typical children in a school bus, then glances to his own distant son. He tells us so much about his character’s struggle in a scene with no dialogue. We hear through a child services caseworker how he has had to sacrifice his once-successful career and is now jumping from job to job. It’s no wonder he isn’t fired from his current job when the police and fire crews call him three days in a row to come and talk his son off a cell phone tower. His son has gone from school to school, doctor to doctor, and you can see the emotional and physical toll it is taking on his character, even though he has the financial means to provide for his son. He seems close to giving up, yet he still holds on to hope and finds the energy to act on that hope. He also still loves his child, longing to hug him yet respecting his son’s preferences and tirelessly trying to find ways to connect with him.

Fox showed a preview of the first episode but the show officially premieres on Thursday, March 15, 2012. It will be interesting to see how the series treats the characters in future episodes, and how Keifer Sutherland portrays the struggles his character will face.

February 3, 2012 | Filed Under Community | 1 Comment 

Does your school participate? HealthierUS School Challenge

Last updated on August 31st, 2015 at 01:27 am

When I was working on a recent television interview in which I discussed school lunch, I was prompted to check on the progress of my daughter’s school lunches this year. I was pleased to find out that her school district has taken on the HealthierUS School Challenge!

What is the HealthierUS School Challenge?

The HealthierUS School Challenge is a government-to-school encourager to voluntarily make school environments healthier. The participation rate started skyrocketing when First Lady Michelle Obama added incentives to schools that took part. The result is that more and more schools are cleaning up their kitchens – reducing fat, calories and sugar and adding more nutrient-rich foods in their place – for the sake of our growing children.

HealthierUS Food Guidelines

The initiative as a whole includes good nutrition and physical activity. Here is a brief rundown of what your child will be exposed to when he/she eats the school lunch:

  • A different vegetable each day of the week
  • Dark green or orange vegetables 3 or more days each week
  • Dry beans and/or peas 1 or more days each week
  • A different fruit each day of the week
  • At least a serving of whole grains 3 or more days each week
  • Only low-fat and fat-free milk each day

In addition to the foods that must be included, the schools must also:

Teach nutrition education to the children

Incorporate the teaching into the classrooms

Use multiple channels of communication including the cafeteria, classroom and home

I don’t know about you, but I see this as a big improvement. Hannah’s school is teaching them MyPlate, the new USDA food icon, so they can make their own decision to fuel up with great food choices. Educating, Exposing and Empowering are 3 of my keys to long-term proper nutrition. It starts in childhood! Talk to your children about the food choices they make and empower them to eat the super power foods that will help them make good grades and do better at their extra curricular activities.

Does your school participate in the HealthierUS School Challenge? Find out here. If this is their first year to participate, you may want to contact your child’s foodservice manager and ask them. If they are not currently participating, encourage them to do so! For more information on the HealthierUS School Challenge, go to: http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/HealthierUS/vision.html.

February 2, 2012 | Filed Under Community | Leave a Comment