Sync with Your Spouse on Discipline Style

Is your wife a strict disciplinarian, while you prefer to let things slide? Is your husband a yeller, while you are an “inside voice” kind of mom? When you have different parenting styles, it can often feel like you’re at odds with your spouse. Here are strategies from Harvey Karp, M.D., author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam), for navigating this common parenting conundrum.

Don’t sweep your differences under the rug. To raise happy, well-behaved children, it’s crucial to try to find common ground. Otherwise, kids get mixed messages and quickly learn which parent will let them get away with more. Once a month, hold a “parents only” meeting to discuss your discipline differences. This is your chance to be honest about your concerns. “Write down two or three things each,” says Dr. Karp. “You and he get a turn without interruption. The only ground rule is you both have to listen with respect and speak with respect.” Your goal isn’t to sway each other, but to ultimately come up with some rules that you both feel comfortable enforcing.

Don’t disagree in front of your kids. “Kids look at us as a loving and safe force in their lives,” Dr. Karp says. “Seeing parents arguing, especially about them, shakes them to their foundation.” Kids might get angry or frightened and feel like they’re the “cause” of the parents’ problems – which lowers their confidence and self-esteem. So if you object to the way your spouse is handling a situation resist the urge to say anything until you are alone.

Find creative ways to compromise. Let’s say it drives you crazy that your husband yells at your child when she exhibits normal toddler behavior, like sticking her hand in the cat’s food bowl or pulling away from you while walking on the sidewalk. It drives your husband nuts that you’re lax about situations that could put your child at risk for physical harm. Try to decide together that it’s OK for him to raise his voice when Katie’s darting toward traffic or engaging in other dangerous behavior, but for mild, age-appropriate infractions, he needs to try distraction before yelling or scolding.

Keep family members out of it. “Don’t bring up each other’s family,” says Dr. Karp. For instance, avoid making remarks like, “Of course you yell and scream; you’re just like your father.” Besides being disrespectful, this behavior forces your partner into a defensive mode, making it harder to move forward and find the best solution.

Embrace a little bit of difference. “It’s crazy to expect all the adults in a child’s world to react in exactly the same way,” says Dr. Karp. In fact, by maintaining a dash of your individuality – even when it comes to discipline – “you’re teaching your child emotional intelligence. They learn what they can expect from one adult versus another. And that’s a good thing.”

Kids and TMJ – Aren’t They Too Young For That?

TMJ (tempero-mandibular joint) disorder occurs when the chewing muscles and the joints of the jaw fail to work together properly causing a number of symptoms. These symptoms include: headaches, jaw pain, fatigue, clenching and/or grinding of the teeth, clicking or popping of the jaw, tinnitus, earaches and pain in the neck, back and face.

There are a number of things that can contribute to the cause of TMJ disorder:

• Malocclusion (the misalignment of teeth),
• Bruxism (clenching /grinding),
• Stress and
• Accidents with damage to the face, head or neck

Children who may be predisposed to TMJ or have malocclusion may not experience pain until later in their teen years. Early prevention and treatment is key to avoiding later dysfunction, pain and more costly treatments. Luckily there are a few simple ways to determine if TMJ may be an issue for you child. In addition to the panoramic xray your dentist will likely take of your child’s teeth, there are also the cephalometric xray, tomographic xray and CT scans that can be taken to determine the position of the jaw joints. Impressions of the teeth may be taken to allow your dentist to study your child’s bite to determine if malocclusion is an issue. The treatments may range from a simple appliance called a splint to help reposition the jaw or full orthodontics to correct the bite.

An important thing to consider is that recent research shows TMJ is often undiagnosed by medical doctors.

The reason for this is that TMJ symptoms mimic the symptoms of more serious illnesses such as aneurysms and migraines. These more harmful diagnoses should be ruled out before considering TMJ treatment.

As always, make sure your child is receiving a complete and thorough exam at every dental checkup. Early detection reduces the risk of life long pain and costly treatments. Ask your dentist if your child may be at risk.

Do You Praise Your Kid Too Much?? There’s a Better Way…

All parents want their kids to feel like they can take on the world. So you may naturally gush over her every scribble, tied shoelace and successful trip to the potty. But is that the best strategy to build competence today and success in the future?

“Confidence is not something you can bestow like a gift,” says Vickie Holland, a parenting coach in Santa Monica, Calif., and the author of the forthcoming book Parenting That Works. “You have to give kids a roadmap for finding confidence from within. It’s the difference between giving someone a fish and teaching them to fish: They need the tools to succeed, without your help.”

Here’s Holland’s advice for providing your child with opportunities every day to say, “I’m strong! I can do this!”

• Put him to work. Give age-appropriate jobs to your child, such as watering plants, feeding the fish, pairing his socks or making his bed. Completing a task provides a sense of accomplishment and fosters pride in his abilities.
• Let her solve her own problems. Resist the urge to rescue! Giving her a chance to troubleshoot the spilled box of blocks or the cup she can’t reach empowers her to think for herself, learn new skills and tackle new challenges with confidence.
• Give him choices. Crayons or chalk? Cereal or muffin? The opportunity to make simple everyday decisions gives him a sense of control over his life and instills the belief that his opinions are valued.
• Cultivate his inner approval system. A big “Wow!” from you can turn a simple watercolor into a masterpiece, but it also pins his self-worth on your reaction. Instead, help him find approval from within by asking what he likes about his creation. When you do give feedback, be specific (e.g., “I like how you made the sun’s rays come up from behind the mountains”).
• Emphasize effort over talents. Whether she aces a task or comes up short, praise her effort over natural talent or smarts, because effort is something she can control. When you praise her efforts, it reinforces the idea that her actions make a difference.
• Take her seriously. Spend time with your kid on her terms — playing with LEGOs on the floor or trying on silly hats — and truly hear and consider her ideas (no matter how zany). Giving her your time and attention validates her sense of self. It sends the message, “You’re important.”

Praise may provide a temporary boost in confidence, but allowing your child to develop skills on his own helps him to believe in his capabilities. And that’s a gift that lasts a lifetime.

13 Ways to Help Our Kids Prepare for and Deal with Peer Pressure

The school bell has rung and the new school year is in full force. No matter where we live, or where our children go to school, all kids have something in common; they will be faced with peer pressure. As parents, there is much we can do to help our children prepare for, and deal with the pressure that will come from their peers.

1. Believe in our kids, they will believe in us.

Our kids need to know WE believe in them. We know they can make right choices and we know they are strong. Tell them. Point out their good choices and the consequences of right choices. Point out their strengths.

We as parents also need to make right choices. Are we being the best parents we can be? Our children should expect that we would protect them, and do what is best for them. Even if they grumble, or disagree, it is our job to stand our ground and do what is best, not be their BFF.

2. Communicate with our Children: The 3 B’s: (Be Available, Be Present, Be Patient)

As parents, we need to keep the lines of communication open with our children. Especially as they start into their teenage years. How can we do this? Start young, very young, and be available, present and patient.

First, we have to be available. It we are not available, how can our children/teenagers talk to us. We don’t have to announce that we are ready to talk, we have to naturally be there. Be there after school, turn the music off when driving in the car, eat a meal together, be awake when kids come home. Find something that your child likes to do and do it with them. It is the perfect time to not only allow our children to tell us what they are dealing with, but, it is a time for us to talk to them about the pressures that they might be feeling at school and with their friends. We have been there, we know what is going on. Sometimes our kids need us to bring things up because they don’t know how.

Once we have made time and are available, we need to be present. We need to stop thinking about all the other things we need to do, and really be in the conversations. Give our children our undivided attention.

Last, be patient and realize that communication happens over time. It is built on trust and experience. Always be available and present, and our children will start to open up.

3. Express Love

Knowing we are loved gives us confidence and strength. Even if a child does something wrong, NEVER withhold love as a consequence. Our children should know that our love is unconditional.

4. Be Confident Parents: We matter more than peers.

Naturally, children do not want to disappoint their parents, this can single handedly keep children from falling to peer pressure.

5. Role Play

This is a powerful way for us to prepare our children to fight against peer pressure. Be the forceful friend and “act out” different real life situation.

Ask hard questions….

• “What if someone offers you drugs”?
• “What if your friend asks you to steal something”?

Work through what your child could say. It will make it so much easier when it really happens. It is like a memory reflex and the answers will come to your child much easier. They won’t be caught off guard when it happens.

6. Talk about peer pressure.

Tell our children about peer pressure, explain what it feels like, why it happens, and when you have had it happen to you. Give them examples of times when you were faced with peer pressure and how you overcame it. Or, if appropriate, when you fell to peer pressure and the consequences for your decisions. There is strength in our children knowing we understand because we have been there. As parents when you see peer pressure happening, point it out. Our children can have a hard time seeing it.

7. Set rules…AND…Follow through

Set rules, for the every day, and if they fall to peer pressure (ex, drink the beer). Make the consequences VERY CLEAR, and…enforce the consequences. We can talk all we want, but if we don’t follow through, our children will know they can get away with breaking the rules. Make it clear to your children that just because “everyone was doing it”, doesn’t mean that it is okay.

8. Don’t let kids stay the night

Sleeping away from home makes it a lot easier for our children to fall to peer pressure. Why, because they don’t have to come home to their parents. There can be too much freedom away from home for an extended period of time.

9. Wait up for your child

Be awake when your kids come home. Teens will think twice about falling to peer pressure when they have to come home and face you. It is also a really good time for you to be present and talk with your kids about their night.

10 Encourage Opinions

It is okay for our children to have an opinion. In fact we want them to have opinions about what is right and wrong, and how they feel about sex, drugs and alcohol. Help them develop their opinions. Have conversations where you help your children think through the how’s and why’s. Teach them to be critical thinkers. It will give them confidence, and children with opinions are more likely to speak their minds, which is exactly what they need to do to stand up to peer pressure.

11. Teach Conflict Resolution

We deal with conflict our entire lives; at home, at work, at school. Standing up to peer pressure can bring conflict. Teaching our children conflict management skills will not only prepare them for peer pressure, but, prepare them for life. Home is a great place to practice dealing with conflict. As a parent, when there is a problem, we want to jump in and fix it. Don’t. Let children do all they can to work out a resolution on their own. You will be surprised to find that kids can, and will solve their own arguments and conflicts.

12. Teach our kids how to choose good friends.

Our children need to be taught social skills, and how to choose good friends, and be a good friend. Encourage them to choose friends with similar core values and beliefs. Teach them what friendship means, and how good friends treat each other. (A good friend doesn’t pressure you to do anything).

13. There will be mistakes, don’t make them public

When our children do fall to peer pressure, don’t make it public. Spreading the word about your child’s poor choices will not help them make better choices. It will just weaken your relationship. It will hurt the trust that you have tried to build and weaken your children’s resolve. Instead, teach them how to take responsibility for their choices. Help them reflect on what has happened and why.

We owe it to our children to prepare them for the peer pressure they will face. It will not only help them, but help our family relationships as well.

Have your children felt the pressure of their peers?

How do you handle good and bad choices your children make?

Do you ever have a hard time enforcing consequences?

Preventing a Medication Mix-Up

With the number of prescriptions that are handwritten and dispensed by pharmacies across the country each year, it should be no surprise that errors can occur. Even with the most careful doctor writing legibly and pharmacists double checking dosages, when humans are involved no amount of carefulness is error proof.

Recently my 10 month old daughter was given a prescription from the local pharmacy with an incorrect label, instructing us to give her 5 times the amount of medication that was prescribed by her doctor. The doctor had written the prescription for 3 cc (cubic centimeters) three times per day, but the label instructed us to give her 3 teaspoons three times per day. To make matters worse, the technician at the drive-up window reiterated the incorrect instructions to my husband and showed him how to draw up the medication using a 5 ml syringe.

Fortunately, when my husband came home from the pharmacy and told me the instructions he was given I immediately knew what he was telling me was wrong. I grabbed the bottle to prove to him that he had misheard the instructions, but to my surprise, the instructions he was giving me were written clearly on the label.

When it comes to medications, errors will happen. It’s your job as a parent or caregiver to be sure that the errors don’t make it in your front door. While it’s great to have confidence in doctors and pharmacies, confidence isn’t a substitute for being an educated parent or caregiver.

When it comes to kids and medication, always follow these three rules:

• Listen to the instructions of the prescribing doctor and repeat back to the doctor the medication name and dosing instructions. If your doctor seems rushed or if you’re preoccupied with the kids, ask the doctor to slow down or to write the instructions out for you.
• Look at the label. Be sure it’s yours and confirm that the label matches the instructions the prescribing doctor gave you. Always check your prescriptions before leaving the store.
• Ask for clarification. Speak up if things don’t make sense and take advantage of the pharmacist consult that most pharmacies offer. Be sure to speak to the pharmacist, not the technician if you do have questions. If you are given a syringe to administer medication and the units on it don’t match the units on your label, ask for a different measuring tool or for the conversion.

Cooking with Herbs and Spices to Boost Family Health

You and your kids don’t have to eat nutrient-packed meals at the expense of your taste buds. In fact, the contrary is true: Adding flavorful herbs and spices can make your dishes even healthier. According to a study published in Nutrition Journal, many spices contain more disease-fighting antioxidants than fruits and vegetables, making them a tasty and natural home remedy. To start spicing up your family’s life, make the following five your new pantry staples.

1. Oregano

Researchers from the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that, ounce for ounce, oregano packs in four times as many antioxidants as blueberries. Meanwhile, other studies show that oregano has antibacterial and antifungal properties that may fend off food poisoning and infections alike.

Serving suggestion: Besides sprinkling it on pizza and adding it to marinara sauce, try stirring it into salad dressings and marinades.

2. Cinnamon

This warm spice is loaded with health-boosting antioxidants. According to a study in the Journal of Nutrition, cinnamon may help your body counteract the heart-harming effects of a high-fat meal. Other research suggests that it may regulate blood sugar to help fend off diabetes, although the results are mixed. Historically, cinnamon has been used for muscle aches, stomach woes and respiratory ailments, says Bharat Aggarwal, Ph.D., in Healing Spices.

Serving suggestion: Add a dash of cinnamon to baked goods, tea, yogurt and peanut butter sandwiches. Use it to top fruit and ice cream, or mix it into beef or meatloaf. Bonus: Scientists say that the scent of cinnamon can improve memory and reduce anxiety, so take a big whiff.

3. Thyme

You definitely want this herb on your side: Research shows that it can protect against electronic cigarette big mountain gum disease, infections, ulcers and even certain cancers. And German research shows that thyme extracts can soothe the coughing caused by colds and bronchitis. Thyme’s health benefits can be chalked up to thymol, a germ-killing oil, explains Aggarwal.

Serving suggestion: Sprinkle thyme over potatoes, meat, vegetables and salads. For infused oil, add a thyme branch to a small bottle of olive oil. Or mix thyme into scrambled eggs.

4. Ginger

This spicy root contains anti-inflammatory compounds, such as gingerols, that may combat headaches, arthritis and stomachaches. Science also proves that it can calm queasiness, nausea and morning sickness.

Serving suggestion: Someone feeling sick? Brew a ginger tea by steeping it in hot water. Or grate fresh ginger or sprinkle the dried stuff into stir-fries, marinades and Asian dipping sauces.

5. Rosemary

Firing up the grill? Flavor meat with this fragrant herb. Exposing meat to high heat creates cancer-causing compounds called heterocyclic amines (HCAs). But adding rosemary to the meat mixture can protect against the formation of HCAs, say scientists from Kansas State University. Plus, you’ll do some good for everyone’s skin and memory, according to Aggarwal.

Serving suggestion: Whip up a simple meat marinade with olive oil, garlic and rosemary. Or chop up the herb and add it to vegetable, meats, soups and bread mixtures. You can also add it to simple syrup for a tasty rosemary-infused lemonade.

Finally, to eliminate food odors from your kitchen, be sure to spray a dash of air freshener in a fresh scent after you finish cooking. Your family will be in for a treat any day of the week – during meals and in between.