Teen’s Fictional Story of a Bullied Child’s Suicide: Did it go too far?
Hailey Bennett is 12 years old – her mother died when she was three and her father is abusive. She’s been bullied for years – in school and on her Facebook page where she admits she wants to die and is ignored – and eventually she commits suicide. At least that is the fictional story being told by Jessica Barba, a 15 year old high school student from New York who created a video called “The Story of Hailey Bennett” as a class project to make a point – that bullying is real, that it happens every day and could be happening to the child who on the surface is living a happy life – and that each and every one of us can and should make a difference in putting an end to this.
To tell Hailey’s story Jessica created a six-minute video and a fake Facebook page. Both had disclaimers to let viewers know that Hailey was a fictional character. A concerned parent however saw “Hailey’s” Facebook page with the update that said “I wanna be dead” and called the police who contacted the school. Despite multiple disclaimers that this was a fictional story, Jessica was suspended from school for 5 days.
“I just created the video in order to raise awareness of the major issue that’s bullying,” 15-year-old Jessica Barba told Matt Lauer on TODAY. “I don’t understand why I’m being punished for it.”
And really when it comes down to it, that is the question. Should she have been? Jessica created a fake Facebook page – that violated Facebook’s terms of service – but the unfortunate truth is that happens every day, often with intent to harm – to bully or deliberately hurt or humiliate others – not to raise awareness of that behavior and encourage others to take a stand against it.
Here is Jessica’s video:
It’s amazing the world technology allows us to create. 10 years ago Jessica Barba could only have submitted this as a paper – I doubt it would have created this much uproar. But not today. Today, she brought us into Hailey’s world and it was real enough to frighten a parent into calling the police. Real enough to frighten the school administration into suspending her. But should they have? Too often what we don’t see is exactly what we need to see…and Jessica Barba certainly opened our eyes.
But did she go too far? Or did the school officials? What do you think??
Child Health & Safety News Roundup: 05-21-2012 to 05-27-2012
Welcome to Pediatric Safety’s weekly “Child Health & Safety News Roundup”- a recap of the past week’s child health and safety news headlines from around the world.
Each day we use Twitter to communicate relevant and timely health and safety information to the parents, medical professionals and other caregivers who follow us. Occasionally we may miss something, but we think overall we’re doing a pretty good job of keeping you informed. But for our friends and colleagues who are not on Twitter (or who are but may have missed something), we offer you a recap of the past week’s top 15 news-worthy events.
- National Children’s Study Faces changes That May Put Children’s Health at Greater Risk http://t.co/nfG9Yxdl what do you think?? 2012-05-27
- Natural Alternatives to Toxic Air Fresheners | Healthy Child Healthy World http://t.co/YAoyUqJW 2012-05-25
- 8 things your family can do to assist medical personnel if a child needs emergency care: http://t.co/JOVSbuLM 2012-05-25
- State Bill pushed to protect children vulnerable to food allergies – ensures schools will be better prepared http://t.co/1X334E1o thoughts?? 2012-05-24
- ORBIS Flying Eye Hospital Returns To China For Childhood Blindness Prevention Program – http://t.co/e0dvKv0j 2012-05-23
PedSafe Headline of the Week:
Behavior Problems in Your Kid? Consider checking for Sleep Apnea http://t.co/w2aLaLDR
- The FAA has a new Child Safety web site – if you’re planning on flying with your little one – check this out http://t.co/EeJLRqYN 2012-05-23
- More Kids at Risk for Lead Poisoning – from 77k to 442k | Healthy Child Healthy World http://t.co/RTSJwt1R 2012-05-23
- Safety Gear is Not Just for Children – if you want your kids to wear it…they’ll be watching you http://t.co/tUxfOS9E Great post! 2012-05-23
- Rising Prevalence of Pediatric NAFLD, pediatric nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, a Major Health Problem http://t.co/d2eTYWUF 2012-05-23
- Wed May 23 is National Emergency Medical Services for Children (EMSC) Day http://t.co/Qt3THz3b Please thank an EMT and RT! 2012-05-23
- How to install a staircase child safety gate | Newsolio http://t.co/33aKPd2d 2012-05-22
- Keeping Your Family Safe From Dog Bites – Great Tips Worth Reading! http://t.co/ic1Xexwk 2012-05-22
- Youth diabetes, pre-diabetes rates soar from 9% in 2000 to 23% in 2008 http://t.co/OHJBA0xx Wow! 2012-05-22
- Installing child safety window and door locks in the home | http://t.co/uzaknhvn useful tips 2012-05-21
How to Talk to Your Kids About…Lying
Most kids at some point in time, will tell a lie. As a parent, handling the situation correctly will help put a stop to the lying before it turns into a habit.
When your child tells a lie…
Don’t yell, raise your voice, or overreact. Stay calm. Overreacting will scare your child and they will be afraid to come and tell you the truth next time. If your child knows you are going to stay calm, they are more likely to tell the truth.
- Don’t call your child a liar, or accuse them of lying. Accusing will make them feel trapped and make things worse. Instead of ‘I know you broke the window”, say…”Looks like there was an accident, do you need some help cleaning things up, what happened”.
- Only talk about the facts. Stick to the things you saw or heard firsthand. “I can see the blinds are broken, please tell the truth, what happened?” Or, “your coach told me a different version. Please tell the truth.”
Enforce consequences
When your child lies, there should be a reasonable consequence. Help them understand that there are in fact two sets of consequences. A consequence when you do something wrong AND another for lying…and make the consequence fit the crime.
For example: maybe your child cheats on a test and then lies about it. Two sets of consequences….
- They have to right the wrong by telling the teacher they cheated, and deal with whatever consequences come from the teacher.
- For lying, they lose a privilege, such as not going out with friends for two weeks. If they hadn’t lied, you might be comfortable just expecting them to write the wrong by telling the teacher they cheated.
Help them to understand why lying is bad
Beyond just the immediate consequences for their actions, it is important to help our children understand why lying is wrong. Explain to your child that when we lie we get into trouble. Lying will also give us and our families a bad reputation, and it hurts other people. Others will not want to be your friend and they won’t be able to trust you when you lie.
We should also talk to our children about our own “honesty policy”. Make it clear that in your home you will always tell them the truth, and you expect them to always do the same.
Above all, we need to demonstrate honesty in all WE do as parents, and be sure to praise our children when they tell the truth.
Help Your Kids Beat Summer Camp Homesickness
Leaving home, even for a short while, can create a lot of anxiety for kids — not to mention their parents. But you can reduce your child’s fears by sending her off with two essential items: a sense of independence and a vote of confidence.
“Kids need opportunities to take care of themselves, and parents have gotten a lot worse at that over the years,” says Bob Ditter, a child and family therapist in Boston, Mass., who consults camps nationwide. A big part of separation anxiety is wondering, “How am I going to be successful?”
To boost your child’s confidence and minimize homesickness, Peg Smith, CEO of the American Camp Association, suggests these six steps:
1. Practice separations throughout the year.
Set up sleepovers at relatives’ and friends’ homes, and use those experiences to build confidence. When it’s time for camp or a trip with another family, remind your child that she’s spent the night away before. She’s already seen that you can go away and then come back.
2. Teach independence.
In addition to creating opportunities for independence, you need to call attention to the small steps your child takes. Tell her you liked the way she handled a conflict or how she approached the salesperson for help. She may not see those moves as accomplishments if you don’t acknowledge them.
3. Involve them in decision-making.
Giving your child choices will help her feel that she has some control over what happens to her while she’s away. Once you’ve set the parameters and made your own short list of camps, let her make the final call. Give her the ability to choose her own activities, and accept what she picks. “You have to be open-minded,” says Smith. “We are not our children, and they aren’t us. It’s part of learning how to make decisions.”
4. Minimize surprises.
Part of homesickness is being unfamiliar with your surroundings, so the more information your child has about logistics, the easier her transition will be. Explain how camp is laid out: where her cabin is located, how the bathroom is set up, how far away the dining hall is. Tell her where she’ll be sleeping in Grandma’s house, what the neighborhood is like and how close the playground is.
5. Avoid making an escape plan.
The minute you tell your child she doesn’t have to stay if she’s unhappy, you’ve prepared her to be unhappy. Instead, if your child calls you weeping and begging to come home, listen to her, but then move past the anxiety: “What did you do that was fun? Is there something you’re doing tomorrow that you’re looking forward to? If you’re still feeling this way next week, we can talk about it.”
6. Don’t wig out.
Severe homesickness is very rare, according to Smith, so the unhappiness you’re hearing probably doesn’t characterize your child’s entire experience. Keep reflecting your confidence that she’ll have a great time, and remind yourself of the goal: to help her learn new skills, build self-esteem, and gain confidence and independence
Child Health & Safety News Roundup: 05-14-2012 to 05-20-2012
Welcome to Pediatric Safety’s weekly “Child Health & Safety News Roundup”- a recap of the past week’s child health and safety news headlines from around the world.
Each day we use Twitter to communicate relevant and timely health and safety information to the parents, medical professionals and other caregivers who follow us. Occasionally we may miss something, but we think overall we’re doing a pretty good job of keeping you informed. But for our friends and colleagues who are not on Twitter (or who are but may have missed something), we offer you a recap of the past week’s top 25 news-worthy events.
- Recalls this week include a line of defective children’s trampolines and dangerous crib tents http://t.co/LR1MaSeC 2012-05-20
- Panel debates bioterrorism protection for kids http://t.co/azGGlI22 should emergency vaccines for children be tested on children? 2012-05-19
- Ten Tips for Teaching Your Child to Swim http://t.co/YqfKfRiD Great way to start summer 🙂 2012-05-19
- World’s 1st Approved Stem Cell Drug is for GvHD -a bone marrow transplant complication that kills ~80% of affected kids http://t.co/aTHQkD3x 2012-05-18
- *Recall – Safety 1st Toilet and Cabinet Locks Recalled Due to Lock Failure http://t.co/6RkdDx37 2012-05-18
PedSafe Headline of the Week:
New lead poisoning guidelines: What parents should know – it’s recommended to test children at age 1 & again at age 2 http://t.co/b5q4A8Hg
- FAA Raises Awareness On Child Safety As Summer Travel Season Nears http://t.co/OcK8P9wk 2012-05-18
- Pediatric epilepsy impacts sleep for the child and parents http://t.co/2iPjd6sM 2012-05-17
- Whooping cough cases are on rise in Minnesota | 670 cases in 1st 5 mos of 2012 http://t.co/Trz3sE3V 2012-05-17
- Brain surgery boost for children with severe epilepsy http://t.co/F947q9Og interesting study… 2012-05-17
- Keep kids injury free while playing their favorite sports this summer http://t.co/3WyAemGm 1 in 3 kids sustain injuries requiring med attn 2012-05-17
- A wider social services safety net does not guarantee fewer children slip http://t.co/tXQsypx9 interesting report: US & G 2012-05-16
- 62 infants dead in 90 days in Srinagar’s only paediatric hospital due to shortage of staff & medical equipt http://t.co/bBQpEvwl Terrible! 2012-05-16
- Child ER Visits Related To Batteries Have more than Doubled Over the last 20 Years http://t.co/we4aN7uu 2012-05-16
- Parents urged to talk with their teen drivers – 7 of the10 deadliest days fall between Memorial & Labor Day http://t.co/XuPXSzQ5 2012-05-16
- Why Children Choose the Snacks They Do � Science World http://t.co/Q69VL2rC 2012-05-16
- Christine Carter, PhD: How to Keep Your Child Safe (and Happy) Online, Part 1 http://t.co/vlyDKLb2 smart, practical approach 2012-05-16
- Height, weight – BMI? Doctors urged to treat body mass index as a vital sign http://t.co/fUW6IoF2 2012-05-15
- How to kid-proof your home theater – great post! http://t.co/lrkbuDF7 2012-05-15
- Binkies, bottles and sippy cups: Handle with care – once the children start walking/falling, these can cause injuries http://t.co/hpDOBjjM 2012-05-14
- Children can learn to ‘eat the rainbow’ – how to set a plate full of healthy foods on the table http://t.co/UIMtENb9 2012-05-14
- Keeping your children safe with guns in the home http://t.co/4Gz4KUOS btw – PA State Police give out trigger locks 4 free 2012-05-14
- Do Food Dyes Warrant A Warning Label ? | Healthy Child Healthy World http://t.co/j2y0T7c3 2012-05-14
- Smoking during pregnancy affect children’s asthma before the child is born http://t.co/ZIvKmUnl 2012-05-14
- Delta Dental of New Jersey Talks About The Health Benefits of Fluoride http://t.co/rK9byxWY 2012-05-14
- Concussions May Be More Severe in Girls and Young Athletes – http://t.co/DjtcxVLt 2012-05-14
How to Relax the Rules for a Fun but Sane Summer
Rules are made to be broken, but when it comes to summertime, many parents wonder: Which ones to break? You don’t want your home life to become a free-for-all for three months, but you also don’t want to create a police state that takes the “break” right out of summer break. So where do you redraw the lines?
“Rules are always based on need. You should rethink them based on the necessities of summer,” says educational psychologist Michelle Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. “Push the pause button and ask yourself, ‘What are the three rules we need to have during the summer?’ Don’t let it all go; just take a step backward and loosen one thing at a time.”
If you’re having a hard time letting go, Borba suggests asking yourself what memories you want to make this summer. The answer probably won’t be “no freedom” or “no fun.” Still, no matter what rules you loosen, you need to make sure you’re not so flexible that you end up creating more work and stress for yourself. After all, you need to know how to relax and have fun too!
Consider the following when rethinking the rules for the laziest days of the year. …
Remember what summer means
For kids, summer is a break from all the pressures and demands of school, activities and homework. It’s also a relief from the strict scheduling of the school year. Breakfast doesn’t have to be at 7 a.m., because there’s no 8 a.m. school bus to catch. So does it really matter if they stay up — and sleep in — an hour or two later than usual? Will your schedule allow for it? How much will it disturb your evening or morning routine?
One solution: Keep yourself sane by letting the kids stay up an extra hour, but limiting them to quiet activities in their rooms.
Consider the consequences
What will happen if you relax a given rule? For example, if you abandon the no-shoes-in-the-house rule, you’ll have a parade of flip-flops leaving trails of water, mud and grass clippings. If you let your kids watch TV before they clean up their toys, you’ll have to walk around the mess for the evening. What consequences can you live with, and which ones will drive you batty?
One solution: Choose one rule to enforce and let the other one go: So if kids still have to wear their shoes in the house, maybe let the tidy-up wait until after TV time.
View each situation separately
After making the rules, be flexible enough to break them on an as-needed basis. Weigh the benefits: If your kids are outside playing flashlight tag with the neighborhood kids, will they gain more by staying and playing or by leaving the game early to get to bed on time?
One solution: Tell kids they can stay out for an extra half-hour, but then they’ll have to come in even if the other kids don’t.
Put it on paper
Once you’ve thought of the must-have rules for summer, call a family meeting. State your expectations, but ask your kids for their input. “You can negotiate, but only let go of the rules that don’t make a difference,” says Borba. Then write down the new rules and put them up where everyone can see them. “Don’t make a big deal out of it,” says Borba. “Just make it clear.” Then, when the kids break a rule, you can just point to the paper and say nothing more.