Mom is Sick. How to Avoid Kids & Dog Taking Charge

Last updated on May 4th, 2020 at 11:48 am

Professional dog trainers talk a lot about being the ‘pack leader’ and setting solid rules, boundaries and guidelines for our animals as well as our kids. We discuss the importance of being consistent so that our kids and animals know what to expect and what is expected of them. But what happens when we are not at our best due to illness or injury? What sort of dangers or difficulties may we encounter during these times? Especially when we are the primary rule makers and enforcers?

The number one ‘reaction’ I have repeatedly encountered with both children and animals is Insecurity. The ‘unknown’ can be scary for all of us and can make us worried, fearful, apprehensive, and a host of other feelings we might go through. And as parents, it’s instinctual to want to shield your children from these unpleasant feelings. We try to smile and act like everything is okay, and for a little while, it may work. But no one can hide these feelings forever. You suddenly find yourself short tempered, frustrated, weepy, etc. And often, it is over silly insignificant little things. So, you started out trying to ‘protect’ your kids, and now you are snapping at them and everyone is walking on eggshells.

Now let’s look at the family dog: You can ‘paste’ that smile on your face and tell them that everything is okay, but they can see right through the facade. Or more accurately, they can see, hear, smell and feel right through it. Words have little to no value to dogs. If you said to your dog, “Rex, I’ll let you out in a few minutes, then we’ll go to the park and practice “SIT” and “STAY”, what they heard was…“REX, blah blah OUT blah blah PARK blah blah SIT blah STAY.

Why? Because they don’t understand words like we do (except for the ones they have heard repeatedly.) They communicate through scent, body language, voice inflections, and gestures. A good example is the sentence “What did you do?” If you smile and say it in a happy excited voice, the tail will wag furiously, and they will circle you for pats and love. However, those same four words said with your arms across your chest, a scowl on your face, and in an angry tone will have them running to hide! When your entire demeanor shifts involuntarily, they feel it!! They know when something is wrong.

So, how can this inconsistency affect your household?

I can best answer this question by sharing with you a recent experience I encountered:

I got my dog Reilley at 3.5 months old. He had a few negative behaviors even as a puppy, such as resource guarding his toys and food around other dogs (see my article ‘Recognizing a dog’s body language before your child gets bitten’ to understand what resource guarding is.) I had to work hard to help him overcome this. I run a dog boarding and training business… it simply would NOT do if MY dog had issues that could potentially put a client’s dogs at risk! So we worked on socializing Reilley with kids and with other dogs.

All was going well and according to my plan, until I needed surgery on my leg. And although I did my best to act like the surgery was no big deal, I was scared and nervous. I saw a few subtle changes in my dog’s behavior, but nothing that overly concerned me. When I came home from surgery, I was lying in bed recuperating and I enjoyed having Reilley lying on the bed next to me keeping me company and cuddling with me. My mom had come to town to help and Reilley’s care was taken over by her and my husband. Everything seemed relaxed and my recovery was going well.

It did not take me long to realize that something big had changed for my dog. This dog who had been social and outgoing with every dog and person who arrived here was suddenly standing back, guarded, and growling at dogs and people! I had seen dogs react negatively to change before, but it had always seemed to affect their behaviors (actions)… a previously housebroken dog starts having accidents, or they are not listening to commands they know very well…. But this was a huge change in his personality, and I did not understand it. So I asked for help. I described what I was seeing to my dog trainer friends through the International Association of Canine Professionals (IACP) and sought their guidance. Although their advice made total sense to me after the fact, I must admit I was a bit surprised at first with what they all had to say.

• Prior to my surgery I was the primary rule maker as well as the rule enforcer. Not that Reilley grew up in a prison, but there were a number of rules we had set that we lived by every day, and they worked for us (e.g. I poured his food and he sat and waited for permission to eat). My husband on the other hand, was a “dump the food in the bowl and walk away” kind of guy.  And Reilley, like a lot of kids who hate rules but in reality, NEED them, didn’t do well when the rules actually went away. My inability to enforce the rules he was used to living by had left my dog feeling insecure and unsure
• Because I was the ‘pack leader’ in my house, I was the person in charge of welcoming guests into our home – I maintained order. With others caring for me, I was no longer the “leader” enforcing calm and overseeing who had permission to be there. I was no longer the protector. In the absence of my leadership, he became confused and began to question our roles…I was the sick and injured member of the ‘pack’, maybe it was HIS job to protect me and not the other way around.
• Finally, because dogs can be so child-like in their actions and reactions, seeing his leader so scared and vulnerable made him very nervous and insecure. (Not so dissimilar to a child realizing for the first time that a parent is fallible or does not always have the answers.)

You may be thinking, ‘what’s the big deal, your dog growled at some other dogs.’ But consider this… what if there were children that he was growling at? An insecure or fearful dog can be an unpredictable one.

So what if you, as the primary care-giver suddenly became ill or injured?

How do you help your family (including the family dog) acclimate to this time of crisis?  How do you help them through it when you are in pain or feeling miserable and are temporarily unable to be the ‘enforcer’?

The two most important answers I can give you are preparation and communication.

I. Preparation:  Obviously this applies more so when you have to go for surgery or something similar that you know about in advance. But even though injuries and illness are often unexpected events, there is still some planning you can do ahead of time, so you are ready if the need should arise.

• Spend time talking with your significant other, or, if you are a single parent, chose one or two family members or friends you trust with the health and well being of your kids and pets.
• Make a full list of schedules and routines that include……
  • what time the kids get up, head out for school or the bus, get home from school, and when homework is typically done,
  • what time and day each child has an extracurricular activity, what time they eat supper, approved and not-approved snacks, and what time they need to be in bed. You can also include how much screen time they can have, and approved ‘viewing’ items.
  • Make sure you include things in your list like how you personally reward your child for a job well done or correct or discipline your child for not doing what they are supposed to. (e.g. do they earn stickers on a wall chart or cookies with milk?)
• While it is a child’s job to push boundaries and try to get away with stuff, even though they think they want these ‘perks’, in the end, it can be quite unsettling for them to suddenly get their way because it varies from the normal routine which can again make them insecure and fearful.
• Remember to update this list frequently, as schedules and routines may change or vary.

Now, as for the dog:

• Do not assume just because the family pet is like another child to you, that everyone else will feel the same way. Make sure the person who agreed to stay and help with the kids is also okay with taking care of the dog.
• Create a similar list for the dogs that you did for the kids, with the dog’s regular routine.
• Include in the list behaviors that you approve of and do not approve of so that they can follow through (ie: allowed on furniture, allowed to jump up on people when greeting people, etc)
• Do some research on local boarding facilities just in case it is too much for the person caring for the children to care for the dog as well. This way it is a comfortable choice and not a last-minute decision that keeps you up worried.

II. Communication is vital for all parties involved… whether it is being honest with your kids about what is going on (within reason and age appropriate of course) or talking very openly with the person you have entrusted your kids care to. This reduces so much stress for everyone involved…. Including you! The last thing you want if you become sick or injured is to worry about your household becoming an unruly chaotic place. This can cause the kids to act out, and this is especially important if you happen to have a special needs child whose life is all about the schedules and routines they have come to depend on. And since the family dog tends to feed off the emotions of the family, why risk him being on edge and nervous or fearful…. Which can lead to behavior changes ranging from accidents in the house, to all out aggression.

So I will wrap this up with one last piece of advice: If you are on the other end of this, meaning you did not see this list prior to this scenario happening, and you find yourself now dealing with a chaotic household, heed the advice of Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music when she says,  “Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start”…

Don’t be afraid to go back to basics with both the kids and the dog. 

For the dog, it might be going back to some crate training and basic commands to remind them you are in charge; for the kids, same thing.  😛  Just kidding…for the kids, it may be being very strict about routines. Whatever you did when they were young to have your house chaos-free and running smooth, repeat until you are back there again. It will not be a lengthy process to back-track a bit, but it may be very useful to help get everyone back on track. The ‘basics’ bring with it a familiarity that everyone may need for now.

Teaching Your “Very Friendly” Child How to Meet a Strange Dog

Last updated on May 4th, 2020 at 11:50 am

Many of you have children that either grew up with a friendly, sweet, loving dog, or got the pup after you had your children, so it is easy for those children to mistakenly think all dogs are friendly. It is these same children that often do not think twice about approaching a dog they do not know in an open and friendly manner; just to potentially receive a growl, or even a bite.

So how can you teach your child how to appropriately and safely get comfortable around other dogs…. The ones they do not know, and who do not know them?

In my next article, we will talk about how you can help your child if they are very fearful of dogs, how to help them to overcome it… But let’s tackle the ‘overly friendly’ child first. Here are some important rules to set down for your child when meeting a strange dog for the first time…..

• Always ask the owner first. It is very important to teach your children to ask some important questions before approaching any dog. For example:

• Is your dog friendly? (Too many people stop asking questions after this one. It is important for your child’s safety that they learn to ask a few other key questions as well….such as…..)
• Does he like to be petted?
• Has he ever been pet by kids before?
• Is there a specific way I should pet him?
• Are there areas that I should avoid petting?

• Be aware of the dog’s body language. Even if the owner has said it is okay to pet the dog, and that there are no sore spots or anything on the dog that need to be avoided, not all dogs are in the mood at that moment to be approached. The dog may have been out on a long walk already and may be tired, or maybe the walk was more stressful that day than usual. (See my previous article on recognizing a dog’s body language)
• Stand to the side of the dog to pet them. When we stand directly in front of a strange dog to pet them, especially a child who is lower to the ground, direct eye contact usually occurs….which any dog can perceive as a threat or a challenge.  Also if they get spooked for any reason, they will not think to go around your child if they go to bolt…. They will barrel straight ahead, potentially causing your child to be knocked over in the process. It is better to go from the side of the dog rather than in front (usually by the dog’s shoulder).
• Let the dog sniff your hand first. Many people think this process is to let the dog get your scent first. This is not really the case…. They caught your scent long before you approached them. However, many people instinctively go to pet the top of the dog’s head first, which can tend to spook them… as some dogs are what we call ‘hand shy’. In some dogs, it can be perceived as a precursor to getting hit….especially a former shelter dog. So by approaching them from the side and placing your hand palm down under their nose first, it is a very non-threatening gesture to them. It is often said to ‘let them sniff you first” because it is much easier than explaining all the other stuff.
• Do not hug the dog or get in its face. This may be a common sense thing for us adults, but remember, we are dealing with children. Once they see the dog likes to be pet and is friendly, more often than not, they go in for a hug or to kiss the dog. Hugging a dog…. Any dog, can tend to make them feel trapped or threatened, and in a matter of seconds, they can go from ‘digging this petting session’ to ‘why am I being grabbed and restrained’ and try to break free of the hold. Especially from your children that tend to have a ‘death grip’ so to speak. Also, a dog that might be fine with humans might not be so with other dogs, and a child moving in for a kiss might be reminiscent to the dog of another animal moving in for a bite.
• Use slow gentle strokes when petting the dog. This piece of advice is for adults as well as for kids…. Often, after we get in the initial pets and see the dog is okay, we tend to be a bit less careful, and may start rubbing the ears, or just scratching the sides…. And more often than not, we take this cue from the owner, seeing them do it, we think it is safe to assume that the dog likes it, and it is therefore okay for us to do it too. But remember, ears, paws, and tail are sensitive areas on a dog’s body…. And even though they may be comfortable with their owner doing this….it is important to remember the owner has already built their relationship with the dog as a safe and comfortable one. The dog does not know you yet, any more than you know them…. So take it slow and pet with slow comforting strokes from the back of the neck to the base of the tail and their sides. Long slow strokes are much more comforting to a dog than quick and rapid movements. And remember to keep ‘checking in’ with their body language. Just because they were okay at the start, does not mean they remain that way. If you notice their body language change, it is time to end things on a good note and move on. This makes for a positive experience for everyone involved.
• If your child is going to a friend’s house that has a dog, remind them of these rules. It is important to remind them that their friend and the dog have had time to get to know each other, not to just ‘jump in’ and act the same way around the friend’s dog that the friend did, but to take their time so the dog can get to know your child as well.

So a quick recap of everything, make sure to ask all pertinent questions before petting a strange dog…. get in the habit yourself of always doing this.  Remember that kids mimic everything we do, and if this is always the way you do it, it is a pretty good bet that going forward, your child will always do this as well, even at a friend’s house when you are not there to remind them. Go slowly, take your time, greet the dog from the side by its shoulder and put your hand, palm down, under its chin first. Pet slowly from the back of the neck to the base of the tail and the sides, and remain vigilant watching their body language. If it has changed at all, it is time to move on and end things on a positive note. As always, an ounce of awareness equals an advantage in your and your child’s health, safety, and well being.

How To Travel Safely For The Holidays With Pets AND Kids

Last updated on December 10th, 2019 at 02:24 am

As I have said previously in numerous previous posts, I love that our dogs have become so much a ‘member of the family’ that many would not give it a second thought to bring them along on their holiday travels, or include them in their holiday plans. But there are several things you can do to ensure that you, your pets, your kids, and others around you also have an enjoyable holiday as well.

For starters; if you are driving

• Make sure you have seat-belts for each dog.  A dog being allowed to roam free in the car is a safety hazard for everyone in the car. If you have to slam on the brakes, they can go through the windshield just as easily as any other unrestrained passenger in the car would. Another serious issue that could arise if you should have to suddenly hit the brakes is they could accidentally slam into your kids, causing a serious injury. I have personally gotten some painful ‘fat lips’ just from going to kiss my dog on the top of his head at the same moment he brought his head up quickly…. So you can just imagine the injuries that could occur in a fast moving vehicle that suddenly stops! On top of that, dogs will instinctively use their front paws to brace themselves, and their nails can really hurt your children if they are on their laps. Lastly, if they hit the back of your seat when you are driving, it can put everyone in the car in serious jeopardy.
• Make sure the seat belt is attached to a harness. Never attach a seat belt to your dog’s regular collar. This can cause some serious injuries to your dog’s neck if you have to stop short or are in an accident.
• Make sure they are in the back seat. Even if they are appropriately restrained (a booster car seat for small dogs, or a harness for larger dogs) a deployed air bag can be deadly for our furry friends.

Hotel ‘Etiquette’

• Make sure hotels are pet friendly in advance! If you are traveling with your pet, the days of ‘We’ll just find a hotel from the road” are a thing of the past. Unless your dog is a service dog, make sure the hotel is pet friendly. You must map out your trip in advance, and most importantly, you must inform the hotel that you will be traveling with a pet. Many hotels have specific rooms used for pets, not unlike ‘smoking rooms’ for smokers. So I recommend you call them and make sure they can accommodate you and your pet. Here is a link that allows you to search for pet-friendly hotels in whichever state you are traveling to. If you are getting a separate room for the kids, I recommend the pet stay in YOUR room. As I always stress, children should never be with pets unsupervised.
• Remember that the dog should be on a leash outdoors at all times. This is especially important as many hotels are located on busy roads…. Not a great idea for the kids to be the ones to walk them, even if it is their job to do it at home. For safer nighttime walks, bring a flashlight with you. Many hotel guests arrive at night, and they may have been on the road for a long time, and are tired too. This will ensure they will see you and your dog when they are pulling in. It will also help you to see Fido’s poops so you can responsibly clean up after him. You might want to ask the hotel staff if there is a designated ‘Pet Relief Area’ that you should bring him to. Make sure you have a leash that is no longer then six feet, and free of any fraying, rips or tears. Also, do not use retractable leads while out and about. You need to have control of him at all times, and if your friendly outgoing dog runs up to another child that is fearful of dogs, you can be putting someone else’s child in danger.
• Since you’ll probably want to go out as a family:
  • Bring a crate with you. Do not forget that this is not your dog’s regular environment… and you are ultimately responsible for any damage your dog does.  You do not want to risk your dog panicking and tearing up pillows or blankets or chewing on furniture while you are out. Also, leave a note for housekeeping on the door informing them that there is a dog inside. Just because it is not your home does not mean your dog will not be protective of its environment, and a person that your dog does not know who unexpectedly enters into ‘his space’ can be a recipe for disaster.
  • Bring a blanket or bed for your dog, and plenty of bones or toys. Make sure you have brought sufficient items to keep your dog occupied while you are out.
  • Make sure you leave at least one cell phone number at the front desk if you have to go out. I have seen some of the best trained dogs still panic when left alone in an unknown place, causing them to bark and whine.  Be considerate and make sure you leave a reliable number for the hotel staff to contact you if your dog is freaking out while you are out.
• Be aware of ‘No Pets Allowed’ spaces, and respect their policies. Pools and spas are there for the humans to enjoy, not the dogs. If the hotel has a restaurant or serves a Continental breakfast in the morning, dogs should not be in those areas unless they are service dogs.

Flying with your dog

• Always check the Airline’s policy. Each airline has its own policy with regards to flying with your pet. Most small dogs are permitted to fly in a carry case under the seat, but each airline’s seat dimensions are different. Make sure you have the appropriate sized travel bag for your dog that will fit under your seat. Keeping a constant eye on your children in a busy airport is imperative, so the last thing you want is to spend any time being distracted because your dog’s flight bag is not fitting.
• Find out security’s protocols in advance. Having to go through security is stressful enough… add corralling kids through there, it can be very difficult. Now you are adding a dog to this as well! Find out exactly what you need to do in advance. Do you need their leash and collar off? Do you walk through first and then send the dog through…. Knowing exactly what to expect allows you to have them ready in advance so that you can safely and effectively help the kids through.
• Make sure you know where the Pet Relief Areas are. Call up the airline in advance and make sure you know where these are, and take them for one last potty break before boarding. Last thing you want is Fido relieving himself in flight!
• Leave the dog in his bag! The kids may feel badly that their pup is cooped up in a tiny bag and wedged under a seat the entire time, and may beg you to take him out. This is not a safe idea for anyone! Think about how loud it is to us, and multiply it ten-fold with their sharp hearing! I absolutely hate take offs and landings, but I calm down once we are in the air. Just because I have calmed down, does not mean my dog has!! So for the safety of everyone around, leave your pup where he is until you have safely landed and are off of the plane. Some bags have a leash inside so you can open a flap and pet your dog…. I suggest leaving the flap closed! If he is scared, the second that flap is opened, he will try to get out, and getting the ‘genie back into the bottle’ will be no easy feat!! Especially in a small cramped area!
• Pack a chew stick for him in his bag for takeoff and landing. I do not honestly know if their ears ‘pop’ the way ours do, but if it does, the chewing motion will help.

Going to friends or relatives houses

• Always ask in advance if it is okay to bring your pet. Just because you view your dog as a family member, does not necessarily mean your host will too. Be courteous and ask beforehand. Hosting a ton of people in their home can be difficult enough without a dog running around! Also, you never know if another guest, especially a child, is allergic to dogs, or if someone else DID ask in advance and is bringing their dog!
• Keep a constant watch over your dog. As we discussed in an earlier article (Kids, Pets & Your Holiday Party: Read this List (check it twice!) your dog may react differently to “everyday situations” than they would in their home or typical environment. A child that your dog does not know, doing nothing other than reaching over to calmly pet your dog, can get a serious bite if your dog is in a nervous heightened condition.
• Be aware of your dog’s body language at all times! Holidays can be stressful for people – imagine what it might be like for your dog.  Be alert to what their body language is telling you! Dogs only have two options when they are in a heightened state… fight or flight. Hopefully, they will always resort to the latter one, but they can resort to the former one in an instant! So let’s avoid this by being constantly aware of them, and if you see signs that they are getting stressed out, remove them from the situation! If you need some assistance on what your dog’s body is saying to you, read my article (Recognize a Dog’s Body Language Before Your Child Gets Bitten) to help you out!
• Again, bring a crate with you. If your dog is getting stressed, the last thing you want is to have no options of where to put him! Do you want to be on ‘doggy patrol’ all night? Having a crate gives you a place to put him so he and everyone else around you are safe!

Grooming

The last thing I want to touch on is grooming your dog prior to taking him on vacation with you! Regardless of whether you are driving or flying, staying at a hotel or going to a friends, make sure they are well groomed.  Give them a bath, make sure their ears are clean and do not smell.  If they have a long coat, even if you brought them to the groomer, make sure you brush them out thoroughly to get rid of any dead hair and excess dander (helps with allergies in close quarters) and make sure nails are trimmed back so no one gets scratched accidentally.

So to wrap this up, the most important things to remember before traveling with your beloved pet is to do your research and always be courteous to others around you! Much of what I have written is common sense, but the fact is, in a stressful time, even the incredibly obvious can escape each and every one of us!!! So follow some of these guidelines laid out for you, make your to-do lists, check them twice, and you, your family, and everyone around you can have a fun, wonderful and safe holiday!!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Keeping You and Your Family Safe From “Free Roaming” Dogs

Last updated on October 14th, 2019 at 10:28 am

Many years ago, my sister had told me that while out walking her small young pup (A shih Tzu/Bichon mix) near my Mom’s house, a huge Mastiff came flying out of a house and ran straight for them. Her initial reaction was one that many of us would have…. Protect the one you love… so she grabbed Sylvi off the ground and used her own body to block the huge dog from getting to her.

I had not heard much more on this subject until recently…. but in the past few months, I have heard it quite a bit. My sister called me for advice on how to respond to some recent articles in her neighborhood newspaper about unleashed aggressive dogs in the neighborhood, that come flying out at people walking by with their dogs or kids. A friend of mine stepped in when a dog viciously went after her dog, and she ended up getting severely bitten in the process. And yet another instance where my friend’s 7 year old daughter was playing in her own front yard and a medium sized stray went after her. She only got a scratch, but that was because luckily, her Dad was right inside and chased the dog away… or it would have been much worse! But the most difficult part of this is that this little girl, who loved all animals, is now a bit fearful of dogs.

Let’s face it, having to be on guard the entire time is anything BUT relaxing!… so how do you handle it when a strange dog comes flying at you, your child, or your dog while you are just out for a nice relaxing stroll?

I have heard many different solutions to this problem… for example, some recommend carrying mace or pepper spray at all times. The problem I find with this is that for it to be effective, the dog has to be right up on you already.  At that point, the spray may lessen the damage they do, but is not going to thwart the attack. The other danger to this is that you are spraying a chemical while you are in a panicked state, not to mention to use this item, you have to remove the cap, point and aim correctly, and make sure the wind outside is in your favor. The chances of you spraying it and hitting your target are minimal at best, and if you accidently spray towards your own eyes, you are now rendered useless and cannot help you, your child or your dog.

Another method I have heard used often is a walking stick brought along on the walk. The stick could be used as a weapon against a stray dog coming at you. However, for the same reason I find the Pepper spray or Mace to not be a good idea, again with a stick, you have to wait until the dog is right up on you to use it effectively.

So what is your best option? To start, some things to do before your next walk:

1. First off, the most important thing you can do is to remind yourself to stay calm. No one thinks clearly when they are panicked.
2. With regards to your children, you need to have a safety word that lets them know NOT to scream or run at that moment. Because self preservation is present the minute we are born So instinctively, if a dog runs towards your child, their initial reaction will be to scream and run. This is absolutely the WORST thing that they can do at that moment. When an animal in the wild is actively being hunted or pursued, it shrieks and runs away. So when your child goes to do this, it sets off the chase/prey/hunt instinct even more. Whatever your word(s) may be, make sure your child understands it means to calmly and quietly step behind you, but not to grab your legs….which would restrict your movement.
3. Another important piece of advice…. Kids are notorious for asking a million questions. This is not the time or place to answer them. I remember growing up my Dad always had one rule in his car that had to be obeyed… if he said, “DUCK” at any time; we were to do it first, ask questions later. Same rule applies to your safety word. Now is not the time for: “But why…??”
4. Finally – get yourself a very loud air horn. You will find them very inexpensively at Walmart or even at Party City . The advantage to these are they are lightweight, easy to use, no harmful chemicals are utilized, and best of all, it works!! Why does it work? When an animal has ‘locked on’ to a target, it is very hard to sway them from their mark. (We actually discuss this in detail in my post Recognize a Dog’s Body Language Before Your Child Get’s Bitten). Their 100% focus is on that target at the moment. However, a very loud and unexpected noise will break through and interrupt that brain wave that has them focused on you, your child, or your pet. Think of all the old movies you have ever seen that take place in the wilderness…. When the wild animal is about to attack, the human in the movie will shoot their gun into the air… and the animal takes off. Again, it is the loud unexpected noise that startles them and changes that brain wave.

If you are with a pet or a child and a strange dog comes at you, don’t quickly bend and pick them up. This now makes you the obstacle they have to get through to get to their target, and they will have no qualms about attacking you to get to them. Add to this that if you panic and go to pick up your dog or your child, now you have to juggle them and the horn, making it that much harder for you to use the air horn effectively.

Again, the most important thing is for you not to panic…. The calmer you stay, the calmer your child or pet will be knowing that you have the situation under control.

So now lets walk through the steps of what to do if a strange dog is coming at you, your child, or your pet…..

• If you are walking with your child….. Have the air horn in an easily accessible place… many of them come with belt clip-ons. You see an animal coming towards you, Remember to remain calm…. sudden movements may agitate the stray even more. Give your child the word that means stand behind you. Your child gets behind you and you have your body turned towards the approaching animal. Calmly take the air horn, and now blast the air horn. (Hold the button down for a long continuous noise. You don’t want to keep hitting the button over and over again… remember, it is the loud sudden unexpected noise that startles and stops them… don’t give them a chance to ‘get used to ‘ the noise by repeatedly hitting the button It will lose its effectiveness.) While holding the button down, instruct your child to start slowly walking backwards with you. When the animal stops and/or runs away, be aware that your adrenaline is still pumping…. It is a scary moment…. But do not start running away with your child…. It may cause the animal that was retreating to want to chase you again. Keep calmly walking away until you know you and your child are safe. Now, remember to tell your child what a great job they did!!!! Let them know how proud you are of them, that your teamwork kept both of you safe!!!
• If you are walking with your dog…. It is important to remember that your dog’s instinct is going to be either fight or flight….. which are both dangerous reactions in this scenario. If their instinct is flight…and they go to run, the aggressive dog is going to give chase. On the flip side, if their instinct is to protect you…and they go into fight mode, they are actually ‘challenging’ the other animal and things can get ugly very fast. So remember, before heading out for your walk, put the air horn in an easy-to-reach convenient place. If another animal comes towards you, immediately tighten up on the leash, or step on the leash as close to their collar as you can get. (One of the advantages of you stepping on the leash close to the collar, is that this unusual action will surprise your dog, and they will be more focused on this than the approaching threat. It will also keep them still and free up your hands.  Now blast that air horn!! Remember that it may startle your dog as well, so make sure you either have a firm grip on your leash, or that your foot holding the leash is firmly planted. The last thing you want is to have your foot on the leash, the air horn frightens your dog, and your dog tries to run, knocking you over in the process. Once the intruder has ran off, do not assume they are gone for good. Start backing away with your dog, keeping an eye on where the intruder went. You don’t want to turn your back on the intruder, thinking he is gone, bending over to pick up your dog and now you are attacked. Once you are sure they are gone, you can then pick up your dog or start walking away… but again, don’t run… it can attract the intruder’s attention and have him coming back for more.
• If the other dog starts to head back in your direction, blast that horn again, long and loud.  It should stop them in their tracks.  At the very least, it should attract passerby attention and hopefully get you some assistance.

So to wrap this up, we’ll do a quick recap…. Before leaving for your walk, have the air-horn in an easily accessible place. If a strange dog starts to come towards you, remain calm and rational, have your child get behind you slowly, or hold your dog’s leash firmly to you. Do not run away or make any sudden movements. Give the air horn a long steady blast, not a bunch of quick bursts, then slowly back away, keeping an eye on where the intruder disappeared, and once you know you are safe, praise your child or pet your dog and reassure them (and yourself!) that you did a good job keeping every body safe!!

One last comment: as a professional trainer, I’m sorry to have to add that I can’t account for every possible dog’s reaction. I wish I could. But, for example, a dog that has been trained to be aggressive may not react the way the majority of animals would.  There are always exceptions to every rule – however in most cases, this will be the most effective way to keep you and your family safe.

Helping Your Child Deal with the Loss of a Pet

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:44 pm

Unlike many years ago, when most pets lived outside, today many of our pets become members of the family. When most of us have ‘had enough’ with the world, it is our pets that give us solace. And for many kids, their pets are their best friends in the world….always there to ‘lick their wounds’… both emotionally and physically.  So how do you handle it when that ‘best friend’ passes away? There are many answers to this question…. And of course, how it gets explained varies greatly on many things…. From the family’s religious beliefs, to the age and maturity level of the child and how much they can comprehend. Let’s face it… no one really completely understands death, except that it happens to all of us.

I.  Age Appropriateness I want to emphasize caution here –  be careful how you phrase things to very young children. For example, many people do not realize when you tell a young child that ‘the dog got sick and then he died’ that many young children suddenly become very fearful every time they or someone they love gets sick… often they become afraid that they will die too… like the dog.

II.  Prepare them in advance Barring sudden unexpected deaths like from an accident, many times with illness or advanced age, you can tell when your beloved pet is nearing the end of their life.  This is probably the best time to sit down and talk with your children about it. Here are some key steps that may help:

• To begin – Talk to each child individually. Many times, when you bring all the children together to talk about it, the younger ones look to the older ones to judge how they ‘should’ be feeling or reacting. By taking each one individually, you allow them to each have their own feelings.
• Next you can discuss how dog years are different than human years…. That each human year is about 7 years to a dog. To make sure they understand this, you can say something like, “So if Max is 10 years old in human years…. How old is he in dog years?” Once they come up with the number 70, then you can say, “That’s pretty old right?” Now you can go into how he may not run around as much as he used to, he isn’t as active as he used to be, many dogs get very white in the face as they get older, etc. Now you can go on to talk about what a great life he has had with them, remember activities you all did together like a camping trip or a hike, or fun tricks they may have down, remembering when he was a puppy, how easy or difficult he was to train….. etc.
• This is the point where you bring up that although they had a great life together, it is nearing the time where he may die.. You can ask your child what they understand about death, and really listen to what they say. You might be amazed at their answers.

I once saw a post where a family pet had passed away, and while the family sat around crying about why it is so unfair that pets should die so early, and questioning why this is, it was a young child who answered, “I know why….. it is because we are all put here to learn how to live a good life, and to be kind and loving…. Dogs already know that, so they don’t have to stay here as long.” 

• It is important that you do not hide your feelings from your children. Let them know how you are honestly feeling… using specific feeling words like ‘sad’ or ‘angry’ is much more helpful to a child than generalized words like ‘upset’. This allows them to relate to your feelings, and also to help them identify their own.
• It is also very important to remember that all children grieve differently. My friend’s dog had recently passed away, and when I was talking to my friend about it, and how her 7 year old was doing, she told me, “I’ll tell you… it was the weirdest thing! For three days after the dog died…. Nothing. Not a tear. We buried her in the yard, and did a little service, and both of her friends cried… but from her, NOTHING! I started to worry! Then all of a sudden, when my husband came to pick her up from school three days later, she saw him, and started crying hysterically!!”

III. If you are considering Euthanasia for a dog that is nearing the end, again, be careful of the words you use   You want to avoid telling younger children that ‘the vet will give him a shot to put him to sleep” or ‘He went to sleep.’ Kids take things very literally, and you don’t want them afraid when they have to get a shot at the doctor’s office, or create future fears of going to sleep and not waking up again. Instead, you can tell them the that doctor thinks their pet is in a lot of pain, and since they love him so much, they don’t want him to suffer anymore. So the vet is going to give him some medicine that will stop all of his pain, and let him slip into death peacefully. With older children, it is okay to let them decide if they want to be there to say goodbye while the injection is given… but I would not just depend on age, I would also assess maturity level and their basic understanding of the process before giving them that choice. I also want to stress here that if your child does want to be there, and you feel this is okay, make sure you and your child are fully prepared for what to expect. Talk to your vet about it, and explain that your child will be with you, and you want to walk them through each step of the process in advance.

IV. I think it is also very important to ask if they have any questions When I mentioned earlier that religious beliefs may come into play; it is because children often ask what happens after they die. Be honest and open with your child, and share with them what YOU believe happens…. Whether it be that you believe they all go to Heaven with GOD, or if a relative passed not too long ago, you can say that they will be together, but make sure you are not making up answers to appease them. If you are not religious, and you personally are not sure what your beliefs are on the subject… it is OK to tell them that… that you just don’t know. They will appreciate and respect your honest answers.

V.  After the fact After your pet has died, or been put to sleep, let children be involved in the ‘saying good-bye’ process. If you are burying them, let them be part of the service. If you are planning on cremating your pet, let them be involved in choosing the urn, or the spot to place the ashes. And most importantly, don’t avoid the subject of their pet afterwards. You don’t want to make the pet’s name a taboo subject because you are afraid bringing it up may bring up unpleasant feelings for you or them. Let them know it is okay to talk about their feelings and memories by doing so yourself.

It is never an easy or a pleasant subject to discuss death, but how you handle this may determine how your children deal with loss in their future. Death is a part of life… so the more honest and open we discuss it with our children, the more prepared they will be when it actually happens.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. 

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together

Author unknown

Play-Dates: Making Sure Other Children Are Safe With Your Dog

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:45 pm

You probably did quite a bit of work (maybe even before you brought your new baby home), to ensure the relationship between your baby and your dog was cultivated and nurtured into a beautiful lifelong friendship. But now, time has passed, and following the natural course of events, they are ready to establish friendships with other children.

You may have met some other parents at the park, or if you work and your child is in daycare, they may have already made some friends and you have met some of the other parents, and decide to get together for a play date. But there are a few very important things to be aware of here before making plans to host this at your house to ensure that other children are safe around your dog, and I will give you some advice on a way  to ‘test the waters’ without putting any child in danger.

To start off with, there are three very important questions you must answer:

1. What is the breed (or the dominant breed if your dog is a mix) of your dog?
2. How protective is your dog over your child?
3. Does your dog tend to be a bit on the skittish side?

The first question is important because there are certain characteristic traits that each breed may have that may tell you what to expect in a given situation. But also please note that I said “may”.  Although knowing the breed of the dog can help you anticipate some possible behaviors, it is important to remember that most dogs have not ‘read the book’ on themselves, and therefore, do not always fall to ‘type’.  This is why questions two and three are equally important. You have to know your own dog’s temperament to ensure everyone’s safety.

Going back to the first question; here are some examples of why the breed of the dog matters: Some breeds, what people have termed the ‘bully’ breeds, such as the Rottweiler, Pitt, Akita, Rhodesian Ridgeback, German Shepherds, and several others, despite the general public’s fear of them, are usually great with children…. Where the problem comes in, is that they are great with ‘their’ children… the one’s they have accepted into their pack. But often they are mistrustful of ‘strange’ children (ones they don’t know) and the biggest problem; they do not understand how children play:

Prime Example – your young child is playing with a toy and another child takes it, and now they are arguing over it. Remember, dogs are instinctual animals, so they rely heavily on their senses, not rational thought. What you observe: two children learning to share and work out disagreements. What your dog observes: (sound) shouting or crying (sight) your child posturing and ‘guarding’ what is theirs. (smell) humans secrete different odors that dogs can detect for fear, stress, anger, sadness, happiness, etc. (I am sure you have heard the term “They can smell your fear a mile away”)

Now I want to add that I highlighted some of the breeds that people, in general, can be nervous around, but ANY dog can go into protection mode if they perceive their pack member in danger. And any dog that tends to be skittish is usually not a great candidate to be invited to the play date. Remember what I talked about in earlier articles…. Fearful dogs have two vices…. Fight or flight. If you are lucky, they will choose the latter, but I think it is better to remove them from the situation to avoid them having to make that choice at all.

So, how can you ‘test the waters’ on how your dog will react while keeping everyone safe? One way I have found that works well is to start on neutral ground (somewhere other than your dog’s home, where his job is to be the ‘protector of the realm’.) This is a two adult exercise, so please do not attempt to do this alone… you cannot be in two places at once.

The first step is to find a park where the children’s playground area is fenced in. There does not necessarily have to be a closed gate, but a fence needs to be there. Now plan a trip to this park with two adults, your child, your dog, and plenty of treats. The adult working with your dog needs to be the one with the strongest authority over him… the un-challenged pack leader.  To make the explanation of this exercise a bit easier, going forward, I will refer to this adult as ‘the handler.’ Double-check your dog’s equipment (leash and collar) before doing this as well. Do not trust a leash that has been previously chewed or that is frayed in any way, or a collar that could easily slip off.  Hint: If you typically use a Flexi leash®, now is NOT the time to use it. You need something with guaranteed control, not something that may or may not lock when you need it to.

Once you arrive at the park, the handler remains outside of the playground, behind the fence with the dog and the second adult brings the child in to play with the other children. Make sure your dog can see your child, but be aware that you don’t keep calling the dog’s name to make sure he is watching, as this will confuse him and make him want to come to you, and you will not know whether his reaction is stress from being away from the child, or not being able to come to you when called. Now comes the important job of the handler…. Watching. There are many ways to tell your dogs reaction long before they actually act. Body language is a clear give-away as to what they are feeling.

Here are some simple signs that can tell you your dog’s stress level:

Relaxed:

• Ears forward
• Mouth open with normal panting
• Looking around at many things
• Follows commands easily

Stressed and Reactive:

• Ears back
• Excessive panting
• Pacing
• Whining, crying, or barking
• Scruff up on the back of their necks
• Excessive yawning
• Stare locked on your child
• Difficulty following basic commands

If he starts to whine and cry as the child is walking away, a good way for the handler to tell the extent of the dogs reaction is by giving some commands. A dog that is very stressed and reactive may have a difficult time following even basic commands, such as SIT, DOWN and STAY. If he follows the commands easily enough, treat and praise.

If you had some mild difficulty (i.e. he is ‘locked in’ on your child and not listening), try refocusing him by simply walking him around in a few circles with some basic commands and plenty of praise and treats.  If you see him start growling at the other children and you have a difficult time refocusing him, I recommend walking further away, giving him a few commands that are treat-worthy so you end on a positive note, and try again another time (just try not to wait too long in between these sessions.)  Repeat this exercise as many times as it takes until your dog becomes relaxed and non-reactive consistently .

If your dog is aggressively growling at other children, trying to lunge, or exhibits behaviors that are very concerning, I would suggest not trying this exercise again until you consult with a professional trainer. *A good resource to find a trainer near you is the International Association of Canine Professions (IACP). Click on ‘find a professional’ and then enter your zip code for a list of local trainers. 

If your dog was relaxed (non-reactive) the entire time, it is a pretty good indicator that they may do well during play dates, but as an added ‘protection feature’ at the first play date after this exercise is successful, have your gates up, and the dog on a leash the entire time.  Remember, the handler’s job on that first play date needs to be focusing on the dog, regardless of how well it is going. If the adult in charge of the kids needs assistance, ask one of the other parents to help… you never know what action may set off the dog’s reaction, and things can go south very quickly, so now is not the time to ask the handler to help put out snacks.

I will end this with two last thoughts: The best defence is a good offense.

1. Don’t over-react, but be vigilant and aware. And if neither of you is 100% convinced that you can handle any reaction, it is OK to start off using a muzzle. It is humane, and ensures the safety of everyone around.
2. And lastly, as I always stress, no matter how great it is going, the children should ALWAYS be supervised around the dog.

An added bonus: You may have other parents there that have no experience with their children interacting with dogs. If they are nervous about there being a dog in your home, they will be impressed with the measures you have taken to ensure their child’s safety.

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