A Child’s Temperament Is Not Destiny: Parenting Matters
Last updated on June 22nd, 2016 at 11:03 am
There was a great article I read recently written by a pediatrician who described each child as “a different assignment.” No truer words have been spoken by someone who deals with children every day. Within the range of normal children’s development, there is a huge variation in kids’ temperaments, personalities, and sensitivities. Do you ever wonder how your little “assignment” will turn out as an adult? Do you worry that his/her difficult temperament must be a sign of hard times ahead?
Luckily research has examined some of these questions and the results fall on the side of parents.
A child’s temperament does matter, but parenting also matters a lot.
Researchers from Indiana University wanted to look at how babies with different temperaments (e.g., difficult, easy) ended up doing socially and academically by the time they reached first grade and what, if any, role parenting played in this process. Previously, some people had thought that a baby with a difficult temperament would have more difficulty adjusting to school later in life.
These researchers studied 1,364 children from birth to first grade, along with their parents. The children were given a temperamental classification (e.g., difficult, easy) at 6 months of age. Mothers’ parenting style was observed several times over the course of the study with areas such as warmth and age-appropriate control being examined. Lastly, children’s adjustment to first grade was considered in areas such as academic competence and social skills.
The findings were very enlightening: children who were labeled as having a difficult temperament as infants had as good as or better grades and social skills in first grade as children not labeled as difficult if their mothers provided good parenting. In other words, parenting matters! This is probably not a huge surprise to many people, but it’s interesting to see the research to back it up. Not surprisingly, children with difficult temperaments who received less-than-optimal parenting fared worse in first grade than other children.
Perhaps the most interesting part of the study is the fact that researchers believe that children with difficult temperaments are more sensitive to both positive and negative parenting.
That is, they were more likely (than children with non-difficult temperaments) to adjust poorly to first grade if they experienced negative parenting, but they were also more likely to perform well in first grade if they received excellent parenting. Although this is just one study, it makes a lot of sense. Children with difficult temperaments are thought to be extra sensitive to the external environment and find it harder to regulate themselves. Scientists are learning to understand the difference between babies with varying degrees of nervous system sensitivity.
Researchers believe this is one piece in understanding how some kids can experience extreme challenges such as parental loss or poverty and still thrive. Within a context of responsive caregiving, even temperamentally sensitive children can be resilient in the face of challenges, even perhaps more so than those with an “easy” temperament.
This research sends an optimistic message to parents. What you do really matters! Children with more sensitive temperament may strain your parenting muscles but the “payoff” is higher too. If your child has a difficult temperament, approaching him/her with sensitivity and warmth can make a huge difference.
Source: Stright, A. D., Gallagher, K. C., & Kelley, K. (2008). Infant temperament moderates relations between maternal parenting in early childhood and children’s adjustment in first grade. Child Development, 79, 186-200.
Helping Your Baby Communicate and Develop
Last updated on February 17th, 2014 at 10:43 am
From the day he was born, your baby has been trying to communicate with you. That’s what all the crying, smiling, cooing, and babbling have been about. He’s saying, “I’m hungry,” “I’m sleepy,” “You make me happy,” and “I love you.” With each passing day, his communication skills improve. Sometime around your baby’s first birthday, he’ll probably come out with his first real word.
What’s more, speech development and social skills go hand in hand. Learning how to express his thoughts, wants, and needs will eventually help your child learn to connect with the people around him and become a sociable toddler. How can you support this amazing process?
- Help your child find words. At 6 to 12 months, your baby isn’t ready to start talking yet, but when he puts forth a syllable, she’s making an attempt at words. So when she says, “ba,” help him out: “Are you looking for your ball? Do you want your bottle? Where did you put your book?” Speak slowly and enunciate clearly so she can hear the different sounds and connect them to what they mean.
- Pay attention to your child’s nonverbal communications. Speech isn’t the only means of communication your baby will use. Between 8 and 12 months, she may start sending more and more nonverbal messages by pointing, gesturing, looking at what she wants, making faces, and even dancing. Grabbing a toy and banging it on the table may mean, “May I have your attention, please?” or “I’m so happy with my truck!” Whatever he does, take notice and respond.
- Have conversations with your child. While you can’t expect your baby to talk back at this age, asking questions and waiting for a response teaches her the rhythm of conversation: You talk and I listen, then I talk and you listen. And don’t forget to respond when your little one cuts loose with baby babble. You may not understand her words, but your response will encourage her to keep trying.
- Narrate your day. Tell your baby what you’re doing, ask her what she wants, and name what you’re seeing: “Let’s go find your blocks. Do you want the red ball or the blue one? Oh, look! There’s your stuffed bear.” Rest assured that even though she can’t reply with words yet, she’s listening to and learning from everything you say.
- Read to your child. Sharing books is an important way to support your baby’s early childhood development. It reinforces the power of words and helps your child move forward on the road to literacy, language, and learning.
Thumb-Sucking and Other Baby Soothing Techniques
Last updated on February 3rd, 2014 at 11:14 am
Thumb-sucking isn’t just a quirky behavior of babies and young children. It’s actually vital to healthy early childhood development. Here’s why it’s acceptable for your baby to do it.
Why your baby sucks her thumb
Sucking is an instinctive behavior for newborns. You may be tempted to discourage thumb-sucking to prevent your baby’s teeth from coming in crooked, but it’s better to let her indulge in the habit for now. It teaches her the valuable skill of self-soothing, bringing her comfort when she’s tired or unsettled.
If you can wean your baby off thumb-sucking by age 4, when permanent teeth come in, it won’t affect her pearly whites. In the short term, the ability to self-comfort will help your baby fall asleep faster, as well as fall back to sleep on her own after waking at night.
Other baby soothing techniques that work
Most babies experience crying jags, often in the late afternoon. First, check to make sure your baby’s cries are not a sign that she’s hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. Don’t fret if you can’t seem to find a reason: Baby crying doesn’t always mean something is wrong. It can be a normal part of baby development, caused by a maturing nervous system.
If sucking on fingers or a pacifier doesn’t seem to console your baby, try these soothing techniques:
Gently rock your baby
Softly sing to her
Swaddle your baby
Place her in a front carrier or infant swing
The more upset your baby is, the harder it may be for you, but try to stay calm. Remember to rest when your baby sleeps, and be sure to eat regularly. You’ll be better able to take care of your baby once you’ve taken care of yourself.
Tips to Soothe Your Crying Baby
Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 02:42 pm
One of the toughest sounds to hear as a new mom is your baby crying. But consider this: Crying is the only way your baby can communicate at this stage. After all, he can’t yell out, “Mom, my diaper’s dirty!” or “I need a nap!”
To soothe your crying baby, first look to see if there’s a problem: Is he hungry? Tired? Does he need his diaper changed? Does he seem too hot or cold? Over time, you’ll start to hear differences in his cries for help, and these will quickly clue you in to his needs. In the meantime, go down the checklist – if you hit on the right issue, the crying will likely subside.
If your baby has no pressing needs, he may be crying just to let off steam. Play around with the expert soothing techniques below and find the one that works best for your baby. Mommy to the rescue!
1. Encourage sucking. If your newborn can find his hands, he probably can’t get enough of sucking on his fingers – or yours! Sucking is a natural reflex that a 3-week-old baby is likely to use when he’s upset or needs to settle down. Once breastfeeding is established, many moms find that pacifiers are the key to contentment, soothing and distracting a fussy baby almost instantly.
2. Wrap and rock. Mimic the environment your newborn inhabited before he was born: Wrap him snugly in a receiving blanket — he’s used to the confined space – to make him feel secure. Sing lullabies or play mellow music – the womb was noisy with the sounds of your heartbeat and your voice. Or try gently rocking him in your arms or while sitting in a rocking chair. Your baby is used to the smooth, rhythmic motion from your natural body movements during pregnancy. You can also try placing your crying baby in a motorized infant swing to help calm him down.
3. Hold tight. Snuggling your baby close to you – holding him in your arms or in a soft carrier or sling – has been shown to reduce crying and help forge a strong mother-baby bond. Don’t worry about spoiling a newborn with too much holding or carrying. Young babies need lots of love and attention; when you give it freely, you’ll be rewarded by less crying and greater contentment.
Keep in mind that many babies tend to have crying jags in the afternoon or evening. Don’t take it personally! Your baby isn’t crying because you’re a bad mom. In fact, newborns generally cry anywhere from one to four hours a day as they transition to this new strange life in the big world. Try to stay calm yourself, getting help from family and friends when you need a break.
Lack of sleep and big changes in your old routine may hit you hard during this time in your parenting career, but hang in there! Try to think of this as a brief extension of your pregnancy. Rest when your baby sleeps, eat regularly, and enjoy every moment with your bundle of joy – babies grow up fast!
“A Fighter’s Lullaby” for CHERUBS (children born with CDH)
Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 03:48 pm
As my second child is about to be born with the birth defect congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH), I can’t help but think about the lack of research funding for this not so rare birth defect. CDH occurs in 1 in every 2,500 pregnancies or 1,600 per year in the US . This translates to over 50,000 annually worldwide. With a 50% survival rate, that means there are over 25,000 children per year who die from CDH. The chance of having one child with CDH is .04%. Even though the geneticists don’t think it’s genetic in our case, the accepted probability goes up to 2% after your first child with CDH. So my family had a 98% chance of having a CDH-free child, but unfortunately we fell into the 2% of those who have an additional CDH child.
CDH occurs when the diaphragm fails to form fully allowing organs from the abdomen to float into the chest. When this happens, the abdominal organs such as stomach, intestines, and often liver put stress on the lungs and cause the lungs not to develop properly or at all. This is pretty much a given. But there are so many other organs that can be affected plus children diagnosed with CDH have a higher likelihood of having other chromosomal abnormalities.
CDH is not technically rare, but it feels rare because so few have heard of it until it affects them directly. My family has been affected by it twice now. I have no idea what the next few months hold for us, but I do know that I will keep fighting to raise awareness of CDH and in turn the need for CDH research as long as I can.
To that end, I just launched a CDH research fundraiser. A good friend of mine, Ross Crean offered to write and perform an original lullaby inspired by the fight so many have to face when dealing with CDH. I am “selling” this song as a way to help fund much needed CDH research. The minimum price for “A Fighter’s Lullaby” is $1.89 but you are more than welcome to donate more at the time you “purchase” the song. All proceeds from the song will go towards CDH research. You can see the official video and purchase the song on the CHERUBS Illinois blog. I hope you appreciate and enjoy the lullaby as much as I do
