The Instability of the “Dreamers'” Future Hurts All Children
If you follow the news at all, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program. To summarize it, it is a program that has kept around 690,000 young, illegal immigrants from being deported. It was put into place by the Obama administration in 2012 after numerous attempts by Congress to come up with a permanent solution for “Dreamers” failed. The DACA provides children who were brought into the United States illegally, as minors, the ability to work and go to school without fear of deportation.
Many of these children grow up without having any idea of what their legal status is or what being illegal means. Now, they are facing a very uncertain future, especially those who plan to go to college. However, what I really want to address here is why the debate over what to do with Dreamers matters to us as guardians of young people.
When we choose to take responsibility for a child or teenager, even to the smallest degree, we are choosing to also have a direct impact on the future of our society. Culture affects young people differently than it does adults. As adults, we have, in many cases, been given the resources and experiences to learn which aspects of our culture we agree with and which we do not. We then build up a worldview that we protect and that protects our sense of self.
Children do not have this yet. They are still sorting through their understanding of the world and learning their emotions. It is up to us to guide them along that path. This brings me back to the debate over the DACA. Social environments have distinct impacts on child and adolescent development. Children must be able to have faith in the structures of authority that surround them. These structures are supposed to provide them with the safe space they need to develop as human beings. When these structures show themselves as unstable it has far reaching psychological effects not just for the children directly involved, but also for the rest of the population.
Uncertainty and fear can cripple the human mind, especially the tender developing mind of a child or teenager that is particularly vulnerable to stress. Many of these children who are now facing an uncertain future want to pursue higher education. Putting their futures in jeopardy hurts them as individuals and through their struggles their friends and their friends friends will lose faith in a system that is already on shaky ground. The ripple effect of this kind of uncertainty is sure to have lasting repercussions past what we can see.
As these uncertainties become more apparent, it falls on us as caretakers, to work even harder than we do already to provide a stable and healthy environment for our children and the children around us to grow in. We must listen to their needs and support them, as individuals, and as a whole as we strive towards a better future for all.
Children Learn What They Live
by Dorothy Law Nolte
If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance,
They learn to love.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children live with honesty,
They learn truthfulness.
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness,
They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
(Copyright © 1972/1975 by Dorothy Law Nolte)
15 Things Teens Should Know About Sex: Q&A
There are so many stories around sex, it’s hard to know what to believe. Find out the facts – it’s the best way to make sure you have safer sex.
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?- Can you get pregnant if a boy withdraws (pulls out) before he comes?
- Can you get pregnant if you have sex during your period?
- Can you get pregnant if you have sex standing up?
- Can you get pregnant from oral sex?
- Does alcohol make you better in bed?
- Can you use clingfilm as a condom?
- Will a boy’s balls explode if he doesn’t have sex?
- Can you wash condoms and use them again?
- Can you get pregnant if you have sex only once?
- Do you always get symptoms if you have an STI?
- Can women who have sex with women get STIs?
- Do all gay men have anal sex?
- Does starting her periods mean a girl is ready to have sex?
- Can I get help and information on sex if I need it?
1: Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
Yes, pregnancy is possible even if it is the first time a girl has had sex. The truth is, if a boy and a girl have sex and don’t use contraception, she can get pregnant, whether it’s her first time or she has had sex lots of times.
A boy can get a girl pregnant the first time he has sex with her. If you’re female and have sex, you can get pregnant as soon as you start ovulating (releasing eggs). This happens before you have your first period. Read more about periods and the menstrual cycle.
Using contraception protects against pregnancy. Using condoms as well also protects against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Before you have sex, talk to your partner about contraception, and make sure you’ve got some. Find out about getting contraception and tips on using condoms.
2: Can you get pregnant if a boy withdraws (pulls out) before he comes?
Yes, you can. There’s a myth that a girl can’t get pregnant if a boy withdraws his penis before he ejaculates (comes). The truth is, pulling out the penis won’t stop a girl from getting pregnant.
Before a boy ejaculates, there’s sperm in the pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-come), which leaks out when he gets excited. It only takes one sperm to get a girl pregnant. Pre-come can contain STIs, so withdrawing the penis won’t prevent you from getting an infection.
If a boy says he’ll take care to withdraw before he ejaculates, don’t believe him. Nobody can stop themselves from leaking sperm before they come. Always use a condom to protect yourself against STIs, and also use other contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
3: Can you get pregnant if you have sex during your period?
Yes, a girl can get pregnant during her period. The truth is, she can get pregnant at any time of the month if she has sex without contraception.
Sperm can survive for several days after sex, so even if you do it during your period, sperm can stay in the body long enough to get you pregnant.
4: Can you get pregnant if you have sex standing up?
Yes, a girl can become pregnant in any position that she has sex. It is a myth that a girl can’t get pregnant if she has sex standing up, sitting down, or if she jumps up and down afterwards. The truth is, there’s no such thing as a “safe” position if you’re having sex without a condom or another form of contraception.
There are also no “safe” places to have sex, including the bath or shower. Pregnancy can happen whatever position you do it in, and wherever you do it. All that’s needed is for a sperm to meet an egg.
5: Can you get pregnant from oral sex?
No, you can’t get pregnant following oral sex. The truth is, a girl can’t get pregnant this way, even if she swallows sperm. But you can catch STIs through oral sex, including gonorrhoea, chlamydia and herpes. It’s safer to use a condom on a penis if you have oral sex.
6: Does alcohol make you better in bed?
No, alcohol does not make you better in bed. The truth is, when you’re drunk it’s hard to make smart decisions. Alcohol can make you take risks, such as having sex before you’re ready, or having sex with someone you don’t like. Drinking won’t make the experience better. You’re more likely to regret having sex if you do it when you’re drunk. Find out more about sex and alcohol.
7: Can you use clingfilm as a condom?
No, you cannot use clingfilm, or a plastic bag or a crisp packet instead of a condom. Only a condom can protect against STIs.
You can get condoms free from:
- community contraceptive clinics
- sexual health and genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
- some young persons services
You can also buy them from pharmacies and shops. Make sure they have the CE mark or BSI kite mark on them, as this means they’ve been tested to high safety standards. Find (UK) sexual health services near you**, including contraception clinics.
8: Will a boy’s balls explode if he doesn’t have sex?
No, this is not true. Not having sex doesn’t harm boys or girls, and a boy’s balls will not explode.
Boys and men produce sperm all the time. If they don’t ejaculate, the sperm is absorbed into their body. Ejaculation can happen if they masturbate or have a wet dream. They don’t have to have sex. Find out about boys’ bodies.
9: Can you wash condoms and use them again?
No, condoms should only be used once. Don’t believe anyone who says that you can wash condoms and use them again. If you’ve used a condom, throw it away and use a new one if you have sex again.
This is true for male condoms and female condoms. Condoms need to be changed after 30 minutes of sex because friction can weaken the condom, making it more likely to break or fail. Get tips on using condoms.
10: Can you get pregnant if you have sex only once?
Yes, it is possible to get pregnant even if you only have sex once. You may have heard the myth that you have to have sex lots of times to get pregnant. The truth is, all it takes is for one sperm to meet an egg. To avoid pregnancy, always use contraception, and use a condom to protect against STIs.
11: Do you always get symptoms if you have an STI?
No, you might not know if you have an STI due to signs such as it hurting when you pee, or noticing a discharge, unusual smell or soreness.
Many people don’t notice signs of infection, so you won’t always know if you’re infected. You can’t tell by looking at someone whether they’ve got an STI. If you’re worried that you’ve caught an STI, visit your GP (*physician) or local sexual health clinic. Check-ups and tests for STIs are free and confidential, including for under-16s. Find sexual health services near you**.
12: Can women who have sex with women get STIs?
Yes, women who sleep with women can get or pass on STIs. If a woman has an STI, the infection can be passed on through vaginal fluid (including fluid on shared sex toys), blood or close bodily contact.
Always use a new condom on shared sex toys. If a woman is also having sex with a man, using contraception and condoms will help to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancy.
13: Do all gay men have anal sex?
No, this isn’t true. Anal sex, like any sexual activity, is a matter of preference. Some people choose to do it as part of their sex life and some don’t, whether they’re gay, straight, lesbian or bisexual.
According to the Third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (published in 2013), 18.5% of men and 17% of women in the 16-24 age group had had anal sex in the previous year. Whatever kind of sex you have, use a condom to protect yourself and your partner against STIs. However, having sex isn’t the only way to show your feelings for someone.
14: Does starting her periods mean a girl is ready to have sex?
No, this isn’t true. Starting your periods means that you’re growing up, and that you could get pregnant if you were to have sex. It doesn’t mean that you’re ready to have sex, or that you should be sexually active.
People feel ready to have sex at different times. It’s a personal decision. Most young people in England wait until they’re 16 or older before they start having sex. Find out more about periods and the menstrual cycle.
15: Can I get help and information on sex if I need it?
If you want to talk to someone in confidence, you can call the national sexual health helpline on 0300 123 7123*.
Find U.K. sexual health services near you**.
To find your nearest young people’s service, visit the Ask Brook website.
Find out where to get help when sex goes wrong.
Condom, no condom? is an interactive video on YouTube where you decide what happens. Just choose which button to click at the end of each section to continue the story, and see the consequences of your choices.
Editor’s Note:
* Clarification Provided for our U.S. Readers
** Resources Outside the UK:
From www.nhs.uk
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Binge Eating Disorder: Warning Signs & How to Get Your Teen Help
Binge eating disorder involves regularly eating large portions of food all at once until you feel uncomfortably full, and then often upset or guilty.
Symptoms of binge eating disorder
The main symptom of binge eating disorder is eating very large amounts of food in a short time, often in an out-of-control way. But symptoms may also include:
- eating very fast during a binge
- eating until you feel uncomfortably full
- eating when you’re not hungry
- eating alone or secretly
- feeling depressed, guilty, ashamed or disgusted after binge eating
People who regularly eat in this way may have binge eating disorder.
Warning signs of binge eating disorder in someone else
The following warning signs could indicate that someone you care about has an eating disorder:
- eating a lot of food, very fast
- trying to hide how much they are eating
- storing up supplies of food
- putting on weight – though this doesn’t happen to everyone with binge eating disorder
Getting help for binge eating disorder
If you think you may have binge eating disorder, see your GP (*physician) as soon as you can.
They will ask you questions about your eating habits and how you’re feeling, and will check your weight and overall health.
If they think you may have binge eating disorder, or another eating disorder, your GP should refer you to an eating disorder specialist or team of specialists.
It can be very hard to admit you have a problem and to ask for help. It may make things easier if you bring a friend or loved one with you to your appointment.
You can also talk in confidence to an adviser from eating disorders charity Beat (in the UK**) by calling its adult helpline on 0808 801 0677 or youth helpline on 0808 801 0711.
Getting help for someone else
If you’re concerned that a family member or friend may have binge eating disorder, let them know you’re worried about them and encourage them to see their GP. You could offer to go along with them.
Read more about talking to your child about eating disorders and supporting someone with an eating disorder.
Treatment for binge eating
With the right treatment and support, most people recover from binge eating disorder, but it may take time.
The main treatments for binge eating are:
- guided self-help programmes – involves working through a book about binge eating and having sessions with a therapist to support you
- a type of talking therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) – in group sessions or individual (one-on-one) sessions
Binge eating disorder often causes weight gain (though not always), which can lead to other health problems.
You shouldn’t try to diet while you are having treatment as it can make your binge eating worse.
Read more about treating binge eating disorder.
Causes of binge eating
We don’t know exactly what causes binge eating disorder and other eating disorders. You may be more likely to get an eating disorder if:
- you or a member of your family has a history of eating disorders, depression, or alcohol or drug addiction
- you have been criticised for your eating habits, body shape or weight
- you are overly concerned with being slim, particularly if you also feel pressure from society or your job – for example, ballet dancers, jockeys, models or athletes
- you have anxiety, low self-esteem, an obsessive personality or are a perfectionist
- you have been sexually abused
Editor’s Note:
* Clarification Provided for our U.S. Readers
** Resources Outside the UK:
- U.S.: National Eating Disorder Hotline (NEDA)
- Canada: Eating Disorder Hope – links to websites and helplines for youths and adults
From www.nhs.uk
Video: Teens and Tattoos: How to Make Sure Your Teen is Safe
Niall McManus, tattoo artist, discusses things to consider before getting a tattoo and how to do so safely.
Editor’s Note: Video Highlights
Things to know before getting a tattoo:
Do your research
- Check out your artist’s website to see their style.
- Make sure it’s what you want.
- Go to the shop
- Make sure you’re comfortable the person tattooing you
- Make sure it’s a reputable shop
- Every shop and every artist must have a license.
- They must be displayed on site
Make certain your artist is taking the required safety precautions.
- Wearing gloves during the whole process.
- Unwrapping his equipment from the sterilization packages in front of you.
- Not all artists will do this automatically, but feel free to ask your artist to do so.
Your artist will wrap the finished tattoo in plastic wrap after cleaning it.
- This should be kept on for two hours.
Tattoos take two (2) weeks to heal.
- Wash it with warm running water regularly.
- Do not soak it in water.
- It is a wound. It will scab. This is normal. Let the scab fall off on its own.
- Don’t scratch it.
- If it itches, pat it, don’t scratch it.
- If you accidentally scratch it, sometimes it can require a touch up.
- Keep it moisturized
- If you have any questions about the healing process ask your artist.
Editor’s note: Tattoos are becoming further accepted in society. As they become more popular, more teenagers are getting them. It is important for them (and you) to know how to do it safely if you decide it is something to pursue.
** Resources outside the U.K.:
- For more information check out the American Academy of Pediatric’s recommendations.
From www.nhs.uk
1 in 10 Young People Self-Harm: Here’s How to Help
Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body. It’s usually a way of coping with or expressing overwhelming emotional distress.
Sometimes when people self-harm, they feel on some level that they intend to die. Over half of people who die by suicide have a history of self-harm.
However, the intention is more often to punish themselves, express their distress or relieve unbearable tension. Sometimes the reason is a mixture of both.
Self-harm can also be a cry for help.
Getting help
If you’re self-harming, you should see your GP (*physician) for help. They can refer you to healthcare professionals at a local community mental health service for further assessment. This assessment will result in your care team working out a treatment plan with you to help with your distress.
Treatment for people who self-harm usually involves seeing a therapist to discuss your thoughts and feelings, and how these affect your behaviour and wellbeing. They can also teach you coping strategies to help prevent further episodes of self-harm. If you’re badly depressed, it could also involve taking antidepressants or other medication.
Types of self-harm
There are many different ways people can intentionally harm themselves, such as:
- cutting or burning their skin
- punching or hitting themselves
- poisoning themselves with tablets or toxic chemicals
- misusing alcohol or drugs
- deliberately starving themselves (anorexia nervosa) or binge eating (bulimia nervosa)
- excessively exercising
People often try to keep self-harm a secret because of shame or fear of discovery. For example, if they’re cutting themselves, they may cover up their skin and avoid discussing the problem. It’s often up to close family and friends to notice when somebody is self-harming, and to approach the subject with care and understanding.
Signs of self-harm
If you think a friend or relative is self-harming, look out for any of the following signs:
- unexplained cuts, bruises or cigarette burns, usually on their wrists, arms, thighs and chest
- keeping themselves fully covered at all times, even in hot weather
- signs of depression, such as low mood, tearfulness or a lack of motivation or interest in anything
- self-loathing and expressing a wish to punish themselves
- not wanting to go on and wishing to end it all
- becoming very withdrawn and not speaking to others
- changes in eating habits or being secretive about eating, and any unusual weight loss or weight gain
- signs of low self-esteem, such as blaming themselves for any problems or thinking they’re not good enough for something
- signs they have been pulling out their hair
- signs of alcohol or drugs misuse
People who self-harm can seriously hurt themselves, so it’s important that they speak to a GP about the underlying issue and request treatment or therapy that could help them.
Why people self-harm
Self-harm is more common than many people realise, especially among younger people. It’s estimated around 10% of young people self-harm at some point, but people of all ages do. This figure is also likely to be an underestimate, as not everyone seeks help.
In most cases, people who self-harm do it to help them cope with overwhelming emotional issues, which may be caused by:
- social problems – such as being bullied, having difficulties at work or school, having difficult relationships with friends or family, coming to terms with their sexuality if they think they might be gay or bisexual, or coping with cultural expectations, such as an arranged marriage
- trauma – such as physical or sexual abuse, the death of a close family member or friend, or having a miscarriage
- psychological causes – such as having repeated thoughts or voices telling them to self-harm, disassociating (losing touch with who they are and with their surroundings), or borderline personality disorder
These issues can lead to a build-up of intense feelings of anger, guilt, hopelessness and self-hatred. The person may not know who to turn to for help and self-harming may become a way to release these pent-up feelings.
Self-harm is linked to anxiety and depression. These mental health conditions can affect people of any age. Self-harm can also occur alongside antisocial behaviour, such as misbehaving at school or getting into trouble with the police.
Although some people who self-harm are at a high risk of suicide, many people who self-harm don’t want to end their lives. In fact, the self-harm may help them cope with emotional distress, so they don’t feel the need to kill themselves.
Useful organisations
There are organisations that offer support and advice for people who self-harm, as well as their friends and families. These include:
- Samaritans** – call 116 123 (open 24 hours a day), email: jo@samaritans.org or visit your local Samaritans branch
- Mind** – call 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 (9am-6pm on weekdays)
- Harmless** – email info@harmless.org.uk
- National Self Harm Network forums**
- YoungMinds Parents Helpline** – call 0808 802 5544 (9.30-4pm on weekdays)
Find more mental health helplines.
Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US readers.
** Resources outside the U.K.
- Samaritans USA provides resources like hotlines and professional educational courses to prevent suicide.
- NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the largest grassroots mental health organization in the US.
- The Self Injury Foundation is dedicated to providing funding for self-harm research and education as well as resources and information about self-harm.
- Recover Your Life is a self-harm forum.
- National Parents Hotline provides emotional support for parents dealing with a range of issues.
From www.nhs.uk
How To Prevent and Treat Teen Smelly Feet
Smelly feet aren’t fun for anyone, but there is an effective, simple and cheap treatment that you can use at home which will banish foot odour within a week.
The main cause is sweaty feet combined with wearing the same shoes every day.
Why feet sweat
Anyone can get sweaty feet, regardless of the temperature or time of year. But teenagers and pregnant women are especially prone because hormonal changes make them sweat more.
You’re also more likely to have foot perspiration if you’re on your feet all day, if you’re under a lot of stress or if you have a medical condition called hyperhidrosis, which makes you sweat more than usual. Fungal infections, such as athlete’s foot, can also lead to bad foot odour.
According to podiatrist, Lorraine Jones, feet become smelly if sweat soaks into shoes and they don’t dry before you wear them again.
Bacteria on the skin break down sweat as it comes from the pores. A cheesy odour is released as the sweat decomposes.
“Your feet sweat into your shoes all day so they get damp and bacteria start to grow. The bacteria continue to breed once you’ve taken your shoes off, especially if you put them in a dark cupboard. Then, when you put your shoes back on the next day, even if you’ve just had a shower, putting your feet into still damp shoes creates the perfect conditions for the bacteria to thrive – warm, dark and moist.”
How to treat smelly feet
The good news is that there’s a simple, quick, sure-fire solution to smelly feet.
- Wash your feet with an anti-bacterial soap called Hibiscrub. There are lots of over-the-counter foot hygiene products at your local chemist, but Hibiscrub is the best one.
- Leave on the Hibiscrub for a couple of minutes, then wash it off.
According to Lorraine, “if you do this twice a day, you’ll definitely banish smelly feet within a week.”
She adds that you shouldn’t use Hibiscrub on your feet if you have broken skin, such as eczema.
Preventing smelly feet
Keeping feet fresh and sweet smelling is all down to good personal hygiene and changing your shoes regularly. To keep feet fresh:
- Never wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row. Instead, wear different shoes on successive days so they have at least 24 hours to dry out.
- Make sure teenage boys have two pairs of trainers so that they don’t have to wear the same pair for two or more consecutive days.
- Wash and dry your feet every day and change your socks (ideally wool or cotton, not nylon) at least once a day.
- Keep your toenails short and clean and remove any hard skin with a foot file. Hard skin can become soggy when damp, which provides an ideal home for bacteria
If you’re particularly susceptible to sweaty feet, it’s a good idea to:
- dab between your toes with cotton wool dipped in surgical spirit after a shower or bath – surgical spirit helps dry out the skin between the toes really well – in addition to drying them with a towel
- use a spray deodorant or antiperspirant on your feet – a normal underarm deodorant or antiperspirant works just as well as a specialist foot product and will cost you less
- put medicated insoles, which have a deodorising effect, in your shoes
- try feet-fresh socks – some sports socks have ventilation panels to keep feet dry, and antibacterial socks are impregnated with chemicals to discourage the odour-producing bacteria that feed on sweat
- wear leather or canvas shoes, as they let your feet breathe, unlike plastic ones
- wear open-toed sandals in summer and go barefoot at home in the evenings
When to see a doctor
Smelly feet are a harmless problem that generally clears up. Sometimes, however, it can be a sign of a medical condition.
See your GP (*doctor) if simple measures to reduce your foot odour don’t help, or if you’re worried that your level of sweating is abnormally high.
Your doctor can offer you a strong prescription antiperspirant or refer you for a treatment called iontophoresis, which delivers a mild electric current through water to your feet to combat excessive sweating.
Here are more tips on how to look after your feet.
Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US readers.
From www.nhs.uk
