Love Is Not Abuse – Please Talk to Your Teens!!

Last updated on October 6th, 2015 at 12:33 am

Do you know what an abusive dating relationship looks like? Would you recognize the signs if your child was involved in one? Are you sure?

Two years ago a very close friend of mine discovered that his son (yes folks this happens to boys too) -his brilliant, talented, confident son – had spent his last semester at college involved in an abusive relationship. The girl he was dating sent him an unbelievable number of emails alternating between” I love you”, “I hate you”, “you’re everything to me”, “you’re nothing…none of your friends like you – I’m all you have”…etc. The stream of emails was almost constant…and in between there were phone calls and voice mails, all intended to build him up and then break him down until his self image became nothing more than a reflection of whatever mood she was in.

My friend found out about this – not by talking to his son – but when campus police called to notify him that they had received a tip that his son had left campus, taken a train to a nearby city, checked himself into a hotel and was talking about suicide. Ironically, it was his girlfriend who had called this in. Even sadder – despite the abuse (and warnings from his school) he could not stay away from her which resulted in his forced withdrawal from college. Although he was eventually allowed to return, the damage was done.

How could my friend not have seen that his son was in trouble?? Why didn’t he talk to him? Unfortunately his experience is not uncommon. Studies have shown that more than half of all parents do not recognize the warning signs. According to Cindy Southworth, founder of the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Net Technology Project, “one of the foremost challenges in dating abuse is understanding that using power and control over a dating partner often goes beyond physical violence”. Jane Randel of Liz Claiborne Inc. adds: “Despite the fact that one in four teens are victimized through technology, our research shows that parents are dangerously out of touch with the high levels of dating violence and abuse taking place in their children’s lives”.  In truth, we can’t afford to be.

Fortunately parents, there is something that can help. Liz Claiborne Inc. recently launched Love Is Not Abuse (LINA), an iPhone app that provides parents with a rare insight into what it feels like for their teen to be a victim of digital dating abuse.  The app simulates the abuse that many teens endure in their dating relationships. For just a few minutes, application users will receive text messages, emails and phone calls from a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ that mimic the actual communications abused teens receive – in many cases, all day and night.

Love Is Not Abuse provides parents with facts on teen dating abuse, helps them recognize abusive behaviors, directs them too immediate help if they suspect their child is in an abusive relationship and offers tips on how to talk to their teen about dating abuse. “When parents know concrete examples of what can constitute dating abuse, they are better-equipped to support their children.

So now we know…and now it’s up to you and me to do something! Remember, teen dating abuse comes in many forms, making it difficult to recognize. It does not always leaves scratches or bruises, so parents need also to be aware of subtle signs that their teen may be under attack through technology. And we need to acknowledge that this doesn’t make it any less serious.

Dating abuse can result in injury, death and mental health problems including suicidal thoughts, substance use, disordered eating and depression. My friend was lucky – he got the call before his son took his life… but it could just as easily have gone another way. Please talk to your kids and establish a support system before the abuse happens. Remind them that LOVE SHOULDN’T HURT – ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR is NEVER OK.

CONNECT WITH “LOVE IS NOT ABUSE” ON THESE SOCIAL MEDIAS

• Love is Not Abuse on Facebook
• Love_IsNotAbuse on Twitter

The Love is Not Abuse app is available FOR FREE at the iTunes App store

Many thanks to Leslie Loves Veggies and Mom Central Consulting for sharing this information so we could share it with our readers.

Is it Too Young to Remove Wisdom Teeth at Age 13?

Last updated on November 3rd, 2018 at 05:27 pm

Not really, says T. Bob Davis, a dental surgeon and the spokesman for the Academy of General Dentistry. Wisdom teeth normally don’t break through the gums until about the ages of 17 to 25, but your dentist will likely start assessing your child when she’s 13. And if it seems likely that the wisdom teeth – or third molars, as they are clinically called – will crowd other teeth or cause problems (dentists can predict this using dental X-rays), the sooner they are extracted, the better for your child’s oral health, says Davis.

“It’s easier on both dentists and patients to remove the teeth when the roots are still soft and not fully formed, and younger people heal better,” adds Davis. (He likes to remove the lower set of wisdom teeth in one procedure, at age 14 or 15, followed by the upper set in a separate procedure the following year.) “There’s no point in making a child wait — it just gets harder as the roots calcify.”

But as common as the procedure is, Davis warns that two things are likely to be different for your child than they were when you were a teen:

• Don’t expect general anesthesia. Patients who have general anesthesia – as opposed to sedation and local anesthesia – heal more slowly. What’s more, a recent study found that patients who are given general anesthesia are more likely to develop infections – and that their infections are more severe – than those who are given local anesthesia.
• Don’t expect a “knockout” pain medication. These days, dentists are less likely to prescribe heavy-duty pain pills. Painkillers such as Vicodin are among the most abused drugs, “and it’s better not to introduce it to kids who are in their teens,” he says, “especially since we now know we can manage pain so much more effectively, alternating ibuprofen (even before the procedure) with less addictive types of painkillers.” But each case is different. If you’re concerned your child is not getting enough pain relief (or worried that it’s too much), talk to your dentist.

Editors Note:

For additional information on this topic, please see our follow up post “Be Wise About Your Teen’s Wisdom Teeth” by PedSafe Expert Dr Bill Williams

Get Your Kids to Trade in Screen Time for Sleep

Last updated on October 6th, 2015 at 12:29 am

If you’re worried about how much screen time versus dream time your kids are getting, you’re not alone. But for your kids’ well-being, it’s time to reign in the connectivity: Recent studies have found that teens who sacrifice sleep time for screen time are at a greater risk for sleep disorders, mood swings and depression – not to mention a less-than-stellar performance at school due to shortened attention spans.

So why do your digitally savvy kids value their connectivity so much? Think of your own exciting, enlightening and entertaining exchanges once experienced in drive-in movie theaters of your youth. The relationships your kids forge on social media platforms now resonate on that same kind of emotional level.

However, that doesn’t mean that your kids should forfeit healthy cognitive function for a midnight marathon of “Halo 3.” Here are five ways to help them find a better balance:

No. 1: Check your cell phone bills.

Find out what time your kids are calling, texting and receiving messages or calls from friends. Once you have a clear idea of what’s happening post-bedtime, you’ll know how to address the issue and what kind of boundary to set.

No. 2: Help them make the connection between screen time and health.

Ask your kids about their online and mobile device habits. Have they noticed any negative effects from staying up late to surf the Web or IM their friends? How often do they wake up in the middle of the night because someone called or texted them? The point here isn’t to bust them, but to teach them to make the right choices by helping them identify how certain aspects of their mental and physical well-being have been compromised by their screen time habits.

No. 3: Create a technology curfew.

If you can’t trust them not to indulge in their devices after your curfew, have your kids hand over their devices every night at a pre-appointed time. Will you be hit with a deluge of groaning, punctuated by melodramatic door-slams? Probably. But at some point, you have to set boundaries to help them get the benefits of regular, uninterrupted sleep. Another option is to contact your carrier to turn off texting and phone service during certain hours. This way, you don’t have to play phone police all night, and their phone can stay in their possession.

No. 4: Give your rules a healthy context.

This isn’t about enforcing rules and restricting digital activity so much as it’s about keeping your kids healthy. Let them know that you know how valuable their devices are to them, but that we all need to learn to strike a balance. So instead of saying things like “No computer after 9 p.m.” or “Gaming is not allowed after bedtime,” try setting a positive tone to the boundaries. Focus on what privileges they do have. Say “You can use your computer from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m., and your cell phone until dinnertime” or “Once homework is finished, games can be played until bedtime.”

No. 5: Be a role model.

Make sure you’re not always on Web devices too, especially when your kids need your attention or when it’s family time. If you’re arguing that, for the sake of their health, your children don’t need to be open for 24/7 interaction with the outside world, then maybe you don’t need to be either?

School Lunch or Brown Bag: Obvious Choice?

Last updated on August 24th, 2017 at 12:48 am

Many people believe that sending a school lunch is always the healthier alternative. Is it? School lunch has been under heavy scrutiny for good reason. However, I have done many diet recalls on children and have seen my share of issues with lunches brought from home as well.

Therefore, I put together the tips below and a chart at the end of this article that get you to think objectively about your child buying vs. bringing a lunch to school.

Addressing The Issues: Brown Bag & School Lunch

If your child is brown bagging:

• Commit to providing food variety for your child. Even if you believe the same lunch you make is considered healthy, don’t make that same lunch every day. Sit down with your child and discuss menu options that they can get excited about eating. When kids are invited to be part of the planning process, they will feel more inclined to eat the foods you provide. I absolutely love Catherine McCord’s super creative lunch ideas that also make healthy foods fun to eat. Check out her quick video to inspire you on Weelicious.
• Include a fruit and veggie in your child’s lunch every day. And for vegetables, branch out from carrots! Make a side salad, veggie kabob or even make fun faces out of veggies and provide a nice dip such as hummus for dipping.
• Concentrate on quality carbohydrates such as whole grain breads, rices and noodles. Low-fat chips are fine sometimes, but try not to use that as the staple carbohydrate in your child’s lunch.
• Make sure portions are right for your child. Some healthy bagged lunches do not provide enough calories to get your child through the day. On the other hand, too many “healthy” sweets might push your child over the calorie limit recommended for a child’s lunch.
• Include a low-fat dairy everyday – either a low-fat yogurt, milk or cheese. For those with milk allergy (rare), consider soy products as a good alternative.

If your child is buying a school lunch:

• Review the school menus with your child. Empower them to make healthy choices on their own. That includes, for example, making the choice not to have ice cream every day. Allow the cafeteria experience to be part of the education experience!
• Encourage your child to eat the healthier meal items first to maximize their nutritional intake. Remind them that there is a limited amount of time to eat, and that their lunch will help them power out the rest of their day.
• Become involved in your child’s school lunch menu. Contact their school nutrition department and discuss any concerns you have with them directly.

Comparison Chart: School Lunch vs Brown Bag

The biggest thing I want to highlight is to get involved in the changes happening with school lunches everywhere. Schools get so many negative comments about their food, so when you see an improvement, let them know. Positive changes are slowly occuring, which is certainly something to be celebrated. I am inspired by the changes being made in my city – Dallas, Texas. They have taken out many high calorie/low nutrient foods out and have added quality foods in their place. And now, a new initiative is on the horizon where Dallas Independent School District will be collaborating with Registered Dietitians from the Dallas Dietetic Association to educate freshman students on nutrition. These are the wonderfully positive things that are happening in my area. What about yours? Encourage positive change by recommending practical solutions that your school district can implement. Help to be part of the solution – for the sake of our children!

Is The Inside of Your Car Making Your Family Sick?

Last updated on August 29th, 2015 at 06:02 pm

Far too many of us treat our cars like second homes: We eat, drink, spill things and create piles of clutter inside.

But stop and think about it. When was the last time you really gave your car a thorough cleaning on the inside? And think back to the last time you hopped into your car with a bad cold and sneezed, spreading germs throughout your car’s cabin. Did you bother to wipe down surfaces afterwards? Didn’t think so.

Germs run rampant all around us, including the inside of our automobiles. Fortunately, there’s much you can do to keep those pesky lil’ microbes in check. Here are some tips from the country’s leading germ experts on how to sanitize your ride’s interior.

Daily Wipe-downs

“When you and your kids get in your car, you inevitably come into contact with surfaces covered with germs,” says Donna Duberg, assistant professor of clinical laboratory science at Saint Louis University’s Doisy College of Health Sciences. “Then you touch your eyes, nose and mouth. That’s how little germies from unclean surfaces make their way into our bodies.”

Stay healthy by wiping down the frequently-touched areas with a disinfectant, such as a sanitizing or disinfecting wipe, that kills viruses and bacteria (you may have to read the fine print on the label to be sure.) Look for a wipe that does not contain bleach – some have “bleach-free” right on the label – so you can use them to clean hard, nonporous surfaces like steering wheels, dashboards, knobs, chrome accents, door handles and even mirrors.

Make wiping down the inside of your vehicle part of a daily routine during cold and flu season and especially when someone in your family has been sick.

Meals on Wheels

We are becoming a nation of families eating on the go – most often in our cars. Inevitably, food particles end up on the vehicle’s upholstery, floor, seat belts, steering wheel and knobs. These crumbs are a breeding ground for bacteria, which love a warm, dark and moist environment.

Vacuum what you can with a hand-held portable vac after returning home from any outing where you or the kids were eating in the car. “Then wipe down surfaces with a disinfectant wipe and dry them completely to eliminate any lingering moisture,” says Philip Tierno, M.D., Ph.D., director of clinical microbiology and immunology at New York University School of Medicine and the author of The Secret Life of Germs. “Failing to do so allows organisms like mold to grow, which can make you and your children sick,” warns Tierno.

Sanitizer at the Ready

Once you get into the habit of wiping surfaces and vacuuming food spills in your car, why not attack the main entry point for germs into your car – your hands.

Hand sanitizers should be kept in every single vehicle, advises Duberg. After you use the handle at the gas pump or press the buttons on the ATM, your hands are covered with germs from the people who touched these surfaces before you.

So after touching commonly used surfaces, apply a hand sanitizer to avoid passing germs onto the surfaces inside your car. Go with sanitizers that contain at least 60 percent alcohol concentration. Look at the list of active ingredients for ethyl alcohol, ethanol, isopropanol or another variation. Apply to all parts of the hands (palms, nails, knuckles) and continue to rub your hands together until they are completely dry.

Car Seat Care

Little ones can equal big messes in the car – bottle spills, leaky diapers, unidentifiable crumbs. Luckily, the majority of child safety seats are made from fabric that can be removed and washed. A recent study conducted by Charles P. Gerba, Ph.D., professor of environmental microbiology at the University of Arizona and a leading authority on germs, found that car seats often have bacteria on them – and enough to make a child sick with an ear infection or strep throat.

And that’s not all. They also typically have some mold growth, which can be particularly worrisome if you or your child suffers from allergies or asthma. Gerba suggests washing your child safety seat cover a few times per month.

He also recommends wiping down the plastic shell and harness of the child safety seat with water and a mild soap on a weekly basis – or more often if your child is sick. Between washings, be sure to vacuum or shake out the car seat as often as possible to remove food droppings.

Does Your Back-To-School Checklist Include Swimming Lessons?

Last updated on August 31st, 2015 at 01:35 am

• Pencils? Check.  √
• Notebooks? Check.  √
• Backpack? Check.  √
• Swimming lessons? Huh???

So often parents associate swimming lessons only with summer vacation.  Summer is a great time to be in the pool, but there are a number of reasons why you should think about enrolling your child in swim classes year-round. First and foremost, learning to swim is like any other developmental phase – it requires a gradual strengthening of skills. Your child did not suddenly recite the Gettysburg Address – they began with simple words and built their mental and physical skills to understand and form more complex words and string them together coherently. Children learn to speak by practicing regularly. Swimming requires the same gradual and consistent teaching and practice.

Swimming is a life skill that will keep your child safe their whole life. Once children are school age they are at greatest risk of drowning in open water and it’s only a matter of years before they are out of your sight – don’t you want them to be safe?

If the safety reasons aren’t enough, here are some other great reasons why swimming should be on your back-to-school ‘to do’ list:

1. Swimming makes you smarter.
2. Teaching young children to swim actually makes them more physically coordinated as they mature. (Citation: Sigmundsson, H. and B. Hopkins. 2010. Baby swimming: exploring the effects of early intervention on subsequent motor abilities, Child: Care Health and Development. 36:3, 428-430. DOI: 10.1111/j.1365-2214.2009)
3. Swimmers live longer.

What else makes your child smarter, healthier, better coordinated AND safer?

Swimming lessons? Check!!!   √√√