How Dads Keep Kids Healthy
Last updated on November 26th, 2023 at 07:52 pm
It’s no surprise that positive parenting affects a child’s health and happiness. Countless studies have shown powerful benefits of dad’s participation in children’s development: Kids of highly involved fathers score better on cognitive tests at 6 months of age, are better problem-solvers as toddlers and have higher IQs by age 3. In school, they get more A’s and perform better on standardized tests. There’s an emotional benefit too: These children report feeling less anxious and depressed, and they’re more social and empathetic.
But did you know that kids with involved dads are physically healthier too?
Studies have shown that kids who live with active, involved fathers are:
- Less likely to suffer a physical accident
- Six times less likely to visit the emergency room
- Up to two times less likely to suffer from asthma
- More likely to be active — and four times less likely to be obese by the age of 18 — than kids with inactive, obese dads
- And there are benefits for dad too: Fathers who engage with their kids are more likely to feel more satisfied and empathetic with others, as well as less stressed.
Young kids require lots of attention and love, especially when they’re sick. So every day, both mom and dad should make 10 minutes of one-on-one time with their kids a priority. Here are a few smart ways dads can get involved in kids’ lives:
Be the chauffeur. There’s no easier time for undivided catch-up time with your kids than when you’re driving home from school or swim practice. It can become important bonding time during which kids open up about what’s going on in their lives. Just make sure to ban cell phones to create an opportunity for meaningful conversation.
Get your hands dirty. Do a little yard work together! Your kids will love mucking around in the mud, and you’ll get a helping hand digging up the flowerbeds, raking leaves or scavenging sticks for the fireplace.
Build something. Whether it’s a living room fort or a kitchen science experiment, start a project together. While having fun, you’ll also create precious memories together: According to Harvard University, the more senses you use, the more involved your brain will be in making a memory (which means your kids are likely to remember the experience).
Experiment in the kitchen. You don’t have to be a master chef to cook with your kids. For your next weekend brunch or dinner, mix up boxed pancake batter with blueberries, or concoct an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink sandwich together. (Making a mess is the fun part, anyway!)
Read to them. Reading is essential to your child’s mental development: As early as the 1960s, studies showed that kids with fathers who regularly read to them were more likely to score better in many important cognitive skill categories — especially vocab — than children whose fathers did not. So start at an early age, and do it often.
Tell stories together. Boost your kid’s creative juices by telling a story and letting your kid fill in the parts. Play off of each other and, above all, have fun! Research shows that when toddlers chat with their dads, they tend to be more inquisitive and even use a larger vocabulary than when they’re talking with moms.
Make a coloring book. If your kid’s stuck in bed or if it’s a dreary day, make it a bit brighter by sketching the outline of a person or place and asking your kids to fill in the details. If you have a younger kid, draw a full image and give her the crayons to fill your mutual masterpiece.
Share your passion. Whether it’s walking your kid through a golf swing or simply explaining why the sky is blue, make sure to discuss the things you love with your kids. They might occasionally roll their eyes (“Dad’s at it again!”), but they won’t forget those impromptu lessons.
Hug them. Kids need physical attention — and not just from mom. Snuggle, show affection, love them — especially when your little one is stuck sick in bed (and all her friends are outside playing).
Moms, encourage dads to get involved. Studies show that when moms are supportive of their spouse’s parenting, men are more likely to be involved and feel more responsible for their kids’ well-being. Plus, there’s nothing better than sitting back and watching your family grow closer together. So keep a camera and a box of Puffs tissues at hand and prepare for moving experiences.
5 Healing Scents For Your Family, You May Not Know About
Last updated on November 26th, 2023 at 07:53 pm
The secret to better sleep, more energy and fewer cold symptoms may be right beneath your nose: A growing body of research shows that certain aromas can improve your well-being. “Scents trigger a reaction in the nervous system,” explains Dr. Julie Chen, an integrative physician and owner of Making Healthy EZ in San Jose, Calif. “And that can have an effect on the entire body.”
To find out which ones have the greatest healing powers, we sifted through the studies and consulted the experts. Get a whiff of these mind and body benefits!
1. Lavender for better sleep. Tired of counting sheep? Try sniffing this fragrant purple flower. Researchers at Wesleyan University found that people who breathed in lavender essential oil before bedtime slept more soundly — and spent more time in restorative slow-wave sleep — than when they whiffed a placebo.
“This aroma can help both adults and children relax,” adds Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami. In one study, she and her colleagues found that babies cried less and snoozed more when lavender-scented bath oil was added to their nighttime bath.
2. Peppermint for more energy. Put down that double espresso and unwrap a red-and-white striped candy: The cool smell stimulates the area of the brain associated with alertness and attention, say researchers from Wheeling Jesuit University in West Virginia. In a series of studies, the scientists found that people who breathed in peppermint were faster and more accurate during clerical tests. They were also more aware and less frustrated while driving.
3. Eucalyptus for cold symptoms. “Eucalyptus helps clear nasal passageways,” says Chen. Developing research suggests that it may help break up mucus, also loosening coughs, according to the National Institutes of Health.
What’s more, a study published in the journal Respiratory Medicine shows that eucalyptol, the active ingredient, has anti-inflammatory properties and may ease inflamed airways. “Whiffing eucalyptus won’t get rid of a cold,” says Chen. “But it may lessen those symptoms and suffering.”
4. Jasmine for a happier mood. The next time you’re feeling stressed out, harness the power of this little white flower. German research found that the sweet smell increased levels of GABA, a mood-boosting chemical, in the brain. Jasmine has also been shown by Thai researchers to increase alertness and alleviate depression.
5. Green apple for pain relief. The aroma of an apple a day may keep headaches away. In a study done at the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, migraine sufferers who whiffed green apple experienced less pain over a shorter period of time than when they breathed in an unscented placebo. It could be that the smell distracted them from the pain, say the researchers, or it could be that it reduces the muscle contractions that intensify migraines.
The Right Way to Whiff
“If done properly, aromatherapy is generally safe, with few side effects,” says Chen. “That’s why it works well as an adjunctive therapy, or in addition to conventional treatments and medications.”
Chen advises looking for scents with few additives. “I like essential oils,” she says. But don’t take a deep breath directly from the bottle or rub the liquid onto your skin, which can lead to irritation. “Wave the cap beneath your nose or use an aromatherapy diffuser,” she says. Want to inhale a scent, like lavender, while you sleep? Put a few drops of the oil on a tissue or handkerchief and stash it beneath your pillow.
Some scents are also available in topical products — like eucalyptus, an ingredient in vapor rubs — formulated for safe use on skin. (Check the packaging for age restrictions and instructions for application.)
And remember, it is possible to be sensitive to certain smells and products, says Chen. So if you or your child starts to experience any unpleasant symptoms, like headaches or irritation, stop whiffing.
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Editor’s Note: As always, please check with your child’s pediatrician before trying anything new. Allergies and sensitivities are unpredictable – especially where children are concerned.
Keep Your Whole Family Active And Fit This Winter
Last updated on January 21st, 2023 at 09:53 pm
Many families are concerned at this time of year about methods to stay fit when the outdoor temperature and winter weather is not as c
onducive to remaining active as during the summer. This is a very legitimate concern and not only speaks to burning calories but also to calcium metabolism. It is well known that Vitamin D levels can be raised by the exposure to sunlight. As a matter of fact the illness, rickets, due to a decreased level of calcium and vitamin D, occurs more frequently in situations that preclude frequent exposure to sunlight, e.g. living above the Arctic Circle where winters can at times erase all exposure to sunlight.
The first and, I believe the most important issue for families to think about is to pull the plug on televisions and computers. Not only does the Academy of Pediatrics recommend limiting time spent each a day in front of a visual screen (television and computers together) but the computer has become one of the major contributors to childhood overweight issues and obesity, a very significant problem in the United States population.
The second issue is to rethink just how the winter months differ significantly from the summer months. Sure, it’s generally colder and sometimes icy and snowy but there is no reason that outdoor activity cannot take place in the winter also. Dress appropriately and get out on a bicycle with your children ( worth 140 calories an hour for a child of 50 pounds going at a moderate speed), or go for walks at even a relatively slow rate which can help burn off 50 calories an hour in that same 50 lb child. Some outdoor winter activities can burn off a large amount of calories; for example snow shoeing (200Cal/hr), ice skating (75 Cal/hr), and skiing (up to 250 Cal/hr).
One indoor activity might include walking around a museum during which the interest factor will make the loss of those 50 Cal/hr go by fast. Other indoor activities include martial arts (230Cal/hr), jumping rope (230Cal/hr)- of course it would be difficult to jump rope for an hour, swimming at your local “Y” (160 Cal/hr), shooting baskets ( 100 Cal/hr), and bowling (up to 80 Cal/hr). These activities can be cumulative, allowing you to break such activities up into smaller time increments.
If you must stay indoors at home for a day or two and if you can afford it, invest in interactive computer or television games such as Wii sports- I’ve tried it and you can really work up a sweat. Keep in mind such minimal activity as sitting quietly and reading, or even sitting in front of the television (hopefully not the case) and staying awake can burn off about 25 Cal/hr!!
Stay fit, stay active and enjoy the winter.
This Holiday Season, Commit Your Family to a “Vow of Yellibacy”
Last updated on December 26th, 2022 at 12:24 pm
Let’s face it, yelling is one way to let off steam. And we seem to be letting off more than our share these days. Unfortunately, the holidays is a time when stress builds and we let off steam with one another. Studies show that both kids and parents alike are far more stressed than just a decade ago. Those studies also show that family yelling matches and flaring tempers are especially prevalent during tough economic times–like now, and there’s proof: An online survey of 1300 U.S. parents named yelling—not working or spanking or missing a school event—as their biggest guilt inducer.
Our tempers do affect our kids. Yelling can also become an easy habit that can ruin family harmony. Just tolerating yelling just teaches a kid that the way to get what you want is by upping the volume. And beware: the more yelling, the more it must be utilized to be effective. So family members get used to the screaming, the pitch gets louder, the frequency gets longer and soon everyone starts using it so they can be heard. Yelling is also contagious so chances are once one family member has learned to scream another will catch the “screaming bug.”
If you want to boost your family’s harmony and reduce those yelling matches, then something needs to be altered, A.S.A.P. Here are the seven steps to reduce this vicious yelling cycle. Change takes commitment, but it is doable. Stick to that plan!
7 Steps to Reduce Yelling, Curb Tempers, and Be a Calmer Family
STEP 1: Take a “Calmer Family” vow. Begin by gathering the troops and convey your new “no yelling” expectations to all family members. Everyone must know you mean business that yelling will no longer be tolerated. Explain that while it’s okay to be angry, they may not use a yelling voice to express their feelings. If the member needs to take a time out to calm down, he may do so. Some families take a “no yelling” vow and sign a pledge, and posted as a concrete reminder. Hint: Kids mirror our emotions. When you raise your voice, they raise theirs. When you get tense, they get tense. The fastest way to help your kids reduce anger is for you to be calm.
STEP 2: Learn your stress warning signs. Stress comes before anger. Anger comes before yelling. The best way to stop yelling is to identify your own unique physiological stress signs that warn us we’re getting angry. Explain to your kids that we should tune in to them because they help us stay out of trouble. Next, help your child recognize what specific warning signs she may have that tell her she’s starting to get upset. For example: “Looks like you’re tense. Your hands are in a fist. Do you feel yourself starting to get angry?” Anger escalates very quickly: if a kid waits until he is in “Melt down” or a “screaming match” to get himself back into control, he’s too late—and so are you to try and help him. Here are a few common warning signs: Flushed checks. Pounding hearts. Louder voice. Clenched hands. Grinding teeth. Rapid breathing. Body vibrates. Drier mouth
STEP 3. Identify family temper triggers. Yelling matches typically happen at the same time such as when you just get home from work, homework time, the morning mania or witching hour. It helps family members learn to recognize one another’s time vulnerabilities–or the time they are most prone to yell. For instance: John: First thing in the morning when he’s always grouch. Kenny: around 2 pm when he needs a nap. Mom: 6 pm when she’s trying to get dinner going. Members just need to be a bit more sensitive.
STEP 4. Teach healthier alternatives to express needs. Many families yell because they simply don’t know how to express their anger another way. So teach a healthier way.
- Teach “I” messages. Explain that instead of starting messages with “You,” begin with “I.” It helps your kid stay focused on the person’s troublesome behavior without putting the person down so the chances for emotional outbursts (and yelling) are lessened. The child then tells the offender what the person did that upset him. He may also state how he’d like the problem resolved. For example: “I get really upset when you take my stuff. I want you to ask me for permission first.” Or: “I don’t like to be teased. Please stop.”
- Label emotions. Encourage members to acknowledge their hot feelings to one another. “Watch out. I’m really getting upset.” “I’m so angry I could burst.” “I feel so frustrated that you’re not listening to me.” Labeling the feeling helps both the yeller and the receiver calm down and get a bit of perspective. Give everyone in your family permission to verbalize their feelings and then honor them by listening to their concerns.
- Give permission to “Take Ten”. Let everyone in your family know it’s okay to say, “I need a time out.” Then take a few deep breaths or walk away until you can get back in control. Then give that permission. If the yeller doesn’t stop, ask him to go to time out. Set up a place where a yeller can calm down.
STEP 5. Refuse to engage with a screamer. You know this one: “If your kid screams and you scream, you all scream. So make a rule that you will NOT engage with an out-of-control kid. Wear a bracelet to remind you. Or tape a red card to your wall so when you see it, it tells you: “Stay calm!” Here are a few other tips:
- Create a warning signal. Some families make up their own “family signal” such as pulling your ear, holding up a red card or a “Time Out” hand gesture. You agreed upon by all members and it signifies someone is using an inappropriate voice tone. Then use it the second his voice goes one scale above a “normal range” give the signal. It means he needs to lower his voice immediately or you won’t listen.
- Do NOT engage. If he continues using a loud, yelling tone, absolutely refuse to listen. Firmly (and calmly) explain: “That’s yelling. I only listen when you use a calm voice.” The moment you yell back the yeller knows they won and the yelling cycle continues. If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom do so. The screamer needs to know yelling doesn’t work. Walk away and go about your business until he talks right. As long as he yells, keep walking.
STEP 6. Reduce stress as a family. Find what is adding to your family’s stress that is triggering those yelling matches. While you may not be able to get dad’s job back or gain back your retirement fund but you can do things to reduce the stress in your home. Here are a few things.
- Keep to routines. Sticking to a routine helps reduce stress because it boosts predictability and boosts security. While everything else around them may seem to be crumbling those bedtime rituals, nighttime stories, hot baths, hugs and backrubs remain the same.
- Cut down. Too much going on? Cut one thing out of your schedule. Just reducing one thing can reduce those yelling matches because you’re cutting the stress.
- Monitor news consumption. Limit viewing those stressful news stories or better yet, turn the TV off during the news hour. Kids admit those stories are scaring the pants of them (and us) and will boost our stress—and tempers
- Find ways to relax. Find no-cost ways to reduce stress as a family. Meditate with your kids, do yoga with your daughter, ride bikes with your preschooler, listen to relaxation tapes with your kids. Not only will you reduce your stress but you’ll also help your kids learn healthy ways to minimize theirs. It will also reduce the yelling.
- Rebuild relationships. Are your kids yelling because they’re not being heard? Or has yelling been going on so long and now relationships are jarred? Find one on one time with those family members who need you most.
STEP 7. Stick to your Calmer Family, “Vow of Yellibacy” at least 21 days. Change is hard work. Be consistent. Your kids need to know you mean business, so stick to your plan at lest 21 days. Get a monthly calendar and mark off each day you stick to the plan. You should see a gradual reduction in the yelling. If yelling continues despite your best efforts or escalates, then there is a deeper underlying problem. It’s time to seek the help of a mental health professional for your child or a therapist for you and your spouse or family. But commit to following through so you do temper those tempers and you become a calmer family.
Above all stay calm. Kids mirror our emotions and just-released research proves that our kids are picking up on our stress. They also copy our behaviors. When you raise your voice, they raise theirs. When you get tense, they get tense. The fastest way to help your kids reduce stress and help kids calm down is for you to be calm yourself.
So are you ready to take that Vow of Yellibacy??
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Across the nation, student mental health is plummeting, major depression rates among teens and young adults are rising faster than among the overall population, and younger children are being impacted. As a teacher, educational consultant, and parent for 40 years, Dr. Michele Borba has never been more worried than she is about this current generation of kids. In THRIVERS, Dr. Borba explains why the old markers of accomplishment (grades, test scores) are no longer reliable predictors of success in the 21st century – and offers 7 teachable traits that will safeguard our kids for the future. She offers practical, actionable ways to develop these Character Strengths (confidence, empathy, self-control, integrity, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism) in children from preschool through high school, showing how to teach kids how to cope today so they can thrive tomorrow. THRIVERS is now available at amazon.com.
Sibling Warfare? Stay Neutral!!
Last updated on December 26th, 2022 at 12:22 pm
When your kids practically come to blows over which one got more cream cheese on their bagel, you know you’ve got a serious case of sibling rivalry. It’s likely you also know that there’s no avoiding it. “The only way to prevent sibling rivalry is to only have one child or to space kids 18 years apart,” says John Rosemond, author of The New! Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children (Andrews McMeel Publishing). But while you may not be able to keep the peace between your kids, there are things you can do to squash the squabbling.
Be Switzerland Resist the urge to rush in, because “when you intervene, you’re likely to identify one child as the villain and one as the victim,” says Rosemond. The obvious problem: It takes two to squabble, and you may be unfairly maligning one kid. The not-so-obvious problem: You’re creating a dynamic that will quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If that victim gets attention for being a victim, he’s going to continue to elicit that villain behavior from his brother or sister,” Rosemond says. Instead, let them work out squabbles themselves. (Note: If your younger child is 3-years-old or under or you sense either child is in physical danger, by all means play ref.)
Don’t compare siblings to each another You probably know not to say, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” But it’s a common mistake to compare kids in even more subtle ways: “Julie, look at how nicely your brother is playing with those puzzles.” It’s fine to praise one child’s unique skills; just make sure you don’t have a hidden agenda — like getting Julie to stop hurling puzzle pieces across the room.
Be a supermodel You and your spouse provide a powerful example of how two family members should speak to each other. “If the kids see you arguing and calling each other names, it’s hard to get across the message ‘We don’t do that in this family,’” says Rosemond. So play nice with your spouse, and who knows? You just might hear less bickering from the playroom.
Give each kid space You know the famous line by Robert Frost about how fences make good neighbors? Well, imaginary lines (in the car, in a shared bedroom and so on) make good siblings. To avoid turf wars, “the ideal situation is for each child to have his own clearly defined space,” says Rosemond. If you can’t spare a bedroom, give each child his own desk or toy chest in the communal space.
Don’t insist on shared playdates Sure, it would be easy if your 7-year-old could take your 4-year-old under her wing whenever she has a pal over. But asking older kids to always include younger ones on playdates and fun outings can create serious resentment. Giving older kids private time with their friends will make them more likely to play nicely with their siblings when nobody else is around.
5 Things Not to Say to Your Tween Daughter
Last updated on September 28th, 2022 at 08:59 pm
The tween years are all about developing a positive self-image, good decision-making, healthy self-discipline and better mood regulation. What you say to your tween and how you use your nonverbal language to communicate with her may have a lasting impact on her view of herself. As conflicts arise you might find yourself blurting things out that you wish you could take back. Reflect on some common parent-daughter foibles to help yourself stay on the path to positive communication with your tween.
If you catch yourself being judgmental or shaming breathe through it, after reading these five things not to say to your tween, you’ll make better choices next time.
“Your dad noticed.” Tweens can be nervous about what other people see and notice about them, especially their dads. The father-daughter relationship is an important one. Your tween’s first line of dealing with boys who become men is in the relationship between father and daughter. If a tween’s dad is going to notice things about a tween, it’s time for him to speak directly to her. The tween years can feel uncomfortable to a dad, at times. Help your husband to talk openly with your tween about her relationships, her body and her friendships. The more comfortable dad is the more comfortable your tween will be.
“I don’t like that friend.” The tween years are a time when children move from practicing in their relationships to making choices about whom to befriend and who to avoid. If you feel your tween could be making better choices in her friendships help her to identify what makes a good friend. Talk with her about what kinds of friendships make her feel happy, safe and “lifted up.” Open-ended questions that allow self-reflection and not self-judgment such as “How do you like your friends to talk with you?” and “When you share something private with a friend, what are you hoping she does with that information?” will help your tween to develop the skills to observe and reflect on her relationships and improve her decision-making skills.
“You’re too young to like a boy.” With the changes occurring in a tween’s body and brain, developing attraction to boys is a natural process. Often in fourth and fifth grade tweens begin to notice boys. Having crushes can be expected, although not required. Instead of telling your tween how she is allowed to feel guide her to develop attractions that are based on honesty, caring and compatibility. Part of the growing communications with her girlfriends will be drawing comparisons about whom they like. Encourage the freedom to feel differently than her friends without making the object of their affection out to be a “bad guy”. Discussing what they like in boys and what they do not like is the beginning of sorting out whom they will date in high school and college. The tween years are when you lay the groundwork for healthy choices and good decision making about courting behavior. Open communication is the first line to healthy decision-making and problem solving.
“I never want to hear you say that again!” As your tween begins to define herself as a person independent of how you think and feel, she’s going to say things you wish had not come out of her mouth. Instead of being directive and setting up a control struggle wonder aloud about what she meant and help her to understand that what she says in the world reflects on whom she is inside. Gentle direction will win almost every time over bossy intimidation.
“You’d be beautiful if…” You were a tween once. How did it feel when others told you to lose weight, hide your big ears or wear different clothing? Research shows that the developing self-image of a tween persists through adulthood. So help your tween love herself as she is. If she needs to get more exercise, to eat better or choose less revealing clothes, show her the path to success with loving guidance not shameful embarrassment.
Hey mom, you might be new to this whole ‘tween-thing’, your tween is as well, so open-up, talk it out and seek advice from friends you trust. You’ll get the hang of it, just as your tween will.
