How Your Dog Is Affected By Your Family’s Emotions
Last updated on December 9th, 2024 at 12:45 am
As humans, we all experience a very wide range of emotions for any given situation, at any given time. And oftentimes, we tend to ‘assign’ those same emotions onto the animal that spends the most time at our sides – our dogs.
The following is just a short list of some of the statements I consistently hear from my clients about their dogs:
- “She knows exactly what she did wrong! The minute I came into the room, she ran!”
- “He ate the arm of the couch because he was angry (or mad) that I went out without him!”
- “He destroyed my son’s favorite pair of slippers to get even with him for yelling at him!”
In general, I spend a great deal of time dispelling some of the myths regarding a dog’s ‘emotions’ and more importantly, their ‘actions’ – which are more reactions than actions.
What do I mean by this? Let’s review the above statements and break them down. In each one, the person is assuming that the dog’s actions are based on an emotion. The reality is that to feel guilty, or to retaliate out of anger requires a cognitive thought process… one of “I’ll show you!” Sorry folks… dogs do not possess the ability to dissect everything the way we do. They live in the moment and rely heavily on instinct. They clearly read your body language, their instinct of self-preservation kicked in and they decided to get out of the line of fire! They had no clue why you were displeased…. they just knew by your body language that you were!
On the flip side of that, there are basic emotions that dogs can/do feel… for example, they can feel anticipation of something good or bad to come. If your child comes home from school every day at the same time on the bus, you will see them excitedly pace in front of the window or door as that time rolls around, and display excitement at every bus that passes until they see one stop and your child disembark. They can also feel happy when your child runs in, drops down on all fours and lavishes love on them. And because they can physically feel barometric changes, if thunderstorms frighten them, they may exhibit stress-related behaviors in anticipation of the impending storm. Other human emotions that dogs can feel and display are fear, feeling threatened, anxiety, sadness, and pleasure. I do not know for sure if they actually feel love, but by their obvious displays of affection, I like to think they do.
So why did I explain all of that and what does it have to do with my topic? Because how we feel, behave, and act can have a profound effect on our dogs, and can cause them to act or react in a positive or negative way. I had touched on this a bit in my article on teaching special-needs kids how to use “calm energy”. In one of the examples, I discussed the differences I saw in the way the dog reacted to the hyperactive child versus how they reacted to older or calmer family members, and then related my own personal struggles in my early training career of working with small toy breeds.
Even a calm, even-tempered, well-mannered and well-trained dog can react negatively in situations that they had once previously enjoyed but have since started to feel hostile.
My dog Reilley had enjoyed going everywhere in the car with me since he was a baby. All I had to do was grab my keys and he was running to his ‘Service Dog in Training’ vest so he could join me. About a year ago, from what seemed to be ‘out of nowhere’ he was hiding when I got my keys and didn’t want to go! I had to use firm commands to get him to come out, and when we got into the car, he would start whining, crying, and shaking. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why! Then one day the reason suddenly became very clear.
We had just finished at my doctor’s, he was calmly and quietly lying in the back seat, and someone cut me off. We were not in an accident- not even close- but the barrage of angry insults that came streaming out of my mouth had him crying and shaking all over again! And suddenly, I got it. In general, I tend to be a pretty up-beat easy-going person, but there had been quite a bit of emotional upheaval in my life at that time, and because I dislike driving to begin with, that became my time to ‘let it out!’ My husband had spoken to me numerous times about this and I knew my behaviors upset him, it just never occurred to me how much my actions and behaviors were affecting my dog!
How can this relate to your household? Dogs rely completely on routine, schedules, rules and consistency… and in an ideal world, we could always stick to that! Unfortunately none of us live in an ideal world…. and things change. But in a dog’s world, just one of those four things changing on them can totally throw them out of balance. We all get angry, upset, frustrated, over-exuberant… and so do our kids! Even more so it seems, now that we’ve added in the emotional overload that appears to be accompanying the current U.S. elections. But scroll back up to that limited list of emotions that dogs feel… anything outside of those can be very confusing to them. Also, just because they may feel those feelings, it doesn’t mean they can understand them! A dog calmly sleeping when an argument erupts, or a door gets slammed, or shouting begins, can become frightened, causing them to resort to one of two behaviors that come instinctively to them; Fight or flight. Some dogs when panicked will take off and hide, others will steel themselves to do battle.
Remember also that sometimes it is not just family arguments or a child’s sudden temper tantrum that can set them off… An innocent game of tag between your child and their friends is confusing to your dog. They don’t understand the friend is ‘tagging’ your child – or even that it is a game! They see someone hitting a member of their pack, and they may suddenly go into ‘protection’ mode. Your teenager daughter’s high-pitched squeal while on the phone with her girlfriend may have startled and then annoyed you, but if Rover was relaxing on your son’s lap chilling, you may need a few band-aids as you remove his nails from your son’s leg!
So how do we keep everybody in the household (including the dog) safe? Well, the best place to start is by observing your dog during some of these times, and how they react. Start a journal marking down the date, the time, the action, the child’s reaction, and then the dog’s reaction.
Example:
- 9/5/24 – 5:00 pm: Told John to turn off the computer and do homework 3X. He ignored me. I got angry and stormed upstairs while yelling. Argument ensued. Dog peed on the rug during that time-frame.
- 9/6/24 – 7 :00 am: Woke Jane up for school three times. She missed the bus, expected a ride and I refused. Argument ensued. Dog started whining and panting and then hid the rest of the morning.
- 9/11/24 – 6:00 pm: car backfired, dog started growling before he ran under the bed.
- 9/12/24 – 4:15 pm – Michael came home from school, front door closed quickly behind him with a loud bang, dog barked at him then ran under the bed.
- 9/13/24 – consistently noticing since the bedroom door was slammed, all loud noises scare him.
Essentially what this is creating is a document of how the family’s behaviors (yours included) are directly affecting the dog’s behaviors. Now, it is time to call a family conference. Begin by stating to your child or children that you are noticing some troubling behaviors in the dog lately, and to understand why these behaviors were happening and to best figure out how to help him, you began documenting what was going on prior to the behavior. Before reading any of the entries out loud, make it clear to everyone that this is not about pointing fingers or laying blame, but rather a group effort to figure out what you all, as a family, can do and change to help Fido.
Assuming the dog and the kids have a good solid relationship, it stands to reason they will all be interested in banding together to help him. You can also ask if there were any behaviors they might have noticed that you missed. If finger-pointing and blame begins, remind them gently that it is not about getting each other in trouble… its about your concern for the dog, who has always been nothing but kind and loyal to everyone, and helping him to overcome his new negative behaviors.
You can also potentially start an alternative list…. A ‘positive reactions’ list, that chronicles tender, loving or kind moments that you happen to notice. This way, if any of the kids are choosing to not be involved, you can gently remind them, “Michael, last week when you were really upset about not making the team, Fido sat next to you and didn’t move for hours because he knew you were upset and needed a friend. Are you willing to be his friend now when he really needs you?”
Once everyone is on board and willing to help, go back over the list one by one, and say something like, “Okay… John… how could you and I have communicated better about the computer, so we didn’t both get so angry?” etc.
Allowing the kids to have an active role helps to create unity… everyone coming together to create a calmer, happier environment ‘for the dog.’ All the while learning to be a bit kinder to each other. Talking without screaming and listening to each other. Acknowledging that they heard what the other one has to say. What they may not realize, however, is that they are learning to work together…and coming together as a family. Which in the end, is helping everyone! What a beautiful gift!!
Sniffle-Fighting Snacks for You and Your Kids
Last updated on December 9th, 2024 at 12:44 am
Ah, fall. The leaves are changing, the mercury is dropping and … the air is filling with the sound of sneezes and coughs. With the average kid coming down with a cold eight to 10 times a year, it’s no wonder that you’re trying your hardest to keep your family healthy.
Along with enforcing hand-washing rules, also try adding immune-boosting nutrients. Snacks are the perfect opportunity to sneak in an extra serving, so stock up on the following foods – so you can sidestep those sniffles this season.
1. Yogurt: This creamy treat is packed with healthy probiotics, the “good” kind of bacteria. According to a study published in the British Journal of Nutrition, students who had a probiotic drink daily for three months as half as many sick days as those who got a placebo drink.
2. Oats: A bowl of oatmeal is a quick and filling snack. Plus, oats are high in beta-glucans, a compound that can fend off the sniffles. According to German scientists, those who were given beta-glucan daily for 26 weeks had 13 percent fewer sick days than those who weren’t. Want your kids to gobble up their oats? Bake them into delicious low-fat cookies.
3. Pumpkin seeds: Half a cup of these crunchy seeds deliver 41 percent of all of the zinc you need in a day. Research shows that zinc may stop viruses from spreading in the body, shortening the duration of the cold or flu. Try mixing them into yogurt, adding them to trail mix or whipping up a homemade granola bar, such as this five-minute recipe.
4. Berries: Not only are they high in vitamin C, but berries are also loaded with antioxidants. These nutrients protect against the damage that can wear down the immune system. Eat those berries out of hand, or add them to that bowl of yogurt or oatmeal.
5. Tea: Whether you prefer green or black, or iced or hot, brew up some benefits with this drink. In a study from Harvard University, people who sipped black tea for two weeks had 10 times the amount of a cold-fighting protein called interferon than those who didn’t. Experts believe that a type of antioxidants in tea, catechins, may kill of viruses. So put on that kettle!
6. Spinach: It’s no secret that this dark leafy green is good for you. But it packs a particular punch against colds, containing vitamins C, E and B6 – three nutrients shown to rev up your immunity. Can’t get your kids to eat spinach? Think again: Try whipping up a tasty smoothie from a frozen banana, orange juice and a handful of spinach. Except for the green color, they won’t even realize they’re sipping up their greens!
7 Ways to Engage Your Family in Keeping Your Home “Pet-Clean”
Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:28 pm
For animal lover families, life without pets is just unthinkable. Still, there are days when hair-covered couches, stained carpeting and the constant scent of Eau de Woof get to even the most tender-hearted, causing a domestic meltdown: “Why am I the only one cleaning up after this dog?!” Clever moms, however, know it doesn’t have to be this way.
Having children care for pets fosters both responsibility and compassion. Here are seven ways to make keeping your home pet-clean a family affair:
1. Simplify cleaning.
“The important thing is to make it as easy as possible for kids to clean up messes as they happen,” says Tracie Hotchner, host of both Dog Talk and Cat Chat radio shows. “Feed animals on plastic place mats and keep a chamois cloth close by water bowls.”
2. Exercise pets.
Well-exercised dogs tend to be more relaxed — and that translates into a cleaner house. Mellow pooches are less likely to shred that box of tissues or unstuff the couch cushions. (They’re also less likely to have an accident on the floor.) Plus, when kids walk them, kids stay fit too!
3. Grooming.
Brushing your pet is an easy chore for kids and a boon for housekeeping. Frequent brushing allows you to limit where the fur flies, which means less hair all over the place. Find a nice spot where kids can sit comfortably, and store the brushes there for daily use. “Just like kids, dogs like a routine — it’s comforting. If you brush your animals outside, the kids can see how birds and mice use hair for their nests. Plus, you don’t have to vacuum,” says Hotchner.
4. Wipe out stains.
When your pet urinates on the carpet, speed is your best weapon against staining. The Humane Society recommends these steps for cleaning up the mess: Place a thick layer of paper towels on the wet spot, covered by a thick layer of newspaper. If you can, place newspaper underneath the soiled area as well. Stand on the padding for about a minute. Remove and repeat until the area is nearly dry.
Put the wet paper towel in the area where it belongs — the litter box or typical outdoor spot where your pet goes — to reinforce the right behavior. Rinse the accident area thoroughly with clean, cool water. Then remove as much water as possible by blotting with paper towel or using a wet vac.
5. Wash your pet.
Giving your dog a footbath right after returning from the outdoors can dramatically reduce the amount of dirt your pet tracks into your home. “Use one of those plastic under-bed storage bins, fill it with 1 inch of water and put a towel down on the floor for the dog to step on,” says Hotchner.
6. Scoop cat litter.
Neglected cat boxes are the main reason kitties go where they shouldn’t. Boxes should be cleaned daily (after all, people flush every single time) and topped up with fresh litter. Monica Leighton, president of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters recommends putting out an extra box so there’s plenty of room. (Note: Not all kids can handle cleaning a cat box, and cat feces can carry disease. So be careful when delegating this chore.)
7. Open the windows.
Many clean-air experts advocate airing your home for 10 or 15 minutes per day to let a variety of household toxins out. Dander, dust and odor can all be managed by daily airings, except during the most extreme weather.
Games for Building Better Family Bonds
Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:25 pm
Your typical afternoon probably goes like this: Pick up kids from school or camp; shuttle to a soccer game, music class, maybe the neighborhood pool; head to the grocery store; then get back home in time to make dinner. And even though the time you spend with your kids is precious, you probably wouldn’t classify this minivan marathon as quality time.
But who’s to say that everyday experiences can’t turn into special moments that strengthen family bonds? And what better way to infuse laughter and fun than with games that draw out every family member?
“Using this time for fun activities reinforces the idea that you can take pleasure in the mundane parts of life,” says Cynthia Copeland, author of Fun on the Run: 324 Instant Family Activities. “It also teaches kids to make the most of what’s available to them.”
Check out Copeland’s kid-friendly game ideas and create memorable moments in the car, at the market and the family dinner table.
In the Car Instead of popping in a DVD, use car time to get kids to observe their surroundings.
- For short trips Crank up the radio. Pick a common word you’re likely to hear in songs, such as “love” or “time”. As your kids listen, they can announce when they hear the key words, keeping track of how many they hear. The one who racks up the most callouts by the time you reach your destination wins.
- On a long ride Choose a highway-related category — such as “semi-trucks,” “red cars,” “fast-food restaurant signs” or “billboards” — but don’t reveal it to anyone. Next, count out loud each time you spot the object, letting your kids guess the category. The correct guesser takes over by coming up with a new category and starting the game again.
In the Grocery Store If your kids aren’t old enough to help you find items on your list, these games will keep them entertained, learning and bonding with you.
- For children old enough to count Engage her in a guessing or number game. Ask her to figure out which items in your cart add up to $10. Have her guess how many people will be in line, how many minutes it will take to get through the checkout or how much is the total amount of the bill. If your child can also read, turn the tables and let her quiz you! Have her read the nutrition label on a box of, say, cereal, and ask you how many grams of protein, fiber and sugar it contains. She’ll get a kick out of being the quizzer and telling you whether you’re right or wrong. (This also opens the door for you to slip in mini-lessons on nutrition.)
- For toddlers A simple hiding game is enough to keep a little one’s attention. Pick out an item from your list, take it off the shelf and then together, find a place to hide it — behind boxes or cans — in another aisle. Throughout your shopping trip, remind your little guy about the secret place that only the two of you know about. If he can talk, ask him questions about it: What color is the box? When do we eat this kind of food? Check back periodically to see if the item is still hidden. Finally, place the item in your cart before you check out.
At the Dinner Table Besides being fun, a game at mealtime gives you a little extra face time with your kids. “Entertainment is an incentive for them to stay at the table, and inevitably, it opens up the channels of conversation,” says Copeland. You needn’t spend the entire meal playing games; play one each night as a dinner icebreaker, and your kids are more likely to chat and share toward the end of the meal.
Here are a few games to try:
- Word of mouth A version of the old favorite telephone, this game starts with someone mouthing a sentence to the person across the table about what they did today. That person must then say aloud what they think their table mate said. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, the person gets it wrong, but it doesn’t matter — each guess usually ends in a good laugh, and you get to hear about some part of a family member’s day you might not have talked about otherwise,” she adds.
- Creative round robin Copeland likes creative storytelling games because they allow imaginations to run wild and help sharpen your memory — a bonus for kids and adults. To play, start a story with a general and true phrase, such as “I saw a dog today.” Then go around the table and have each family member contribute, repeating the previous sentences before they add on their own. Encourage everyone to be as silly as they like.
- Would you rather Go around the table, and have each person ask another family member a question that starts with “Would you rather …?” The questions can be on any topic, serious or not. Even suggest different rounds, such as one that’s goofy (Would you rather have floppy clown feet or big Mickey Mouse ears?), one that’s more serious (Would you rather vacation by the beach or in the mountains?) or one that’s gross (Would you rather eat ants or monkey brains?). Encourage the responder to explain the logic behind the answer, and you’ll get rare insight.
After all, isn’t it better to at least discover why someone prefers monkey brains than only hearing that school was “fine”?
My Unusual New Year’s Wish for My Children
Last updated on January 8th, 2024 at 12:45 pm
Most parents can easily blurt out wonderful, inspiring wishes for their children for the coming year- health, happiness, maybe a better year in school. But this year as I look at my kids, I realize I’m not wishing for things to change– In fact, I’m wishing they stay the same.
Do I want them to be happy, healthy…of course I do, always. But something is finally becoming clear to me –something my children have actually taught me over the years (and I will give anything for them to continue to do so for many years to come). These children and the path they’re on – they are wonderful and perfect exactly the way they are… and being part of their journey…I’m the one who gets “better”. It’s a wonderful feeling when you are a parent and you realize that you have been doing your “job” but it’s even better when you realize that all along, your children have actually been teaching you how to do your job.
I realized that part of being a parent is to learn to adapt, good or bad. This also means that sometimes the adapting is something a parent has to be taught by their child and not the other way around. But what happens when you have a child that does things outside of the box and makes you think that maybe you need to change your thinking, even if it’s not what you were always told to do? What if you realize that your child has actually told you (in a roundabout way) that it’s actually not your way or the highway?
I have learned from my children that there is no list of rules that works with every single child exactly the same way. I have learned that sometimes you do have to give in and do something that is the total opposite of what you always swore you would never do as a parent. I have realized that just because we always have “grown-up time” does not mean that “children’s time” is any less important. Your child grows up and learns to be their own, unique person. They show you that sometimes it’s ok to eat cold pizza for breakfast or to have ice cream for dinner an hour past bedtime. You have to bend and just say ok sometimes.
Thinking back, what do you remember more – the rule that your parents had about going to bed on time or the time when they actually let you eat cookies in your bed past your bedtime and not brush your teeth? I am willing to bet that you seem to remember the second choice.
As our children grow and enlighten us, we begin to realize how short life is. Change does not have to be a bad thing all of the time. Step into the unknown and just go with it. This is how ice cream was invented and this is how The Nobel Peace Prize is won. In today’s society, people are so fast to judge others that they don’t stop to think about all of the “what ifs”. So many of our children today are deemed hyperactive or unfocused because they don’t want to be a typically developing child…what do you think would happen if Mozart or Albert Einstein was alive today as a child?
Embrace your children and let them ask questions. Listen to them when they disagree with you, don’t shut them out. If they are coloring outside of the lines, don’t correct them. Learn to respect them, even when they are very young because children know when people do not respect them. Don’t be embarrassed if they want to know about sex or why people are different colors. They learn from you. The only time you should be (embarrassed? concerned?) is when they don’t ask questions or they don’t want to know. Love them, no matter what.
So this year, my wish for them is to continue to help me grow as they do; to help me become a better person, a better parent and better at things that I didn’t even know I needed to be better at.
I wish with all of my heart that they never stop questioning me because this would mean they had given up and refuse to think about the people they want to become.
And that is one thing that I never wish to happen to them.
Cooking with Herbs and Spices to Boost Family Health
Last updated on November 26th, 2023 at 07:44 pm
You and your kids don’t have to eat nutrient-packed meals at the expense of your taste buds. In fact, the contrary is true: Adding flavorful herbs and spices can make your dishes even healthier. According to a study published in Nutrition Journal, many spices contain more disease-fighting antioxidants than fruits and vegetables, making them a tasty and natural home remedy. To start spicing up your family’s life, make the following five your new pantry staples.
1. Oregano
Researchers from the U.S. Department of Agriculture found that, ounce for ounce, oregano packs in four times as many antioxidants as blueberries. Meanwhile, other studies show that oregano has antibacterial and antifungal properties that may fend off food poisoning and infections alike.
Serving suggestion: Besides sprinkling it on pizza and adding it to marinara sauce, try stirring it into salad dressings and marinades.
2. Cinnamon
This warm spice is loaded with health-boosting antioxidants. According to a study in the Journal of Nutrition, cinnamon may help your body counteract the heart-harming effects of a high-fat meal. Other research suggests that it may regulate blood sugar to help fend off diabetes, although the results are mixed. Historically, cinnamon has been used for muscle aches, stomach woes and respiratory ailments, says Bharat Aggarwal, Ph.D., in Healing Spices.
Serving suggestion: Add a dash of cinnamon to baked goods, tea, yogurt and peanut butter sandwiches. Use it to top fruit and ice cream, or mix it into beef or meatloaf. Bonus: Scientists say that the scent of cinnamon can improve memory and reduce anxiety, so take a big whiff.
3. Thyme
You definitely want this herb on your side: Research shows that it can protect against electronic cigarette big mountain gum disease, infections, ulcers and even certain cancers. And German research shows that thyme extracts can soothe the coughing caused by colds and bronchitis. Thyme’s health benefits can be chalked up to thymol, a germ-killing oil, explains Aggarwal.
Serving suggestion: Sprinkle thyme over potatoes, meat, vegetables and salads. For infused oil, add a thyme branch to a small bottle of olive oil. Or mix thyme into scrambled eggs.
4. Ginger
This spicy root contains anti-inflammatory compounds, such as gingerols, that may combat headaches, arthritis and stomachaches. Science also proves that it can calm queasiness, nausea and morning sickness.
Serving suggestion: Someone feeling sick? Brew a ginger tea by steeping it in hot water. Or grate fresh ginger or sprinkle the dried stuff into stir-fries, marinades and Asian dipping sauces.
5. Rosemary
Firing up the grill? Flavor meat with this fragrant herb. Exposing meat to high heat creates cancer-causing compounds called heterocyclic amines (HCAs). But adding rosemary to the meat mixture can protect against the formation of HCAs, say scientists from Kansas State University. Plus, you’ll do some good for everyone’s skin and memory, according to Aggarwal.
Serving suggestion: Whip up a simple meat marinade with olive oil, garlic and rosemary. Or chop up the herb and add it to vegetable, meats, soups and bread mixtures. You can also add it to simple syrup for a tasty rosemary-infused lemonade.
Finally, to eliminate food odors from your kitchen, be sure to spray a dash of air freshener in a fresh scent after you finish cooking. Your family will be in for a treat any day of the week – during meals and in between.
