How to Raise Empathetic and Caring Kids in A Self-Absorbed World

Last updated on December 10th, 2019 at 02:26 am

Following our conscience can be tough at any age. But, for children, whose conscience is still developing, it can be a real challenge. So, how can you raise your child to do the right thing when faced with a dilemma? Here are some helpful hints to get (and keep) your child on the right track.

• Lead by Example – We all have situations that require us to make moral decisions. When these situations arise, make sure you’re doing the right thing yourself, and make sure to talk about it with your kids. We’re not talking about tooting your own horn. But, if you’re in a sticky situation and your child is aware of it, letting them know that you had a choice to make – and that the choice was difficult, will help them to think through situations when they arise. If they see you taking the moral high ground, they’ll be much more likely to do so as well.

• Teach Empathy – Let your children observe situations that help them develop empathy. We’re often so consumed with providing a good life for our children, that we fail to show our children that not everyone has it as good. Being empathetic is really the skill of standing in someone else’s shoes and knowing how it feels. Practice developing empathy with activities – Blindfold your children and play tag or put headphones on and walk into town. Of course, be safe while they learn and grow. Help your children observe the lives of others. Teach them to open the door for an elder person or allow a child with a disability on the swing set first.

• Model Giving Back – Why not spend part of this Summer digging a garden at a children’s shelter? This Thanksgiving serve meals at a soup kitchen. Then help out with Toys for Tots this Christmas. When your children practice caring for others, they’re more likely to consider how their decisions might benefit or hurt other people. This gives them that little “voice” that helps them do the right thing.

• Praise Positive Behavior – When you witness your child doing the right thing, point it out. Sharing their toys, cleaning up a mess they made without being told, and following the rules at home without complaint are all situations that deserve your praise. If you make your children feel good about doing the right thing, they’ll want to do it.

• Have Appropriate Consequences for Not Doing the Right Thing – Sometimes, when your children choose not to do the right thing, the results include lying, cheating and stealing. These behaviors should be addressed with consequences that teach – and that they’ll remember. Pre-determine consequences for behaviors such as pushing, shoving or being selfish. Involve your children in generating your consequence list, so that they are committed to the consequence process. Make consequences relate to the infraction and focus on giving back, improving or repairing relationships.

• Allow Reality To Teach Lessons – Don’t cover up for your child. For instance, if you catch your child stealing, you should make him return the item to the owner at once, and fess up to what he did as part of the teaching experience. It’s likely that having to own up to what he did will teach him a lesson he’ll never forget.

Teaching your children to be responsible is about showing them the “right thing to do”. Do so by modeling, using age-appropriate expectations and teaching life lessons every day. It is possible to raise empathetic, sympathetic and caring kids in today’s self absorbed world. It just takes some patience, attention, teaching and caring on your part.

3 Stress Busters for Kids and Teens

Last updated on October 14th, 2019 at 10:28 am

Think stress is just for adults? Not these days.

Research finds that between 8 and 10 percent of American children and teens are seriously troubled by stress and symptoms. And stress is also hitting our children at younger ages. If left untreated stress not only affects children’s friendships as well as school success, but also their physical and emotional well-being. Chronic stress symptoms break down children’s immune system as well as increasing their likelihood for depression.

One thing is certain: Stress is part of life and each child handles stress differently. The critical four parenting questions are:

How does my child handle stress?

What could be triggering the stress?

What can I do to reduce unhealthy stress?

And does my child know healthy ways to reduce the stress?

Here are three steps to reduce kid stress and solutions to help children and teens cope with stress.

STRESS BUSTER STEP 1: Defuse Home Stress

One recent study found that 85% of teens say they are stressed—and the number one cause: the stress at home! It may be time to take a Home Climate Stress Check. Here are just a few things to consider:

How is the everyday climate in your home

Does it increase your kid’s stress level or help him relax? Are there opportunities for your family to relax?

Are you watching your family’s diet intake for things that could increase stress?

Are there times you’re modeling how to let down and cool off to your kids?

Are you checking your kids’ (and your) stress loads?

Are you making sure sleep is on everyone’s agenda?

Are you taking time to talk to your kids about their day and their worries?

Are you checking your kids’ work load? Can they keep up?

Watch out! Stress is mounting and is impacting our children’s emotional health. Competition, after school activities, a lack of sleep, a crunched schedule, peer pressure, tests, and bullying are just a few things that boost our kids unhealthy stress levels. Make sure your home is a place where your kids can de-stress. Build in times where you and your kids can relax.

STRESS BUSTER STEP 2: Know Your Child’s Stress Signs

Each kid responds differently, but the key is to identify your child’s physical, behavioral or emotional signs before he is on overload. A clue is to look for behaviors that are not typical for your child. Here are common stress signs to look for in your child:

• Physical Stress Signs: Headache, neck aches and backaches. Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomachache, vomiting. Shaky hands, sweaty palms, feeling shaky, lightheadedness. Bedwetting. Trouble sleeping, nightmares. Change in appetite. Stuttering. Frequent colds, fatigue.
• Emotional or Behavior Stress Signs: New or reoccurring fears, anxiety and worries. Trouble concentrating, frequent daydreaming. Restlessness or irritability. Social withdrawal, unwilling to participate in school or family activities. Moodiness, sulking or inability to control emotions. Nail biting, hair twirling, thumb-sucking, fist clenching, feet tapping. Acting out, anger, aggressive behaviors such as tantrums, disorderly conduct. Regression or baby-like behaviors. Excessive whining or crying. Clinging, more dependent, won’t let you out of sight, withdrawal.

STRESS BUSTER STEP 3:  Teach Family Members How to Handle Stress

This last step is crucial but often overlooked: Make sure you teach your child a specific way to reduce stress. Without knowing how to cut the stress, it will only mount. Here are a few strategies. Choose the one that works best for you and your family. Then practice, practice, practice until it becomes a habit and your child can use the stress reducer without you.

• Melt the tension: Tell your child to make his body feel stiff and straight like a wooden soldier. Every bone from his head to toe is “tense” (or “stressed”). Now tell him to make his body limp (or “relaxed”) like a rag doll or windsock. Once he realizes he can make himself relax, he can find the spot in his body where he feels the most tension; perhaps his neck, shoulder muscles, or jaw. He then closes his eyes, concentrates on the spot, tensing it up for three or four seconds, and then lets it go. While doing so, tell him to imagine the stress slowly melting away from the top of his head and out his toes until he feels relaxed or calmer.
• Use a positive phrase: Teach your child to say a comment inside her head to help her handle stress. Here are a few: “Calm down.” “I can do this.” “Stay calm and breathe slowly.” “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
• Teach elevator breathing: Tell your child to close his eyes, slowly breath out three times, then imagine he’s in an elevator on the top of a very tall building. He presses the button for the first floor and watches the buttons for each level slowly light up as the elevator goes down. As the elevator descends, his stress fades away.
• Visualize a calm place: Ask your child to think of an actual place he’s been to where he feels peaceful. For instance: the beach, his bed, grandpa’s backyard, a tree house. When stress kicks in, tell him to close his eyes and imagine that spot, while breathing slowly.
• Blow your worries away: An instant way to relax is taking a slow deep breath from your diaphragm that gets oxygen to your brain. A quick way to teach the skill is to tell her to pretend she’s blowing up a balloon in her tummy (as you count “one, two, three” slowly). Then she lets the air out with an exaggerated “Ah-h-h-h” sound (like when the doctor looks in her throat). Explain that taking slow breaths from deep in your tummy will help blow her worries away and then encourage her to practice taking slow, steady breaths by blowing soap bubbles or using a pinwheel.
• Find a relaxer: Every child is different, so find what helps your kid relax, and then encourage him to use it on a regular basis. Some kids respond to drawing pictures or writing about their stress in a journal. Other kids say imagining what “relaxing” or “calm” feels like helps. (Show him how to make his body feel like a slowly moving fluffy white cloud or a rag doll). Or allocate a cozy place in your home where your kid can chill out when he needs to ease the tension.

All kids will display signs of stress every now and then. Be concerned when you see a marked change in what is “normal” for your child’s behavior that lasts longer than two weeks. When you see your child struggling and feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to seek help from a mental health professional. And don’t wait: Stressed-out kids are two to four times more likely to develop depression, and as teens they are much more likely to become involved with substance abuse.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and WildestWorries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has been released and is now available at amazon.com.

Would You “Sabotage” Your Special Needs Child For More Services?

Last updated on October 14th, 2019 at 10:28 am

We all know the bad news about the economy. We also know that raising a child can be expensive, and raising a special needs child can be incredibly expensive. Public schools and agencies can’t keep up with demand, so only the most extreme cases qualify for services. Usually this involves an assessment or examination. Many times I struggle with myself – I want my child to do well on these tests, but I also want her to get as much assistance and support as possible.

Other special needs moms say things like, “Well, I know he can do that task but he was tired so he wouldn’t cooperate,” and I wonder if they put their child to bed late on purpose. Or a caregiver will “forget” a medication, or let a dietary rule lapse before an appointment.  And I wonder if they really forgot something they have done every day faithfully up until that point.  Did they actually not know the ingredients of that food when they read all labels diligently?  Or are they deliberately sabotaging their child in order to gain more assistance?  And would I do the same?

It seems to be more and more cut-throat out there.  Caregivers must constantly advocate for the special needs children in their lives.  My fear is that anything my child is given means that another child with greater support needs might not get helped.  I feel guilty about that.  But on the other hand, anything my child is denied means she may never reach her true potential.  She may have to learn to live with a challenge that she could have overcome if it had been addressed in therapy.  Isn’t it my job to give her the best future possible?

So where do you stand?  Where do you draw the line?  Have you ever sabotaged your child accidentally, or on purpose?  It’s okay, your secret is safe with me because I really, truly understand.

Prevent Childhood Tooth Decay with Dental Sealants

Last updated on October 14th, 2019 at 10:29 am

Cavities are a common problem for children that can begin at an early age. Approximately one fifth of kids ages 2-4 and over fifty percent of eight year old children are affected.

Dental sealants can help! Sealants are a thin plastic covering placed on the grooves of the posterior chewing teeth or molars. Sealants prevent decay on the chewing surfaces by covering the skinny, narrow, cracks and crevices referred to in dentistry as “pits and fissures”. This lessens the hiding places for the bacteria that cause cavities or “caries” and makes the back teeth more cleansable. We recommend sealants on any premolars or molars that have not had any fillings. In some cases we have seen a sealant stop a cavity that has already started forming!

You may hear some press relating sealants with a link to BPA. BPA, or bisphenol A, is a chemical in some plastics. Human and animal studies have linked BPA to an estrogen like chemical that can increase the risk of diabetes and heart disease in adults. Minute BPA levels rise in the saliva in the first three hours after sealant placement and then quickly drop off. The benefits of sealants outweigh the potential risk of BPA exposure. Dental materials cause far less BPA exposure then normal, daily, used consumer products such as plastic bottles and the linings of metal cans.

The first eruption of permanent molars typically occurs around age 6. Sealants can be placed on these teeth shortly after they erupt through the gum.

If sealants are regularly applied to the surface of your child’s teeth and they have the recommended use of fluoride, most decay can be prevented in their childhood years.

Urinary Tract Infections in Children – Part II: Analyze & Treat

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:43 pm

In my last post (Urinary Tract Infections in Children – Part I) I discussed the importance of urinary tract infections, how they might present in children of various ages, and testing to verify the presence of these infections. This post will pick up with further diagnostic measures and treatment.

Once an appropriate sample of urine is obtained, it will then be analyzed in two different ways. A chemical analysis and microscopic exam is done to see whether those elements that might suggest urinary tract infection are present; white cells, protein, blood, etc. The second thing that is done with the urine is to take a culture specimen of the urine and attempt to grow bacteria out of it. This is the true litmus test for urinary infections, as chemical analysis might suggest infection but if there is no bacteria in the urine no true infection is present. The culture can take up to 3 days for a result and therefore in a child who has typical symptoms, the use of an antibiotic may be decided temporarily on the urinalysis alone until the results of the culture are available. A simple bladder infection, which is much more common than a kidney infection can be easily treated with a short course of antibiotics, during which time the symptoms usually resolve completely. Kidney infections, if severe, may take a lot longer and may require intravenous antibiotics.

If a child gets a significant number of infections over a relatively short period of time, or an individual infection appears to be very severe, or a significant infection occurs in an infant or very young child, then it is necessary to explore the problem much deeper in terms of further testing the child. This can be done in one or more ways to be determined by your doctor and the radiology department;

One method is a simple non invasive sonogram wherein a sound waves “picture” is taken of the entire urinary tract. Another method is called a VCUG, voiding cysto-urethrogram in which a small catheter is placed into the bladder through the urethra (the exit from the bladder to the outside), a small amount of dye is placed in the bladder in order to outline the anatomy of the lower urinary tract( bladder and ureters -tubes that go from the kidney to the bladder). A functional picture of the lower tract can be obtained by radiologocally “watching” during and after urinating. Two further tests can be done to more clearly evaluate the anatomy and function of the kidneys. Both involve the injection into the blood stream of a substance that will be taken up by the kidney, delineating structure and function.

A history of repeated urinary tract infections is not an uncommon problem. If something has been found that can be surgically corrected to prevent further infections, this choice may be made. This situation is less common than finding nothing abnormal on the testing in a child who still gets repeated infections. Certainly this situation, as in anyone with repeated infections, will need to be monitored very carefully by your Doctor.

The bottom line in handling urinary infections is to prevent them from ascending up the urinary tract and potentially injuring the kidneys, for this will ultimately lead to a certain amount of loss of function of the kidneys; something better prevented than treated.

Checklist for a SAFE Back to School and Sports. Everyone Ready?

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:44 pm

Is it August already?  Yes it is! Or soon will be and that means that soon it will be back to school and organized sports and all the things that make the school year so hectic.   As a parent returning one child to school and sending one to his first year of school this is a pretty busy time of year in our house.  Mixed in with all the fun of summer reading lists and back to school shopping, I would like to give you another list of things to make sure are right before the kids return to school and sports.

First and foremost on my list is always making sure that the school is up to date on its CPR and First Aid training.  If you are a parent leaving your child at a school, daycare, or organized sports league you need to inquire and make sure that the staff or at least the staff that will be on hand ALL the time knows what to do in case of an emergency situation, such as an injury or an allergic reaction involving your child.  Does your child have any emergency medicine that they need such as an EpiPen or an asthma inhaler, or any other medication that might be needed in a moment’s notice? , and if so, are they expired, does the school need a new one or even know about them and how to use them should the need arise?   I have seen people forget their own name when confronted with these situations and the right training and preparation can make all the difference in the world.

Organized sports are another area where things need to be checked off before the new season starts. These activities can be at any age and be anything from baseball and football to cheerleading and gymnastics.  Injuries happen in these sports all the time and once again, the coaches, staff, volunteers, and anyone else involved need to be properly trained or refreshed on what to do in case of an emergency.  Most of the centers or parks hosting these activities have automated external defibrillators (AED’s) on site for both participants and parents and need to be trained or refreshed on the use of these devices as well.    When playing organized sports like baseball and football, there are pieces of safety equipment built into the helmets and pads and other parts of the uniforms. If your children have  grown over the summer like mine have then you need to make sure that the equipment they are using fits properly and securely and delivers the maximum amount of safety it was designed for.  Whether its helmets, groin protectors or even shoes, these should all be the proper size for best results.

As always, a little preparation makes all the difference and I wish you all the safest and best school/sports year.

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