It takes courage to stop being a bully. Just because you’ve been involved in it doesn’t mean you have to continue. Help with bullying is not only available to those who’ve been bullied. Many anti-bullying support groups also help people who are involved in bullying.

Talk to a parent, teacher or an older pupil who you get on well with. If there’s any support system in your school for those who are bullied (such as a teacher who is designated to deal with bullying), they should be able to help you. Some schools have peer-support schemes, where older children are trained to help younger children deal with bullying. Peer-support is usually available to children and young people who say they’re bullies.

If you’re worried about being judged, and don’t want to speak to anyone you know, you can get help anonymously by calling ChildLine (in the UK*) on 0800 1111 (in the US see the Get Help Now section of stopbullying.gov*). ChildLine advisers will listen to any child whatever the problem, and give advice.

Why Do People Bully Others?

There are many reasons why people bully others. It may be that they’re unhappy and taking it out on someone else. Many people who bully have low self-esteem, and bullying can be a way of coping with it. In some cases, people who bully are also being bullied themselves.

Others are encouraged by their friends to bully, and do it because they don’t want to be left out. Some people pick on others because they’re looking for attention or because they’re feeling jealous.

What Should You Do If You See Someone Being Bullied?

If you witness a bullying incident, it’s important to do something. Don’t just walk away and ignore it.

You can tell the bullies to stop doing it, so long as you’re not afraid that it will lead to a confrontation.

The best thing to do is talk to someone, such as a teacher, parent or friend. If you’re worried about doing this, leave an anonymous note for the teacher explaining the situation. Then the teacher will at least be aware of what’s going on.

Where To Find More Information About Bullying

ChildLine 0800 1111

ChildLine is a website and helpline for young people and children. You can call the helpline at any time of day or night to talk about any worries you have. Phone calls are free from landlines and mobiles, and they won’t appear on a phone bill. ChildLine’s website has information and advice on bullying.

GOV.UK bullying advice

The government website has a section on bullying, including information on what to do if you’re bullying someone or you’ve seen someone being bullied.

Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US audience.

US Bullying Websites / Resources:

Tests and exams, including GCSEs (standardized tests*), can be a challenging part of school life for both children and parents. But there are ways to ease the stress.

1. Watch Out for Stress

Look out for signs of exam stress. Children who experience stress may be irritable, not sleep well, lose interest in food, worry a lot and appear depressed or negative. Headaches and stomach pains can also be stress-related.

Having someone to talk to about their work can help. Support from a parent, tutor or study buddy can help children air their worries and keep things in perspective.

If you feel your child isn’t coping, talk to teachers at your child’s school.

Find out more about stress and how to spot it.

2. Ensure Your Child Eats Well

A balanced diet is vital for your child’s health, and can help them to feel well during exam periods.

Some parents find that too many high-fat, high-sugar and high-caffeine foods and drinks (such as cola, sweets, chocolate, burgers and chips) make their children hyperactive, irritable and moody.

Try out these healthy recipes at home.

3. Sleep Helps Exam Performance

Good sleep will improve thinking and concentration. Most teenagers need between eight and ten hours’ sleep a night. Learn more in How much sleep do children need?

Allow half an hour or so for kids to wind down between studying, watching TV or using a computer and going to bed to help them get a good night’s sleep.

Cramming all night before an exam is usually a bad idea. Sleep will benefit your child far more than hours of panicky last-minute study.

Here are some sleep tips for teenagers.

4. Be Flexible at Exam Time

Family Lives advises parents to be flexible around exam time. When your child is revising (studying*) all day, don’t worry about household jobs that are left undone or untidy bedrooms.

Staying calm yourself can help. Remember, exams don’t last forever.

5. Help Them to Study

Help your child to revise (study*) by making sure they have somewhere comfortable to study. Help them draw up a revision schedule or ask the school for one.

6. Discuss Their Nerves

Remind your child that feeling nervous is normal. Nervousness is a natural reaction to exams.

The key is to put these nerves to positive use. Being reminded of what they do know and the time they have put into study can help them feel confident.

7. Encourage Exercise

Make sure your kids are active. Exercise can help boost energy levels, clear the mind and relieve stress. Walking, cycling, swimming, football and dancing are all effective.

Read 10 fun ways for teen boys to get fit.

Get advice on how girls can get started with dance for fitness.

8. Don’t Add to the Pressure

Support group ChildLine says that many of the children who contact them feel that the greatest pressure at exam time comes from their family.

“Keep things in perspective,” says Rosanne Pearce, a senior supervisor. “Listen to them, give support and avoid criticism.”

Before they go in for a test or exam, be reassuring and positive. Make sure they know that failing isn’t the end of the world, and that if things don’t go well they may be able to take the exam again.

After each exam, encourage your child to talk it through with you. Then move on and focus on the next test, rather than dwelling on things that can’t be changed.

9. Make Time for Treats

When the exams are over, help celebrate with a treat. These can be a real encouragement for the next time they have a test.

Don’t use rewards as bribes. Instead, encourage them to work for their own satisfaction, offering small, frequent treats.

More Information

For more information, read the MIND website page on exam stress.

Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US audience.

Understanding Your Role

Your son or daughter’s behaviour may suddenly become very different from what you’re used to: withdrawn, touchy and even rude. This can make it very difficult to talk to them at a time when communication is so important.

It can help to remember that they are likely to be defensive because their eating disorder is their way of coping, and therefore they will be reluctant to let go of it, at least at first.

If your child is receiving treatment for their condition, the treatment team will play an essential part in their recovery. But don’t underestimate the importance of your love and support.

Susan Ringwood, chief executive of the charity beat, explains: “Everyone who recovers from an eating disorder tells us how important it was to have unconditional love and support from those who care about them, even when they knew their behaviour was quite difficult to understand.”

Speak to one of the health professionals in your child’s treatment team about your role as parent and carer, and get their advice on what you can do at home to help. The following tips may also help with communication and dealing with mealtimes.

Tips For Talking

Talking to your child about their condition can be very difficult, especially if they still can’t understand that they have a problem. However, communication is essential to help with recovery, so keep trying.

When you want to talk to them directly about the eating disorder, Susan Ringwood advises that you:

• Prepare what to say.
• Don’t blame or judge.
• Concentrate on how they’re feeling.
• Stay calm.
• Have resources to refer to.
• Be prepared for a negative response.

It can also help to:

• Learn as much as possible about eating disorders. It helps you understand what you’re dealing with.
• Emphasise that no matter what, you love them and will always be there for them.
• Avoid talking about their appearance, even if it is meant as a compliment. Try to build their confidence in other ways, for example by praising them for being thoughtful or congratulating them on an achievement at school.
• Avoid talking about other people’s diets or weight problems.
• Talk to them about the range of professional help available, and say that you’ll support them through it when they’re ready.
• Talk positively about activities they could be involved in that don’t involve food, such as hobbies and days out with friends.
• Try not to feel hurt if they don’t open up to you straight away, and don’t resent them for being secretive. This is due to their illness, not their relationship with you.
• Ask them what you can do to help.
• Try to be honest about your own feelings. This will encourage them to do the same.
• Remember that the feelings behind the eating disorder may be really difficult for them to express. Try to be patient and listen to what they’re trying to say.
• Be a good role model by eating a balanced diet and taking a healthy amount of exercise.

Tips For Mealtimes

• If they are in treatment, ask their treatment team about the most appropriate way to arrange your mealtimes.
• Consider going shopping together and agreeing on meals that are acceptable to you both.
• An agreement with the whole family about what and when meals will be can help to set everybody’s expectations.
• Agree that none of you will talk about portion sizes, calories or the fat content of the meal.
• Avoid eating low-calorie or diet foods in front of them or having them in the house.
• Try to keep the atmosphere light-hearted and positive throughout the meal, even if you don’t feel that way on the inside.
• If they attempt to get too involved in cooking the meal as a way of controlling it, gently ask them to set the table or wash up instead.
• Try not to focus too much on them during mealtimes. Enjoy your own meal and try to make conversation.
• A family activity after the meal, such as a game or watching TV, can help to distract them from wanting to purge themselves or over-exercise.
• Don’t despair if a meal goes badly, just move on.

Help and Support

If you need further support, there are a number or organisations that can help you. It is important that the whole family understands the situation and gets support. See your GP (family doctor*) as soon as possible. Your GP and your child’s treatment team will then be able to offer advice. Alternatively, you can call the beat helpline on 0845 634 1414 (in the UK*) to speak to an advisor about any issue related to coping with eating disorders, including how to find local self-help and support groups.

Carers Direct provides a wealth of information on caring, including day-to-day living, claiming benefits and advice on combining caring with work or study (see US resources below**).

Editor’s Note: * clarification provided for our U.S. audience.

** In the US, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) has an excellent Parent’s Toolkit with information on eating disorders, supporting your child, getting treatment and navigating insurance issues.