Don’t let A Predator Make Your Child a Victim!

Last updated on September 27th, 2025 at 12:07 am

Editor’s Note: In honor of Pediatric Safety’s 16 year anniversary, we are publishing several of our favorite posts. This is our 1st: a detailed look at child molestation, originally posted in August ’09 by Leslie Mayorga. Our deepest thanks to Leslie for the courage to explore and instruct us on such a frightening subject !

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As Parents we want to protect our children from all harm and evil! We can’t! But we can be informed and keep our children savvy and enlightened!

There are predators out there and our children are their targets. What I’m going to talk about will shock and horrify you. It will make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. Some of you might even want to stop reading here because this is the subject of horror movies and nightmares. This is something most of us would rather die than imagine happen to our children. But I implore you to continue, this is too important to ignore.

As a medical professional, I have seen firsthand the toll something like this can take on a child. The effects are devastating and life long. The incidence of crimes against children is on the rise. I’m sorry to have to tell you that unfortunately the times we live in are too dangerous to turn a blind eye.

I have some staggering statistics that are probably going to make you sick. I also have some tools to EMPOWER YOU and your CHILDREN! You do not need to be a helpless victim!

According to family watchdog an online Sex Offender Registry

• 1 of 5 girls and 1 of 6 boys will be molested before their 18th birthday.
• 90% of all sexual assaults against children are committed by someone whom the victim knew.
• The typical sexual predator will assault 117 times before being caught.
• The re-arrest rate for convicted child molesters is 52%.
• That your child will become a victim of a sex offender is 1 in 3 for girls & 1 in 6 for boys. **Source: The National Center for Victims of Crime
• Over 2,000 children are reported missing every day.

Background on Registered Sex Offender Laws:

The U.S. Congress has passed several laws that require states to monitor registered sex offenders; the Jacob Wetterling Crimes against Children Act, the Pam Lychner Sex Offender tracking and Identification Act and Megan’s Law.

On March 5, 2003, The Supreme Court ruled that information about registered sex offenders may be posted on the Internet. Good for us!

Let’s take advantage of these laws!!! This is Not about Vigilantism! This is about being INFORMED! This is about KNOWING where REGISTERED SEX OFFENDERS in YOUR AREA LIVE and WORK!!

Here are some excellent places to start:

• National Sex Offender Public Website where you can search by name
• National Alert Registry
• Search for Sex Offenders in your area if there are offenders in your area there is a key to show you where they work and where they live. You can click on these boxes and a picture of the offender will pop up.
• iTouch also has 2 great applications! 1 is free. It allows you to download 3 free searches of Registered Sex offenders in your Area. For a Small one time fee you can download the full program which lets you search whatever zip code you want! This would be very useful while traveling!
• The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children “NCMEC” is a WEALTH of information!! As the nation’s resource center for protecting children they have NUMEROUS free online downloadable publications that EVERY parent needs to take advantage of! Their prevention and safety education programs and materials contain information and tips that will help you keep your children safer. I suggest you go to this site at your leisure and READ READ READ!! It could very well save you some heartache!

For decades, children were taught to stay away from “strangers.” But this concept is difficult for children to grasp and often the perpetrator is someone the child knows. It is more beneficial to help build Children’s confidence and teach them to respond to a potentially dangerous situation, rather than teaching them to look out for a particular type of person.

Here are some tips to help you take some first steps to help them avoid becoming a victim:

• Make sure you know where each of your children is at all times. Know your children’s friends and be clear with your children about the places and homes they may visit. Make it a rule for your children to check-in with you when they arrive at or depart from a particular location and when there is a change in plans. You should also let them know when you’re running late or if your plans have changed to show the rule is for safety purposes and not being used to “check up” on them.
• Never leave children unattended in a vehicle, whether it is running or not. Children should never be left unsupervised or allowed to spend time alone or with others in vehicles as the potential dangers to their safety outweigh any perceived convenience or “fun.” Remind children to never hitchhike, approach a vehicle, or engage in a conversation with anyone within a vehicle they do not know and trust. Also they should never go anywhere with anyone without first getting your permission.
• Be involved in your children’s activities. As an active participant you’ll have a better opportunity to observe how the adults in charge interact with your children. If you are concerned about anyone’s behavior, take it up with the sponsoring organization.
• Listen to your children. Pay attention if they tell you they don’t want to be with someone or go somewhere. This may be an indication of more than a personality conflict or lack of interest in the activity or event.
• Notice when anyone shows one or all of your children a great deal of attention or begins giving them gifts. Take the time to talk to your children about the person and find out why that person is acting in this way.
• Teach your children they have the right to say NO to any unwelcome, uncomfortable, or confusing touch or actions by others and get out of those situations as quickly as possible. If avoidance is not an option, children should be taught to kick, scream, and resist. When in such a situation, teach them to loudly yell, “This person is not my father/mother/guardian,” and then immediately tell you if this happens. Reassure them you’re there to help and it is okay to tell you anything.
• Be sensitive to any changes in your children’s behavior or attitude. Encourage open communication and learn how to be an active listener. Look and listen to small cues and clues indicating something may be troubling your children, because children are not always comfortable disclosing disturbing events or feelings. This may be because they are concerned about your reaction to their problems. If your children do confide problems to you, strive to remain calm, reassuring, and nonjudgmental. Listen compassionately to their concern, and work with them to get the help they need to resolve the problem.
• Be sure to screen babysitters and caregivers. Many jurisdictions now have a public registry allowing parents and guardians to check out individuals for prior criminal records and sex offenses. Check references with other families who have used the caregiver or babysitter. Once you have chosen the caregiver, drop in unexpectedly to see how your children are doing. Ask your children how the experience with the caregiver was, and carefully listen to the responses.
• Practice basic safety skills with your children. Make an outing to a mall or park a “teachable” experience in which your children practice checking with you, using pay telephones, going to the restroom with a friend, and locating the adults who may be able to help if they need assistance. Remember, allowing your children to wear clothing or carry items in public on which their name is displayed may bring about unwelcome attention from inappropriate people looking for a way to start a conversation with your children.
• Remember there is no substitute for your attention and supervision. Being available and taking time to really know and listen to your children helps build feelings of safety and security. 1

In conclusion, YOU HAVE A RIGHT to keep your children safe!

• You have the right to know if Registered Sex Offenders are in your neighborhood! Be aware! 
  • Check the registry by location for sex offenders located near Daycare centers, Schools, Camps, Church or anyplace you may be leaving your children, even Grandma and Grandpa’s house.
  • Check the registry by name for Church Officials, Teachers, Neighbors, Counselors, Private instruction Tutors, Bus Drivers, after school Activities leaders, Coaches etc.
  • Check them often. Take nothing for granted. Everyone is suspect.
• Consult NCMEC’s prevention and safety education programs and materials for additional steps you and your children can take to help them feel empowered, and to know what they can do if they find themselves in a situation where they feel scared or compromised.
• Finally, observe and listen; and TEACH CHILDREN to recognize and respond to anything that scares them. Children are very perceptive by nature. You are not ruining their childhood by talking to them when they are young. You may just be saving it!

Sex offenders place themselves in situations where children are! They make themselves appeal to children. This is NO Accident! Be SAVVY. We have the tools to fight these predators! LET’S USE THEM!

Leslie Mayorga R.N. BSN

1 “Know the Rules…General Tips for Parents and Guardians to Help Keep Their Children Safer” National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

Parenting That Fabulous Middle Child

Last updated on April 14th, 2025 at 06:35 pm

Is the “Middle Kid Syndrome” really a problem? Not if we apply the research.

Have more than two kids? Then I’m betting you’ve heard a few of these:

“It’s like I’m stuck in the middle.”

“But I don’t want to do things like my sister.”

“I want my own stuff not these hand me downs.”

“My coach always asks why I can’t play like my brother.”

As soon as my third son was born I became very aware of the so-called “Middle Kid Syndrome.” It wasn’t hard…everyone warned me with those: “Watch out …you have a middle one now.” So I read all those birth order books and tuned into those experts warning us of the dangers of being “sandwiched in between.” I quickly learned to beware: middle kids get a bad rap. And research even proves it.

A longitudinal study from Norway involving hundreds of men found that their elder sibling is smarter by an average of 3 points IQ which can be quite significant on those SATs.

But the lead had nothing to do with genetics!

It turns out if the first born dies, the second sib takes over that IQ lead! So the reason for that IQ boost? We talk to our oldest child more, which gives them a huge edge in language development.

Research also shows (Shhhhh!) that the first born is more favored by their parents and the middle kid realizes that favoritism.

Then there’s the problem of teachers and coaches comparing the middle child unfairly to their older sibling (“Your older brother read when he was three.” “Your sister could sing in tune.”).

What’s more, they have to endure that icky label: “Oh, you’re the ‘middle’ kid.” And that isn’t enough this is the kid that gets far too many hand-me-downs. If we’re not careful this glorious child can get lost in the shuffle of their own families.

Hidden Benefits of Being “Stuck in the middle!”

It seems these middle children also learn valuable skills and perspective because of their unique position in the family. (We just may have to remind them that there are benefits, but there are a few). Studies find these benefits to being stuck in the middle that may be overlooked:

• Middle kids are generally more creative and flexible because they are trying to be different from their elder and younger sibling.
• They are also often more relaxed, independent, diplomatic, resourceful, as well as more balanced and generous than their other siblings.
• They can make great negotiators and have great people skills if we let them forge their own way.

7 Common “Middle Kid” Problems & Solutions

When the Today show asked me to report about the supposed “Middle Kid Syndrome,” I jumped at the opportunity. I reviewed all the research on middle children, but also asked a number of “ middle” moms and kids (including my own) for their take on the issue. And chime in they did! Here are seven common problems that both researchers warn us of and middle kids complain about from being sandwiched in between and parenting solutions for each hot-button issue.

No. 1. Feel less favored

Not only do middle kids pick up on which sibling is the parental favorite, but researchers (after viewing videos of parent-child interaction) confirm it.

Sixty-five percent of mothers and 70 percent of dads exhibited a preference for one child–in most cases, the older one.

The middle kid pays the price. So, though we may think we treat our kids equally, research shows otherwise.

Be honest. Do your eyes light up with the same intensity for each of your children? That’s your test.

No. 2. Overlooked and skimped on attention

The first child is always the big deal. The last is “our baby.” The poor middle kid feels overlooked. As  a result research says they can become rebellious or our little “people pleasers” to make up for what they feel is the missed attention.

• Make a big deal over their trophy (even if the eldest has one, too).
• Jump for joy that you get to go to the Christmas Pageant (again!)
• Make special time so your middle kid doesn’t feel she’s overlooked. Each child deserves his own special “firsts.”
• Keep that baby book open and ready to jot down those “firsts.”

No. 3. Hate to be compared

One of the biggest complaints of middle children is that they say they are always compared to their older sibling. “Your older brother could do that when he was three.” “Your sister liked piano.”

• No fair! Tell Aunt Harriet to bite her tongue.
• Your cardinal parenting rule is: Never compare.

No. 4. Hide true feelings

Middle kids learn to not reveal their feelings. After all, the elder sibling is usually more verbal and gets our ears. So the second child often keeps things to himself. So….

• Draw your middle one out.
• Keep the communication open.
• Ask how he’s feeling.
• And make the older one listen to the middle child’s ideas.

No. 5. Tired of playing referee

This breed is most often to be the diplomat in the family. They smooth things over and tote the family peace pipe because they hate conflicts and anger. They become fabulous little negotiators and grow up to have wonderful people skills.

But right now this kid shouldn’t have to take on the role of United Nations in his own home.

• Watch your middle child’s inclination to always smooth things over, and give in to the elder or younger siblings just to keep the peace. They can be taken advantage of and causes resentment as well as just not being fair.

No. 6. Always get the hand-me-downs!

• Okay, every once in a while is fine, but watch those: “But the coat is perfectly fine.” Or: “Your sister never played with the doll. It’s brand new.”

No. 7. Forced to follow siblings footsteps

• Let your middle kid march to his own drum and not have to hang onto the coat tails of an older sibling. Tap into your middle’s child true potential and emphasize each child’s unique strengths and true potential. These kids are usually more creative and individualistic. Draw out their natural nature.
• Sure, how our kids turn out does have a lot to do with genetics and pre-disposed temperament. But it also has to do with how they are treated by us as well as the experiences they have with their siblings. Let’s tune in a little closer to this now – there are peacekeepers with great people skills who are not afraid to march to their own drum.

P.S. As a mom of a middle kid let me assure you, they turn out not only fine, but plain wonderful.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com.

Sensitive Santa for Special Kids: Coming to a Town Near You…

Last updated on January 6th, 2025 at 02:28 pm

Back in 2010 when I first wrote about the Sensitive Santa visiting time at some malls in Southern California, it was a very new idea. I am so happy to report that now these experiences are becoming widely available around the world. Along with Sensory Friendly Films by AMC as well as concerts and plays, individuals with autism can now begin to expand their social experiences in a comfortable setting.

Gentle or Sensitive screenings and performances usually have lower sound levels because many people (of all ages) are bothered by loud music or voices. Lighting – or lack of lighting – can also be a challenge for sensory challenged folks, so those levels are also adjusted. Limiting the tickets offered also controls the crowds, which can be overwhelming for folks with special needs and their caregivers.

Sensitive Santa programs allow special needs children of all ages a calm and relaxed way to visit with Santa.

As I write this a Google search has yielded 108 MILLION results for “sensitive santa” from places like Toronto, Arizona, Georgia, Minnesota – and those are all just on the first page!  If you are looking for one in your area, many of these events are offered through local autism groups.

The meeting of Pope Francis with families affected by autism opened up the discussion about religious practices and studies and special needs kids. In some parts of the world people who are different are treated with scorn and hidden in shame, but more modern societies are finding ways to welcome all abilities into the fold.

Whether it is visiting Santa, lighting the Menorah or gathering together to watch a holiday special or read a special book, these traditions help build relationships and create special memories for everyone involved. Wishing you and your family a happy holiday!

Photo credit: LyraWhite; CC license

Counting Our Blessings: Proven Ways to Raise a Grateful Child

Last updated on December 9th, 2024 at 12:45 am

It’s Christmas Day…or the first night of Chanukah…or maybe it’s Thanksgiving… and your family and guests are all gathered together at your table ready for the meal to begin, but you first want folks to share their blessings. Be honest. Which scenario would best depict your reaction when it’s your children’s turn to count their blessings with the group? Would you…

A.  Beam with pride as they describe their gratitude for their life blessings?

B.   Gently remind them of things they could share?

C.   Want to die from embarrassment since your kids can’t think of anything to say?

If your kids need reminders to say “thank you”, show appreciation or take for granted thoughtful gestures, then it may be time for a gratitude makeover. Here’s another reason to do so: Studies prove that the happiest kids feel an appreciation for life—and that’s regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances. They are also more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if you’re a tad concerned that your kids’ attitude of gratitude needs a little boost, the good news is that science also proves there are simple strategies to do so. One of the easiest ways is by establishing family rituals where kids count their everyday blessings.

Here are a few to get you started:

• Thank You ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat, and so on. Take it up a notch by explaining why they are grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is you’re having fun together and you kids are also learning to be appreciative.
• Holiday blessings. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or do bedtime blessings when each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
• Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference on his life but has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scout master, grandparent). To maximum the impact, research says that your child should read the letter to the person face to face.
• Set limits. Having too much squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Always giving kids what they want does not help kids learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.
• Gratitude journals. Another proven way to boost gratitude is by having your kids write something they feel grateful ideally four times a week and continue for at least for three weeks. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or in a computer. Why not do so as a family?
• Thank your kids. Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own “appreciation messages” to others.
• Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building low-cost house, or delivering meals for the bed-ridden).

Remember, change is a process not a one-time activity. So stick to your commitment and find simple ways to help your child practice gratitude, reinforce any efforts and don’t give up until you get the desired change.

Happy Holidays!

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com

 

How to Spot Anxiety and Depression in Your Child

Last updated on December 18th, 2023 at 01:50 pm

How can you determine if your child is experiencing depression or anxiety?  To begin with, you as parents have the most intimate knowledge of your child; so to define “normal behavior” according to some external  “objective“ standard is not only foolish but does not tell you about your own child. The hallmark of any emotional or psychological issues in children is a significant, long term change in your child’s behavior, which cannot be assigned to any particular recent event.  These changes might involve a change in appetite, sleep patterns, social behavior, and school work or attendance.  One might also notice onset of risky behaviors or a lack of interest in the world around him/her.

In those occasions that are clearly visible but also clearly anticipated, such as the loss of a family member or pet, unusual behavior can be expected but for what length of time?  This is indeed the major question and sometimes can only be answered by comparing similar situations in the past that affected your child.  My own feeling is that any such radical behavior might in fact last up to one month or so but really should be expected to diminish after that time.

While some of the observable differences might include lack of interest in things ordinarily enjoyed by your child, sudden intense interest in repetitive movements or “hobbies” or change in temperament may also act as an alert signal.

Your first line of defense should always begin with a visit to your family doctor or Pediatrician who might also have important knowledge about your child.  A total evaluation should be performed to be sure that the changes you see in your child are not caused by physical events.  If your Pediatrician also agrees that this is unusual behavior, or if you feel that even though he/she had a normal medical evaluation, he/she is still showing you signs of emotional distress, your next step might very well be finding a pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist for further evaluation. You might in fact have difficulty locating a pediatric mental health care provider because there is a nationwide shortage of such people.

If you are not having any luck finding such a person I would suggest you get in touch with your closest children’s hospital and inquire.  Remember you are your child’s best historian, ombudsman and support- don’t sell yourself short.

Sync with Your Spouse on Discipline Style

Last updated on November 26th, 2023 at 07:43 pm

Is your wife a strict disciplinarian, while you prefer to let things slide? Is your husband a yeller, while you are an “inside voice” kind of mom? When you have different parenting styles, it can often feel like you’re at odds with your spouse. Here are strategies from Harvey Karp, M.D., author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam), for navigating this common parenting conundrum.

Don’t sweep your differences under the rug. To raise happy, well-behaved children, it’s crucial to try to find common ground. Otherwise, kids get mixed messages and quickly learn which parent will let them get away with more. Once a month, hold a “parents only” meeting to discuss your discipline differences. This is your chance to be honest about your concerns. “Write down two or three things each,” says Dr. Karp. “You and he get a turn without interruption. The only ground rule is you both have to listen with respect and speak with respect.” Your goal isn’t to sway each other, but to ultimately come up with some rules that you both feel comfortable enforcing.

Don’t disagree in front of your kids. “Kids look at us as a loving and safe force in their lives,” Dr. Karp says. “Seeing parents arguing, especially about them, shakes them to their foundation.” Kids might get angry or frightened and feel like they’re the “cause” of the parents’ problems – which lowers their confidence and self-esteem. So if you object to the way your spouse is handling a situation resist the urge to say anything until you are alone.

Find creative ways to compromise. Let’s say it drives you crazy that your husband yells at your child when she exhibits normal toddler behavior, like sticking her hand in the cat’s food bowl or pulling away from you while walking on the sidewalk. It drives your husband nuts that you’re lax about situations that could put your child at risk for physical harm. Try to decide together that it’s OK for him to raise his voice when Katie’s darting toward traffic or engaging in other dangerous behavior, but for mild, age-appropriate infractions, he needs to try distraction before yelling or scolding.

Keep family members out of it. “Don’t bring up each other’s family,” says Dr. Karp. For instance, avoid making remarks like, “Of course you yell and scream; you’re just like your father.” Besides being disrespectful, this behavior forces your partner into a defensive mode, making it harder to move forward and find the best solution.

Embrace a little bit of difference. “It’s crazy to expect all the adults in a child’s world to react in exactly the same way,” says Dr. Karp. In fact, by maintaining a dash of your individuality – even when it comes to discipline – “you’re teaching your child emotional intelligence. They learn what they can expect from one adult versus another. And that’s a good thing.”

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