November is National Adoption Month: Help a Child Celebrate

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 02:50 pm

Did you know it would take less than one percent of the U.S. population to provide a forever family for every child in foster care available for adoption? November is National Adoption Month and Pediatric Safety as a member of Global Influence is participating in a coordinated effort between Adopt Us Kids, the U.S. Children’s Bureau, Ad Council, and Child Welfare Information Gateway to make the difference of a lifetime for about 130,000 children who deserve a family of their own.

The mission of Adopt Us Kids is to recruit and connect foster and adoptive families with waiting children throughout the United States. Funded by the Children’s Bureau of the Administration for Children and Families, the national photolisting website contains photos and information about children in foster care.

If you’re considering foster parenting or adopting…

• The Adopt Us Kids website has information about foster parenting, the seven step journey to fostering/adoption, and lots more useful information.
• Information about adoption subsidies is available
• Every state has its own guidelines on adoption. You can find this information here
• You can search for children in your state or area who are in need of an adoptive family here at the Adopt Us Kids website:
• If you would like to speak with someone regarding the adoption process, you can reach AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005.

A national adoption public service advertising recruitment campaign was launched in July 2004 in a partnership of the Children’s Bureau, the Ad Council, and Adopt Us Kids, with the goal of raising awareness of the significant number of children in this country waiting to be adopted. New Public Service Announcements have been developed as an extension of this highly successful campaign.

If you just want to help…

• Please visit http://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care-advocacy/ to learn more about adoption from foster care and how to help spread the word about children in care waiting for a forever family.
• Follow @perfectparent or @adoptuskids
• Become a fan of AdoptUsKids on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/AdoptUsKids.

Adoption/fostering is not for everyone, but there are things that you can do, such as provide respite care for families and lots more! You can reach out to your state rep (contact info here) to get more info.

Each one of us can play a role in helping a child find their forever family…

This campaign is brought to you by Global Influence, the former Momfluence network.

Bully-Proofing Solutions: What To Do If Your Child Is Bullied

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 03:08 pm

We usually think of bullying as physical aggression such as punching, hitting, shoving, but it’s way beyond that. If your kid is being bullied or harassed that means his friend or peers are hurting him intentionally. As a result, your son or daughter feels powerless, helpless, humiliated, shamed, and hopeless about the whole situation. A bully can “attack” her victim verbally (spreading rumors), saying prejudicial comments or cruel ‘put downs’), emotionally (excluding, humiliating, hazing); as well as sexually harassment. The two biggest mistakes parents make are not taking their children’s complaints seriously and telling them to “toughen up,” and allowing it in the first place. There is no excuse for this behavior, and each and every one of us need to be on the same page to stop it. Here are a few solutions from THE BIG BOOK OF PARENTING SOLUTIONS to help you handle these rougher waters of parenting.

Take your child seriously. Bullying is frightening and humiliating at any age, so listen to your child. Don’t say: “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” “Just toughen up.” “It’ll go away.” “You’re making too big a deal out of this.” Instead, reassure your child that you believe him and will find a way to keep him safe.

Gather facts. Next, you need all the facts so you can help your kid create a plan to stop it. “What happened?” “Who did this?” “Where were you?” “Who was there?” “Were you alone?” “Has it happened before?” “How often?” “How does it start?” “What did you do?” “Do you think he’ll do it again?” “Did anyone help you?” “Did an adult see this?”

Don’t make promises. You may have to protect your child, so make no promises to keep things confidential. “I want to make sure you don’t get hurt, so I can’t guarantee I won’t tell. Let’s see what we can do so this doesn’t happen again.”

Offer specific tips for a plan of action. Most kids can’t handle bullying on their own: they need your help, so provide it. For instance: “I will pick you up after swimming. Don’t take the bus.” “Where can you play instead of by the swings?” “How can you have your books with you so you don’t have to go to your locker?” Bullying usually happens in unsupervised areas so tell your kid to be near others at lunch, recess, in hallways, near lockers, parks, or other areas. Tell your child there’s safety in numbers. “Stay with Kevin at recess.” “Sit with Josh on the bus. He’ll keep an eye out for you.” Kids who have even one friend to confide in can deal with bullying better than those on their own.

Identify a trusting adult who can help your child when you’re not around. They must take this seriously, protect your kid, and, if necessary, keep this confidential.

Create a comeback. Bullies rarely just go away, so offer ways to handle a bully if he must face him (though it’s often best to avoid him altogether). Pleading (“Please stop that”) or feeling-laden messages (“It really makes feel mad when you do that”) rarely work. Bullies want to get their victim upset, and so such comments just means they won. A firm, direct statement such as “Cut it out” or “Leave me alone” are usually best. Sometimes a humorous comeback can derail a bully: “Can you do this later?” “Now why would you say that?” or “Thanks for telling me.” Once your child agrees on a strategy, you must rehearse it until he feels confident to use it alone. A big part of success is the ability to deliver it assertively.

Teach how to use assertive body language. Research finds that kids who learn how to be assertive and appear more confident are less likely to be targeted by bullies. In fact, studies show it’s usually not how “different” your child looks or acts, but rather her insecure posture that makes her an easy target. The real secret is to help your child learn to “look assertive” and that means you can’t appear to be a doormat (when everyone walks on you) or a steamroller (you push everyone to get what you want). You want to look somewhere in between: cool and confident.

Boost self-confidence. Being bullied dramatically affects your child’s self-esteem, so find ways to boost her confidence. A few possibilities including learning martial arts, boxing, or weight-lifting. Find an avenue—such as a hobby, interest, sport, or talent–that your kid enjoys and can excel. Then help her develop the skill so her self-esteem grows. Or encourage your child to join safe kid activities at school or in the community. First, it may help your child make new friends and gain a much-needed support group; second, it will be a place of safety to go after school.

Step in when needed. If there’s ever the possibility your child could be injured–step in. Tell those directly responsible for your child like his teacher, coach, day-care worker. If you do not get assurance, go up a level: call the principal, superintendent, school board or police. If you need to meet with school officials, the bully’s parents, or law enforcement officers, keep records and evidence: torn clothing; threatening email; witness names and phone numbers and details.

Keep the lines of communication open with you child. Let him know in no uncertain terms: “You know you can always come to me.” “I’m so glad you told me.” “Let’s keep talking about what to do so you’re safe.” Above all, be vigilante, and don’t let up until your child feels safe

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Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has just been released and is now available at amazon.com

Schooling My Autistic Child

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 03:29 pm

My son started school at the age of three. He attended a special needs public school in a small town. It was scary for me. I cried off and on all day, worrying about him and hoping he didn’t think that I abandoned him. At the time, I didn’t know if he understood what was going on around him. He was nonverbal, and still is. The difference between now and then, I now know he can understand me and he can use an augmentative communication device to communicate his thoughts.

My worrying was for nothing. He had a great time. In the next three years, I new he was in a safe environment. My only concern was that we were not seeing much progress in his developmental skills. He wasn’t demonstrating any understanding of the basic concepts like shapes, numbers, or colors. My husband and I decided it was time for a change.

We moved to a bigger city that was close by. I had researched the schools and thought that they would be better for my son. The teachers had more training and there were dedicated autism classrooms. After the move, it was one battle after another. At first, the new school system did not want to recognize my son’s diagnosis. Instead, they wanted to place him in a special needs classroom in a school that I wasn’t sure would be a good fit.

I went to the school and enrolled him. My daughter was two years old and was a climber. She would climb up onto the couch where I was sitting and filling out paperwork. The principal would come out and tell her to get down, and say that you don’t stand on furniture at school. This really irritated me, because I was right there and my daughter was only two years old. I let it go. I met with my son’s teacher and got a bad feeling. She didn’t know anything about autism and didn’t know anything about working with a nonverbal child. Again, I let it go and prepared for the first day of school.

I took my son to school on the first day and he fell down in the parking lot. His knee was bleeding really bad. I took him inside and looked for help. The principal was the first person to ask me if I needed anything. I asked for help getting my son’s knee cleaned up. She said all they had was soap and water. I was mad. Soap and water for a really bad scrape that needed a disinfectant. I understood that they could not administer anything else without parental permission, but I was right there. I could have done it. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told her that there was no way my son was attending this school and left.

After a week of talking with the school board, my son’s diagnosis of autism was accepted and a placement was found at a different school with a dedicated autism classroom. This time, I met with both the new school’s principal and the teacher that my son would be assigned to. I also brought my son and daughter with me. I was happy with the way we were treated. I was put at ease with the exchange of questions and answers. I was satisfied that my son would be safe there.

Unfortunately, a year and a half later, my son was still not showing any progress. I knew that the key to any progress would be finding a way for my son to communicate. Frustrated with status quo, I finally took him out of school and began home schooling him. It was the best decision I ever made. He made a great deal of progress. We found a way for him to communicate and discovered that he had learned a great deal that no one was aware he was learning. I home schooled my son for a year and a half before he convinced me to let him go back to public school.

At that point, we had moved back to the small town we lived in previously. I made arrangements for him to attend the special needs public school he had previously attended. I could tell that the staff didn’t really believe that my son could do and knew the things he did. I knew the key would be whether or not my son would communicate with them and demonstrate his ability and knowledge. I made sure he understood that if he didn’t, I would have to pull him back out and resume home schooling. My son didn’t want this. Within a week, he was communicating with the staff and they were believers.

Everyday is still a struggle. My son made some progress the first year back in a public school, but I know he can do better. He has just started his second year and his teacher and I are going to work closely to ensure my son can reach his full potential. In the last seven years, I have learned a lot about how to work with the public school system to help my son. I have learned that the right staff working with my son makes the biggest difference. It doesn’t matter how many hours of OT or Speech my son receives, as long as there is constant communication between the therapists, my son’s teacher and myself. The hard work occurs in the classroom. My son’s therapist make sure his teacher and her assistants are utilizing the correct resources and techniques to help my son the most. I make sure they have my full support.

When I disagree with a member of the staff, we discuss it in a team meeting. Everyone works together to come up with a solution. I have learned that it is important that both sides are able to compromise. It is important to be open to everyone’s thoughts and ideas. I have also learned that when I relay my thoughts and opinions in a calm and logical manner, I am taken seriously and the staff is open to what I say.

I advocate for my son everyday. I am always prepared to change gears and approach a problem from a different angle. Sometimes I am wrong, and I have to accept it. Sometimes, I am right and nothing will back me down. In the future, I may have to consider a different placement for my son. It depends on him and his progress. I will make mistakes and feel the weight of guilt for each one. I will make great choices and be relieved when I see how they benefit my son. I will keep going everyday, making sure my son’s needs are met. That’s all we can do as parents. We take each day as it comes, and do what is the best for our child.

Potty Training an Autistic Child

Last updated on March 5th, 2018 at 08:00 am

Raising an autistic child comes with a lot of challenges. One of the biggest ones that I have faced with my ten year old son is potty training. I would read books and articles on the subject. I would go around the internet and ask questions on different social networks. In the end, I had to customize a program just for my son.

There are several different methods that are recommended for children diagnosed with autism who are having difficulty being potty trained. If your child is autistic, it doesn’t automatically mean you will have difficulties or may never be able to potty train your child. Each child is different, but there is a high percentage of autistic children that have a hard time with this skill.

One method is using a schedule. I used this method for several years, but did not have any success. I would take my son to the bathroom at the same time throughout the day, every day. His school would do the same thing. It didn’t promote independence in toileting skills, in fact, it made him more dependent on us. I have heard from other parents that using this method with their child led to independence. As I said earlier, each child is different.

Another method is the reward system. I tried this method, also. It didn’t work. I tried picture exchange (since my son is nonverbal), it didn’t work. At ten years of age, my son was still in pull-ups. Finally, I came up with the right method that my son would respond to. It was reward and punish (or give and take-away). I explained to him what we were doing and why. If he wet his pull-up, he would have one of his favorite items taken away. If he went to the bathroom without being told, he got an item back. If he went a whole day, completely independent and no accidents, he received a special reward of his choosing.

It took two weeks of reminding him to stay dry, but not telling him to go to the bathroom, before he started to make great progress. He would have days that he would lose all of his things and he would try to earn them back the next day. Around the third week, he started to go a complete day without an accident. By the fourth, he was out of pull-ups completely, no verbal reminders were needed, and trips out in public were accomplished without accidents, too.

The key was to find the right motivation for our son. I knew he was ready to be potty trained a long time ago. The problem was that he didn’t want to be. Once he started losing things that he loves, he realized that it was easier to go along with what he was being asked. Now that he is fully potty trained, he is so much happier. No more awful rashes that require medication to clear up. No more smelly pull-ups. No matter how old your child is, don’t give up. It is never too late for your child to be potty trained. You just have to find the right method and motivation for your child. There are other methods that have worked with children with autism. I have not listed them all. This is because I feel that the best method needs to come from what works best with your child. You are the best judge of that.

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