How to Support Your Child’s Development Through Boredom
Last updated on July 13th, 2017 at 12:20 am
We have heard the stories in the news all the time—some say kids are “overscheduled” and need more time to play. On the other side, parents of the “tiger mom” variety tend to want their children constantly in activities and lessons to encourage their growth and development.
Until recently, the one voice you hadn’t heard on this topic was the one of science. Child development researchers are now trying to delve into this topic and understand the relationship between structured activities and children’s development.
In one of the first studies of this kind, researchers at The University of Colorado (CU) looked at the connection between how kids spend their time (structured vs. unstructured activities) and the development of executive function.
As you may know, executive function is one of the key regulatory skills that develops during childhood and is crucial to children’s success and well-being later in life. Executive function includes things like planning ahead, goal-oriented behavior, suppression of unwanted thoughts or behaviors, and delaying gratification. These skills have been shown to predict children’s academic and social outcomes years down the road. Based on this, you can see why researchers (and parents) are interested in understanding anything related to how executive function develops.
In the recent CU study, scientists asked 6-year-olds to record their daily activities for a week. They then categorized these activities as “structured” or “unstructured” according to a classification system previously developed by economists.
For example, activities such as sports lessons, religious activities, and chores were classified as “structured activities.” In contrast, activities such as free play (alone or with others), sightseeing, or media use were considered “less structured.” Routine activities such as going to school, sleeping, or eating were not classified in either category.
The researchers then analyzed the relationship between children’s time activities and their level of executive function. The results showed that there was, indeed, a correlation between these factors. The more time children spent in structured activities, the lower their scores on the assessment of executive function. In contrast, the more time children spent in less structured activities, the higher their assessment of executive function.
First of all, it’s important to note that this is just one study in what I hope will be a whole line of research in this area. In social science, you cannot base recommendations on one study.
Secondly, this study was small (70 children) and was only correlational, meaning we do not know if structured vs. unstructured activities cause a change in executive function or if there is something else going on here. What this study does show is that there is some relationship between these factors that deserves further study.
What does this really mean? How could unstructured activities help in the development of executive function? Although researchers do not know for sure, it seems like this may be related to the research on boredom. More and more studies are showing how “boredom” or what adults would simply call “downtime” is related to a variety of positive mental states.
For example, boredom is likely associated with people being more creative. Boredom also allows for the development of new interests, self-reflection and goal-setting.
Additionally, some would argue that a lack of downtime or time for boredom allows kids to become so accustomed to a fast-paced lifestyle that anything less-than-exciting seems uninteresting. One philosopher put it this way,
“A life too full of excitement is an exhausting life, in which continually stronger stimuli are needed to give the thrill that has come to be thought an essential part of pleasure.”
All of this is definitely food for thought in terms of parenting. While we do not know for sure how these factors impact each other, it looks like there is some relationship between level of structured activities and the development of executive function. This is something to consider as you plan activities for your child.
The next time your child says, “I’m bored” consider looking at it as an opportunity to support their creativity and problem-solving abilities.
Getting Questions About Sex? How to Talk to Your Child
Last updated on February 12th, 2017 at 11:42 pm
If your child is asking questions about sex, they’re ready for truthful answers. It’s never too early to start talking about it – find out how to go about it.
Young children are naturally curious about their bodies and other people. By answering any questions they ask, you can help them understand their bodies, their feelings and other people’s feelings. This is a good basis for open and honest communication about sex and relationships, growing up and going through puberty.
Talking to children about sex won’t make them go out and do it. Evidence shows that children whose parents talk about sex openly start having sex at a later stage and are more likely to use contraception.
How Much Should I Tell My Child About Sex?
It depends on your child. If they seem happy with your answer and don’t ask a follow-up question, you’ve probably given them enough information. If they ask another question, you can tell them more.
You don’t have to go into detail. A short, simple answer might be enough. For example, if your three-year-old asks why she hasn’t got a penis like her brother, you could tell her that boys have penises on the outside and girls have vaginas on the inside. This could be enough to satisfy her curiosity.
Work out exactly what your child wants to know. For example, if they ask a question, such as “Where do babies come from?”, identify what they’re asking. Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be.
You could answer by saying: “Babies grow in a woman’s tummy, and when they’re ready they come out into the world”. This might be enough.
If not, your child’s follow-up question could be, “How does the baby get in there?” You could answer, “A man puts a seed in there”. Or your child may ask, “How does the baby get out?” You could answer, “It comes out through a special passage in the woman’s body called a vagina”.
What do Children Need to Know About Sex?
They need to know that it’s OK to talk about sex and relationships, and that you’re happy to talk about it. They’ll learn this through your tone and manner when you talk about sex, so try to treat sex as a normal, everyday subject.
Beyond sex, your child needs to know the following main topics:
- The changes to expect during puberty – find out more about girls’ bodies and boys’ bodies
- How babies are made
- How pregnancy happens and how contraception can prevent it – find out more about getting pregnant
- Safer sex and how to use condoms to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
- Where they can get information and advice about sex and relationships – find out more about getting contraception
- Sexuality, and that it’s OK to be gay
Your child needs to know about puberty before they go through it, otherwise they could be scared or shocked by the changes. Find out more about girls and puberty and boys and puberty.
Girls need to know about periods before they’re around 10 years old, and boys need to know about the changes they can expect before they’re around 12. There’s no reason for girls and boys not to learn the same things. For example, boys can learn about periods, and girls can learn about erections.
If your child is approaching the age where they need to know about puberty or sex and relationships, but they’re not asking questions about it, use everyday situations to lead to the conversation. For example, you could talk about a story in a TV programme, or bring up periods when you see sanitary pads in a shop.
Tell your child that they’re growing up, there will be some changes that happen to everyone and you want to let them know what to expect.
Why Your Child Should Know About Sex
Children need to know about sex, pregnancy, contraception and safer sex before they start any sexual activity. This is so they will know what to think about, such as safer sex and not doing anything they don’t want to do. This way, they can make decisions that are right for them when the time comes.
Most young people in the UK don’t have sex until they’re at least 16. Those who have sex before that age will need to know how to look after themselves.
Everyone needs to know about safer sex, whether they’re straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual. Women can pass STIs on to women and men can pass STIs on to men. For more information, see sexual health for women who have sex with women and for men who have sex with men.
Have an Answer Ready For Awkward Situations
No matter how open you are about sex, there will be times when you need a quick answer to deal with awkward questions, for example, in the supermarket queue or on a bus.
Say something like, “That’s a good question. I’d like to talk about that when we get home”, or “That’s a good question, but we need to talk about it in private”. Make sure you remember to talk about it later.
Read a useful leaflet on talking to your child about sex and relationships (PDF, 1.54Mb).
To find out where to get more information on sex, relationships, contraception and STIs, see Who can I go to for advice?
Course on Talking About Sex and Relationships for Parents
Researchers from Coventry University have designed an online course to help parents talk with their children about sex and relationships.
Parents can choose three modules covering the importance of communication and skills and timing for how they talk with their child.
Advice and examples are given for children aged 5 to 10, and also for tweens and teens.
Check out the course: Besavvy About Having Difficult Conversations.
Helpful Car Shopping Tips for Special Needs Parents
Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 12:12 pm
Car shopping overwhelms me. In many ways it’s exciting, but I am not good with all the little details. I also do not need every single bell and whistle – I just need a reliable, safe vehicle to load up with my kids and putter around town or occasionally go somewhere a bit farther. Also it should get excellent gas mileage and offer an affordable monthly payment, of course.
Every parent of a special needs child will have a unique list of requirements and requests, just like every driver likes things a certain way. For me, a dark cloth seat is important. My special needs child tends to spill things a lot, so something easy to clean that doesn’t show all the mess is key. Also, lots of cup holders will help avoid some spills. Lots of plugs and ports will also help avoid meltdowns on long rides. We don’t need ramps or lifts, but whatever your needs are you can find an adapted vehicle or have your vehicle modified in many ways.
With three rapidly growing kids in my brood I felt a third row seat was important. Also, my special needs child sometimes needs to stretch very dramatically, although this is less about being a special needs kid and more about just being a kid in general – especially a kid who has siblings. She also occasionally has muscle spasms that can be very painful for her (as well as for the person next to her when an arm or leg suddenly shoots out on its own) so giving the kids enough interior space was a high priority for me.
The tricky part for me is not to get distracted by how I want my life to be and to stay focused on the reality of my life. Sure, I would love to have the ginormous family vehicle with ample cargo space and seats for eleventy three for all those road trips and beach outings…but the fact is that we rarely do those things. I would love to plan detailed vacations where we shuttle from place to place exploring cultural and historical locations in areas near and far…but I am not all that good with all the little details, as I said earlier. So really, why pay for the tank-sized truckster every day when we might only use it for its true purpose once?
If your family needs a new vehicle, do your research. Be good at the little details, unlike me. There are so many packages and options available, find the one that suits your family’s special requests. If your special needs child is very sensitive to cold you might want the option to turn on the engine and the heater from inside your house via your smartphone. If you need to carry medication with you then an air conditioned glove compartment might be an absolute necessity for your family.
For more information on vehicles and special needs, check out this brochure from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
A New Perspective on Our Kids’ Attention & Movement Crisis
Last updated on July 20th, 2017 at 03:40 am
If you have a youngster at home, you probably notice they like to move…A LOT! I have two young boys and in recent months I have especially begun to notice how much they like to fidget and move. My older son is seven years old and I was beginning to worry about his ability to focus in class. Then I came across this great article that has been floating all over the internet entitled, Why Children Fidget: And What We Can Do About It. Given that it was written by a pediatric occupational therapist, I felt pretty good about the validity of its content.
The author makes the point that many children today have a very difficult time sitting still in classrooms. They are constantly fidgeting. Some teachers or parents start to think many of these children may have ADHD due to their inability to sit still. According to this article, there may be something much more basic and simple going on in these situations—the children need to move much more in order to adequately develop balance and strength. This movement, as the author describes, helps “turn on their brains” so they can focus on academic topics.
Here’s how the author describes it:
“Children are going to class with bodies that are less prepared to learn than ever before. With sensory systems not quite working right, they are asked to sit and pay attention. Children naturally start fidgeting in order to get the movement their body so desperately needs and is not getting enough of to “turn their brain on.” What happens when the children start fidgeting? We ask them to sit still and pay attention; therefore, their brain goes back to “sleep.”
Wow, what an eye-opener. I had a sense of this issue before but I never thought of it in these terms before. Have you ever noticed how much better your child sits still or focuses on school work (or similar task) after they have played really hard? I certainly have noticed this with my son and this makes think this issue is really at work for many children.
We have known for years that there is a “movement crisis” in the United States. Rising child obesity rates is some evidence of this (although multiple factors may be at work), but now it seems that rising rates of ADHD diagnosis may be related to a lack of movement and open-ended play time. Of course, there are children who have clearly-defined and diagnosed ADHD, but this article makes me wonder if some kids may just need much more exercise and movement in their lives to help them focus better.
This recognized need for more movement for our children is not new. At least one recent pediatric study showed the benefit of recess time (even 20 minutes) for improved classroom behavior.
Recently a study from Finland showed similar results, particularly for boys. This research showed that, among boys, lower levels of activity and greater time in a sedentary situation was related to poorer reading skills in first grade. Interestingly, this relationship between movement and academic skills was not as strong for girls.
Hopefully, as more research of this type comes to the forefront, more schools will maintain or perhaps expand recess or break times to allow children more time to move.
Parents, Forget Cool! Get Your Kids the Boring Safety Pads
Last updated on March 9th, 2018 at 12:12 am
The holiday season is upon us and all the little boys and girls have made their lists and are hoping for that new toy they have been dying for. Some kids are hoping for video games, some kids are hoping for dolls, and some are hoping for bikes and skateboards. While the video games and dolls can be exciting, it is the bikes, skateboards, and other moving toys that need our attention. While there is nothing that equals the smile on a child’s face when they learn to ride alone and get the hang of their new toy, there is also nothing like seeing them in the E.R with a broken bone or worse a head injury.
Every year thousands of children are sent to the hospital with bumps, bruises, broken bones and head injuries from falls off of bikes, skateboards and even scooters. The old saying is true, helmets save lives. With the CDC findings that helmets can prevent 85% of head injuries, elbow pads 82% of elbow injuries and knee pads, 32% of knee injuries – and having been on more than one call where a helmet did its job and took the hit – there is no reason not to include this in your holiday shopping. I know it is not cool, and I know that there are very few children out there wishing that they will get that new set of safety pads this year, but it may be being uncool that saves our kids from serious injuries with their new toys.
As always, please make sure that your children know how to properly ride whatever toy they have and please make sure that all the safety equipment like safety pads and helmets are the proper size and allow your children to properly and safely enjoy their new toys.
I hope you all have a Happy Holidays with exciting toys and boring safety stuff.
Understanding Asthma and How to Overcome Its Challenges
Last updated on December 19th, 2016 at 02:29 pm
Nobody knows for sure what causes asthma, but we do know you’re more likely to develop it if you have a family history of asthma, eczema or other allergies. You’re twice as likely to develop asthma if your parents have it.
Modern lifestyles, such as housing and diet, also may have contributed to the rise in asthma over the last 30 years.
Every 10 seconds someone has a potentially life-threatening asthma attack, and the latest data shows that deaths from asthma are on the rise again.
What Causes Asthma?
There are many theories about what’s caused the increase in the number of people with asthma.
One of the most popular is the “hygiene hypothesis”. According to this theory, asthma is more common in western societies. Because western society is becoming cleaner, we have less exposure to allergens and pathogens.
When a person with asthma comes into contact with a “trigger”, their airways become irritated. The muscles tighten, the airways narrow, and the lining of the airways gets inflamed and swollen.
The main symptoms are chest “wheeze” or noisy breathing, chest tightness and breathlessness. You may also develop a cough, particularly at night, but this is more common in children.
Boys under the age of two are more susceptible to asthma because their airways are narrower when they’re younger. But they usually grow out of it, whereas girls are more likely to have asthma beyond puberty.
Obesity is also thought to make asthma more likely. Symptoms often get better when the person loses weight.
Find out more in Are we too clean for our own good?
Smoking and Asthma
Smoking also has a definite impact. Parents’ cigarette smoke will affect their child’s lung function development, and it irritates the airways. People with asthma are advised not to smoke.
Research shows that smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of your child developing asthma. Children whose parents smoke are also more likely to develop the condition.
Once you have asthma, high levels of pollution and smoking may make it worse. But there’s no proof that these triggers actually cause it.
Asthma Treatment
How to Help Yourself/Your Child
If certain things trigger your asthma, such as dust mites, minimise your exposure to them. Put mattress covers on your bed, use a damp cloth when you dust, don’t have too many soft furnishings in your house, and put down laminate or wooden flooring instead of carpets.
Asthma Triggers
Asthma triggers include pets, but studies show that getting rid of animals doesn’t improve asthma. In fact, the emotional upset of getting rid of your pet may make your asthma worse. Keep your exposure to pets to a minimum in areas such as the bedroom, and consider not getting any new pets.
Asthma Medicines
If you have symptoms more than three times a week and you need to use a reliever inhaler (usually blue), you should also use a preventer inhaler (usually brown).
But if you only have symptoms a few times a week when exercising, you can manage your symptoms safely with a reliever inhaler before you exercise.
Asthma is an inflammatory disease. This means preventative treatment is vital, and you must take it even when your asthma symptoms aren’t present. This will ensure your asthma is well controlled.
Review your treatment with your asthma nurse or GP (*family doctor) at least once a year as you might be able to reduce your dosage of medicine.
Find out more information about asthma treatments.
Taking Steroids When You Have Asthma
Because asthma is caused by an inflammation of the airways, anti-inflammatory drugs such as steroids are sometimes used to treat it.
You may be concerned about the potential side effects of steroids, such as weight gain, stunted growth (in children) and weakened bones.
The risk of side effects if you or your child are using a steroid inhaler is lower than with steroid tablets because less of the medicine gets into your system. With both steroid inhalers and tablets, the risk of side effects increases if the dose is high and if you use them for long periods.
Generally, if inhaled steroids are prescribed carefully and at the lowest dose needed, the risk of side effects is outweighed by the ability to reduce your or your child’s need for steroid tablets. Discuss the risks of steroid treatment with your doctor if you’re concerned.
If you have queries about any aspect of asthma, you can call the Asthma UK helpline, which is a free telephone helpline staffed by asthma nurse specialists on 0800 121 62 44, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.
Find asthma services in your area. (*UK)
Asthma Resources in the US:
- Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America
- Asthma Information – acaai.org
Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US readers.
