Icky Things Kids Do…Should We Worry??
We’ve all been there: Your son drops an animal cracker on the floor, then bends over to pick it up and eat it. You think to yourself, “10-second rule!” No damage done, right? But how bad is it, really? Are you letting your kids pick up germs and bacteria, or are they actually boosting their immune systems? And what about all the other gross things kids do throughout the day? Inquiring moms need to know.
To find out when — and if — being a germophobe mom pays, we talked with Carole Marsh, author of The Here & Now Reproducible Book of a Kid’s Official Guide to Germs: Our Enemies and Our Friends!
Eating a cookie dropped on the floor: How bad is it?
I don’t think you can protect kids from every single thing that appears to be germy. And I think it’s pretty safe to say that kids are going to eat cereal off the floor no matter what you do, so don’t worry about this one!” Marsh says.
Researchers continue to debate the probable risks of eating food dropped on the floor; several studies have come to varying conclusions. A study at Connecticut College found that after hitting the ground, wet food was safe to eat for 30 seconds and dry food was fine after a full minute. However, another study at Clemson University found that food dropped onto surfaces intentionally contaminated with salmonella picked up enough of the bacteria to make a person sick.
While there is a risk of picking up bacteria from a fallen cookie crumb, think of it this way: Many objects you frequently touch — like kitchen sponges, faucets and elevator buttons — can contain significant amounts of bacteria, and you can’t live in constant fear of coming into contact with germs. So when it comes to dropping something edible on the floor, most health experts advise parents not to worry.
Drinking out of the same juice box: How bad is it?
Keeping beverages to yourself doesn’t make you a germophobe. In fact, sharing a beverage with a friend or family member carries multiple health risks, from tooth decay to strep throat and even meningitis.
“Some times of the year, every other kid has a cold, so there’s a good chance that a child with a cold is going to drink out of that juice box. Viruses such as colds can be transmitted through bodily fluids like saliva. And let’s not talk about all the other unmentionable gunky stuff that inevitably gets on the straws,” says Marsh. “Even when everyone’s healthy, it’s important to teach kids good habits — and learning not to drink out of the same cup or juice box as someone else is simply a healthy habit to teach.”
So do your family a favor and keep juice boxes separate at snack time.
Sharing eye shadow: How bad is it?
Kids love to test-drive the pretty things moms wear, but unless you buy makeup specifically for your child, it’s best to keep her fingers out of the pot.
“Children have different skin sensitivities, especially around their eyes,” says Marsh.
Moreover, researchers have found that makeup, especially eye makeup, is often packed with germs, infections and even uber-icky Staphylococcus aureus, a toxic bacterium.
“Different people have different hygiene habits — maybe someone else’s eye shadow has been left open on a bathroom sink and has been contaminated with something,” says Marsh.
Bottom line: It’s simply safer not to share.
Sharing earrings: How bad is it?
You hopefully wouldn’t let your friend stick a finger covered in gunk in your ear — so letting your daughter use a friend’s earrings should induce a similar sense of ickiness. Hepatitis is common in sharing earrings, as well as a slew of other nasty viruses.
“Never share jewelry for piercings of any kind,” Marsh advises. “It just takes the tiniest opening in the skin for an infection to get in.”
Eating your own boogers: How bad is it?
Health experts generally disagree on the benefits of picking your nose: Some say it’s good for you, some say it’s bad — and some say it doesn’t matter.
“This one is really high on the gross-factor list, but it’s most likely harmless,” says Marsh. “Just don’t eat anybody else’s boogers!”
Whether or not digging for nose-gold is actually good for your health, those same experts would agree it’s a gross habit that your kid should kick to the curb.
Drinking bathwater: How bad is it?
When you consider the concoction of stuff in bathwater — shampoo, bacteria and germs — it sounds, well, disgusting. But just like a spilled cookie isn’t the end of the world, a little bath water is also harmless for your tot.
“Kids don’t typically drink 8 ounces of bathwater — they’d probably get a handful or a slurp — so it’s not something to be overly concerned about,” says Marsh. “I just wouldn’t make a regular habit of it, since the soap in the water could cause an upset stomach or diarrhea. Plus, there could be fecal matter in the water, which is obviously not something you want to consume.”
So don’t worry if your child takes a sip of the soapy stuff. Just make sure she goes to the bathroom before taking a bath.
Sharing hats: How bad is it?
This is one problem that’s stood the test of time. Your parents probably advised you not to share hats when you were a kid — and since then, not much has changed.
“These days, there are a lot of lice outbreaks, so it’s best not to share hats. If it’s going to cause a huge headache, why risk it?” says Marsh.
Lice still love any head — whether it’s dirty or squeaky clean — and can lay eggs in any hair they find. Keep your kids safe by asking them not to swap hats with their friends.
At the end of the day, Marsh says moms only really need to worry about getting their kids immunized, making sure they wash their hands and teaching them healthy habits — like the importance of good nutrition and a full night’s sleep. “When you see a child doing something gross, don’t focus on the germs. Focus on what’s good and healthy for all of us. For instance, say: ‘This is what we do to stay healthy and happy.’”
Thumb Sucking or Pacifiers – What Can a Parent to Do?
The most popular argument, in the debate between thumb sucking and pacifiers, is that the pacifier can be taken away if the child seems to be developing a prolonged habit. While this point is valid, some children may develop a prolonged habit of thumb sucking after the pacifier is taken away anyway. Another argument is that the use of orthodontic pacifiers may lessen the chance of dental problems. However, the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) states that all pacifiers and thumb sucking affect teeth the same way. Some of these issues may include malocclusion and affected speech. Malocclusion is a misalignment of teeth or incorrect relation between the teeth of the two dental arches. Prolonged thumb sucking and pacifiers can cause the front teeth to be pushed out and forward. This position is called an overbite as the child’s jaw is altered from a U to a V shape. Orthodontic treatment is the only way this can be corrected.
Since the American Academy of Pediatrics SIDS recommendations have found pacifiers have helped “reduce the risk of SIDS”, only offering a pacifier at naptime or at bedtime is one good way to lessen the chances of it becoming a habit. Keep in mind that thumb/finger sucking is completely normal and that most children give it up by age two. Every child is different and you can’t guarantee whether your child will prefer one over the other. The only “problem” is when the act becomes prolonged.
Some helpful tips to help stop the habit:
- Distract your child. If thumb sucking is the issue, find an activity that requires the use of both hands. Holding a book at nap time is one option.
- Develop a game. Use a secret signal that only you and your child know to signal when they have put a thumb or pacifier in their mouth. The act is sometimes done unconsciously and a helpful, fun reminder might do the trick.
- Use your Pediatrician or Dentist to reinforce the need to stop. Children often see these people as authoritative figures and may be more apt to listen.
- Make them feel like it’s their idea. “Giving” old pacifiers to the needy or younger babies make them feel proud and helpful.
What about you? What tips have worked for your little one?
Distracted Driving Kills: Please Watch With Your Teens (Video)
Alex Brown age 17,
Cady Reynolds age 16,
Margay Schee age 13,
Joe Teater age 13,
Ashley Johnson age 16,
Julie Davis age 58 – her granddaughter was 2.
Kassy Kerfoot age 18.
What do all these people have in common? They are the real names of some of the 5,500 people who die
and the 500,000 people injured on our roads each year due to distracted driving. Some of the victims are innocent occupants and pedestrians who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Innocent – small consolation – dead is still dead. Most are under 20- they are our children- they are our future.
Distracted driving is texting while driving; it is talking on cell phones. It is any activity that takes the focus off of the task of safe motor vehicle operation. It only takes a moment of inattention. But enough of me rambling.
Below is a link to a video that is 3 minutes 50 seconds duration. If you watch it-you WILL be moved, you WILL make a difference in someone’s life. You will show a teenager in your family this video- you will watch it together. You will think twice before you respond to a text while driving. You will set an example for your kids to follow. Just 3 minutes and 50 seconds.
Making a difference- changing a life for the better need not take long- it usually just takes action. Please make a difference- pass this along.
For more information on teen and districted driving:
- Fatality Facts 2018 – Teenagers: https://www.iihs.org/topics/fatality-statistics/detail/teenagers
This Holiday Season, Ask Yourself – Am I Raising a Spoiled Child?
“Spoiled! Not my kid!” Right??? Or would you admit that your child is just a tad bit spoiled?
All the polls say that most Americans feel kids today are more spoiled than ever. A TIME/CNN poll found that two out of three parents feel their 
kids are spoiled. A poll by the New American Dream showed 70 percent of parents believe kids are too focused on buying things. I have to say I agree with the polls. The truth is there is no gene for spoiled. We have ourselves to blame for this one. Spoiled is clearly a learned behavior and one that is none too pleasant. But the good news is that this trait can be turned around. The first step to a makeover is realizing why spoiling our kids doesn’t do them any favors. The second step is taking an honest reflection to see if your child is moving into the “spoiled category.” Here is how to get started:
The Dangers of Raising Spoiled Kids
Of course we love our kids and want the best for them. We don’t want to see them unhappy for a single second. But indulging our kids’ every little whim doesn’t do our kids any favors. In fact, there are a few dangers to overindulging kids. Here are my top four concerns:
- Don’t win popularity contests. Forget the birthday party invitations. Spoiled kids are not pleasant to be around. Other children do not like them because spoiled kids are often bossy and selfish. Who wants to be around a kid who always wants thing to go his way, who rarely shares, and who considers his own needs first? Adults (especially teachers) are turned off to spoiled kids because they are often rude and make excessive demands.
- Reduces perseverance. Because everything comes a bit easier, a spoiled child has a tougher time handling the downsides of life. Spoiled kids are used to getting their way ASAP so they not only may have reduced perseverance when it comes to schoolwork but also a tougher time handling advertisy and the harder parts of life.
- Lowers self-esteem. New research shows that always getting what you want leads to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, more psychosomatic complaints, and worse relationships with parents.You’re also in danger of the raising an “always unsatisfied” kid who always wants more and is never appreciative.
- Robs character. Watch out! Spoiled kids often measure their worth based on what they have instead of who they are. They have a tougher time in the “empathy” department of feeling for others (a benchmark of ethical behavior) because they are more concerned about themselves.
But how do you know if your kid is spoiled? Here is my four word review for spoiled.
A Four-Word Test For a Spoiled Kid
There are four words that typically describe spoiled children. How is your child doing? Here is my four-word test for a spoiled kid that I shared on the TODAY show:
- “NO!” She can’t handle the word. He expects to get what she wants and usually does. Take my Toy store test. Your child is in walking down the toy aisle and wants a toy he doesn’t need. You say no. Can you kid handle no (or does he beg, nag or have a tantrum to get his way).
- “ME!” She is self-centered and thinks the world revolves around her. She thinks more of herself than about others. She feels “entitled” and expects special favors and generally succeeds in getting them. He watches TV. You do the housework. She doesn’t like the dinner. You cook another meal just for her. He wants an extension on his homework assignment that he never got around to doing and expects the teacher to give it to him.
- “GIMME!” A spoiled kid is more into getting than receiving, because she has so much and she just wants more. She’s generally unappreciative and a bit greedy. You can’t think of what to give her for the holidays because she already has everything. He requests things only by brand name. She bases her character on what she owns and wears instead of who she is. Do you feel more like an ATM machine than a parent?
- “NOW!” A spoiled kid just can’t wait and wants things A.S.A.P. It’s just plain easier to give in to this child than to postpone her request. She interrupts when you’re on the phone and expects you to stop. And you do. She whines to get the cookie-n.o.w.-and can’t wait for after dinner.
Be honest…Do any of those words fit your child’s typical behavior? Any one words could indicate that your child is moving into the “spoiled” category. Here is another quick test: Do you think an outsider would consider your child spoiled? If so, it’s time for a serious makeover.
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Teens today are 40 percent less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Why is a lack of empathy—along with the self-absorption epidemic Dr. Michele Borba calls the Selfie Syndrome—so dangerous? First, it hurts kids’ academic performance and leads to bullying behaviors. Also, it correlates with more cheating and less resilience. And once children grow up, it hampers their ability to collaborate, innovate and problem-solve—all must-have skills for the global economy. The good news? Empathy is a trait that can be taught and nurtured. UnSelfie is a blueprint for parents and educators who want activate our children’s hearts and shift their focus from I, me, and mine… to we, us, and ours. It’s time to include “empathy” in our parenting and teaching! UnSelfie is AVAILABLE NOW at amazon.com.
5 Tantrum Parenting Mistakes and the Tamers That Keep You Sane
No one wants to be the parent with the red-faced toddler screaming and crying at the grocery checkout because he can’t have Gummi Bears. But when parents attempt to calm kids down, they often get it wrong, according to experts.
Here are the most common mistakes parents make — and what works instead.
Tantrum Mistake No. 1: You try reasoning with him.
Parents tend to keep talking and explaining to their overwrought child why he can’t have the thing he wants. “He’s emotionally wound up and incapable at that moment of being logical,” says Susan Stiffelman, a family therapist and author of Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected. “Trying to make him think rationally will actually make him feel more alone.”
Tantrum Tamer: Stop talking. After your initial explanation, don’t say another word to him, suggests Stiffelman. Once he realizes his tantrum isn’t getting him anywhere, he’ll calm down.
Tantrum Mistake No. 2: You’re unclear about the rule.
If you tell your child “No” but then start hedging as his tantrum escalates, he’ll sense your hesitation and keep at it until you give in, says Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.
Tantrum Tamer: Spell it out and stick to it. “If you’re clear and consistent, pretty soon the kid will understand that when you say “No,” you mean no, and if he pushes, nothing good will come of it.”
Tantrum Mistake No. 3: You’re not empathetic.
It’s hard to have sympathy in the middle of a meltdown, but not acknowledging that your child is upset makes him feel that his frustrations are going unheard, according to Stiffelman.
Tantrum Tamer: Show you understand. If your child goes ballistic when the baby sitter arrives, say something like: “It doesn’t seem fair that you can’t go out to dinner with Mommy and Daddy tonight.” But don’t add an explanation; that will make things worse. Expecting a young child to understand is unrealistic because … he won’t.
Tantrum Mistake No. 4: You lose your temper.
One out-of-control person is enough. What’s more, “you’re modeling bad temper to your child,” says Phelan. “Although sometimes you can intimidate him into quieting down, this will only give you a false sense of control.”
Tantrum Tamer: Keep quiet. Remain calm and say nothing. And if you’re in a public place, leave as quickly as possible.
Tantrum Mistake No. 5: You ignore his needs.
You’re asking for trouble if you’re not tuned in to what sets him off, according to Stiffelman. You can avoid many meltdowns by taking his needs into account.
Tantrum Tamer: Think ahead. If your child frequently has a meltdown when you two spend the entire morning running from store to store doing errands, adjust your schedule accordingly. Not playing to your child’s tantrums helps restore calm — for both of you.
And while you can’t always avoid meltdowns, having smart strategies lets you keep them from escalating and stop them sooner.
How to Raise Kids With Manners in An Uncivilized World
REALITY CHECK: A survey conducted by US News & World Report found nine out of ten Americans felt the breakdown of common courtesy has become a serious problem in this country. A huge seventy-eight percent of those polled said manners and good social graces have significantly eroded over the past ten years, and is a major contributor to the breakdown of our values in this country. What’s more, 93 percent of adults feel the major cause of rudeness is because parents are have failed to teach respect to their kids.
What a sad commentary!
Make no mistake: courtesy does enhance our kids’ chances of success! Using good manners will enhance your child’s reputation in all arenas—home, school, and the community. Scores of studies find that well-mannered children are more popular and do better in school. Notice how often they’re invited to others’ homes? Kids like to be around kids who are nice. Listen to teachers speak about them using such positive accolades. Courteous children also have an edge later in life: the business world clearly tells us their first interview choices are those applicants displaying good social graces. They also get more “second” job interviews, and usually even the job. You just can’t help but react positively to people who are polite and courteous. By prioritizing polite behaviors with our children, we can enhance their social competence and give them a big boost towards success.
Every child has an “off day” and forgets their manners, but here are signs from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions that indicate that your child may need a more serious “Manners Tune-up.”
Signs a Manners Tweak Is Needed
- A typical response is an impolite tone (sarcastic or surly) delivered with disrespectful body language (rolling eyes, smirking, shrugging shoulders).
- Impolite behaviors are now more frequent or becoming a habit.
- Constant reminders are needed to reinforce manners that you thought you had already taught
- Discourtesy is causing friction in your everyday relationship and breaking down your family harmony.
- Social experiences and peer interactions (birthday or slumber party invites, dinners, etc) are hindered because your child lacks certain social graces or doesn’t feel comfortable using them.
- Discourtesy is ruining his reputation among friends, parents, teachers, relatives, and family.
Parenting Solutions to Enhance Social Graces
All three of my sons attended a wonderful cooperative nursery school led by an incredibly caring teacher, Jeanette Thompson. The very first impression I had of the school was how well-mannered the children were. And, through the years as I put in my “coop” hours, I understood why her students were so polite: Mrs. Thompson never taught manners at a special time, instead she taught students manners all day long through her own example. Every sentence she ever uttered contained the word “please,” “thank you,” or “excuse me.” It was impossible for her students not to be polite. She used to always tell the moms, “Manners are caught, not taught.”
Was Mrs. Thompson ever right! I also learned an important secret from my children’s teacher: The first step to teaching kids good manners is to make sure you model them yourself. Amen!
Disrespect, poor character, and diminishing moral intelligence are increasing. Here are a few solutions to enhance good social graces in your children and give them that edge for a better life based on Mrs. Thompson’s strategies of raising a well-mannered child.
1. Stress Courtesy
Good manners are among the simplest skills to teach children because they are expressed in just a few very specific behaviors. We can instantly point out good or poor manners to our kids: “Wow, nice manners! Did you notice the smile on Grandma’s face when you thanked her for dinner?” or “Eating before waiting for the others to sit down wasn’t polite,” We can modify our children’s manners: “Next time, remember to say ‘Excuse Me’ when you walk in front of someone.” And we can always tune them up: “Before you ask for the dish, say “Please.”
2. Point Out the Value of Manners
Discuss with your children the value of good manners. You might say, “Using good manners helps you gain the respect of others. It’s also a great way to meet new friends. Polite people just make the world a kinder place.” Once kids understand the impact good manners have on others, they’re more likely to incorporate courtesy in their own behavior.
3. Teach A Manner A Week
When my children were young I taught them a jingle, “Hearts, like doors, will open with ease, if you learn to use these keys.” We’d then print a manner a week on a large paper key and tape it on our kitchen door as a reminder. 
Every child in the neighborhood could recite not only our jingle, but name the manners that are the “keys to opening hearts.” It helped me recognize “catching new manners” doesn’t happen overnight: it takes consistent effort to enhance them in our kids.
How about teaching a “Manner a Week?” Write the manner on an index card, post it on your refrigerator, and then hold a contest to see how many times family members hear another member use the word.
Here are a few to get you started:
“Please., Thank you., May I?, Excuse me, I’m sorry., Pardon me., I’m glad to meet you,, You go first.,May I introduce….? Please pass…, ”
Just remember that the best way for kids to learn a new skill is through seeing the skill and then practicing it. So do the manner with your child — or as a family, and then provide fun ways to practice, practice, practice until the manner becomes a habit!
4. Correct Impoliteness Immediately
Use the 3 Bs of Discipline: When your child uses an impolite comment, immediately correct the behavior by using the three “Bs” of discipline: “Be Brief, Be Private so no one but you and your child is aware you’re correcting your child, and Be Specific.”
“Starting your dinner without waiting first for Grandma to sit down, was impolite. Being polite means always respecting older people.”
Waiting for the right time when only your child can hear your correction, preserves dignity but still lets a child know behavior is unacceptable.
5. Acknowledge Politeness ASAP
Please also remember to point out the moment your child uses those manners and let him know you appreciate his efforts. The quickest way to shape behavior is by pointing out the moment a child does the action the right way.
“Thank you for using your polite voice! Did you notice the big smile on Grandma’s face?”
“You waited for everyone to sit at the table before you started to eat. So polite! Thank you!”
6. Practice Manners
A friend of mine who really wanted to make sure her children “caught good manners” started a unique family tradition: Once a month, she asks her children to help her plan a party. The children plan the menu, set their table–with only their “company dishes”–arrange a centerpiece of hand-picked flowers, and then sit in their “Sunday best.”
The party is just for their family, and it’s the time my friend helps her children practice table manners such as “please pass,” “thank you,” “May I be excused?” (as well keeping your napkin on your lap, chewing with your mouth closed, waiting for others to speak, and learning which fork to use with each course).
Yes, it takes a lot of work, but she swears it’s worth it, especially when so many people comment on how well-behaved her children are.
7. Identify the Underlying Cause of Your Child’s Incivility
If your child has a more serious case of rudeness, then it’s time to dig deeper and discover the reason. Here are the most common reasons kids backslide in the manners department (and if you notice any of these issues in your home it’s time to roll up those sleeves and do some serious manner teaching) Manners not modeled or prioritized at home; Impolite peers or adults are being imitated; Music, movies, or TV that flaunt rudeness are having a bad influence; You’re allowing her to get away with it; Fatigue, stress or illness;Testing the limits; Never taught particular etiquette skills. What’s your best guess? Fix it!
Good manners do not develop naturally but instead are the result of considerable effort, patience, and diligent training. There’s no way around it. So keep encouraging your child’s efforts and teaching new manner skills until you get the results you hope for.
And don’t settle for less. Please! It’s our best hope for a civilized, well-mannered world!
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Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com
