How to Talk to Your Kids About…Bullying
Last updated on August 1st, 2012 at 11:13 am
With a new school year quickly approaching, now is the perfect time to talk to your children about bullying.
All of our children will be faced with confrontation. Whether it is in school, their neighborhood, college, work, even in marriage, as they are older. It is important to prepare them to deal with confrontation now.
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Start talking to your children when they are young. When appropriate, find ways to bring up the subject of bullying so conversations can ensure.
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Don’t just talk, listen. Our children will drop little hints when there are bullying problems. We will miss the cues if we don’t actively listen to what they are saying.
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Role-play with your children. THIS IS A MUST! Give your children different scenarios and teach them how to handle the situations. (“What do you do if someone calls you a name…takes your backpack…etc)”. Answers to these questions are going to be slightly different for each family, depending on how you want to handle things in your own house. There are some things about the answers that will be the same:
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Talk to your children about conflict resolution. Talk to them about managing their anger, communicating, compromise and being patient. This is done through role-play and everyday situations. As conflict happens in your home between siblings, use it to teach. Be sure that as adults, we are being good examples of conflict resolution also.
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Talk to your children about violence. Fighting is not the answer. Teach your children that it is not okay to fight, UNLESS there is a need to stand up for them selves in self-defense. They should know that if they need to defend themselves because they are being, or going to be physically attacked, then they do. And, that if they do have to fight in self-defense that you will understand and not get mad at them because things turned physical.
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Talk to your children about empathy. We need to teach our kids to try to understand other’s points of view and to feel compassion towards others. We need to be
good examples and demonstrate empathy ourselves.
Research teaches us that helping our children build their self-confidence is one the best defenses against bullying. By talking to our children about conflict and role-playing challenging situations, we can build our children’s self confidence so they feel more prepared when faced with bullying
Teen’s Fictional Story of a Bullied Child’s Suicide: Did it go too far?
Last updated on September 13th, 2015 at 01:26 am
Hailey Bennett is 12 years old – her mother died when she was three and her father is abusive. She’s been bullied for years – in school and on her Facebook page where she admits she wants to die and is ignored – and eventually she commits suicide. At least that is the fictional story being told by Jessica Barba, a 15 year old high school student from New York who created a video called “The Story of Hailey Bennett” as a class project to make a point – that bullying is real, that it happens every day and could be happening to the child who on the surface is living a happy life – and that each and every one of us can and should make a difference in putting an end to this.
To tell Hailey’s story Jessica created a six-minute video and a fake Facebook page. Both had disclaimers to let viewers know that Hailey was a fictional character. A concerned parent however saw “Hailey’s” Facebook page with the update that said “I wanna be dead” and called the police who contacted the school. Despite multiple disclaimers that this was a fictional story, Jessica was suspended from school for 5 days.
“I just created the video in order to raise awareness of the major issue that’s bullying,” 15-year-old Jessica Barba told Matt Lauer on TODAY. “I don’t understand why I’m being punished for it.”
And really when it comes down to it, that is the question. Should she have been? Jessica created a fake Facebook page – that violated Facebook’s terms of service – but the unfortunate truth is that happens every day, often with intent to harm – to bully or deliberately hurt or humiliate others – not to raise awareness of that behavior and encourage others to take a stand against it.
Here is Jessica’s video:
It’s amazing the world technology allows us to create. 10 years ago Jessica Barba could only have submitted this as a paper – I doubt it would have created this much uproar. But not today. Today, she brought us into Hailey’s world and it was real enough to frighten a parent into calling the police. Real enough to frighten the school administration into suspending her. But should they have? Too often what we don’t see is exactly what we need to see…and Jessica Barba certainly opened our eyes.
But did she go too far? Or did the school officials? What do you think??
When Private Goes Public: Social Networking and Suicide
Last updated on May 24th, 2018 at 05:33 pm
“Jumping off the gw bridge sorry,” Tyler Clementi, age 18, posted on his Facebook status on September 22, 2010.
And then he did just that. A desperate act fueled by humiliation, Clementi committed suicide after his Rutgers University roommate secretly recorded a private sexual encounter between him and another male, only to then post it to YouTube.
In the Phoebe Prince case, the 15-year-old hanged herself on January 10, 2010, after enduring months of bullying from fellow students. Prince felt that killing herself was the only escape from teen tormentors who attacked her in the hallways and taunted her through texts and public online spaces, like Facebook.
We’re all familiar with tales of social networking sites (SNSs), along with other new media platforms, casting a dark shadow over events leading up to a victim’s suicide. Frequently the issues revolve around private encounters, moments and words that spread like wildfire once they’ve been introduced to the digital stage – often without the target’s consent.
With the 21st century ingenue Cyberbullying playing the lead role in each one of those dramas, we rarely hear examples of how social networking promotes a healthy mental state and even prevents suicide in some instances.
Although the media continually make the connection, there is no conclusive evidence that online bullying causes suicide.
First, we do youth a disservice by perpetually drawing a straight line between the two concepts of online harassment and self-murder. Continuing to make that association falsely communicates the message that there is no alternative escape from cyberbullying other than ending one’s life, which can result in children making that fatal decision.
Second, adults need to remember that youth connect emotionally and define relationships through their digital devices and Web platforms. They acutely feel both rejection and connection via digital media.
According to a recent International Center for Media and the Public Agenda (ICMPA) study, “students around the world reported that being tethered to digital technology 24-7 is not just a habit, it is essential to the way they construct and manage their friendships and social lives.”
Finally, it’s crucial that we understand both the positive and negative sides of social media, thereby putting cyberbullying into context and appreciating its place amidst all the benefits and opportunities that arise from digital connections.
To further the point, a growing body of research from the Australia-based Co-operative Research Centre for Young People, Technology and Wellbeing (YAW-CRC) supports the idea that SNSs have a much more positive effect on relationships and mental well-being than most of us may be aware.
According to the YAW-CRC’s The Benefit of Social Networking Services report:
“There is a demonstrated positive relationship between young people’s use of social networking services and self-esteem. … It is also argued that a sense of community and belonging has the potential to promote young people’s resilience, giving them the ability to successfully adapt to change and stressful events. … Overall, it appears that the social connections developed and fostered through SNS play an important role in promoting young people’s well-being.
Although cyberbullying represents the seamier side of social networking, it’s greatly outweighed by the support systems that youth develop online.
Too frequently it’s said that friendships in virtual communities do not carry the same lasting loyalty and profound connectivity that real-world relationships hold. Statements like those diminish the value that young ones place on their online relationships and in the end miss the importance of social networking in fostering a sense of self-worth and belonging on this Earth.
Things to Remember
Marginalized children and teens need to hear from trusted sources that their lives are not over if they experience digital persecution from peers. And parents, mentors and teachers should refer to resources (e.g., the Cyberbullying Research Center) to better understand social media’s place in self-esteem development.
If you are concerned for yourself or a child who is being harassed online, intervention programs make all of the difference. For more information, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) What a Difference a Friend Makes website.
Bully-Proof Your Child
Last updated on May 24th, 2018 at 05:35 pm
Playground taunts and physical threats are nothing new, but until recently, children were usually safe inside their own home. Now, with email, texting and social networking, the harassment and intimidation can happen 24/7 – and anonymously. Here are answers to common questions about bullying and ways to protect your child.
What constitutes bullying?
There are three main types of bullying, according to Dr. Andrea Wiener, a child psychologist and the author of The Best Investment: Unlocking The Secrets of Social Success For Your Child. Physical bullying typically involves hitting, shoving and kicking, and is more common among boys. Social aggression includes alienation, ostracism, deliberate exclusion and spreading of untrue rumors, and is most common among girls. Cyber-bullying happens via social networking sites like Facebook, where kids post harassing comments or embarrassing photos online with the intention of hurting someone else.
Why do kids bully?
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, but the one thing they have in common is a need for power. “Often they are the popular kids that use power to control others,” says Weiner. “They seem to have a strong self-image, but it’s usually the opposite. They use fear because underneath it, they are scared and don’t think highly of themselves.” Bullying behavior can also carry into adulthood, in the form of dating aggression, spousal abuse or workplace harassment.
Who is most at risk?
Bullying victims are often the loners, according to Dr. Weiner – socially withdrawn, passive kids. “They let others be in control,” she says. “They may also have problems that would make them targets of abuse.” In fact, recent research points to children with obesity and food allergies as particular targets for bullying.
How do I know if my child is being bullied?
You’d like to think your child would tell you, but that’s often not the case, according to Weiner. Kids are afraid of being a tattletale or believe that it’s their fault and shy away from telling; so if you suspect your child to be the victim of bullying, don’t ask him directly. Instead, use indirect questions like, ‘How do you spend your recess time?’ or ‘What’s it like walking to school or being on the school bus?” Also, children often show their distress even if they don’t talk about it. “Signs of being bullied may include reluctance to go to school, sleep disturbances and vague physical complaints such as stomach pains or headaches,” says Weiner. “Look for unexplained belongings that are missing or clothes that are ripped.”
What should I do if I suspect bullying?
Go straight to school and report your suspicions. Most schools have adopted a no-bullying policy and take it seriously. Find out if your child’s teachers have observed anything and ask them to watch your child’s interactions with other students, suggests Weiner. Share with them what you’ve noticed at home and anything your child may have said. Then follow up and make sure that either the teachers or school administrators are taking steps to address the problem. With childhood bullying, the only people with the power to stop it are the adults.
One Million Safer Kids…begins with ONE
Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:28 am
What if any of us saw a child about to be harmed? We’d want to do something to help that child! None of us has the power to make others stop doing dangerous things, but we each have the power to take action today that will make kids safer.
Kidpower, a global leader in personal safety education, including bullying prevention, child abuse prevention, and stranger awareness, is inviting all caring adults to join our “One Million Safer Kids” campaign. Our goal is simple: to make one million young people safer in five years or less as a result of greater awareness, knowledge, and skills.
After providing twenty-two years of safety education through Kidpower to over two million people around the world, we’ve seen again and again how a few simple actions can protect young people from most attempts of bullying, violence, and abuse. No matter how long I do this work, my heart still breaks each time I hear of a child who has experienced misery and trauma that was preventable!
The One Million Safer Kids Campaign is happening in classrooms, parks, playgrounds, and living rooms around the world. Our Kidpower staff, board members, and volunteers are coming together with parents, educators, and community leaders to take simple steps to create access to age-appropriate personal safety skills and information that can help prevent children and teens from being abducted, abused, threatened, attacked, or bullied.
A world with One Million Safer Kids is a better world for all of us. It is a world with more joyful playgrounds, classrooms, and neighborhoods. It is a world with more relationships strengthened by strong boundary setting skills. It’s a world with less trauma and injury. It is a world where children feel safer because they are empowered. The potential ripple effect of One Million Safer Kids is both staggering and achievable.
By teaching one child one skill, sharing one article with one parent, arranging one workshop for one scout troop, or giving one donation to bring skills to a child in need, one adult makes a lifetime of difference to the young people made safer as a result.
What Can YOU Do to Help Create a World with One Million Safer Kids?
- Teach a child a safety skill. It only takes a few minutes and knowing what to do could spare a child misery or even save a child’s life!
- Share information with someone who can use it to keep a child safer. The Kidpower Safety Tips can be posted on school and youth group websites The Kidpower Virtual Library has 100+ free articles. Share them with a parent, a teacher, an educator, a coach, etc. These are easy to access from: http://www.kidpower.org/millionsafer/resources
- Learn more, then show others what you learned. Subscribe to the Kidpower e-newsletter, read an article or one of Kidpower’s books, or take a personal safety workshop for yourself. Through all our efforts, we will educate One Million Safer Kids.
- Like our “One Million Safer Kids” with Kidpower page on Facebook.
To join the One Million Safer Kids campaign, visit http://www.kidpower.org/millionsafer/and sign up in the “Count me in” box. When you sign on to Kidpower’s One Million Safer Kids campaign, you will receive a Tools to Live By mini-poster featuring Kidpower core principles, available for immediate download. And, you will receive ideas about ways to teach safety skills, success stories, and new resources.
Bullying: 10 Things We Can Do to Keep Them Safer at School
Last updated on October 6th, 2015 at 12:18 am
We know our kids will have the new school supplies they need to start school, but have we given them the tools they need to deal with more than the reading, writing and arithmetic?
With the new school year quickly 
approaching, now is the perfect time to sit down with our children and talk about bullying.
Studies estimate that 1 out of 3 children are bullied, and over 150,000 children a day, skip school because they fear being bullied by another student.
As parents, there is much we can do to help our children avoid, prepare for, and deal with bullying. This will ease our children’s minds, and ours.
What do we do…
1. We realize, that no matter what we do, OUR KIDS WILL FACE CONFRONTATION in their lives. In school, in college, in the work place, in their neighborhoods, in marriage, as parents. Confrontation is part of life. We have to prepare them for it.
2. We need to help our children understand that it is never okay to fight. For the most part, nothing good comes of fighting. Fighting is not the answer. When our children are 40 and they have a disagreement with a coworker, they can’t use their fists to solve the problem then. Why would we teach them that that is how to deal with conflict now. It is not a skill that will serve them through their lives. That said, we need to teach our children to stand up for themselves in self-defense. They should know that if they need to defend themselves because they are being, or going to be physically attacked, then they defend themselves. And, that if they do have to fight in self-defense, that we will not be angry, but understand. They need to know that they always defend themselves if/when things turn physical.
Then, we need to…
3. Talk to our children when they are young. Waiting until our kids are bullied is not a good time to start addressing the issue. Use situations and find ways to bring up the subject and discuss it when they are young. Children who feel embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are very unlikely to come home and share how they feel. Make it clear to your children that you are always there to listen, and that you can relate. If it is hard to talk to them, round up some children’s books on the subject, or ask your spouse to help. Don’t scare your children, but inform them.
4. Role-Play: Give your children different scenarios and teach them how to handle them. “What do you do if…?” (someone calls you a name, makes fun of you, someone takes your lunch, someone hits you). Go through each situation and teach them what to say and do. It will empower them, and when they are faced with the bully they wont be as intimidated because they will have had experience and practiced ways to handle the situation.
Role play simple words and actions…
- Stand up straight and tall – Shoulders back
- Don’t show emotion
- Use a firm voice
5. Teach Conflict Resolution. We have to teach our children how to deal with conflict and confrontation. Teach them to manage their anger, communicate, and listen. Teach them how to compromise and be patient. This is done through everyday life situations and role-play. As conflict happens in your home, between siblings, use it to teach. We also must be good examples of conflict resolution in our own adult lives.
6. Let children work things out themselves. As parents we can be very quick to step in and stop the arguing and disagreements between our children. We decide who we think is the winner, and then go about our business. We feel good because the conflict and contention has stopped. We need to let our children work out their own disagreements. If we will sit back and watch, they will almost always be able to solve their own problems. Family situations are the perfect place for them to practice working through conflict when dealing with others. There is no better schoolroom than our home.
7. Keep our Ears Open. When our kids try and talk to us, we have to listen. They will drop little hints when there are bullying problems. It is easy to miss the cues when we are not really listening to what is being said. When our kids’ talk to us, we need to put everything else aside and really be in the moment to listen. Kids will tell us there is a problem long before bullying turns physical, listen to them.
8. Acknowledge Verbal Abuse. Just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean it is okay. Verbal bullying causes children to feel the same things as physical bullying: fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety, emotional distress, and lower self-esteem. Don’t blow off your child’s concerns.
9. Give them a hobby, interest, sport, talent, where they can excel. Build their self-confidence. We should involve our children in healthy activities where they find success. Something they like, that challenges them and where they can excel. Whether it is sports, a hobby or an interest. These activities will boost their self-confidence and belief in themselves, teach them how to deal with success and failure, solve problems, deal with others and speak their minds. A strong self-esteem is our child’s best defense against bullying.
10. Model/Teach Empathy As parents, we need to model kind, gentle behavior for our children. They learn by watching us. Be sure that the other adults and kids that are around our children demonstrate empathy as well. We need to teach our kids to try to understand other’s points of view and to feel compassion towards others. If we are always raising our voices, showing impatience, and arguing, they will do the same. Empathetic children are also less likely to become bullies themselves.
As parents, we can do a lot to help our children deal with bullying. Send your children to school with more than just new pencils. Send them with confidence and strength to deal with conflict and stand up for themselves.
WERE YOU EVER BULLIED AS A CHILD? AS AN ADULT? HAS YOUR CHILD BEEN BULLIED?
