Is Your Family Safe When You’re Driving?

Think you’re an ace on the road? Not so fast. Even if you’ve never gotten so much as a parking ticket, you may have forgotten some traffic rules – and that could put you and your family at risk for an accident. Consider this: A 2011 study from GMAC Insurance found that 18 percent of American drivers (nearly one in five motorists) couldn’t pass a written drivers test if they took it today. Here are the most common – and dangerous – mistakes drivers make, plus tips on tuning up your driving smarts.

You multi-task while driving.

Inattentive driving is something of a national epidemic, thanks to rampant cell phone use behind the wheel. And there’s no denying its danger: Distracted driving is said to be the cause of up to 25 percent of crashes nationwide.

So when you rev up your car, power down your phone and iPad. “It’s not the time to read email or update your Facebook status,” says William Van Tassel, Ph.D., manager of Driver Training Operations for AAA in Orlando, Florida.

You don’t look far enough ahead on the road – or far enough to the side.

Yes, you should look at the back of the vehicle in front of you to respond quickly if necessary. But you also need to look at what’s going in front of that vehicle – and regularly scan both the rear-view and side mirrors to find out what’s happening all around you. If vehicles are blocking a portion of your vision, assume something is there to be safe.

You follow other cars too closely.

It’s crucial to have a cushion of space all around your vehicle in case you need to move quickly out of harm’s way. But only 25 percent of drivers in the GMAC study knew what a safe driving distance was.

“Stay three to four seconds behind the vehicle ahead of you, and one car-size space to the side,” Van Tassel advises. Reducing your speed a little bit will give you more room and help you avoid fender-benders.

You go straight in the left-turn lane.

Some drivers disregard the arrows and use turn lanes to speed up and pass traffic at intersections. For safety’s sake, stay in the center or right lanes if you’re not turning. “Other drivers coming at you want to use that space to turn left, and if you’re there, it could result in a head-on collision,” Van Tassel says.

You slow down or stop when entering a highway.

It’s easier to merge with other motorists if you’re driving up to their speed as you enter the expressway. You also risk getting hit from behind if you slow down, because the drivers behind you won’t expect it.

You drive too fast in bad weather.

In fog, rain, ice storms or snow, forget the speed limit signs and slow down to improve your visibility and traction.

“A simple adjustment in speed will give you time to respond to anything that suddenly pops up in front of you,” Van Tassel says. “The traction your tires have on a wet road is about 30 percent less than on a dry road. Reduce your speed by 30 percent to maintain the same level of safety.”

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Editor’s Note: An unsafe driving style can put you and your family at risk, but it also sets a poor example for your little future drivers. This article provides a few common-sense reminders that most of us could benefit from.

Avoiding Clickbait: 6 Ways to Protect Your Family

Have you ever followed a link and been surprised by what you saw or regretted doing it? Have your kids? If so, ask yourself this question: “Do you your kids share any devices with any other members of your family?”

That’s an important question because of the potential dangers associated with Clickbait. In addition to having family members fighting over devices because of how much time can be lost to being sucked down a rabbit hole, there are more serious consequences that can happen, as you will see.

Clickbait is any teaser to a link meant to entice people to follow the link. The reasons behind the motivation for clickbait typically:

• To drive traffic to a website, usually to sell advertising based on traffic volume or click rates.
• To create phishing attacks, spread malicious files, or steal confidential information.
• To influence people’s opinion based on biased “reporting” that is presented as being fair.
• To cause users, mainly young children, to spend money that their parents may not even realize is happening.

The dangers involved with clicking on dangerous links include spreading misinformation, eroding trust in online content, wasting a person’s time, causing emotional damage to readers, introducing viruses/malware, and more! For these reasons, everyone should learn the telltale signs of Clickbait and know how to avoid it before it’s too late.

Look For the Signs

Clickbait often uses emotional triggers, especially fear, excitement, or humor to get the reader’s attention. Once hooked, readers are often taken down a rabbit hole that they’d rather avoid. To lure in unsuspecting readers, Clickbait often uses over-the-top headlines that include phrases such as:

• “Only 30% Can Pass this Quiz. Can You?”
• “This Will Blow Your Mind!”
• “10 Ways to XXXXX and You Won’t Believe the Last One!”
• “What this Mayor Announced During her Last Town Meeting Will Leave You Speechless.”

Other possible telltale signs of Clickbait are articles with a misleading thumbnail/preview image, using frequent CAPS in the headlines, asking questions in the headline instead of using declaratives, and having the reader click on a <NEXT> or <MORE> button to continue reading the story.

Parents need to be particularly concerned with Clickbait that is specifically designed to target their children. Unlike “traditional” Clickbait, kids will likely come across it where parents are least likely to expect it – where their kids are playing games. In the case of games, pop-up ads called Loot Boxes can easily lure kids to places where their parents won’t want them to go, where they will be able to get a small value freebie for the game, but where the real goal is to get the child to purchase an expensive item that will give them an advantage in the game. For this reason, never have your phone, tablet or other device automatically linked to your credit card or bank account.

Another problem that can occur with Clickbait is ransomware. Ransomware is a specific type of malware that blocks a user out from using their computer and only lets them back in after they pay a fee (ransom). If ransomware is involved, where a virus is downloaded and only erased (hopefully) after the device owner pays a fee to the hacker, the costs could literally be in the millions of dollars. For more information on Ransomware, watch this video from IBM.

Problems with Clickbait include both ethical and legal issues. The ethical issues about wasting people’s time following links that provide no real value or answers are troubling enough. The legal issue in causing damage to someone’s devices can cost people hundreds or more in repair costs. In some cases, data such as work, or school related information may be irrevocably lost.

An informed reader/user is the best the best defense against getting caught by Clickbait. To avoid being caught by disreputable websites that may carry malware, here are some things that students can do:

1. Look for Verified Sites
Google vets millions of websites and provides the “Google Guaranteed Badge”, a green checkmark, to show which sites should be safe to use. Typically, only those sites that have received a badge will appear at the top of the search results, but on more abstract topics, it is possible that sites that have not earned the badge will appear at the top of search results.

2. Don’t take the Bait
Avoid headlines that sound outlandish. Legitimate websites rarely use headlines with outlandish wording. The most likely exception to this is when news organizations post opinions or editorials online, as they are typically not vetted in the same way as news articles.

3. Protect Your Privacy
Never give out your personal information to untrusted sources, including email addresses. Once on email lists, people may become acclimated to the emails and begin to trust them when they shouldn’t. To get removed from unwanted email lists, most legitimate sources have an unsubscribe feature. If that’s not an option, the email address should be blocked. To get removed from unwanted email lists, read this article by PC Magazine.

4. Protect Your Devices
Install anti-virus software to help prevent malware and identify risky sites. Keep in mind that there is often a lag time from when a new malware source goes live until anti-viral software can identify it and prevent it from attacking a device.

5. Use Google Scholar

Whenever possible, students should use Google Scholar for school assignments. The sites returned by Google Scholar have already been vetted for accuracy and reliability, which precludes the possibility for Clickbait. It may eliminate some potentially good sources, but students can rest assured that the sites it does provide to them will be acceptable for schoolwork.

6. Do Not Click on Links from Unknown Sources

Scammers are very good at sending emails that appear to come from legitimate sources. Everyone should read the email address carefully to make sure that it’s authentic. They may transpose letters that look like a legitimate source at a glance or use a link with an existing word that looks like an official website but is a fake. Scammers often send messages through Facebook Messenger saying that your account is going to be suspended and should be ignored.

Similarly, avoid clicking on links sent by friends, as they may have been tricked, so just because it came from someone a person knows (and trusts) doesn’t mean that it’s safe.

Last, by moving the mouse over a link, look for the preview of where it will take someone without actually clicking on the link. In my previous article for Pediatric Safety, it appears that there are three links that will all take the user to the Google home page.

However, if a user moves the mouse over the three links but does not click on the link, users can see where the link will actually go by looking at the preview link. This is typically in the lower left corner of the screen. As the mouse is moved over the three versions of the Google link, notice the true destination of the three versions.

Keep in mind that this is not a feature to cellphones, which makes it much easier to trick people to using clickbait to trap themselves with a virus.

Takeaways

At its best, Clickbait wastes people’s time, providing little if anything in return. At its worst, it can literally cause millions of dollars in damages and related costs. The risks associated with Clickbait grow much faster on shared devices, where the mistake made by one person can impact the entire family, especially on a shared network. Being able to recognize potential Clickbait is the first step to avoiding it. As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

With some awareness of what’s involved, families can avoid Clickbait or at least minimize the risks. Learning about them as you are now is a good beginning.

What Parents Need to Know About Section 230

Anyone who has been online at all in recent years has probably seen something that they wish that they hadn’t seen. And in the recent U.S. elections, people from all sides have complained about what was being said online, claiming that some of it ranged from hate speech to outright lies.

Despite the initial conclusion one may jump to that the internet has no safeguards or regulation, there is in fact the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which was Congress’ original attempt to safeguard our children through legislation. Created, according to the Free Speech Center at Middle Tennessee State University, “in an attempt to prevent minors from gaining access to sexually explicit materials on the internet”, it’s unfortunately fallen significantly short of its goals, as sexually explicit material is readily available to anyone online, even without having an account with many of the sites/apps.

Section 230 of the Telecommunications Act provides technology companies with broad immunity when it comes to liability for any harm caused by the content posted on their sites/apps. Given what has been happening more recently, Section 230 is seeing more scrutiny by the public and by Congress.

On the one hand, it’s easy to justify Section 230 immunity protection, because the companies are not actively reviewing the content before it gets posted, often live. This is different from traditional print publishing, even in the editorials section, where the writers/publishers are the companies themselves. With modern web hosting sites and social media, the tech companies are providing a platform, but not providing the content itself.

Still, Section 230 has been under fire many times for what gets posted on sites/apps. Because they are not actively reviewing the content, the sites providers are for all intents-and-purposes granted a “pass” when it comes to liability for that content – but what happens when the content posted is “dangerous”?

What if it includes hate speech that targets a group of people and as a result, those individuals start receiving death threats? What if it promotes an activity like a “challenge”, where a number of the children who participate, end up in the hospital? Or what if a subset of users singles out an emotionally vulnerable member of the population to try and convince them to commit suicide? Clearly those directly involved in the behavior are responsible, but does the platform bear any responsibility to intercede before someone gets hurt? And who decides what is dangerous and what is acceptable?

It’s one area where lawmakers from both sides of the aisle tend to agree that something must be done. But will it ever be enough?

One of the problems with the Internet is that it’s a worldwide platform. Laws from one country, state, county or other form of government can be difficult to enforce globally. Indeed, lawmakers in the U.K. threatened to extradite arrest U.S. citizens over posts this past summer. I haven’t heard of any incidents of this actually happening, however.

With the elections now behind us, many people wonder what might happen to Section 230. According to the Council on Foreign Relations, President Trump had in his first term, previously issued an executive order “aimed at limiting the legal protection offered by Section 230.” This is a good sign for people worried about what’s happening online.

Presumably, his position has not changed, and we could be looking at major changes to Section 230, if not even a complete repeal of Section 230, but I see that as unlikely. I say this because it might put such a high burden on the platforms as to make their business plans unprofitable. This goes along with the same reason as to why companies don’t verify all users – imagine the costs and time involved with verifying the identity of every user on a platform.

Takeaways

There is a lot of controversy over Section 230 and as I mentioned previously, it is for good reason.

Section 230 allows companies to provide a platform to host content that is created by others while avoiding the consequences that would otherwise happen if that content were considered their responsibility. As a result, it keeps their costs down – not as big a concern for Meta (who owns both Facebook and Instagram and who reportedly made a gross profit of more than $108 billion in 2023), as for some of the newer/smaller players – but something to keep in mind.

From a consumer perspective, Section 230 provides us with several benefits. Most notably, it protects the right to free speech, a cornerstone of American life. It also provides a place for people to share ideas, resulting in new innovations and technological advancements that might not have been possible otherwise.

But at what cost. One might say that if a mass shooter or terrorist broadcasts live on a platform and they “accidentally” get increased ratings, there’s a moral obligation to shut them down, BUT the reality is, they can’t be sued. At the end of the day, Section 230 means there’s no requirement or even a real “bottom-line” incentive to do the right thing. But should there be?

The biggest issue as I see it is when people post content that they indicate as fact, when it may only be their opinion. This is especially true by people who are employed by legitimate news sources, but post things on their personal social media platforms.

In the end, it’s up to each of us to ensure our family is as safe as we can possibly be, and whatever happens with Section 230, it is unlikely to provide all the answers. So, as you look for ways to keep your family safe from what can happen online, here are a few resources that are available to you:

• The Cyberbullying Research Center – the best source available for all things related to cyberbullying.
• The International Bullying Prevention Association – A great source of information for anything related to bullying, offline or online.
• Darkness to Light – a great source of information and help for child sexual abuse, online or offline.
• Your local law enforcement is a good place to start. In today’s environment, many have dedicated officers who handle online problems. If they don’t have one, check with state or federal groups, such as the FBI.
• Many schools have resources to help families through problems that happen online. They also should have counselors to help with emotional issues. The same can be said for members of the clergy.
• Lastly, while the law may or may not be able to get you the result you wish, consulting with a lawyer regarding any civil actions that can be brought against the offender may be in order.

Keeping Your Family Safe from Frostbite

This year we had an extended break over the holidays in order to visit the Canadian grandparents and ski the Canadian Rockies in Alberta. It’s a very beautiful part of the world and I do love visiting there….but in the winter, it is COLD! Which is why I couldn’t help but laugh while we were packing for the trip – in our Midwest American winter – when my husband asked if I was packing the sunscreen. Seriously?! Whatever for? You see, however much sunlight might reflect off snow while skiing, creating a risk for sunburn – in the Canadian Rockies – EVERYTHING needs to be covered up, even your face.

Our 12-year old son learned this the hard way, when he began getting frostbite on his cheeks after extensive time out on the slopes on one of the colder days. We took care of it in fairly short order, but when I returned back to the U.S. and discovered it was actually COLDER in the Midwest than it had been in Canada, the idea of a frostbite post seemed like a good idea.

Windchill and Frostbite

When considering frostbite risk, a good place to start is with windchill, which is the term used for the rate of heat loss from the human body resulting from the combined effect of low temperature and wind. As winds increase, heat is carried away from the body at a faster rate, driving down both the skin temperature and, eventually, the internal body temperature.

It’s important to note that the only effect that windchill has on objects (or people) is that it shortens the time that it takes the object to cool to the actual air temperature (it cannot cool the object down below that temperature). Windchill matters because, for any given temperature, with increasing winds, it increases the risk of – and reduces the time for – frostbite of exposed skin to occur.

A Frostbite Primer

At or below freezing (32 °F or 0 °C), blood vessels close to the skin start to constrict, and blood is shunted away from the extremities, like fingers, toes, ears and nose. The same response may also be a result of exposure to high winds. This constriction is helpful as it preserves core body temperature. However, in extreme cold – or when the body is exposed to cold for long periods – this protective strategy can reduce blood flow in some areas of the body to dangerously low levels. This lack of blood leads to the eventual freezing and death of skin tissue in the affected areas.

The level of severity of frostbite is characterized in degrees – similar to burns – with the least severe level known as first degree, or the quaint, “frostnip”. Below is an outline of the degrees of frostbite severity:

First degree (aka Frostnip)

• Superficial cooling of the surface of the skin, without destruction of the skin cells.
• At onset, there is itching and pain, then the skin develops white, red, and yellow patches and becomes numb.
• Affected area usually does not become permanently damaged as only the skin’s top layers are affected – though long-term insensitivity to both heat and cold can sometimes happen after suffering from frostnip.

Second degree

• If freezing continues, the skin may freeze and harden (destroying skin cells), but the deep tissues are not affected and remain soft and normal.
• Injury usually blisters 1–2 days after becoming frozen. The blisters may become hard and blackened, but usually appear worse than they are.
• Most of the injuries heal in one month, but the area may become permanently insensitive to both heat and cold.

Third and fourth degrees

• If the area freezes further, deep frostbite occurs. The muscles, tendons, blood vessels, and nerves all freeze and can be destroyed.
• The skin is hard, feels waxy, and use of the area is lost temporarily, and in severe cases, permanently. The deep frostbite results in areas of purplish blisters which turn black and which are generally blood-filled. Nerve damage in the area can result in a loss of feeling.
• May result in fingers and toes being amputated if the area becomes infected with gangrene. If the frostbite goes untreated, they may fall off.

Frostbite Prevention

In order to avoid frostbite in the first place, it’s helpful to keep track of both the actual temperature – and the windchill or apparent temperature – and plan your time outdoors accordingly. For example, at an actual temperature of -10 °F, a light wind of 5 mph will make it feel like -22 °F and could cause frostbite after 30 minutes of exposure. But if the wind increases to 25 mph, it will feel like -37 °F and frostbite could occur in just 10 minutes – which might explain all the recent school delays and closures! The National Weather Service has a helpful windchill chart with estimated times for frostbite to occur.

When you and your family are outdoors in cold weather it’s also important to consider the following:

• Dress in layers of loose, warm clothing – and check for gaps in the coverings (such as between gloves and sleeves)
• Wear a hat or covering on your head – and make sure your ears are covered
• Wear mittens rather than gloves – so your fingers can share warmth
• Wear socks and sock liners that fit well, wick moisture and provide insulation
• Consider using hand or foot warmers – we got a lot of benefit from these skiing in Canada
• Try to keep moving outside to get blood flowing

Most of all, be aware of and check for signs of frostnip and frostbite, such as red or pale skin, and prickling feelings or numbness in the skin.

Frostbite Treatment

Frostnip – or mild frostbite – can be treated at home. It’s important to get out of the cold soon after the signs appear and change into dry clothing if needed. Warm the area gradually using warm (not hot!) water – about 100 to 150 degrees Fahrenheit (no hotter!) – or body heat such as a warm hand pressed on the cold skin. A couple of watch-outs:

• Do NOT rub or massage the area – this can further damage the skin
• Do NOT use direct heat from a heating pad, lamp, fire or radiator – as your skin will be numb and you will not be able to detect when it is burning

More serious frostbite needs medical attention immediately. Again, warm the area gradually, but do not start warming if the area may become exposed to cold again – this can make the situation worse. Remove any tight or wet clothing, and rest affected areas (e.g. do not walk on frostbitten feet). Also, leave any injured tissue intact for a physician to address – and follow the restrictions above for frostnip.

Thanks to my husband for the inspiration and much of the research for this post!

How Your Dog Is Affected By Your Family’s Emotions

As humans, we all experience a very wide range of emotions for any given situation, at any given time. And oftentimes, we tend to ‘assign’ those same emotions onto the animal that spends the most time at our sides – our dogs.

The following is just a short list of some of the statements I consistently hear from my clients about their dogs:

• “She knows exactly what she did wrong! The minute I came into the room, she ran!”
• “He ate the arm of the couch because he was angry (or mad) that I went out without him!”
• “He destroyed my son’s favorite pair of slippers to get even with him for yelling at him!”

In general, I spend a great deal of time dispelling some of the myths regarding a dog’s ‘emotions’ and more importantly, their ‘actions’ – which are more reactions than actions.

What do I mean by this? Let’s review the above statements and break them down. In each one, the person is assuming that the dog’s actions are based on an emotion. The reality is that to feel guilty, or to retaliate out of anger requires a cognitive thought process… one of “I’ll show you!” Sorry folks… dogs do not possess the ability to dissect everything the way we do. They live in the moment and rely heavily on instinct. They clearly read your body language, their instinct of self-preservation kicked in and they decided to get out of the line of fire! They had no clue why you were displeased…. they just knew by your body language that you were!

On the flip side of that, there are basic emotions that dogs can/do feel… for example, they can feel anticipation of something good or bad to come. If your child comes home from school every day at the same time on the bus, you will see them excitedly pace in front of the window or door as that time rolls around, and display excitement at every bus that passes until they see one stop and your child disembark. They can also feel happy when your child runs in, drops down on all fours and lavishes love on them. And because they can physically feel barometric changes, if thunderstorms frighten them, they may exhibit stress-related behaviors in anticipation of the impending storm. Other human emotions that dogs can feel and display are fear, feeling threatened, anxiety, sadness, and pleasure. I do not know for sure if they actually feel love, but by their obvious displays of affection, I like to think they do.

So why did I explain all of that and what does it have to do with my topic? Because how we feel, behave, and act can have a profound effect on our dogs, and can cause them to act or react in a positive or negative way. I had touched on this a bit in my article on teaching special-needs kids how to use “calm energy”. In one of the examples, I discussed the differences I saw in the way the dog reacted to the hyperactive child versus how they reacted to older or calmer family members, and then related my own personal struggles in my early training career of working with small toy breeds.

Even a calm, even-tempered, well-mannered and well-trained dog can react negatively in situations that they had once previously enjoyed but have since started to feel hostile.

My dog Reilley had enjoyed going everywhere in the car with me since he was a baby. All I had to do was grab my keys and he was running to his ‘Service Dog in Training’ vest so he could join me. About a year ago, from what seemed to be ‘out of nowhere’ he was hiding when I got my keys and didn’t want to go! I had to use firm commands to get him to come out, and when we got into the car, he would start whining, crying, and shaking. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why! Then one day the reason suddenly became very clear.

We had just finished at my doctor’s, he was calmly and quietly lying in the back seat, and someone cut me off. We were not in an accident- not even close- but the barrage of angry insults that came streaming out of my mouth had him crying and shaking all over again! And suddenly, I got it. In general, I tend to be a pretty up-beat easy-going person, but there had been quite a bit of emotional upheaval in my life at that time, and because I dislike driving to begin with, that became my time to ‘let it out!’ My husband had spoken to me numerous times about this and I knew my behaviors upset him, it just never occurred to me how much my actions and behaviors were affecting my dog!

How can this relate to your household? Dogs rely completely on routine, schedules, rules and consistency… and in an ideal world, we could always stick to that! Unfortunately none of us live in an ideal world…. and things change. But in a dog’s world, just one of those four things changing on them can totally throw them out of balance. We all get angry, upset, frustrated, over-exuberant… and so do our kids! Even more so it seems, now that we’ve added in the emotional overload that appears to be accompanying the current U.S. elections. But scroll back up to that limited list of emotions that dogs feel… anything outside of those can be very confusing to them. Also, just because they may feel those feelings, it doesn’t mean they can understand them! A dog calmly sleeping when an argument erupts, or a door gets slammed, or shouting begins, can become frightened, causing them to resort to one of two behaviors that come instinctively to them; Fight or flight. Some dogs when panicked will take off and hide, others will steel themselves to do battle.

Remember also that sometimes it is not just family arguments or a child’s sudden temper tantrum that can set them off… An innocent game of tag between your child and their friends is confusing to your dog. They don’t understand the friend is ‘tagging’ your child – or even that it is a game! They see someone hitting a member of their pack, and they may suddenly go into ‘protection’ mode. Your teenager daughter’s high-pitched squeal while on the phone with her girlfriend may have startled and then annoyed you, but if Rover was relaxing on your son’s lap chilling, you may need a few band-aids as you remove his nails from your son’s leg!

So how do we keep everybody in the household (including the dog) safe? Well, the best place to start is by observing your dog during some of these times, and how they react. Start a journal marking down the date, the time, the action, the child’s reaction, and then the dog’s reaction.

Example:

• 9/5/24 – 5:00 pm: Told John to turn off the computer and do homework 3X. He ignored me. I got angry and stormed upstairs while yelling. Argument ensued. Dog peed on the rug during that time-frame.
• 9/6/24 – 7 :00 am: Woke Jane up for school three times. She missed the bus, expected a ride and I refused. Argument ensued. Dog started whining and panting and then hid the rest of the morning.
• 9/11/24 – 6:00 pm: car backfired, dog started growling before he ran under the bed.
• 9/12/24 – 4:15 pm – Michael came home from school, front door closed quickly behind him with a loud bang, dog barked at him then ran under the bed.
• 9/13/24 – consistently noticing since the bedroom door was slammed, all loud noises scare him.

Essentially what this is creating is a document of how the family’s behaviors (yours included) are directly affecting the dog’s behaviors. Now, it is time to call a family conference. Begin by stating to your child or children that you are noticing some troubling behaviors in the dog lately, and to understand why these behaviors were happening and to best figure out how to help him, you began documenting what was going on prior to the behavior. Before reading any of the entries out loud, make it clear to everyone that this is not about pointing fingers or laying blame, but rather a group effort to figure out what you all, as a family, can do and change to help Fido.

Assuming the dog and the kids have a good solid relationship, it stands to reason they will all be interested in banding together to help him. You can also ask if there were any behaviors they might have noticed that you missed. If finger-pointing and blame begins, remind them gently that it is not about getting each other in trouble… its about your concern for the dog, who has always been nothing but kind and loyal to everyone, and helping him to overcome his new negative behaviors.

You can also potentially start an alternative list…. A ‘positive reactions’ list, that chronicles tender, loving or kind moments that you happen to notice. This way, if any of the kids are choosing to not be involved, you can gently remind them, “Michael, last week when you were really upset about not making the team, Fido sat next to you and didn’t move for hours because he knew you were upset and needed a friend. Are you willing to be his friend now when he really needs you?”

Once everyone is on board and willing to help, go back over the list one by one, and say something like, “Okay… John… how could you and I have communicated better about the computer, so we didn’t both get so angry?” etc.

Allowing the kids to have an active role helps to create unity… everyone coming together to create a calmer, happier environment ‘for the dog.’ All the while learning to be a bit kinder to each other. Talking without screaming and listening to each other. Acknowledging that they heard what the other one has to say. What they may not realize, however, is that they are learning to work together…and coming together as a family. Which in the end, is helping everyone! What a beautiful gift!!

Online Meets Offline Lesson: Don’t Let Kids Learn the Hard Way

When something about us ends up online and affects us in a negative way, I call it the Online Meets Offline lesson. It’s a lesson that we all need to learn as soon and as painlessly as possible. The problem can originate from something that happened online, such as a post someone made or when something offline, such as a news story, gets posted online. The video below shows some great examples of teenagers and young adults learning the Online Meets Offline Lesson the hard way.

Either way, once it’s online, it’s there for the world to see and it probably isn’t going away anytime soon. This is a lesson that kids often have a difficult time understanding, as McAfee software, one of the leading companies that works to protect people from learning the lesson the hard way explains.

When it does happen, they tend to fall into several “types” of incidents:

Pushback from the Public

In a case here in my home state of Pennsylvania, a teacher made derogatory comments about her students in her blog back in 2009. Even though she did it anonymously, her identity was discovered. She was fired as a result and sued to get her job back, claiming Freedom of Speech, going as far as the U.S. Supreme Court. In the end, she lost her case. In more recent examples, people have lost their jobs after making comments after the attempted assassination attempt on former President Trump.

Providing Evidence of a Crime

There’s a saying that if they were smart, criminals wouldn’t be criminals in the first place. I agree and that point is never so evident as when people post (often live) about something that they’re doing, and their own post ends up being used against them in court. Here are a few examples of that happening. My favorite is the story from Utah of the man who showed himself stealing gas from a police vehicle.

Checking-In Can Cause Unexpected Problems

Even when people do what would appear to be something innocent, it can cause major problems. We all like to “check-in” on social media, especially kids. Or post pictures of ourselves having a fun time. It helps them show to others that they’re fun and maybe popular (if they’re with others).

The problem here is that it tells people exactly where you are and where you aren’t. Anyone looking for you, such as a disgruntled classmate, an ex-partner or even a criminal, knows where they can find you or at the opposite end, knows that you’re not at home, making your home a target for a robbery or other criminal actions.

These kinds of posts become part of our Digital Footprint, something that kids applying for jobs or to schools need to keep in mind. And just because something gets deleted later may not be enough – it’s better to T.H.I.N.K. (see below) about what we post before doing it to avoid problems later. An ounce of prevention is worth an immeasurable amount of cure.

Takeaway

For better or worse, we live in a world where just about everything about us has the potential to go online and go viral, even if it didn’t start there. That can help us in many ways, but it can hurt us in many ways as well. To help prevent that from happening, take the following actions:

• Keep your privacy settings to their most restrictive to keep strangers from seeing your posts.
• Avoid checking-in live – do it later and say that you HAD a great time, not that you’re HAVING a great time.
• Use common sense about what you post. When in doubt, use the T.H.I.N.K. Principle, as recommended by Fifty Shades of Purple Against Bullying. Each letter represents a specific criterion (True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary and Kind) that people should consider before they post something to see if they should hold off instead.

The Online Meets Offline Lesson is one I’ve seen people of all ages learn the hard way and the repercussions can be as mild as some gentle teasing by classmates to something as bad as losing a job or getting physically assaulted (or worse). Learning the lesson at a younger age makes it easier for it to become second nature, protecting your children for many years to come, so make sure that your children and everyone in your family takes the three steps above to help them avoid learning the lesson the hard way.

If you want to see some more examples of how a person’s Digital Footprint can affect the in the “real” word, just search for the following hashtags: #OnlineMeetsOffline, #PublicAndPermanent, or #DigitalFootprint. Some of the stories will make you laugh, and others will make you cringe, so the sooner people learn this lesson, the better they will be.

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