Erin’s Law: Teaching Kids to Recognize & Avoid Sexual Abuse

Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:30 pm

In October 2011, New York State announced it would join the ranks of those states that have introduced a bill entitled Erin Merryn’s Law. The measure would require schools to make a change to their existing curriculum for child abduction to include child sexual abuse prevention. This alteration would give critically important information to victims – many of whom do not know there is a way out of their horrific situation. As a child, Merryn was abused by both a neighbor and a family member. She says she stayed silent due to a combination of threats from her abusers, and the lack of knowledge about available help. When it passed, New York became the 37th state to enact Erin Merryn’s law, following Missouri and Merryn’s home state of Illinois.

It would take until 2015 for a federal version of Erin’s Law to be signed by President Obama under the Every Student Succeeds Act. Still, as each day passes…as another child assault is reported in the news or another adult tells the story of their stolen childhood…we are reminded that parents should continue to be vigilant about teaching child sexual abuse prevention in the home. By age three, children should be taught that their bodies have private parts and no one is to touch those parts (with the necessary medical and hygiene exceptions). Of course children should be taught the correct terminology for their body as nicknames can be confusing and delay a disclosure.

The following are some tips that are often overlooked:

1. When someone tickles a child, if the child says No, all tickling should cease. Children need to know that their words have power and No means No.
2. Teach children that it is OK to say No to an adult. Without permission from you, many children may be reluctant to do so even if the adult is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable.
3. Teach children that all of these lessons apply to other children as well. If another child is touching your child in a way that makes him or her uncomfortable, teach your child to say No, get away and tell someone.
4. Be careful with the language you use when speaking with children. Avoid saying things such as “Have a good day and do everything your teacher tells you to do.” Children are very literal and need to be told that they should not listen to someone who is telling them to do something that might be harmful to them or to someone else.
5. Let your child decide how they want to express affection. If they do not want to hug or kiss Grandpa goodbye or sit on Santa’s lap, do not force them. You take away their power over their own body if you force them to be demonstrative in their affection. Children need to be taught their body belongs to them.
6. Teach children to respect the privacy of others. They should learn to knock on doors that are shut before opening them and close the door to the bathroom when they are using it. If they learn to respect the privacy of others, they may be more likely to recognize that an invasion of their privacy could be a red flag meaning danger.
7. Use your poker face. Encourage your child to come you if they have questions about anything. Avoid looking shocked or embarrassed by the question. Children who sense their parents’ discomfort will be less inclined to approach the parent next time he or she has a question.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 20 boys is sexually abused by age 18 in the United States. 90% of the abuse happens at the hands of those trusted by the child or the child’s family members. With the passage of Erin Merryn’s Law, critical information now has the ability to reach every child in the United States…and we are beginning to see Erin’s Law recognized internationally.

Are you teaching child sexual abuse prevention in your home?

7 Ways to Engage Your Family in Keeping Your Home “Pet-Clean”

Last updated on September 7th, 2024 at 06:28 pm

For animal lover families, life without pets is just unthinkable. Still, there are days when hair-covered couches, stained carpeting and the constant scent of Eau de Woof get to even the most tender-hearted, causing a domestic meltdown: “Why am I the only one cleaning up after this dog?!” Clever moms, however, know it doesn’t have to be this way.

Having children care for pets fosters both responsibility and compassion. Here are seven ways to make keeping your home pet-clean a family affair:

1. Simplify cleaning.

“The important thing is to make it as easy as possible for kids to clean up messes as they happen,” says Tracie Hotchner, host of both Dog Talk and Cat Chat radio shows. “Feed animals on plastic place mats and keep a chamois cloth close by water bowls.”

2. Exercise pets.

Well-exercised dogs tend to be more relaxed — and that translates into a cleaner house. Mellow pooches are less likely to shred that box of tissues or unstuff the couch cushions. (They’re also less likely to have an accident on the floor.) Plus, when kids walk them, kids stay fit too!

3. Grooming.

Brushing your pet is an easy chore for kids and a boon for housekeeping. Frequent brushing allows you to limit where the fur flies, which means less hair all over the place. Find a nice spot where kids can sit comfortably, and store the brushes there for daily use. “Just like kids, dogs like a routine — it’s comforting. If you brush your animals outside, the kids can see how birds and mice use hair for their nests. Plus, you don’t have to vacuum,” says Hotchner.

4. Wipe out stains.

When your pet urinates on the carpet, speed is your best weapon against staining. The Humane Society recommends these steps for cleaning up the mess: Place a thick layer of paper towels on the wet spot, covered by a thick layer of newspaper. If you can, place newspaper underneath the soiled area as well. Stand on the padding for about a minute. Remove and repeat until the area is nearly dry.

Put the wet paper towel in the area where it belongs — the litter box or typical outdoor spot where your pet goes — to reinforce the right behavior. Rinse the accident area thoroughly with clean, cool water. Then remove as much water as possible by blotting with paper towel or using a wet vac.

5. Wash your pet.

Giving your dog a footbath right after returning from the outdoors can dramatically reduce the amount of dirt your pet tracks into your home. “Use one of those plastic under-bed storage bins, fill it with 1 inch of water and put a towel down on the floor for the dog to step on,” says Hotchner.

6. Scoop cat litter.

Neglected cat boxes are the main reason kitties go where they shouldn’t. Boxes should be cleaned daily (after all, people flush every single time) and topped up with fresh litter. Monica Leighton, president of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters recommends putting out an extra box so there’s plenty of room. (Note: Not all kids can handle cleaning a cat box, and cat feces can carry disease. So be careful when delegating this chore.)

7. Open the windows.

Many clean-air experts advocate airing your home for 10 or 15 minutes per day to let a variety of household toxins out. Dander, dust and odor can all be managed by daily airings, except during the most extreme weather.

Answers to the Top 4 Dental Questions Asked by New Parents

Last updated on June 3rd, 2024 at 04:30 pm

Parents often have many questions in regards to taking care of their children’s teeth. When should our first visit to the dentist be? When should I start brushing their teeth? Do I use toothpaste? What about fluoride? Having the right answers to these questions can help your child have a healthy, cavity free mouth.

1. Time to start brushing: In the beginning you should start cleaning your infant’s gums with a washcloth and continue as teeth come in. As more teeth come in you may change to a size appropriate soft toothbrush.
2. What about toothpaste? It is not recommended that fluoride toothpaste be used until child is able to spit the toothpaste from his/her mouth. Begin encouraging your child to spit out the toothpaste as soon as you begin brushing your child’s teeth. For younger children there are non fluoride toothpastes that you may choose to use until they are able to release the toothpaste from their mouth.
3. Don’t they need fluoride? If your child drinks bottled water without fluoride or is on well water a fluoride supplement is indicated. Fluoride is key to keeping teeth healthy. You might also discuss sealants with your child’s dentist. Sealants can be placed on baby teeth as well as permanent teeth. A sealant is a great measure that provides a barrier from cavity causing bacteria.
4. Time for a visit to the dentist: There are many different recommendations as to child’s first dental visit age. The Academy of Pediatric Dentistry states once the first tooth comes in and no later that first birthday. In contrast, unless your child has risk factors such as sleeping with a sippy cup, family members with high cavity rate, teeth staining, thumb sucking, etc. the first visit can be around 3 years old.

Remember, in order to show your children the importance of regular brushing and flossing it is important that we as parents set a great example by practicing good dental habits ourselves.

Top 3 Ways to Get Your Child to Choose Healthy Foods

Last updated on May 19th, 2024 at 01:34 pm

I spend a lot of time in my family nutrition practice helping parents with their “picky eaters.” That could be the primary reason for their visit, or the picky eating could be complicated by a diagnosis that requires a child to go on a special diet in which their favorite foods are no longer on the menu. This adds layers to their nutrition issues and it is my job to peel the proverbial onion.

How do we transition our kids to the right path with minimal conflicts? What are the underlying issues associated with food battles? Every child is unique, and that cannot be understated. But there are some common denominators with them and hopefully this post will provide you with some ideas to chew on.

It is not a news flash to you that kids want to make their own choices. When parents force things on their children, the natural thing they do is push back. But does that mean we should give children all the decision-making when it comes to eating? Absolutely not. Parents often take this thought too far in allowing their children to make too many choices on their own. It’s all about guiding them. With food, provide acceptable choices from which they may choose. That is the main theme, and here are three of the most important ways in which you can implement them:

1. Expose your children repeatedly. Expose your children to a variety of foods. This should start super early in your child’s life and continue as they grow older. Do not delete a food off your child’s menu because they reject it one time or even multiple times. Avoid saying statements such as, “He/she does not like (fill in the food).” A child’s body is growing and developing – and that includes their taste buds! Parents provide the healthy meals and the child gets to choose to eat them or not. If they don’t eat dinner because they don’t like how it looks, that’s OK! But don’t provide an alternate meal of their choice, and don’t allow them to have a snack after dinner of their own food preference. This will never encourage them to try new foods! Stay strong, Mom and Dad. If they are hungry later, you can tell them that you are more than happy to heat up their dinner plate. If you stick to your guns on this one and your kids see that throwing a tantrum does NOT get their way, they will eat the dinner. If you have this in place from the beginning, it’s less of a struggle. They don’t know any different. But if you have done this wrong in the past, communicate that this is the new way and we are not going back.
2. Assess your home’s food environment. Each new year should involve going through the kitchen and doing a food balance assessment. When you look into your pantry and/or fridge, are 90% of the available foods healthy? If not, you may need to make some changes. We must fill our home with “always” foods and if there are any “sometimes” foods that are being over consumed, remove them from your home. Make healthy foods ready-to-eat so those snacks are as easy as grabbing a bag of chips.
3. Involve your children. Your entire family must be a part of the entire feeding process. That includes planning, shopping (or growing!), preparing, eating and cleaning. The parents are in charge (and must stay in charge), but the children should be involved as helpers in age-appropriate ways. A toddler can help set the table while a teenager can be in charge of cooking one night. Involve your children in the “why’s” behind healthy eating as well. A family is a team and teams must work together to stay healthy so they can meet all their life’s goals. Food is literally the fuel for our precious bodies! Use the MyPlate visual as a guide to help plan meals, and have your children (school-age or older) make their own school lunches that include all the items. If they buy their lunch, go over the school menu and encourage them to use the MyPlate when choosing their lunch.

How ironic is it that being a parent is THE hardest job on the planet and there is no training manual? When it comes to raising healthy eaters, constantly be thinking about the behaviors around feeding children. Empower them to make the healthy choices so they will choose them on their own. That, my friends, is the key to raising a healthy adult.

8 Proven Tips To Get Your Kids to Write Thank You Notes

Last updated on January 8th, 2024 at 12:45 pm

Did you know that writing “thank you” notes is a simple, verified way to boost your child’s gratitude? That’s what researchers from the University of California at Davis and Southern Methodist University found. But that’s not all: Researchers also discovered that being thankful might be the key to raising your child’s happiness and well-being.

For more than ten years two professors, Robert Emmons and Michael McCollugh, examined data of several hundred people who were involved in their simple gratitude experiments.

One ten-week study asked a group to write down five things in a journal they were grateful for that happened in the last week for four days a week.

A second group listed ways they were better off than others as a way to appreciate their blessings. The psychologists then looked at the medical and psychological tests of each participant prior to the study, and then again ten weeks later.

• Those simple gratitude exercises made those participants feel 24 percent happier.
• But that’s not all: the students were also more optimistic about the future, felt better about their lives, slept better, felt healthier and less stressed, were less materialistic and more likely to help others. And those results were not hard to achieve.
• Best yet, you can help your child reap some of those results just by encouraging them to write thank-yous.

While most of us agree that taking the time to write “thank-yous” is a habit of gratitude we should encourage, getting many kids to actually write them –without the whines and complaints — is often a problem.

So here are a few fun (and a bit sneaky) tricks to getting your kids to write those notes for this year’s batch of holidays presents. Kids can start writing cards at young ages

8 Tips to Get Kids Into the Habit of Writing Thank You Notes

1. Set expectations for gratitude
Be clear and upfront this year. Any present–regardless of the price or size–deserves a “thank you” note. If your kids hear those expectations now, they’ll be less likely to put up a battle later. Parents who raise grateful kids don’t do so by accident.

2. Keep reminding!
Keep in mind that kids may need constant reminders. “Did you remember to thank Jeff’s mom?” And don’t overlook the slips: “You can call to thank her when you get home.”

3. Enforce the “Write then play” rule
Implement one simple family rule: “You must write the thank you note first, and then you may use the gift.” Believe me, that mandate speeds up the writing process.

4. Set age appropriate guidelines
A young child can dictate his comments and only needs to sign his name. School age kids should use this rule from The Etiquette and Leadership Institute at Athens, Georgia:

“The total number of sentences in a thank you note should be half the child’s age.”

So a ten-year-old should be expected to write a minimum of five complete sentences; a six-year-old should write just three sentences.

5. Turn on kids’ creative juices
Another way to get kids more involved in the “thank you” writing process is to ask them to come up with their own unique way of thanking Grandma. A few creative “thank you” note ideas for kids might include:

• Making a video just for that person that expresses appreciation.
• Taking a photo of the child wearing or using the gift. The developed four-by-six inch print makes an instant postcard; the child just writes a brief note on the back and addresses and mails it. Tweens and teens can take a photo from their cell phone and send it to Grandma (along with a thoughtful message).
• Writing the thank you on a piece of card stock and then cut it into a few pieces like a jigsaw puzzle.
• Spelling out the thank you use M&M’s or alphabet cereal glued on a piece of cardboard.
• Picking a flower and press it flat for a few days between wax paper arranged inside a heavy book. Once the flower is pressed send it inside a heavy piece of folded paper with a note.

6. Help imagine the emotion behind the gesture
A hard lesson for kids to learn is that they’re really thanking the person not for the gift but the thoughtfulness behind it. “Grandma thought a lot about what to give you this year.” “Mark went to five stores to try to find what would make you happiest.” Keep reinforcing the thought that went into the purchase.

7. Be the example
One final tip: Remember, your kids are watching your example. So don’t forget to write thank you notes yourself! Have you written your thank yous?

8. Thank your kids
What about thanking your kids? Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so that they are more likely to copy your example and send their own “appreciation messages” to others.

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Teens today are 40 percent less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Why is a lack of empathy—along with the self-absorption epidemic Dr. Michele Borba calls the Selfie Syndrome—so dangerous? First, it hurts kids’ academic performance and leads to bullying behaviors. Also, it correlates with more cheating and less resilience. And once children grow up, it hampers their ability to collaborate, innovate and problem-solve—all must-have skills for the global economy. The good news? Empathy is a trait that can be taught and nurtured. UnSelfie is a blueprint for parents and educators who want activate our children’s hearts and shift their focus from I, me, and mine… to we, us, and ours. It’s time to include “empathy” in our parenting and teaching! UnSelfie is AVAILABLE at amazon.com.

13 Ways to Help Our Kids Prepare for and Deal with Peer Pressure

Last updated on November 26th, 2023 at 07:44 pm

The school bell has rung and the new school year is in full force. No matter where we live, or where our children go to school, all kids have something in common; they will be faced with peer pressure. As parents, there is much we can do to help our children prepare for, and deal with the pressure that will come from their peers.

1. Believe in our kids, they will believe in us.

Our kids need to know WE believe in them. We know they can make right choices and we know they are strong. Tell them. Point out their good choices and the consequences of right choices. Point out their strengths.

We as parents also need to make right choices. Are we being the best parents we can be? Our children should expect that we would protect them, and do what is best for them. Even if they grumble, or disagree, it is our job to stand our ground and do what is best, not be their BFF.

2. Communicate with our Children: The 3 B’s: (Be Available, Be Present, Be Patient)

As parents, we need to keep the lines of communication open with our children. Especially as they start into their teenage years. How can we do this? Start young, very young, and be available, present and patient.

First, we have to be available. It we are not available, how can our children/teenagers talk to us. We don’t have to announce that we are ready to talk, we have to naturally be there. Be there after school, turn the music off when driving in the car, eat a meal together, be awake when kids come home. Find something that your child likes to do and do it with them. It is the perfect time to not only allow our children to tell us what they are dealing with, but, it is a time for us to talk to them about the pressures that they might be feeling at school and with their friends. We have been there, we know what is going on. Sometimes our kids need us to bring things up because they don’t know how.

Once we have made time and are available, we need to be present. We need to stop thinking about all the other things we need to do, and really be in the conversations. Give our children our undivided attention.

Last, be patient and realize that communication happens over time. It is built on trust and experience. Always be available and present, and our children will start to open up.

3. Express Love

Knowing we are loved gives us confidence and strength. Even if a child does something wrong, NEVER withhold love as a consequence. Our children should know that our love is unconditional.

4. Be Confident Parents: We matter more than peers.

Naturally, children do not want to disappoint their parents, this can single handedly keep children from falling to peer pressure.

5. Role Play

This is a powerful way for us to prepare our children to fight against peer pressure. Be the forceful friend and “act out” different real life situation.

Ask hard questions….

• “What if someone offers you drugs”?
• “What if your friend asks you to steal something”?

Work through what your child could say. It will make it so much easier when it really happens. It is like a memory reflex and the answers will come to your child much easier. They won’t be caught off guard when it happens.

6. Talk about peer pressure.

Tell our children about peer pressure, explain what it feels like, why it happens, and when you have had it happen to you. Give them examples of times when you were faced with peer pressure and how you overcame it. Or, if appropriate, when you fell to peer pressure and the consequences for your decisions. There is strength in our children knowing we understand because we have been there. As parents when you see peer pressure happening, point it out. Our children can have a hard time seeing it.

7. Set rules…AND…Follow through

Set rules, for the every day, and if they fall to peer pressure (ex, drink the beer). Make the consequences VERY CLEAR, and…enforce the consequences. We can talk all we want, but if we don’t follow through, our children will know they can get away with breaking the rules. Make it clear to your children that just because “everyone was doing it”, doesn’t mean that it is okay.

8. Don’t let kids stay the night

Sleeping away from home makes it a lot easier for our children to fall to peer pressure. Why, because they don’t have to come home to their parents. There can be too much freedom away from home for an extended period of time.

9. Wait up for your child

Be awake when your kids come home. Teens will think twice about falling to peer pressure when they have to come home and face you. It is also a really good time for you to be present and talk with your kids about their night.

10 Encourage Opinions

It is okay for our children to have an opinion. In fact we want them to have opinions about what is right and wrong, and how they feel about sex, drugs and alcohol. Help them develop their opinions. Have conversations where you help your children think through the how’s and why’s. Teach them to be critical thinkers. It will give them confidence, and children with opinions are more likely to speak their minds, which is exactly what they need to do to stand up to peer pressure.

11. Teach Conflict Resolution

We deal with conflict our entire lives; at home, at work, at school. Standing up to peer pressure can bring conflict. Teaching our children conflict management skills will not only prepare them for peer pressure, but, prepare them for life. Home is a great place to practice dealing with conflict. As a parent, when there is a problem, we want to jump in and fix it. Don’t. Let children do all they can to work out a resolution on their own. You will be surprised to find that kids can, and will solve their own arguments and conflicts.

12. Teach our kids how to choose good friends.

Our children need to be taught social skills, and how to choose good friends, and be a good friend. Encourage them to choose friends with similar core values and beliefs. Teach them what friendship means, and how good friends treat each other. (A good friend doesn’t pressure you to do anything).

13. There will be mistakes, don’t make them public

When our children do fall to peer pressure, don’t make it public. Spreading the word about your child’s poor choices will not help them make better choices. It will just weaken your relationship. It will hurt the trust that you have tried to build and weaken your children’s resolve. Instead, teach them how to take responsibility for their choices. Help them reflect on what has happened and why.

We owe it to our children to prepare them for the peer pressure they will face. It will not only help them, but help our family relationships as well.

Have your children felt the pressure of their peers?

How do you handle good and bad choices your children make?

Do you ever have a hard time enforcing consequences?

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