Can Too Much Technology Really Hurt My Child’s Eyes?

Last updated on May 3rd, 2026 at 02:41 pm

Kids may start their days by watching cartoons on TV and texting their friends on their way to school. In the classroom, teachers could ask them to complete assignments on computers or watch educational programming on TVs. When kids get home, they often play video games, do homework on computers, or spend time on social media on their smartphones. Why does this matter? Staring at the screen of a TV, smartphone, tablet, or computer for too long can cause a number of vision problems in children, including:

Eye Strain

Looking at a screen for a long period of time can eventually lead to eye strain, especially if your child is trying to read text off of a small device. But, even if your child is not reading off of his device, he can still suffer from eye strain if he stares at the screen for a long period of time. This problem is often referred to as Computer Vision Syndrome (CVS), and can affect adults as well as children. If your child begins to experience blurry vision, burning, itchy or tired eyes, he may be suffering from eye strain. To help your child, the American Optometric Association (AOA) recommends that you teach him what is known as the 20-20-20 rule. To prevent eye strain, tell your children to take a 20-second break to look at an object that is about 20-feet away every 20-minutes they spend in front of the screen. This little trick will help your child’s eyes focus on an object so they can readjust to prevent future strains.

Exposure to Light

The screens on electronic devices emit blue and violet lights, which some researchers believe can cause the eyes to age prematurely. Blue light can reach further into the eye than ultraviolet light, which has led many researchers to study whether this light could damage the retina. Unfortunately, if a child does damage his retina because of exposure to blue light, the retina cannot be replaced. Some studies have even found a link between excessive exposure to blue and violet light and the development of age-related macular degeneration (AMD) later on in life. Research on this matter is still ongoing, but parents should still be cautious about letting their children spend endless hours in front of various screens.

Nearsightedness

Children’s lens and retinas are still developing until they become teenagers. Research has shown that if the distance between the lens and retina begins to lengthen during development, the child is at a greater risk of being nearsighted. What does this have to do with screen time? Research has also proven that exposure to sunlight can reduce a child’s risk of developing nearsightedness. But, many children are not spending as much time outdoors because they are glued to their devices, so they are suffering from a lack of exposure to natural light. This could explain why the number of people who have nearsightedness has increased from 25% to 42% over the last three decades.

Eye Irritation

Children tend to get sucked into whatever activity they’re doing on a computer, tablet, or smartphone. According to a study done in 2009, when children are concentrating solely on their device, they begin to blink less often, which means their eyes will not be properly lubricated by tears. If this continues, your child may begin to experience severe eye irritation caused by the dryness. Dry eyes are also more vulnerable to scratches caused by debris or dust, which are usually cleared out of the eye by tears.

What should you do to protect your child’s vision? You don’t have to stop them from using their favorite devices, but you should limit the amount of time they are able to use them. It’s recommended that children between the ages of 2-5 only spend one hour per day in front of a screen. After the age of five, parents should feel free to monitor their children and set restrictions that they think are fair. You should also take your child in for regular eye examinations so you can identify problems as they arise instead of letting them go untreated over time. How often should they go? According to the AOA, children should begin visiting the eye doctor at six months old. The next eye exam should come when they are three years old, and then again when they are five or six. After this time, try to take your child to the eye doctor every two years unless he begins to experience vision-related issues. By following these steps, you can protect your child’s vision from these potential dangers!

One Really Surprising Way Kids Are Using Artificial Intelligence

Last updated on September 27th, 2025 at 12:09 am

Stories are in the news daily about the impact of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and how kids use it. This article is not meant to be a doom bringer, criticizing AI as something to be avoided at all costs. I use it myself for both personal and professional use. Clearly, it has benefits to using it and students need to know how to use it wisely. But it also has inherent risks associated with it that need to be addressed.

In a recent episode of The Rookie, Nathan Fillion’s character, John Nolan, had to deal with a situation where teenage girls attacked another girl based on what “ZuZu” told them to do. The girls were interacting with an AI named Zuzu that could chat with them and instructed them to attack the other girl to solve their problems. Later in the episode, Officer Nolan has one of several conversations with the chatbot based on what the AI was able to learn about him and his wife, Bailey.

While that was entertainment, it’s not that far away from reality.

As with most things involving the Internet, parents are often playing catch-up when it comes to how their kids use it. AI is no different. This isn’t because parents can’t keep up with the latest technology or that they don’t care about their kids. Far from it. This is often due to the out-of-sight, out-of-mind scenario and “no news is good news,” where people tend not to think about things that they don’t see at least sporadically.

For years now, the biggest concern with kids using AI was using it to cheat on school assignments. While that concern still exists, it pales in comparison to students relying on AI for friendship over human companionship!

You read that right. CBS News reports that more teens are using AI for friendship and that adults need to be concerned about it. In the article, a 15-year-old girl frequently asks ChatGPT for guidance on everything from makeup colors to ideas on her Sweet 16 birthday party.

In a study conducted by Common Sense, a leader in helping teachers and parents raise kids in a hi-tech world, they reported the following:

• A majority (70%) of teens use AI tools weekly, including chatbots.
• Almost half (42%) of teens use AI to counter boredom.
• Roughly half (49%) of parents say that they have not spoken with their children about AI and how they use it.
• The overwhelming majority (83%) of parents say that schools have not communicated with them about AI.

And they’re not the only groups to report on this situation. One study from 2024 reported that “participants preferred the AI-generated response to situations about relationships, self-expression, and physical health.” The good news from that study was that when addressing very sensitive topics (including suicidal thoughts), teens still preferred speaking with a person over engaging with AI.

At a time when teens are very vulnerable to societal pressures, chatbots can provide them with what they want – someone who will listen to them and offer advice without judgement. But is that a good thing? AI is not foolproof, and do we really want our teens to isolate themselves from people? I don’t think so.

To show just how imperfect AI can be, I asked a popular AI to “show me a collage of clocks set to five minutes past twelve.” The results were not what I was hoping for, as you can see here:

A second attempt on another date using the exact same request produced an equally flawed result. I typically use that example to show students why AI should not be trusted for educational purposes.

Takeaways

Artificial Intelligence has the capacity to be a great advantage for adolescents if used properly. It also has the opportunity to be a serious risk to them if it is not used properly. The best way that parents can help their children have good social skills with people is to teach them Emotional Intelligence (EI) as soon as possible. EI involves the “soft skills” that can help lead to success in life, such as self-awareness and empathy, and takes years to develop, so the sooner kids begin to learn it the better. These skills will be invaluable to them in many ways!

And as I’m not recommending that teens avoid AI, it’s important that they know how to use it properly. To that end, Microsoft created a great primer for people using AI and I recommend that both parents and students read it.

Adults should also keep learning about how to keep the people around them safe online. This article is a good first start. Please check out other articles that I have here on Pediatric Safety to learn more about the topic.

What Parents Need to Know About Section 230

Last updated on March 29th, 2025 at 04:02 pm

Anyone who has been online at all in recent years has probably seen something that they wish that they hadn’t seen. And in the recent U.S. elections, people from all sides have complained about what was being said online, claiming that some of it ranged from hate speech to outright lies.

Despite the initial conclusion one may jump to that the internet has no safeguards or regulation, there is in fact the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which was Congress’ original attempt to safeguard our children through legislation. Created, according to the Free Speech Center at Middle Tennessee State University, “in an attempt to prevent minors from gaining access to sexually explicit materials on the internet”, it’s unfortunately fallen significantly short of its goals, as sexually explicit material is readily available to anyone online, even without having an account with many of the sites/apps.

Section 230 of the Telecommunications Act provides technology companies with broad immunity when it comes to liability for any harm caused by the content posted on their sites/apps. Given what has been happening more recently, Section 230 is seeing more scrutiny by the public and by Congress.

On the one hand, it’s easy to justify Section 230 immunity protection, because the companies are not actively reviewing the content before it gets posted, often live. This is different from traditional print publishing, even in the editorials section, where the writers/publishers are the companies themselves. With modern web hosting sites and social media, the tech companies are providing a platform, but not providing the content itself.

Still, Section 230 has been under fire many times for what gets posted on sites/apps. Because they are not actively reviewing the content, the sites providers are for all intents-and-purposes granted a “pass” when it comes to liability for that content – but what happens when the content posted is “dangerous”?

What if it includes hate speech that targets a group of people and as a result, those individuals start receiving death threats? What if it promotes an activity like a “challenge”, where a number of the children who participate, end up in the hospital? Or what if a subset of users singles out an emotionally vulnerable member of the population to try and convince them to commit suicide? Clearly those directly involved in the behavior are responsible, but does the platform bear any responsibility to intercede before someone gets hurt? And who decides what is dangerous and what is acceptable?

It’s one area where lawmakers from both sides of the aisle tend to agree that something must be done. But will it ever be enough?

One of the problems with the Internet is that it’s a worldwide platform. Laws from one country, state, county or other form of government can be difficult to enforce globally. Indeed, lawmakers in the U.K. threatened to extradite arrest U.S. citizens over posts this past summer. I haven’t heard of any incidents of this actually happening, however.

With the elections now behind us, many people wonder what might happen to Section 230. According to the Council on Foreign Relations, President Trump had in his first term, previously issued an executive order “aimed at limiting the legal protection offered by Section 230.” This is a good sign for people worried about what’s happening online.

Presumably, his position has not changed, and we could be looking at major changes to Section 230, if not even a complete repeal of Section 230, but I see that as unlikely. I say this because it might put such a high burden on the platforms as to make their business plans unprofitable. This goes along with the same reason as to why companies don’t verify all users – imagine the costs and time involved with verifying the identity of every user on a platform.

Takeaways

There is a lot of controversy over Section 230 and as I mentioned previously, it is for good reason.

Section 230 allows companies to provide a platform to host content that is created by others while avoiding the consequences that would otherwise happen if that content were considered their responsibility. As a result, it keeps their costs down – not as big a concern for Meta (who owns both Facebook and Instagram and who reportedly made a gross profit of more than $108 billion in 2023), as for some of the newer/smaller players – but something to keep in mind.

From a consumer perspective, Section 230 provides us with several benefits. Most notably, it protects the right to free speech, a cornerstone of American life. It also provides a place for people to share ideas, resulting in new innovations and technological advancements that might not have been possible otherwise.

But at what cost. One might say that if a mass shooter or terrorist broadcasts live on a platform and they “accidentally” get increased ratings, there’s a moral obligation to shut them down, BUT the reality is, they can’t be sued. At the end of the day, Section 230 means there’s no requirement or even a real “bottom-line” incentive to do the right thing. But should there be?

The biggest issue as I see it is when people post content that they indicate as fact, when it may only be their opinion. This is especially true by people who are employed by legitimate news sources, but post things on their personal social media platforms.

In the end, it’s up to each of us to ensure our family is as safe as we can possibly be, and whatever happens with Section 230, it is unlikely to provide all the answers. So, as you look for ways to keep your family safe from what can happen online, here are a few resources that are available to you:

• The Cyberbullying Research Center – the best source available for all things related to cyberbullying.
• The International Bullying Prevention Association – A great source of information for anything related to bullying, offline or online.
• Darkness to Light – a great source of information and help for child sexual abuse, online or offline.
• Your local law enforcement is a good place to start. In today’s environment, many have dedicated officers who handle online problems. If they don’t have one, check with state or federal groups, such as the FBI.
• Many schools have resources to help families through problems that happen online. They also should have counselors to help with emotional issues. The same can be said for members of the clergy.
• Lastly, while the law may or may not be able to get you the result you wish, consulting with a lawyer regarding any civil actions that can be brought against the offender may be in order.

Why Your Child Should Be Using LinkedIn

Last updated on May 19th, 2024 at 01:33 pm

Most parents may not have considered how LinkedIn could be part of their children’s social media experience. In my opinion, it has the greatest potential to help (or hinder) a teenager’s future by how it impacts their Digital Footprint – the evidence that we all leave behind when we go online. And not just by what it says about them, but about what it might not say about them.

Smart Social, used by over a million parents, educators and students each year and whose tagline is “Learn how to shine online,” recommends that every high school student should be using LinkedIn. In fact, they recommend that teens start preparing for their LinkedIn profile even before they’re actually using the service.

Why LinkedIn?

As the number one social media network across all professions, LinkedIn is in a unique position to help just about everyone who uses it, regardless of what educational and professional future lies ahead of them. There are reportedly over 180 million people in the U.S. using LinkedIn and close to a billion worldwide.

LinkedIn puts students in a position where they can reach out to people with a wide variety of backgrounds as well as the schools and companies that they may wish to engage with in the future. As far back as 2017 (further than that, really), Forbes Magazine has been recommending that parents help their children use LinkedIn.

Unlike many other social media platforms, the minimum age for using the service is 16, as long as your local laws don’t require something older. No access until age 16 means teenagers are under a tight time constraint if they want their Digital Footprint to help them achieve their immediate goals of getting a better job or into a good school. By the time your child is a sophomore or junior in high school, they need to be active on LinkedIn. The more time they get to spend on it, the bigger the impact it can have on their future.

LinkedIn As a Blogging Platform

Having an online presence where people can demonstrate their knowledge and skills is an important part of crafting their future. Unfortunately, creating a personal website where people can post their own content isn’t for everyone. That’s where LinkedIn can really help.

Unlike other platforms that might limit what a user can post in terms of topic, length or features, LinkedIn’s Articles can provide a robust platform and demonstrate that your child is a thought leader and lets them engage with others in a way that no other platform can.

Groups! Groups! Groups!

Most social media platforms have groups, but not like LinkedIn does. Students can use these groups to reach out to graduates, faculty, student groups and more from possible future institutions where they may wish to attend after graduating high school. My own alma mater has over 70 groups on LinkedIn. This can help focus attention on the schools that best fit their interests. As a parent, it can save families from making cross-country trips to visit potential schools only to find out that they aren’t a good fit for your child.

Groups can also be used to find other individuals who have similar career interests. The most important part about being in a group is to be active in it. That may sound like common sense, but the people in the group need to see that someone in the group is engaging with others and not only doing “hit and run” actions to get attention. If your child uses the articles feature mentioned above, it’s a great place to share those posts with people who are likely to be interested in what your child has to say.

Job Hunting on LinkedIn

One of the best ways to use LinkedIn is to prepare for sending in resumes and job interviews. Applicants can learn more about what the company does not only by looking at the company’s page, but by seeing what employees post about the company (you can search for people by where they work).

You can also see what groups people belong to, read their posts, etc. to help get an edge on other applicants. The more competitive the job is or the school that someone is applying to, the more that every advantage can mean the difference between getting accepted and being passed over in favor of someone else.

The Bottom Line

What it comes down to is that if schools and employers are going to be using a candidate’s Digital Footprint to help make acceptance decisions, then everyone should be making the most of their opportunities.

Most people think of LinkedIn only as a way to connect in terms of sales leads and having others contact them for job opportunities and while it certainly does that, it’s capable of so much more if used properly. LinkedIn has the potential to be of tremendous value to school and job applicants.

One word of caution: like any social media platform, there is always the risk inherent with using it. While I haven’t seen any of the issues of pornography or sexting that can happen on other platforms, I have seen what could pass for cyberbullying when people engage on hot button topics, such as politics.

That said, once someone becomes active on a social media site, including LinkedIn, the algorithms that help determine what people see online can get their profile noticed by people that otherwise might not get the opportunity to learn about your child. The key to using any experience, online or offline, is to use it to their greatest benefit.

First impressions make lasting impressions. Make it count!

6 Ways Kids Can Use Technology to Improve Their Grades

Last updated on January 8th, 2024 at 12:45 pm

With schools back in session, I thought I’d use this opportunity to show how kids can use technology to improve their grades. As someone who taught at the college level for more than 10 years, I often made these same recommendations to my students. Remarkably, many of them tell me that they were completely unaware of these resources.

1. Using Boolean Operators in Search Engines

Search engines use algorithms based on both logic and popularity, which is why Wikipedia is often at the top of the results from most search engines. Since most people rarely go through more than one or two pages of results, it’s important that the results are as helpful as possible. Boolean operators will help accomplish that for you.

For example, when searching for information on Alexander Hamilton, you will get different results based on what is typed into the search engine:

• Alexander Hamilton will return pages that contain either word.
• “Alexander Hamilton” will return pages that contain an exact match.
• “Alexander Hamilton” and “Maria Reynolds” will return pages that contain both exact matches, likely related to their affair and the subsequent blackmail by her husband, James.

There are plenty more Boolean operators available and the results will definitely be better for the student.

2. Google Scholar

As popular as Google is, it is subject to results based on popularity. Google Scholar, on the other hand, will provide research quality results and have better search criteria tools, including dates, patents, authors, and more. Those kinds of results rarely show up using traditional search engines.

Not that Google doesn’t have those features, but Google Scholar puts them front and center so that the student is more likely to use them. That’s not to say that the popular version of Google isn’t sometimes a better option, as it would miss out on many reliable sources because they don’t fit academic standards, such as news sources and trade journals.

3. Khan Academy

Parents of younger children may already be aware of Khan Academy. Our daughter was using it at an early age after using it in grade school. For those that haven’t used it, Khan Academy is a non-profit organization that provides free lessons and educational videos for students of all ages.

4. Wikipedia

My students were always surprised when I told them that they could actually use Wikipedia to help write their papers for my classes. They were never allowed to cite Wikipedia, as it could very well be providing false information, but it is often right – probably even right more often than it’s wrong. The trick is to take advantage of the work done by the people who wrote the pages by looking down at the bottom of the page at their references. Many of them include links to other sources and if those sources are reliable, then Wikipedia was helpful even if it wasn’t listed as a source itself.

5. Microsoft Word References

I found that one of the best kept secrets that my students didn’t know about was how much Microsoft Word can help students by making sure that their papers are written to academic standards, including APA and MLA requirements. Almost all my students were in at least their sophomore or junior years, but many knew nothing about how Word can take out most of the “grunt work” when it comes to writing a paper to APA or MLA standards. This is especially true when it comes to listing all of their sources.

Students should always check with their teacher/professor about which optional information should be included as well. For example, I always required that students include the URL link to any online sources even though it’s not an MLA requirement. Using Word’s Reference features will make their papers much easier to do and help ensure that they meet the technical requirements of the assignment.

6. But What about ChatGPT?

My students always liked that I never gave tests. I never considered them to be realistic, as no boss ever told me to clear off my desk and take a test. They gave me assignments and I had to complete them. That’s what artificial intelligence platforms like ChatGPT can do, but at the expense of having the students learn, which is the real reason the students are in school. Additionally, these sites are not infallible, especially if the request isn’t written in the proper way. That means that students still need to qualify the results provided by them. So, like Wikipedia, it may provide some benefit, but it should never be accepted at face value or used as provided by the platform.

And even if ChatGPT is accurate, students still run the risk of being discovered as not having done the work themselves. Faculty have access to a host of AI checkers – here is just one example. Additionally, what comes out of an AI will not be written in the student’s “voice” and will be easy to identify as such.

In one of my first semesters as an adjunct professor, I had a student submit a paper that clearly wasn’t written by her. The grammar and tone were more like a doctoral thesis. With a quick search, I found three sites that were selling the exact same paper for less than $10. All of them had disclaimers that they were meant as a guide but should not be used in place of a student’s work. As a result, she failed the assignment.

Where AI platforms like ChatGPT can help students is by helping them brainstorm ideas, a critical part of most assignments, especially in the early stages of the work. For example, when I entered, “give me a list of 5 topics related to global warming for a high school report” into the platform, I was provided with five solid ideas that I could use to write a paper or create a presentation. It all depends on how you phrase your query and students should be prepared to try variations on their original query to see how it affects the results.

The Bottom Line

The benefits that technology can provide to students are very real. On top of that, most of what’s shown here uses technology that is already familiar to most students. By using any of these resources, students can generate better quality work in less time than they would otherwise.

Shame Nation: Choose To Be Part Of “The Solution”

Last updated on September 29th, 2022 at 02:54 pm

It was July 2017 and I was at home when I got a call from my niece. She and my sister were driving somewhere, and this particular call went something like this…

• • “Hey Aunt Stef…you’ve got to check this out…it’s the funniest thing…You remember when we did that show Legally Blonde? Well there’s this group of young kids, and I guess they did a performance of it too, only their teacher video-taped it and posted it on YouTube and oh my G-d Aunt Stef, it’s AWFUL. I mean it’s so bad it’s funny. You’ve got to watch it. Here let me text you some of it.”

• • “No that’s ok babe, I don’t need to see it”…

• • “Really Aunt Stef, it’s sooo funny, mom watched it and she thought it was hysterical. I can’t believe their teacher posted this. It went viral so fast it’s incredible. Look I know it’s really long but you can fast forward through some of it, I’ll tell you where the funniest parts are”.

• • “Honey…how old are these kids?”

• • “I don’t know…I think they’re in middle school… Look Aunt Stef I’ve got to go, I just texted it to you…watch it later and tell me what you think. You’re going to die laughing…. I love you!!”

I didn’t check it out. But I also didn’t tell her not to. And that bothered me. Something felt really wrong with this video. I was worried about those little kids…I was worried FOR those little kids. How old were they? How long had this been going viral, and how many people around the world were laughing at them? I knew for a fact my niece and her friends at school were laughing…and still, even though it bothered me…I said and did nothing.

When I look back at it now, I think it bothered me so much because my niece and her friends weren’t bad or mean kids. Actually quite the opposite. My niece is a gifted and talented young actress studying at a high school for the arts, and I am incredibly proud of her, but for a very different reason. I can say without a doubt that she is one of the nicest, kindest people I know, and she would NEVER deliberately hurt someone! In fact, she feels things very deeply. Yet she missed this! She didn’t see the pain she and the other people watching and laughing over that video were causing.

How the heck did we get here??? To this place where we can sit in a room and make fun of someone who is not there to defend themselves and have no sense at all that our laughing could be hurting them.

That is EXACTLY what nationally recognized speaker, parent advocate, and Internet safety expert Sue Scheff explores with the help of journalist, YA author, and blogger Melissa Schorr in her newly released book Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate. Sue knows firsthand how devastating cyber shaming can be. In 2006 she won a landmark case for Internet defamation and invasion of privacy. Now a leader in the movement against cyber bullying, she focuses on teaching others how to avoid virtual cruelty and how to effectively react when it occurs.

According to Shame Nation, psychologists point to several factors that have allowed online cruelty like this to flourish:

• the anonymity of the Internet;
• the distance, or lack of face-to-face contact, with a victim,
• mob mentality run amok,
• lack of gatekeepers and
• lack of consequences.

Taken together these factors have become known as the “online disinhibition effect”; the notion that people behave far differently online than they would in reality.

But there’s more than a lack of inhibition happening here. It’s also due in part to our failure to instill empathy in young people, and Shame Nation explores this as well. Parenting expert Dr. Michele Borba, EdD, author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World makes a strong case that a decrease in basic empathy has created a culture ripe for online attacks. The inability to see those on the other side of the computer screen as people deserving of our compassion is a huge driver. Instead of feeling sad for their pain, we make it funny. We sit at home and watch the “People of Walmart” and laugh as people are publicly shamed. You don’t see or feel the hurt…it’s so far removed, it’s not “real”.

That was what happened with the middle-school performance of Legally Blonde. My niece missed the ball on this one. There was an opportunity to be an “Upstander” …not just a bystander…or worse, add to the teasing and humiliation, and she missed it. But whose fault was that really? If I’m being honest, it was mine

I’m the adult, I set the example. This means I and the other adults in her life need to know what’s happening out in the cyber-world so we can educate her. So she knows what to look for to avoid becoming a victim…or inadvertently a bully.

And while we’re on this subject, I know some of you may be thinking “lock her in her room and for anything other than schoolwork, shut off the internet and all those damn devices” is the answer. But while it may sound good on paper, realistically, I can’t tell her to stay off-line. No-one can. For better or worse, this is a connected world we live in…all of us… kids and adults. Going off the grid is just not an option – and it won’t save her. As Nancy Jo Sales describes in her book American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers, “I spoke to girls who said, “Social media is destroying our lives. But we can’t go off it, because then we’d have no life.”

So my niece is on the grid (and I am guessing if you are reading this, so is a child you care about), and she is not getting off any time soon – not as a child, and realistically not as an adult. But I can help her. I can:

• Teach her how to avoid trouble: give her guidelines for online sharing; show her how to protect her online identify and run regular checkups to make sure no-one is damaging her reputation
• Teach her how to control a disaster if things go wrong: how to document, block, report and identify someone trying to harm her.
• Teach her how to get support: to take advantage of resources like HeartMob and Crisis Text Line and Online SOS…and know there are systems in place providing help, from simple letters of support to full-on legal aid, if she finds herself a victim of a digital attack.

Because that’s what I learned from Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate.

And finally, I can Teach her to be an Upstander. I can explain what that word is, why it’s important to stand-up for someone else. And then I can apologize for not doing that…and for failing her and those kids. And that’s when I realized if I didn’t do something right at that moment, I would be failing them both again.

So I picked up the phone and called her. And it was a difficult call. Because while it was about something she had done, in truth, it was more about what I hadn’t done. And my very sensitive niece brought up an excellent argument – one I’m betting every one of you will have to deal with at some point, because it’s really fundamental to the Upstander / bystander question:

• “But Aunt Stef, I don’t think there’s really anything I could have done…there were millions of people…that post went viral”.

She had a point – but then again, that’s the battle every single person faces when they’re being bullied online. They’re one person and it feels like they’re fighting the world. That’s what made this book so insightful, and so powerful, at least for me. What do you do…what can you do…if you come up against this situation… Whether you are living this or just witnessing this. This was my answer…

“Well, hon, what do you think about this”…and I gave her an example I had read (thank you Sue) about a heavy-set middle-aged man who was being publicly humiliated. All he did was dance at a local bar with friends, but someone captured it on video and posted it and the rude comments started coming in from all over. Until two women in LA created a #FindDancingMan twitter campaign, said “I’d dance with that guy”, and created a movement that turned the shaming into a party of compassion.

• • “I’m not saying you have to create a “dancing man campaign” but do you think you and your friends could come up with something creative that might make those kids feel even just a little bit better?”

 

• • “I don’t know…maybe”.

And just like that, this HUGE weight came off my shoulders. She didn’t have to have an answer… that wasn’t the magic pill here. She’s a brilliant kid with a big heart and this hit home. I stood up for those kids…and for her …and I think when she has an opportunity, she will stand up for someone else.

It has to start somewhere… That day, it started with us…

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