Shy Doesn’t Have to Mean Alone: Help Your Shy Kid Join the Fun

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:48 pm

If your child is shy, chances are he was born with a more introverted, sensitive personality. So this is not about trying to turn him into an extrovert. After all, you can’t change your child’s personality and natural temperament. But you can help your child learn the skills he needs (and deserves) to feel more comfortable and confident with other kids. And that is doable because of this fact: shyness doesn’t have to be debilitating. So let’s focus on what you can do to enhance your kid’s abilities to find, make, and keep friends. Here are secrets from THE BIG BOOK OF PARENTING SOLUTIONS to help a shy child fit in and feel more comfortable in social situations.

1. Model eye contact. One of the most common traits of well-liked kids use is that they use eye contact. In fact the average person spends 30 to 60 percent of the time looking at the other person’s face. As you’re talking with your child say: “Look at me.” or “Put your eyes on my eyes.” or “I want to see your eyes.” If your kid is uncomfortable about using eye contact, tell her: “Look at the bridge of my nose.”
2. Praise prior success. It’s natural for a shy child to focus on past failures. So help her recall previous experiences when things went really well. “Remember last year’s swimming lessons? You begged not to go, but did and met a new friend.” “Before you went to Sara’s birthday party last month you wanted to stay home. But when you agreed to stay at least a half an hour and you ended up one of the last ones to leave.”
3. Reinforce smiling! One of the most common characteristics of confident, well-liked kids is that they smile and smile. So whenever your child displays a smile, reinforce it: “What a great smile!” or “That smile of yours always wins people over.” Also, point out how your child’s smile affects others: “Do see how kids smile back when you smile?” “That little boy saw your smile and came over to play. Your smile let him know you were friendly.”
4. Debrief a stressful event. If your kid has had a really embarrassing attack of shyness find a time to discuss what happened and she could handle it better next time. “It sounds like you really didn’t like being with so many kids. What if you only invite one friend at a time?” “So what really bugged you was asking Kevin face to face. Why not ask him on the phone next time?”
5. Reinforce any social efforts. Any and every effort your child makes to be even a tad more social deserves a pat on the back: “I saw how you walked up to that new boy today. Good for you!” “I noticed that you really made an effort to say hello to Sheila’s mom. She looked so pleased!”
6. Schedule warm up time. Some kids take longer to warm up in a social setting, so give your child time to settle in. Be patient and don’t push too quickly. Let her watch a bit, figure out what’s up, and set her own time frame to join in.
7. Help him fit in. All kids need to feel as comfortable as possible when they’re with their friends. So make sure your son or daughter has a cool hair cut, the “in” pair of sneakers, backpack, jacket, or pair of jeans. It can make a big difference in boosting a kid’s comfort level.
8. Rehearse social situations. Prepare your kid for an upcoming social event by describing the setting, expectations, and other kids who will be there. Then help him practice how to meet others, table manners, making small talk, and even how to say good-bye. Doing so will decrease some of the anxiety he’s bound to have from being in a new setting. Hint: A shyer child often feels less threatened practicing social skill with a younger, more immature kids than children his own age.
9. Create One-To-One Time. Many kids can be overwhelmed in groups, so limit the number of friends to one at a time. Then gradually increase the number as she gains confidence.

Remember: your role is not to try and change your child’s basic temperament and personality but instead to help him warm up, open up, and join the fun having friends can bring. Simple, little changes can reap big results.

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Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com

Flossing Your Kid’s Teeth – Just 3 Simple Steps

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:48 pm

I have talked a lot about the importance of good oral hygiene and starting healthy habits with your kids at a young age. Hopefully you now know the importance of kids starting their daily routines at a young age. This includes not only tooth brushing but also flossing.

Flossing is a step that a lot of parents neglect because they don’t understand the importance or it feel like too much work. However, you should start flossing your kids teeth between 2 and 3 years of age. They will need your help for a few years but don’t even be surprised if they are 8 years old when they can finally floss without any assistance.

Why floss you ask? Flossing is very important for several reasons. First of all it removes plaque that builds up between your child’s teeth and secondly it removes plaque from the gum line. Neither of which a tooth brush will typically be able to reach.

Flossing should be done at least one time per day and shouldn’t take much longer than a couple of minutes. If you have detailed questions about what to do, consult your child’s dentist.

A few little tips that may make flossing more exciting for young children is to find flavored or colored floss and let them pick out their favorite. This will help them be anxious to use their floss.

3 Simple Steps:

1. Use approximately an 18 inch strand of floss
2. Let them wrap their floss around their middle fingers on both hands
3. Gently guide the floss in between each tooth moving it around the tooth and on under the gum line on each side

This is also a great time to make sure Mom and Dad get their daily flossing in! As always, we teach best by setting an example. Make a few minutes at the end of your day to floss with your children for happier, healthier smiles!

Ticks and Lyme Disease: a Pediatrician’s Perspective

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:48 pm

Lyme disease has gotten a bad name. Originally described in Connecticut and New York, on the coast, near the town of Old Lyme, it was found to be carried by the deer tick (the vector), a far less common tick than the tree or dog tick. It now has also been found in most parts of the country and cannot be transmitted from person to person. The deer tick is very small, about the size of the head of a pin, and as opposed to a wood (dog) tick will not engorge with the blood of other mammals, so it is often times very difficult to see when scanning the skin. This tick must remain attached and feeding for 24 to 48 hours before it is capable of transmitting disease. Only about 5% of tick bites with the deer tick in an endemic area will result in Lyme disease in the human. Ticks and tick bites are far more common during the summer months so that is when your powers of observation need to be finely tuned. You should carefully examine your children at least twice a day for the presence of any tick attached to your child’s skin. Be sure to look in those places not easy to observe such as the scalp, between the fingers and toes, and in the pubic and the perineal areas (between the genital area and the anus).

When found, these ticks should be removed from the skin by applying a tweezer to the mouth parts firmly very close to the skin, and with firm steady traction (not sudden and jerky) pull the tick from the skin. You may leave some dark mouth parts in skin; don’t try to remove them but cleanse the area well with soap and water and treat as you would for any abrasion or cut. Those mouth parts may very well come out on their own or may remain and not cause a problem. Of course these areas can become secondarily infected ( as any cut or abrasion might) with bacteria and that would result in redness, swelling, warmth over the area and pain or tenderness Since ticks actually breathe very infrequently the idea of smothering them with petroleum jelly or other thick substance would not be practical. Do not try to burn them off with a heated pin or freshly lit match head as the only thing you will probably burn is your child’s skin.

If the disease is transmitted to your child (let me point this out again, this is rare) a mild illness with feverinitially might occur in some, this is more likely not the case however, and chronic long term vague illness is also not necessarily what you will see. The rash of Lyme’s disease also does not occur in all cases and is fairly characteristic: initially a reddened bump that subsequently clears in the middle leaving a red ring that slowly and inexorably enlarges. Sometimes there is more than one ring and other times that ring may enlarge significantly to cover entire body parts and extend to others. As a result, it is sometimes difficult to recognize this as a ring. There are blood tests that can detect the presence of Lyme disease but these might not be positive for several weeks. Treatment is easily accomplished through the use of an antibiotic for 21 – 28 days and there is time to begin treatment, up to a week to 10 days without fear of the disease progressing. The antibiotics used are common to everyone generally without side effects: Amoxicillin for young children and doxycycline (a form of tetracycline) for children 8-10 years and older.

This is a diagnoses made usually on clinical grounds; that is as a result of your child’s doctor’s experience in light of a certain constellation of signs and symptoms. Checking the tick for the presence of Lyme disease (if you have the tick) is not recommended and neither is preventive treatment if living in a high density tick area. There are reports of “chronic Lyme disease” and the treatment of such a suspected occurrence is not clear- probably the services of a specialist (infectious disease) should be sought.

Summary– Lyme disease is not very common even though you may hear of cases in your area. If you are concerned after a tick bite take your child to his/her doctor and he/she will make the diagnosis and suggest treatment if necessary. Check your child twice a day for the presence of any ticks and remove as described above. There is plenty of time to begin treatment and the antibiotics used are well tolerated; once treated it is not recommended to repeat lab work if done originally, and it can be assumed that the illness is gone and will not leave long lasting problems.

Kids Not Communicating: Are you speaking their language?

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:52 pm

While I was kicking the soccer ball with a nine-year-old boy this week, it struck me that family conversations like The Family Meeting really need to be conducted outside in the fresh air. Who likes to be cooped up around the dinner table talking about what needs improving? I actually like the dinner table, ’cause it provides structure for conversations and easy opportunities for life lessons, not to mention the delicious food. But let’s just for a moment, consider that you might be willing to interact with your kids, teach them new skills and get close to their hearts with a bit of outdoor movement.

For many years, I have been working with families in their homes, teaching brain-based parenting skills. These families are kind, involved and caring. Often they have a child with a brain uniqueness such as ADHD. But increasingly, they are families just like yours where parents simply feel overwhelmed, children won’t do as they are told or home organization needs a bit of a touch up. Having earned my master’s degree in physical education longer ago than I care to admit, it has always struck me that when we play with our children they communicate better, feel more attached and even open up more.

So I’ve been thinking lately, “Are we speaking the child’s language or do we need to change things up?“

What’s New? The past few years, I’ve been walking into homes with hoola-hoops, exercise balls and SPARKPE equipment, more than the traditional therapy fare. When we introduce families to the concept that we need to SEE IT, SAY IT, WRITE IT, PLAY IT and BUILD IT to LEARN IT, most families are game.

Where to start? Well you likely have sports equipment, lawn chairs, a chess set, a few games and other cool stuff in your home calling out to be used. You could make a portable family activities bag. I have a huge duffel bag I tote on wheels that has all sorts of goodies for engagement.

Inside are:

• 3 marker boards
• 10 expo markers
• A set of base ten math blocks (kids love these for math, building or communicating)
• 6 tennis balls
• 6 polyspots
• 3 cones
• 1 dodge ball
• 1 soccer ball
• 1 deck of cards
• White paper, graph paper, pens, stickers, glue, tape, scissors and more

What to do?

Got something on your mind? Want to know about your child’s day? Want to help your children practice taking turns and sharing? Family activities open the opportunity for exploration and learning.

A few fast ideas:

1. Kick the soccer ball back and forth, stand rather close together at first so that even beginners experience the feeling of accomplishment.

Now make a game out of it.

• Parent: “Do you want to play the What’s the right thing to do game?”
• Child: “No, I just want to play.”
• Parent: “That’s right, we’ll play. I’ll name a situation when I kick the ball, then you can give me a good idea when you kick the ball. Let’s see.” “What’s the right thing to do when your classmate talks to you when you’re both supposed to be paying attention to the teacher?”
• Child: “I just ignore him.”
• Parent: “Right, good idea. What can you actually say?”
• Child: “I can say, be quiet we’ll get in trouble.”

Change up the questions, give your child the opportunity to ask the questions when he or she gets familiar with the game.

You can have conversations about anything:

• What family contributions (tasks) can the kids make in our home?
• What can we do when Johnny takes our toys in the sandbox?
• What do we do with our bodies when mom says, No!
• What are three nice things we can do instead of rolling our eyes at our sister.
• What are three things we can do as a family this weekend?

2. Bounce the tennis ball. There is nothing like rhythm to get the brain engaged. Alternate choosing a new rhythm to bounce the tennis ball to. I always have one ball for each person, bouncing the ball on your own is easier that bouncing it to another person.

3. Pass the talking ball. Are your kids all talking at one time? Identify one ball, stuffed animal or bean bag as the “talking ball.” When you sit or stand to talk as a family be it outside your car, at the kitchen table or in the store, if things get heated or muddled-up have one person hold the ball and only that person speaks everyone else listens.

4. Use many different modalities, if your kids generate a good idea while playing ball or chess, ask them to write it on the marker board to teach other family members later.

5. Play 15-30 minutes at a time. Honestly, a good solid exploration can take place in as little as three minutes.

If this is new to you you may be skeptical or thinks it’s silly. But when you see how the kids connect with you, talk with more ease and use their creativity in making new games, you’ll appreciate the magic of moving while talking. There is no one way to move and talk, but there is ample evidence that movement enhances brain function, improves concentration, decreases impulsivity and engages the brain. For the scientists among you, consider taking a peek at some of the following books:

• Fifteen Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids by Rebecca P. Cohen
• The Cerebellum: Brain for an Implicit Self (FT Press Science) by Masao Ito
• Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by John J. Ratey
• Learn to Move, Move to Learn: Sensorimotor Early Childhood Activity Themes by Jenny Clark Brack
• The Kinesthetic Classroom: Teaching and Learning Through Movement by Traci L. Lengel and Michael (Mike) S. Kuczala

So get moving before you start talking. Let us know what your family comes up with. We’re interested.

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This post reflects Dr Kenney’s “The Family Coach Method”.  Used in practice for a number of years, The Family Coach Method is ‘rug-level,’ friendly and centered on the concept of families as a winning team – with dozens of age-appropriate sample conversations and problem solving scenarios to guide a family to the desired place of mutual respect, shared values and strengths. The goal is to help children to develop the life skills, judgment and independence that can help them navigate the challenges of an increasingly complex world.

When is Your Mommy Voice The Right One???

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:53 pm

“Babies cry, that’s normal.”

“You need to let your baby cry for awhile. If you don’t they will expect you to pick them up all of the time.”

“All babies are fussy.”

Are these all things that you were told when your food allergic child was an infant? Do you remember thinking that there must be something that you are not doing right as a new parent? Something that one of the doctors is just not telling you or explaining the right way? Your baby cried, endlessly, for hours. They balled up their legs and you could hear the pain as their belly was gurgling and trying to let out some of that gas. Gas is normal. Colic is normal. Even if it seems to coincide with feeding times. It doesn’t matter if you happened to eat peanut butter before you breastfed- this could not affect your child in any way. Wrong, all wrong.

I have been there and I can tell you the truth- babies do not cry all of the time. All babies are not fussy and what you eat most definitely can affect how your newborn feels. Are you shocked? Are you nodding your head, thinking “I knew it, I knew it! In my heart of hearts, I knew that something else was going on with my child.” That is your mommy voice. That little voice in the back of your mind (that actually lives inside of your heart) is the voice that connects you to your child. That is the voice that lets you know what your child cannot say to you. And someday, that voice will be the one thing that you will follow and may ultimately save your child’s life.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because my son has multiple, life-threatening food allergies and I have learned to listen to that mommy voice. And yes, it has saved him (I feel) more than a few times. As a parent, it is essential to understand that you need to do what you feel is the very best for your child- even if this means going against what everyone else is telling you to do. You will feel extreme pressure to do the conventional things expected of you. You will get dirty looks and people will assume horrible untruths about you. You may need to go through many, many doctors to find the answers that you need. Like the time I met with a new allergy specialist who never even looked at my son but instead, chose to belittle the allergy tests that we had and went on to tell me that I am a terrible mother for not feeding him these foods. Upon check out, the woman behind the desk said “She wants you to make a follow up appointment” in which my mommy voice replied calmly yet fiercely “That woman will never touch my son again.”

What will this bring you? Listening to your mommy voice will bring you specific answers about your child. It will allow you to find the very best network of doctors, friends, support groups and to understand that you are not alone in how you think. This voice will keep you strong in times of need but will also soothe you during the times that you feel utterly lost and confused- and this is ok too. So what is a “mommy voice”? Some call it faith, some say its God or the Universe speaking to them, others say it’s just your conscience. Does it matter what it is labeled as long as it keeps your child safe? Learn to listen with an open heart because, no matter what, love is what will guide you, always.

Emergency preparedness and Special Needs Kids

Last updated on September 2nd, 2019 at 07:53 pm

Being prepared for an emergency is important for everyone, but it is crucial if you have a special needs child in your family. Here in Southern California we tend to focus on earthquakes, but whether you are concerned about doomsday, zombies or natural disasters being ready can make a big difference.

Emergency kits are important, and not only in your home. Schools should have a kit for each child, and if at all possible, your car should also be stocked with basic emergency supplies. Your kit should address your family’s specific daily needs for at least 72 hours. If your child’s disability is invisible you must be sure to explain to first responders that you or another caretaker (and service animal) must remain with your child.

General emergency supplies such as contact info, prescriptions, food and water, a first aid kit, batteries, candles, matches, flashlights, blankets, a radio and baby wipes are a good place to start. Specific special needs emergency supplies may also include:

• Extra glasses or contacts
• Epi-pens
• Breathing supplies or nebulizers
• Foods for special dietary needs
• Extra medications, supplements or medical supplies
• A cooler and ice packs for medications
• A generator if your child depends on equipment
• An extra lightweight wheelchair, walker or other medical device
• Batteries, CDs or a music player for comfort
• Supplies for any service animals

In an emergency, kids will take their cues from their parents and caregivers so it’s important to stay calm, reassure the child and explain how you plan to keep them safe.

Preparing for a natural disaster or emergency can be scary for kids, so the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has a special section for kids that includes games to make the process more fun. The site also has a section for parents and teachers. The American Red Cross has partnered with the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to put up excellent information and resources on their website. There is even a Sesame Street Emergency Preparedness site.

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