Holiday Magic – The Will of Children to Believe
Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 04:42 pm
Last Christmas it was apparent that our then-9-year-old son still believed in Santa. I wondered if it could still be the case, but he was completely into our usual tradition of leaving cookies and milk for Santa. And at bedtime he once again set up his iPod in the family room – video running – to try to catch Santa coming down the chimney! Now I thought this was cute, but my husband was kind of done with the whole Santa-thing (we call him Scrooge) since, admittedly, pulling off the whole illusion is a lot of work:
- Keeping the presents hidden until Christmas
- Segregating the Santa-designated wrapping paper (don’t want to have to explain why we have the same paper and gift bags as Santa!)
- Getting the presents wrapped surreptitiously, and sneaking them under the tree after kiddo bedtime…while trying to avoid the “candid camera.” Thankfully the battery on his iPod proved not to last that long!
And, of course, there was the time a couple years ago when we first left carrots outside for the reindeer. Since it’s important to show that the reindeer enjoyed these treats (and we all know reindeer are messy eaters!) it was incumbent upon me to gather up the carrots strewn on the back patio and chew up several so that only a few carrot bits would be left behind. But who knew that the carrots would freeze so quickly out back? Pulling them off the frozen stone patio was hard enough…but chewing bits of frozen carrot was not appetizing! Since that year I’ve made sure to have extra carrots on hand to use as replacements for the orange icicles. So, the Santa-thing is a lot of work. But clearly I love it all!
As Elliott approached 10 in the spring I wondered how much longer this Christmas/holiday magic could last. But I didn’t have long to wait for an answer. Easter was my undoing. With a later Spring Break, our family was only getting back home the night of Easter Bunny’s visit. Despite my best intentions, I didn’t manage to do the Easter basket shopping before our vacation. So, while away, I texted a shopping list to our trusty local college student, Emily, part-time nanny and family helper extraordinaire, and told her where in the house to hide the loot. The whole process worked perfectly with Mom Bunny putting together a basket during the wee hours of Easter Sunday morning. That is until Elliott was playing a game on my phone and happened to see my Easter text exchanges with Emily.
The jig was up! I learned what had transpired through a series of very angry but hilarious post-it notes left outside my study where I was doing some work that evening. These included some angry drawings and a terse message:
“Just found out you are the Easter Bunny. I suppose this means Santa and the Toothfairy aren’t real either. You’ve been lying to me my whole life!”
What’s a parent to do?
Well this seemed to call for a good heart-to-heart conversation, so I sat down on his bed and – through tears on both sides – I had to admit that we really had been lying to him all these years. But as I said to Elliott, it didn’t seem like a lie when he was little…and there’s really a whole lot of love behind these particular parent lies when you think about it – what with all that we do to make the magic real for the little ones. Surprisingly, my 10-year old boy agreed with this perspective and seemed comforted to a degree. And then I learned just how strong and enduring is the will of children to believe. “Mom, can we just pretend this never happened?” he asked. “Of course,” I said. So we haven’t discussed it since. And as we get nearer to Christmas Eve, I know I need to have cookies and carrots in stock once again.
8 Amazing Achievements From My Special Needs Child’s 8th Year
Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 10:34 am
As the year draws to a close it’s a great time to appreciate the achievements your child has accomplished during the past twelve months, no matter how small they may seem to others. It’s also a good time to regroup and look to the future – break a large goal into smaller steps and praise each step (or stumble) along the way.
8 amazing achievements from my special needs child’s 8th year of life:
- She is finally sleeping through the night. Not every night, and not even most nights, but once or twice a week I am actually able to get a full night of rest…unless one of her brothers has an issue, or an illness, or a nightmare….meanwhile, I need to shop for some extra strength under eye concealer.
- For the first time, she read me a book. And she even read the actual words that were on the page!
- She can “get air” – she can jump and get both feet off the ground. This means she can now skip and play jump rope. It’s such a small thing to most other little girls, yet she worked long and hard to get there.
- She knows her name, address and my cell phone number. She even knows how to use our house phone to call out, as I discovered when I checked my voice mail!
- She now gets most of her nutrition from actual food, and only some of it from non-toxic items like erasers and moldable dough.
- She can pick out her own clothes and get dressed by herself. Not that she wants to, or that she does it regularly, but she has the ability.
She sat still for an entire dental visit and even allowed them to polish her teeth – HUGE! I remember a therapist working with her as an infant, trying to teach me how to desensitize her mouth so she could feed from a bottle and avoid a feeding tube.- She is usually the one with the doctor’s appointments, scrapes and boo-boos but the other day when her brother got hurt at school she went to the office with him, sat next to him and held his hand.
Make Your Home Healthy for Winter
Last updated on September 12th, 2015 at 10:47 pm
With all the time spent inside during the winter, it pays to make your home a healthy sanctuary. All it takes is a handful of small changes to help protect yourself and your family against viruses and toxins, as well as boost immunity and well-being, says Dr. Frank Lipman, director of the Eleven-Eleven Wellness Center in New York City. Here’s how:
1. Winter Worry: Indoor Air Pollution
Smart solution: Houseplants
Indoor air pollution is a bigger worry in winter months because very little fresh air is coming in – meaning that chemicals released by everything from cleaning products to dry cleaning bags stay inside your home. “Plus, families are more 
likely to use fireplaces and candles, which both release pollutants into the air,” says Dr. Philip Landrigan, director of the Children’s Environmental Health Center at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. When your immune system is distracted by these toxins, it’s less likely to fend off cold and flu viruses that come your way. The good news is: “Just one small plant can help remove pollution from 100 square feet of space,” according to Dr. Lipman. Spider plants, English ivy and Boston ferns are some of the best air-filtering houseplants.
2. Winter Worry: Musty Smells
Smart solution: Oranges
Without fresh air circulating in your house, you may be tempted to buy an air freshener or spray a deodorizer. “But they can emit harmful chemicals called particulates,” warns Dr. Landrigan. Give your house a pleasant citrusy scent by baking orange peels at 300 F for about 15 to 20 minutes, then cracking open the oven door to let the aroma spread throughout the house.
3. Winter Worry: Bacteria and Viruses
Smart solution: Slippers
You know it’s important to wash your hands. But for another source of germs, just look down….to your feet! A University of Arizona study found nine species of bacteria on people’s shoes, which can easily transfer them to tile floors and carpeting. What’s more, boot and shoe soles can track chemicals (like those from road de-icers) into your house as well! To keep your home healthy, keep a pair of slippers in a basket by the front door for each family member. Not only will they be comfier, but your house will be a lot easier to keep clean too.
4. Winter Worry: Dry Air
Smart solution: Humidifiers
Low humidity in your home can dry out nasal passages, causing cracks. Any germs and viruses that do get into your house can get stuck in the cracks, making transmission much more likely, according to research at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. A humidifier can help, so it’s smart to set humidifiers up for the entire sneezin’ season rather than waiting until you get a cold. Just keep in mind that you must empty the humidifier of water daily and dry it out before refilling, as well as do a more thorough cleaning every three days so it doesn’t spread mold or bacteria.
5. Winter Worry: Carbon Monoxide
Smart solution: Carbon monoxide detectors
This colorless, odorless gas given off by furnaces, propane stoves and portable generators sends 15,000 Americans to the emergency room every year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In fact, the CDC notes that the most accidental carbon monoxide poisonings occur in January. So if you haven’t already, install a carbon monoxide detector on each floor of your home. Be sure to include the basement, because that’s where most heating systems are and a problem can be detected there first. However, don’t place it within 15 feet of a heating system or gas-burning appliance because it may emit a small amount of carbon-monoxide on startup. And just as with your smoke detector, be sure to change the batteries every six months, suggests Landrigan.
6. Winter Worry: The Blues
Smart solution: New Lightbulbs
Lack of sunlight can trigger seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a form of depression that tends to occur in winter. Your body’s levels of melatonin, a hormone produced during darkness, may increase, causing such symptoms of depression as sleep problems, lethargy and anxiety. Fortunately, there’s an easy preventive measure you can take for that: replace your regular bulbs (or at least those in rooms where you spend a lot of time) with full-spectrum ones that mimic natural sunlight, suggests Lipman. You can pick them up at most hardware stores.
The Power of No – The Best Gift You’ll Give This Year
Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 04:47 pm
’Tis the season for kids to plead, beg and whine for Barbies, Xboxes and iPods. But you don’t have to grant every wish — and more importantly, you shouldn’t. “Hearing ‘no’ helps kids learn to cope with the disappointment and frustrations that are part of everyday life,” says educational psychologist Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
It also makes your job as a parent easier.
“When kids understand that your ‘no’ means ‘no,’ they’re less likely to keep pushing your buttons. It will actually improve your relationship,” says Borba. Here’s how to say no to your kids while sending positive messages.
Set Parameters
Some gift ideas will be automatically off-limits if they’re unsafe, over your holiday budget or not in line with your family values (toy guns, for example). To avoid an unnecessary power struggle, write your family rules — and explain them — before your kids create their wish lists.
Stay Firm
“The average kid whines to a parent nine times, and the ninth time, the parent gives in,” says Borba. “But if you always keep your word, you’ll ultimately say no less because your kids will know that you mean business.”
Give Guidelines
After your kids circle 36 toys in the holiday catalog, ask them to narrow it down. For younger kids, you might give a number limit; for older ones, a price ceiling. “When you prompt kids to think things through, they begin to prioritize and realize what they truly want,” says Borba. “You’re teaching life skills here — decision-making, prioritizing, respecting boundaries and, for older kids, money management.”
Offer Choices
Children like to feel they have power and autonomy. Use this to your advantage to soften a “no” answer. Choose two acceptable alternative toys and let him choose. For example, “I’m not a fan of the shoot-’em-up video games, but if you want, you could get the racing game or the discovery game. Which would you prefer?”
Nix the ‘No’ Word
Prevent “no” fatigue by coming up with different phrases — especially if they tickle your child’s funny bone. You might say “ix-nay,” “that’s just cuckoo” or “survey says: ehhhh!” Try using a silly accent to turn potential pouts into smiles and giggles.
When you start thinking of “no” as positive rather than negative, you’ll realize the power that it — and you — have over your kids’ whining and wheedling. Consider it a present to yourself.
How to Talk to Your Kids About…Friendship
Last updated on October 1st, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Although some children naturally handle friendship better than others, all kids need to be taught, and practice friendship skills. Kids grow into these skills and need help from parents and other adults to learn the rules of friendship.
How can we help our children learn these key skills?
Talk to your child about what makes a good friend. Kids don’t always know what it means to be a good friend. Make a friendship list with all the qualities of a good friend. Have them tell you what they think makes a good friend. Keep the list close and talk to your child about trying to be that kind of friend. Some possibilities to consider for your list:
Good friends have much in common. They are…
- Helpful to others
- Positive and Kind
- Have the ability to share
- Can keep confidences
- Listen to others’ thoughts and ideas
- Accept mistakes
- Are good winners and losers
- Can hold a conversation
- Give and receive compliments
Role Play, Role Play, Role Play
Talk through scenarios like:
- What do you do if you want to play with a group of friends who are already playing together? You observe first and then join in without interrupting or being pushy.
- What if you ask a friend to play and they say “no”.
- How would you feel if someone was mean to you?
This prepares your child for situations they are certain to face and teaches them empathy for others.
Talk about “Best Friends”
When we push our children to tell us about their “best friend”, we are subconsciously teaching them to exclude. We are teaching them there is a criteria for friendship. Talk about the need to be friends and accept everyone.
Model Friendship
Our children watch everything we do. Are we modeling good friendships skills?
We can model friendship skills when we play with our children. It is an opportunity to talk to them, and show them how to act. When they beat us at Candy Land, show them how to be a good loser. When we win, model how to be a good winner.
Talk about what to do when they are rejected by a friend.
- It is okay to move on. Encourage your child to put effort into friendships with children who reciprocate, and move on.
- Don’t say “I told you say.” Avoid talking about all the things your child did wrong. When a friendship goes south, we need to show extra love to our children. The rejection has already made them feel vulnerable; they don’t need us to add salt to the wounds.
Have a conversation about friendship with your child today.
The Surprising Benefits of Peer Pressure
Last updated on August 26th, 2012 at 04:48 pm
Kids do some crazy things to keep up with their friends – even preschoolers (“I dare you to eat a worm!”). But as negative as it can be, there are a few benefits of peer pressure.
“There’s no doubt that peers can make each other more aggressive, but they can also make each other smarter and happier,” says psychology professor William M. Bukowski, Ph.D., of Concordia University in Montreal. “In fact, the positive effects of peer influence are more important than the negative effects.”
Here’s how going along with the crowd can be a smart move after all — and how you can encourage your child to reap the rewards.
Benefit of Peer Pressure: Encourages excellence. Students who learn with smarter classmates tend to perform better academically themselves, according to a 2011 study in Child Development. That’s because kids imitate each other, especially when they’re unsure of how to behave. They also reward each other for acting a certain way — by laughing, smiling and giving each other high-fives. “Children have expectations of one another, and they make those expectations clear,” says Bukowski.
Your move: Book more playdates with the kids who model doing the right thing.
Benefit of Peer Pressure: Teaches flexibility. Kids who are eager to fit in will turn on a dime as needed. But while hating grilled cheese one minute and loving it as soon as a playmate eats it seems wishy-washy, that tendency can develop into a willingness to accommodate and compromise, a key feature of all reciprocal relationships, according to Bukowski. “It may be that it’s okay to behave one way in one circumstance and another way in another, but they have to decide what’s best for them,” he says.
Your move: Don’t criticize the flip-flopping—even if it drives you nuts! Remember that it’s your kids’ way of learning to compromise and be flexible.
Benefit of Peer Pressure: Develops empathy. An upside to worrying so much about what peers think is that it helps kids develop a greater awareness of their own feelings, which in turn improves their social skills. “It’s through interaction with others that you can learn most easily what it’s like to be someone else,” says Bukowski.
Your move: When your child is upset with a friend, suggest considering the other person’s perspective.
Benefit of Peer Pressure: Prevents obesity. A 2011 study from the University of Buffalo showed that friends influence how much a kid eats. “Individuals are influenced by the eating and activity norms set by those around them,” says Sarah-Jeanne Salvy, Ph.D., assistant professor of pediatrics in the University at Buffalo’s Division of Behavioral Medicine and first author of the study. And Salvy’s study found that a child is less likely to nibble out of boredom after school if she’s busy playing with a pal. “Friendship is a great way to minimize stress and boredom and the eating associated with those feelings,” says Bukowski.
Your move: Expand your child’s social network to include kids who are active, have a positive attitude and seem to bring out the best in your child. With the right friends, peer pressure can be a powerful force for good.
