Last updated on March 9th, 2018 at 10:57 am
This is National Drug Facts Week and every year the National Institute on Drug Abuse hosts an online chat with teens to answer their questions and give the real truth about drugs and drug abuse. It’s too late to register to submit questions, but anyone can follow the discussion happening TODAY – plus a transcript will be posted about 2 weeks after. Also, I recommend teens – and parents – take the 2015 National Drug IQ Challenge – especially if you think “spice” and “bath salts” are things you buy at the grocery store (like I did!).
Below is the announcement from Kids.gov:
High school students will connect with top scientists on the subject of drug abuse this Friday—Drug Facts Chat Day—and yours can tune in. From 8 am – 6pm EST, teens will be posing their most pressing questions online, to National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) scientists, who will provide the facts.
Students can warm up for the discussion with the 2015 National Drug IQ Challenge (also in Spanish). And they can join a Twitter chat Thursday from 4-5 pm.
It’s all part of National Drug Facts Week, an annual observance aimed at shattering the myths about drugs and drug abuse for teens. You can follow-up anytime with these booklets from NIDA:
Last updated on March 9th, 2018 at 10:36 am
Studies show that students are more likely to drink alcohol, smoke and take drugs than the general population.
Peer pressure, cheap student bars and the freedom of living away from home all contribute to the choices students make.
Be aware of the dangers associated with smoking, drinking and taking drugs so you can make an informed decision about the way you live your life and care for your health.
Students and alcohol
Student life can seem to revolve around alcohol, with the student bar and local pubs often the centre of the college social scene.
Drinking in moderation is an enjoyable and usually harmless feature of student life. Getting drunk regularly can have potentially serious physical, social and academic effects. Even drinking to excess just occasionally can be damaging.
In the short term, drinking too much can impair academic performance because it affects concentration and makes you more likely to miss classes, hand in work late and do badly in exams.
It can also put you at immediate risk of serious harm, ranging from date rape to car crashes. If you’re drunk, you’re also more likely to be a victim of violence or to have unprotected sex, which carries all the associated risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy.
In the longer term, regularly drinking too much can cause liver disease, an increased risk of heart attack, weight gain and a number of different cancers. These problems are now occurring at younger ages as alcohol use has increased.
The healthy choice in the short term is to take just a little extra care to protect yourself and your friends when you are going out drinking. For example, know your own limits and make sure you know how to get home safely.
If you’ve had a heavy drinking session, you should remain alcohol-free for a full 48 hours to give your body time to recover.
Over the longer term, you need to have an idea of how much you’re drinking on a regular basis, in units of alcohol, so you can keep your risks low. The NHS recommends that:
- men should not regularly drink more than three to four units a day
- women should not regularly drink more than two to three units a day
Use this alcohol tracker tool to check how much you’re drinking.
Read more about alcohol and how to cut down.
Students and smoking
As with alcohol, there can be a lot of social pressure for students to smoke.
Smoking increases your risk of lung cancer and heart disease. It prematurely ages the skin and triples your chance of getting wrinkles around your eyes and mouth. It also causes impotence and reduced sperm count in men, and reduces fertility in women.
It can lead to gum disease, makes the body store fat around the waist and increases the risk of cellulite.
Don’t assume that smoking will help you through the stress of exams. Medical evidence shows that smoking doesn’t actually calm you down. It’s simply the case that nicotine cravings between cigarettes make you feel stressed and anxious, so when you have one you feel temporarily calm. You’ll feel less stressed once you quit and no longer have cravings.
If you’re already a smoker, becoming a student could be the ideal time to quit. Going to university or college is a fresh start and a new way of life, and this is your chance to start your new life in a positive, healthy way.
Read how the NHS can help you stop smoking.
Students and drugs
Almost half of 16 to 24 year olds in England and Wales have tried drugs at least once, most commonly cannabis. Experimenting with drugs can sometimes be presented as part of the “student experience”.
But drugs are illegal for a reason. As well as the risks to your mental and physical health, using them can make you more likely to have unprotected sex, which in turn can increase your risk of being infected with an STI and having an unplanned pregnancy.
A small but significant proportion of regular drug users can come to rely on cannabis or become addicted to drugs such as heroin or cocaine. Any such addiction can have a disastrous effect on studies and health.
The legal penalties for drug possession can be severe for some drugs. Possession of a class A drug, such as cocaine, can lead to up to seven years in prison. Also, your university will not look kindly on you if you’re arrested for drug possession. Many universities would ban you from campus, or drop you from your course.
It’s not just illegal drugs that you need to be wary of. There are legal substances for sale with potential health risks. Read more in our article about legal highs.
The best way to minimise your risk from drugs is not to use them. Failing that, find out as much information as you can about any drugs you’re using, including the risks, the potential for addiction and what happens when you mix one drug with another or with alcohol.
Read more about drugs and their effects.
Last updated on September 19th, 2014 at 11:24 pm
The following is a combined list of different suggestions on ways to talk to your children about sexual abuse. The sources for this information are Together We Heal, The Joyful Heart Foundation, The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, FamilyWatchDog.com, The Center for Behavioral Intervention in Beaverton, Oregon, and the Colorado Bureau of Investigation’s: Convicted Sex Offender Web Site, as well as my own personal recommendations based on personal experience.
1) Start Young
Talk openly and often with your children about sexual development, behavior and abuse. Keep in mind that if you discuss sexual development with your children appropriately from a very young age, they will not be embarrassed by the subject matter and will be less vulnerable to the grooming tactics of many child molesters.
Children who do not have their curiosity satisfied do not stop asking, they simply start looking elsewhere for their answers. After all, who do you want educating your children about sex and sexuality…you or their friends and Madison Avenue?!? Starting young is not damaging. Parents believe that somehow it is inappropriate for them to be discussing such things with young children.
If a child has a curiosity about something, it does not damage them to know the truth. Truth is never wrong! Truth is never damaging!
While they are young is a healthy time for children to know the answers. It is the best time. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is waiting until the teenage years to address issues of sexuality.
Rather than waiting until the time in their lives when you are beginning to lose their time and focus to sports, school, friends, etc…confront the issues now. Make sure you spend the first 12 years of your child’s life laying out a stable framework for your children to build their ideals and morals from. Don’t wait until they are 13 and riddled with urges to start addressing the issue of healthy sexual relationships.
The key to this is what my friend and colleague, Rachel Grant, calls “normalizing” the conversation. What we mean by that is, for example, a “normal” talk with your child would be, “how was practice today, or do you need any help with your homework?” So just as normally as you bring up those topics, so also ask them, “has anyone made you feel uncomfortable at school or church today?” “Has anyone approached you or touched you in a way that made you feel upset?” The more normal you make the conversation, the more likely they are to open up to you and talk about it.
Instill concepts when they are young. Confronting the tough issues and morals you would like your children to be instilled with begins at birth, and that includes sexuality.
2) Use Proper Terminology
Use proper names or semi-proper names for body parts (penis and vagina), and phrases like: private parts are “private and special”. Research shows that children who know the proper words for their body parts are less likely to be sexually abused than children who are not. Teaching a child that body parts are so embarrassing and shameful to talk about that they need silly nicknames makes it much more likely that a child will not tell you if someone touches them inappropriately. When a child knows the proper names, it puts a predator on notice that there is an atmosphere of openness and dialogue in a home and that if they harm your child, it is more likely to be discovered and disclosed.
3) Practice
Take the time to rehearse with your spouse/partner or any adult that will give you a truthful critique and be patient. This is not the time to rush through or skim over the parts that make you feel uncomfortable. Just imagine that if you have a difficult time talking with the adult, what will it be like when you talk with your child? Gather resources from organizations such as Together We Heal, SNAP, Stop It Now, RAINN, Stop Abuse Campaign, Survivors Chat, @Beyond_Survivor, @Dylansmoosie, etc., and make notes or an outline. Do whatever makes it easiest for you to remember the topics and keep yourself on point. Throughout the talk, your child will be asking questions that will take you in various directions so it is essential that once you answer the question you get back on track. Also consider that you may not be able to address all questions at once. Be honest with your child if they ask you a question that you do not have the answer. Tell them the truth. Let them know that you need to find the answer and let them know later.
4) No Secrets and No Private time with Adults/Children
Teach your child not to keep secrets and that no one should ask your child to keep a secret from you. Teach your child that there are happy surprises which we are going to tell people about soon (like birthday presents or the ending to a story your brother is reading), but that we don’t have secrets that we’re not allowed to tell and we don’t keep secrets that make us feel sad or worried.
Avoid one child‐one adult situations. 90% of all child sexual abuse occurs in situations where there is only one adult and one child present. When a child is going to have one on one time with an adult, attempt to schedule that time in observable places (like parks and restaurants). Ask your child about how things went when they were alone with an adult, child or relative. Listen for specific details and watch your child’s mood.
5) Create a “Safety Team” or “Safety Network”
Help your child create a list of their trusted adults. Give your child a copy of their list. Make sure their support “network” peoples’ phone numbers are by the telephone with and in a place that your child has easy access to. Once you and your child have made a list, let all the people on your child’s list know that they are part of this emergency network. Let them know your child has your permission to contact them and ask them if they are comfortable with this responsibility.
Let your child know that you will not be upset if they go to anyone on this list when they are scared or confused. It is very common for children to feel that they cannot speak to their parents in spite of a parent’s attempt to ease this fear. The majority of children who report sexual abuse do not report it to their parents. Sexual predators often tell their victims that what is happening is the victims’ fault; that they will get in trouble, that they will be taken away or that their parents will stop loving them and will hate them. Molesters who are related to the child also scare them into silence by telling them that no one else will take care of them if they go to jail. It is very important to talk with your children and reassure them of your unconditional love and remind them of all the people who care about them. When you take away an offender’s ability to keep his victim silent, you take away his/her power.
6) Explain How Your Child is Helping
Avoid scary details. Use language that is honest and age appropriate. Explain that no one should touch a child on the parts of their body that are covered by their bathing suit. Also let your child know that there are exceptions to this situation such as mommy or daddy helping a young child bathe, diaper changes or a doctor examining a child with their parent present.
When discussing sexual abuse with younger children, refer to sexual predators as adults with “touching problems.”
These people can make “secret touching” look accidental (such as tickling or wrestling) and they should still tell you even if they think (or were told) it was an accident.
This is a way for a young child to understand that an adult has an inappropriate behavior without giving your child nightmares or age-inappropriate details about what the “touching” might entail.
Tell your children that people who have touching problems need special help so they don’t continue to have problems or get into trouble. Don’t describe it as a sickness and don’t say that “bad” people do this, as most of the time the “bad” person is someone who seems good or is known to the child. Do not use words like pedophile, predator or pervert; but rather, refer to “touching problems” instead as this gives the child the ability to judge and tell you about the behavior without the understandable confusion that arises when the perpetrator is someone they love or care about.
Finally – And this step might be the most important…
7) Create a form letter that explains how you have discussed with your child/children about the issue of childhood sexual abuse and list the people in their safety network. Give a copy to each adult in your child’s life and on the list.
By notifying all of the adults in your child’s life (family, friends, teachers, coaches, and parents of your child’s friends), you have in effect warned most potential predators in your child’s life that they will be caught should they target your child for abuse or inappropriate behavior. Sex offenders generally target children where the risk of getting caught is sufficiently low. By doing this, you are telling any would-be offender that your child is prepared and as parents you are involved. If you find it challenging to create your own form letter, we have provided two templates here on the website. Please feel free to print them out to use.
My hope is that you will take these tips and begin the dialogue with your child/children. Remember to do this also…talk WITH your child, not AT your child. Together we can work to give your children the BEST possibility of NOT being a statistic.
1 in 6 boys and 1 in 3 girls are molested and/or sexually abused/raped by the age of 18.
If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact us.
dpittman@together-we-heal.org
Last updated on September 13th, 2015 at 12:36 am
For most parents, the thought of having “the talk” makes our hands sweaty and our minds go blank. We are afraid of saying the wrong thing or saying too much or too little.
There is not a set script. However, here are some guiding principles for you to consider when you sit down to talk to your children about sex.
Set a foundation.
Establish open lines of communication with our children early. They need to trust us and know they can come to us with any and all questions they might have about any topic. Respect their questions, don’t laugh, don’t belittle, and don’t avoid conversation topics.
Talking won’t make them “do it”
Research shows that teens who have talked to their parents about sex are more likely to wait longer to begin being sexually active and are more likely to use contraception.
Don’t be the last to talk.
We might not like it, but peers, the internet, music, and TV are talking to our children about this topic. If we don’t speak up and teach our children, they will listen to all the other voices that are louder than ours. Be sure your voice is heard and don’t be the last one to talk. It is important we talk to our children when they are young, and if possible, have both parents present.
Be Anatomically Correct
Using silly terms for body parts will not make your conversation less awkward. Do your children a favor and talk about body parts using their real names.
Know Your Stuff
It is really hard to have a conversation when you don’t know very much about the topic. Learn the terms so you know how to explain the concepts.
Review the Material
Many schools offer maturation and sex-education to our children in the 5th and 6th grades respectively. Do you know what your children are going to be learning? Go to school and review the curriculum to make sure they are not being taught information you disagree with. Talk to your children before they attend these school classes. It will make it less awkward for both of you and safeguard your children from being embarrassed or blindsided with the information.
Basic Components to Include
- Anatomy and reproduction.
- Intercourse
- Pregnancy
- Other forms of sexual behavior
- Abstinence and Birth Control
- Self Image including the messages that dress and clothing sends to others
- Sexually Transmitted Diseases
- Emotional aspects of sex
- Religious Views on Sexual Activity
Practice
There is nothing wrong with rehearsing the conversation before it starts. Think through what questions your child might ask and practice your answers.
Listen (…don’t just lecture)
Your children have probably heard more about this topic than you think. They might not know what all the vocabulary means, but the words are out there. During the conversation, listen, and let them tell you what they know. It will give you a good idea of how to address the topic and what you should say.
This conversation will be different with each child. But if you can keep the above in mind, it will really help as you talk to your children about this difficult subject.
Last updated on January 27th, 2013 at 10:54 pm
No parent likes to hear four letter words around the house, or potty talk during a play date. Talking to our children about the importance of appropriate words, can help put a stop to the foul language and dirty mouths.
When bad words start appearing at your house, don’t overreact. This is what your child wants you to do. When we get upset and draw attention to the unacceptable words, our children will use them more and more to get attention. We need to stay calm.
Take time to talk to your children:
- Explain that even though they may hear other people using profanity, it is not acceptable in your family and you expect them to make better word choices.
- It is also important to talk to your children about how words can hurt people just like hitting them does. Foul language can be mocking, degrading, and scornful. Help your child examine the effects that swear words have on others and on themselves. Where appropriate, use a personal example to illustrate a time when bad words hurt you or someone you know.
- When your child does use profanity, make it clear that you expect them to apologize to those around them that heard the bad language.
Then, take time to talk to them about why they are using those words and how they feel when they swear. Talk about other words they could use when they are angry or frustrated, instead of foul language.
Our children learn the most from the example we set for them. We must be sure that we are not using bad words. My husband learned this the hard way. About a year ago he said, “these kids were screwing around at school” in front of our 3 year old. Although this is not a four-letter word, we don’t want our three year old saying it. She spent the rest of the day saying, “screwing around.” Hearing it once was all it took. My husband learned quickly, to watch every word. We also learned to pay close attention to the music they listen to, the TV and movies they watch, and the friends they play with.
Talk about the consequences of swearing, before it happens. Choose wisely. The consequence should encourage them to make better word choices, without scaring them off from communicating with you altogether. Talk to your child about why they used the words they did. Did they swear to impress their friends, to get your attention, or maybe because they are angry? There are reasons our children talk like this, try to find the reason and it will aid in knowing how to deal with the problem.
Other tips for dirty mouths:
- When children are small, teach them the correct names for body parts. This way, they will be “no big deal words” to your kids and they won’t get excitement or satisfaction out of using them.
- Often, children of all ages swear or use potty talk to get attention. Children need lots of attention. Whether the attention comes from positive or negative actions, they are still getting attention. Be sure you are giving your children plenty of positive attention.
Do not respond to bad language. Make it clear that you won’t respond unless they speak using appropriate words. Walk away if you need to.- Teach kids how to manage and deal with anger. Older kids swear because they are angry or trying to fit in and be popular. If they learn young how to manage their anger, they will be less likely to swear when they are mad. Teach them self-mastery. Help build your child’s self esteem so that they don’t feel the need to act out, to “fit in” and be popular. Make sure they know how popular they are in your eyes so they aren’t overly seeking that attention in other places.
It is very normal for young children and teenagers to go through “dirty mouth” phases. We can’t stop the words from coming out of their mouths, but we can do a few things that shorten the “phase” and keep things on track.
Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 10:33 am
Divorce is a very sensitive subject. One that is hard for all parties involved. It can be especially difficult for parents to know how to talk to their children about such an adult subject.
Adults need to realize that the way they talk about divorce will set the tone for how their children view, and handle the situation.
Do’s
- If possible, talk to your children about the divorce together as a family, with both parents present.
- Talk to your children as soon as you have decided to get a divorce. Don’t put it off. Hiding it from your children will not make it easier.
- Make sure you and your spouse agree before hand on what you are going to tell your children.
- Assure your children that they are not responsible for the divorce.
- Tell them why you are getting a divorce, but keep it age appropriate. (Your father and I don’t get along anymore, and living together has become awkward.)
- Talk to them about the most important details, how the divorce will affect them. (Include, where the children will live, who they will live with, where the other parent will live, when the other parent is leaving, how visitations will work, etc…)
- Assure them repeatedly that they are loved.
- Assure them that you have tried to work things out.
- Talk about how things are going to stay the same. Remember children like predictability because it makes them feel safe and secure.
Key phrases that you might consider including.
- “You haven’t done anything to cause the divorce; this is between me and your father.“
- “Just because your mother and I won’t be living together anymore, it doesn’t mean we don’t want to be with you.”
- “Just because I won’t be living here, doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me whenever you want. You can always call me on the phone, anytime. You can always reach me.”
- “Even though your mother and I won’t be living in the same house, we will always be here for you. We both love you very much.”
- “Your dad and I understand that you might be feeling lots of different things. We are always here to talk about how you feel and answer any questions you have..”
Don’ts
- Don’t try to buy your child’s love to make the divorce more manageable for them. Kids don’t want gifts; they want you and your spouse. They want security and to feel loved. They want honesty and loyalty.
Don’t talk negative about your spouse.- Don’t talk to your children when you are angry
- Don’t talk about the details of the divorce such as financial matters and custody issues.
- Don’t blow off your children’s questions.
- Don’t rush your children into adulthood. Let them be children. Keep them protected from adult details and adult decisions.
- Don’t take your resentment or frustrations for your spouse, out on your children.
Divorce is difficult for all families, but with patience and preparations, talking to your children about divorce can be a positive experience that assures them that above all things, they are loved, and always will be.
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