How to Talk To Your Kids About…A New Baby

Last updated on March 19th, 2017 at 12:23 am

Bringing home a new baby fills a house with joy and wonder. It can also bring worry and stress to older siblings who feel their world has just been turned upside down. A sense of jealousy, resentment, and even a little anger is normal. Siblings fear there won’t be enough love, or time to go around.

As parents, there are things we can say and do to help ease the transition.

Talk about what WON’T change once the new baby arrives and emphasis all the things that will be the same. This includes:

• Keeping a similar routine – Talk to your kids about their favorite parts of the day, and make sure you keep those consistent.
• Avoiding making big changes like toilet training, graduating from the crib, or changing rooms. Work through these transitions a few months before baby arrives, or a few months after.
• Keeping life predictable – Remember, predictability brings a sense of security that is really important to children, so keep things predictable and consistent.

Talk about the new “big sibling role”. Be sure your conversations are realistic. Getting your kids excited about the things the baby can’t do until he/she is four will create false hopes.

Involve older siblings in making meaningful decisions, before and after the baby arrives and let them help with the new baby. Make sure that one-on-one time is still spent with each child. Make it a point to have individual conversations and experiences with each of your children. This will help them feel special and loved and let them know that the new baby has not taken their spot in the family.

A fun way to help older siblings make the new baby transition: we give each of our children a disposable camera and ask them to be the photographers. They feel important and have fun taking pictures at the hospital and once we get home. It is so fun to get the pictures developed. Some of our very best photos have come from our kids.

What’s worked the best for your family??

What Parenting Style Works Best For You…and Your Child?

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:21 am

For decades, pop psych has embraced the premise that there are three basic parenting styles: authoritarian (“Follow my rules because I say so!”), permissive (“OK, you can stay up to 11 p.m., but you’re going to be really tired tomorrow!”), and last but not least, authoritative (“I know other kids are doing it, but we think it’s too dangerous, so no, you can’t.”). It’s that approach — a combination of no-nonsense limit-setting with understanding and concern — which experts say is ideal. (A fourth parenting style, uninvolved, is for parents who check out entirely.)

“Authoritative parents certainly make demands, but they also take time to listen to their kids, empathize with how they might feel and explain why they think their decisions are best for them in the long run,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. This kind of parenting style produces the most emotionally healthy children, she adds.

Not sure where you fit in? Check out these scenarios:

Scenario No. 1

You find out your child, who’s not allowed on Facebook and is under the age-13 limit anyway, has been checking it out at her friend’s house.

• Authoritarian “You not only broke my rules, you broke Facebook’s rule. I am taking away your computer privileges for two weeks, and you won’t be allowed at Sara’s house until I speak with her mother.”
• Permissive “I’m really disappointed you went behind my back. But I guess you must be very curious about this stuff so why don’t we open an account together?”
• Authoritative “I’m not happy that you broke the rules. Were you tempted because it seems like everyone else is Facebooking? Let me explain again why I don’t think it’s appropriate or safe for you right now. And if you do break the rules again, you will lose your computer privileges.”

Scenario No. 2

Your 8-year-old wants you to move his bedtime from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.

• Authoritarian “Sorry, but you need eight hours of shut-eye. Period. Now let’s go read a story before bed.”
• Permissive “Just because your friend Joey is allowed to go to bed at 9 doesn’t mean you should. I tell you what, though: Let’s compromise and make it 8:30. Does that work for you?”
• Authoritative “I know it must drive you nuts that Joey gets to go to bed at 9, but you need your sleep to have enough energy and focus for school. What is it that you want to do with the extra time you’re awake?

Scenario No. 3

You ask your 11-year-old to empty the dishwasher. An hour later, he’s still playing his guitar … and the dishwasher is still full.

• Authoritarian “This is the third time this week you’ve ignored my requests! You can forget allowance for this week, and we’ll have to see what happens next week.”
• Permissive “Hey, didn’t you hear me? I asked you three times to empty the dishwasher. I took care of it, but can you please take the garbage out after dinner?”
• Authoritative “I know how much you love guitar. And I’m thrilled to see you’re practicing. But I’m going nuts downstairs getting dinner on the table so we can all eat before midnight. To do that, I need your help. That means if I ask you to empty the dishwasher, you need to do it.”

Authoritarian parents aren’t meanies, and permissive parents aren’t pushovers. But the middle ground, experts agree, works best for kids.

“Children raised by authoritative parents grow up feeling that they are heard, that they are worthy of having rules explained to them,” says Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and editor of the Web site Aha Parenting. “They understand and ultimately appreciate their parents’ limits and demands because they believe their parents are on their side.”

It’s Important to Explain Why “That’s Inappropriate!”

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:25 am

I don’t remember the phrase “that’s inappropriate!” from when I was growing up. Maybe it wasn’t used back then – or where I grew up in Canada. Or maybe I was just such a good girl…. Hmmm. But I must admit that it’s been a very handy phrase around our house over the past few years for things like: the use of “stupid,” excessive burping or bottom-waggling, and “toilet” humor – particularly at the dinner table.

Now, at our house, use of “that’s inappropriate” often gets good behavior results all on its own. Nevertheless, a recent incident at my son’s afterschool program highlighted how a great phrase like this can get over-used and become an excuse for not communicating properly with children when we are uncomfortable or don’t know how to handle a situation.

The “Situation”

One afternoon, at the school’s extended-care program, Elliott and his other 4th-grade friends were discussing characters from books like the “Percy Jackson” series. He’s read all the books and has become quite interested in and familiar with Greek Mythology.

Apparently one of the names they had come across was “Oedipus” – a tragic figure who unknowingly killed his father and married his mother (he had been given up for adoption as a baby) – made famous through Freud’s psychoanalytic “Oedipus Complex.” Although the boys didn’t know any of this back-story and only mentioned the name, their aftercare group leader heard their discussion and sharply told the boys: “That’s inappropriate!” Unfortunately her comments ended there – and my son’s confusion and sense of injustice began.

That evening, in relating his story, it was clear that Elliott really wanted to know what, if anything, he had done wrong. “If Oedipus is a character from Greek mythology, why would talking about it be inappropriate?” he asked. I told him that the conversation probably made his group leader – who was young and fairly new in her job – uncomfortable, since a famous doctor from over a hundred years ago created a theory called the “Oedipus Complex” to describe a mental illness when a boy loves his mother too much. “Too much?!” he proclaimed. “But aren’t we supposed to love our mothers?!” …..Hmmm. “Yes,” I said. “But Oedipus married his mother.”

The Outcome

Since Elliott’s response to that was “Ewww,” I concluded that he’s not suffering from the aforementioned complex – despite the fact that, at the age of two, he did say he wanted to marry me! We agreed that there probably wasn’t anything really inappropriate about Oedipus but that it was best not to talk about him at school, since some people clearly found the story disturbing. I don’t know if this was the right approach, but it seemed to satisfy him. And I did base my strategy on two common pieces of parenting advice for “socially-sensitive” subjects (like sex):

1. Don’t make a big deal about the issue – or your kids will
2. Communicate openly but don’t give them more information than they need or asked for

Now, I do wish that his aftercare teacher had handled the situation differently, but it did remind me that I also need to be careful of too-frequently reaching for the “that’s inappropriate” crutch. And I got a wonderful opportunity to practice my “sensitive-subject” skills. So I guess that’s ok.

Help! My Six-year-old Son is Lying to Avoid School

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:26 am

You must address lying behavior assertively because this is a habit that can become serious. Tell your son the story about the boy who cried wolf and explain how lying undermines trust in relationships.

Encourage him to share the reason why he is trying to avoid school and his feelings in general. Work with his teacher on the underlying reasons and help him develop more effective social and emotional skills for handling stressful situations.

If he has developed chronic physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches, consult your pediatrician as well. Never let him stay home unless he has observable medical symptoms. If he does, require him to rest and skip all activities, making sure that it is not a rewarding experience to stay home. Six-year-old boys should prefer to be with their friends at school!

TWO Sensory Friendly Movie Screenings in August: 8/6 & 8/27

Last updated on August 7th, 2011 at 09:34 pm

For those of you not familiar with ”Sensory Friendly Movie Screenings“, AMC Entertainment (AMC) and the Autism Society have teamed up to bring  families affected by autism and other disabilities a special opportunity to enjoy their favorite “family-friendly” films in a safe and accepting environment.

The movie auditoriums will have their lights turned up and the sound turned down. Families will be able to bring in snacks to match their child’s dietary needs (i.e. gluten-free, casein-free, etc.), there are no advertisements or previews before the movie and it’s totally acceptable to get up and dance, walk, shout, talk to each other…and even sing – in other words, AMC’s “Silence is Golden^®” policy will not be enforced during movie screenings unless the safety of the audience is questioned.

To quote our Special Needs Parenting Expert Rosie Reeves: “It can be challenging enough to bring a child to a movie theater – they are dark, the sound is very loud, there are tempting stairs and rails and they are expected to sit still and stay quiet. When a child has special needs all these elements and many others can prove too daunting to even attempt such an outing. And yet getting out, being with the community and sharing in an experience with an audience can be invaluable for just such children – and their caregivers, too”.

On August 6th at 10am local time, “The Smurfs” will be screened as part of the “Sensory Friendly Movie Screenings” program. On August 27th,  “Spy Kids – All the Time in the World – In 4D” will be screened. Tickets are $4 to $6 depending on the location.  To find a theatre near you, here is a list of AMC theatres nationwide participating in this fabulous program.

Coming October 1st: Dolphin Tale

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Editor’s note: Both The Smurfs and Spy Kids 4 are rated PG by the Motion Picture Association of America. Please check the IMDB Parent’s Guide for a more detailed description of The Smurfs or Spy Kids 4 to determine if either is right for you and your child.

It’s Our 2 Yr Bloggiversary! Join Our “Help Save a Child” Giveaway!

Last updated on March 3rd, 2018 at 11:36 am

We want to jump up and down and shout from the rooftops…
It’s been 2 YEARS since we launched Pediatric Safety!!

Back in 2009, our goal was to create a place where everyone who cares about children’s health and safety could get together to stay informed on the topics that have the potential to affect them and the children in their care. Since our launch, we’ve had the fortune to meet and work with some wonderful folks – a pediatrician, a nurse and child safety expert, a family psychologist, a water safety specialist, a dentist, an environmental safety lawyer, an EMS safety specialist and a special needs parenting expert – all of whom volunteered their time to help make this site a community where you can find answers and hopefully give answers to others when they need them.  At it’s heart, it’s a place where people can support each other – the village needed to raise a child.  If we’ve been able to accomplish even a little of that, then this has been 2 years well spent

So where does this “Giveaway” thing come in???   We want to celebrate…and we’re hoping you’ll join us AND maybe help save a child’s life all at the same time!   🙂

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, (NCMEC), is a private, nonprofit organization created over 25 years ago to serve as the nation’s resource on the issues of missing and sexually exploited children.. As of 1984, police could enter information about stolen cars, stolen guns, and even stolen horses into the FBI’s national crime computer – but not stolen children. That is no longer the case. Thanks to NCMEC, more missing children come home safely today and more is being done today to protect children than anytime in the nation’s history.  And in light of the recent tragedy in New York where a young boy was abducted and killed after getting lost on his way home from camp, we’d like to lend them a hand…

Introducing: Pediatric Safety’s “Help Save a Child and We ALL Win” Giveaway

Something for the kids…and a little something for you too!!

• For each person who signs up to join the Pediatric Safety community, we will donate $1 to NCMEC
• And for two first place winners – to thank you for helping us celebrate 2 years of making a difference, we’d like to give you each
  a $25 Amazon gift card.

Here’s How it Works:

For your MANDATORY ENTRY:

• Register to join the Pediatric Safety Community by clicking here and select “I just joined” on the form below. . If you are already a member of Pediatric Safety, then select “I am already registered” on the form below Also, it’s not required but we’d love if you leave us a comment below.

For your BONUS ENTRIES:

• Retweet one of the following:
  • “Amazon gift card 4 u & $1 for Nat’l Center for Miss & Exploited Children! Help celebrate our 2 yr Bloggiversary http://tinyurl.com/3m3f3m5”  (you may tweet this once daily = 1 entry)
  • “Help celebrate 2 yrs for @pediatricsafety! Join us & we’ll donate $1 to the Nat’l Ctr for Miss & Exploit Children http://tinyurl.com/3m3f3m5” (you may tweet this once daily = 1 entry)
• Click on the “Share This” at the bottom of this post & submit this to your favorite social network  (= 1 entry)
• Blog about this giveaway and link to this post http://tinyurl.com/3m3f3m5  (=2 entries)

Below you will find our CONTEST ENTRY FORM. After you have completed either your MANDATORY entry or one of the BONUS entries please fill this out.  For simplicity you can use this form for each bonus entry – simply skip the mandatory entry box and check the “bonus entry” box

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Contest Rules:

Giveaway is open to readers in the USA and Canada only. Giveaway starts Tuesday July 19, 2011 (our Bloggiversary) and ends at 5pm EST Friday July 29, 2011.  Please fill out a separate form for the mandatory entry and for each bonus entry so we can make sure each entry gets counted. (…that means if you completed a bonus that has 2 entries, please submit 2 forms). Please make sure each form has your name and a valid email address. Winner chosen using random.org. You will have 48 hours to email us if you win.  Good Luck to all entrants!

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**THE GIVEAWAY HAS NOW CLOSED**

Our 2 Winners are:

#17 Paul Shearer

#12 Christel Ide

Thank you to all participants!

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