Suffering Teen Behavior Issues? You’re Not Alone
Last updated on October 12th, 2016 at 11:26 am
Do you have a young teen who seems to be going off the rails? Like run-ins with the police, getting suspended from school, caught sneaking a beer from the fridge, disappearing overnight, failing an important class after years of mostly “A”s, taking a family car joy-riding without permission. These are all things that friends of mine – and I – are experiencing with our young teen boys right now. I won’t say which kid is guilty of which infraction, in order to protect the…. well, you get the idea.
It’s really hard to know what to do in these situations. There aren’t the same “what to expect when” bibles for teens like there are for babies and little kids. I definitely don’t have all the answers – but I will give some of the things my friends and I are learning on this journey.
First Things First
A friend of mine who is a child psychologist often tells me the following, which I repeat to myself regularly like a mantra: every kid is different and they don’t come with an owner’s manual.
The point of this comment is that we shouldn’t view the behavior issues our kids are having as our fault. We could still be – are – good parents, and our own personal experience of going through childhood and adolescence may not have prepared us for managing the unique child we ended up with.
It’s also important to remember that kids are not just smaller-sized adults. Both their bodies and their brains are still developing – and one of the last regions of the brain to fully develop is the one which oversees decision making and impulse control.
Checking for Underlying Issues
While teen rebellion and experimentation is a fact of life, a change in behavior could be a sign of a problem your child is dealing with. It’s important to try to talk with them to see if something has happened or is bothering them. Getting to the root cause is more effective than just focusing on the behavior issues.
But teen behavior problems could also be due to mental or physical health concerns such as depression, attention and impulse control issues, or other conditions. Getting some professional help can be useful – both for identifying underlying factors and helping your child and family cope. One of the steps they may take are to have teachers complete assessments of your teen’s behavior and temperament to provide additional insight into the situation.
Helping Your Child
Kids – including teens – have a hard time weighing the potential consequences of their actions, to a large part due to their continuing brain development. If you are dealing with normal teen behavior or rebellion, then it can help to concentrate on setting age appropriate rules with firm and consistent consequences. Now, this is one I struggle with…. As much as I try to set rules, my son constantly argues and negotiates – and I have a hard time identifying consequences that work. An article I read recently that I found helpful is at WebMD. They suggest writing out the key rules and agreeing the consequences with your teen(s) – and posting the list somewhere central in the house.
Another thing I’m trying is incentives rather than consequences – something I also picked up from a psychologist. We are having trouble with late assignments at school, so I asked my son what might be a motivating incentive for no “tardy” homework over the next 2-3 weeks. I thought he’d want money or a video game – but he said he’d like to have a family dinner out at a favorite restaurant. That was kind of nice to hear!
Teens are also very poor at judging risk. They often think “it won’t happen to me” when they participate in dangerous acts or risky social behaviors. One thing we’ve seen recently – and tried ourselves – is how to make risk and consequences seem more likely and feel more real. For example, a friend of our son was recently suspended for breaking school rules. He didn’t think he would get caught….but someone got a picture of him in the act. We talked to our son about this – and how easy it was for someone to get a record of the wrongdoing. We pointed out how lucky he was that no one posted the photo online – which might have made his indiscretion last a lifetime.
In another example, a colleague at work was having problems with his son not balancing school work with his varsity sport. In what I consider to be a sneaky but brilliant stroke of genius, he told the teen he had to drop the sport and made him write an apology letter to his coach. Apparently the boy was beside himself that night – but in the morning, his father told him he could continue on the team if he made a stronger commitment to his academics. He also said to pin the note above the boy’s desk as an incentive for studying – to remind him of how he felt having to drop out of the team.
Helping Yourself
The last thing I would say is that parents also have to look after themselves. One of my friends at work had a really tough time with a wayward son and didn’t realize how much impact it was having on her and her husband until she pretty much had to take a leave from work due to the stress.
If you feel overwhelmed with the situation or find yourself losing your cool too often with your teen, yelling – or crying – and possibly having issues within your marriage as well, you might want to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. And getting time for yourself – for sports, hobbies, meditation, anything you enjoy – is critical. It’s tough helping our kids when we can’t operate from a position of strength with our own health.
What To Do If You’re Concerned About Your Kid’s Friends
Last updated on May 30th, 2017 at 09:39 pm
Bad friends. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare: we imagine only the worse: drugs, smoking, sex, trouble with the law. But what should parents do if they notice that their daughter is hanging out more with a kid whose values don’t seem in sync with their own? Is there ever a time when you should forbid your son from being with a particular friend?
The bottom line on this one: It’s okay to have friends who are different from your child. After all, exposing our kids to diversity is a big part of helping to broaden their horizons, learn new skills and perspectives, and get along with others. The trick here is to figure out when the other kid’s values or lifestyle are really reckless, self-destructive or totally inappropriate. Consider this: could hanging around this kid damage your child’s character, reputation, or health? Keep in mind that our kids are rarely “made bad” by another kid, but the friends our kids choose to hang around with sure can increase the odds that he may—or may not—get into trouble.
Here are a few tips to help you handle these rougher waters of parenting.
- Restate your standards. Be clear your child knows your family values and is aware of the consequence if he violates them. “No drugs, drinking, smoking.” “You always call to tell me where you are.” “You only go to homes where parents are there to supervise.” “You don’t leave one location and go to another without telling me.” A one time talk to your child isn’t going to cut it so plan to talk again and again.
- Share your concerns. Instead of judging or criticizing your kid’s companion (which is guaranteed to end the conversation), describe the changes you see in your child. “I notice whenever you sit next to Kevin in class, I get a call from the teacher.” “You never swore before you starting hanging around that group.” If you’re not sure you understand what’s going on, ask questions. “You hid Ricky’s magazine when I came in your room. What exactly was it that you didn’t want me to see?”
- Talk to the parent. Do try to talk to the other kid’s parent, and it’s best to do so as soon as your child befriends their child. Meeting personally would be ideal, but a phone call is usually more realistic. Try your best to be positive, friendly, and open minded. Exchange phone numbers. And if you haven’t taken time to do so with his other friends, make it a policy from now on.
- Befriend your child’s friends. Get to them and let them know you are interested in their lives. You may see a different side. “Do you play any sports?” “How did you and Norma meet?” “Are you in any of the same classes?” “Can you stay for dinner?”
- Ask “What if..” A good way to assess your kid’s ability to handle peers who could be trouble is by posing “What if…” questions. You make up the problem scenario, but then listen to how your child responds. Her answers will be a springboard to talk about possible solutions she may face in bad company. “What if you go to a friend’s house and you there aren’t any parents there?” “What if you’re at a slumber party and your friends want to sneak out and (smoke, drink, meet boys, etc)?”
- Get the facts. Talk to other parents, teachers, and adults whose opinions you value. Do they know the kid and share your concerns? Do their kids hang around with them? If not, why? What do they suggest?
- Know where your kid is at all times. Make it clear that immediately after school (or any activity) you want to hear from him. If your child doesn’t have access to a cell phone or pager, give him a phone card and teach him how to use it or how to make collect phone calls. There should be no excuses.
- Keep an open house. Stock your refrigerator with sodas, save those pizza coupons, and make your house “kid friendly” so your child’s friends want to come to your house. In fact, worry more if you kid doesn’t want to bring his friends over. Besides feeling more comfortable and knowing where your kid is, you’ll also be able to keep your eyes and ears open to see if your concerns are really grounded.
- Foster new associations. The best way to limit time spent a potential bad friend is to find other social avenues to go down instead. Look for places she can make new friends such as Boys & Girls Club, scouts, clubs, music, sports. Arrange activities that your child really wants to do (the basketball team, guitar lessons, the art class).
- Be prepared. Teach your child what to do any time he does not feel comfortable or thinks there could be trouble. Set up a code word that only you and your family know such as “Robin Hood,” “Trick or Treat,” “Jimmy called.” That way anytime you are talking to your child and his friends are listening, he can say the word and you’ll know you really want to come home. Also have a “parent support” group available in which you and another friend who knows your child well, agrees that anytime you’re not available your child will call her (and vice versa with their kid) to pick him up.
- Watch for red flags. Are you seeing any changes in your child’s behavior that are big warning signs that things are becoming more serious? The key is to look for differences you’ve noticed in your child since she began hanging around with this companion: Grades slipping, tears, moodiness, red eyes (drugs), alcohol or smoke smell (or cologne to possibly cover up the smell), defiant or disrespectful attitude, hiding things or acting sneakily, sleeping too much, more accidents, a complete wardrobe change that is “not” your kid. Remember to direct your concerns to where it really counts: how your kid acts instead of how the other kids behave.
- Forbid bad friend when serious issues emerge. If the companion clearly is a “bad influence” and is pushing your kid into experimenting with serious issues such as drugs, substance abuse, shoplifting, sex, smoking, it’s time to draw a halt to the relationship. This may be easier said than done, and you might need to consider the extreme: changing schools, a summer camp, a month at a relative’s, a boarding school, or even moving. In some cases it really may be the only option to prevent a potential tragedy.
Above all, keep the lines of communication open and your relationship warm and positive as your child. You want to convey the message loud and clear: “I love you.” “Remember, I’m always here for you.” Don’t let your dislike of your child’s friends hinder your relationship with your child.
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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com
A Simple Mommy Secret: 4 Steps to Stop Your Little Biter
Last updated on May 30th, 2017 at 09:42 pm
Do you have a biter on your hands? Biting is among the most bothersome and embarrassing kid behaviors. I remember the horror the first time I saw one child in our playgroup bite – I quickly learned that biting is usually temporary, and much more common than I had thought. The other moms and I read up on biting behavior, and shared what we’d learned with one another. We learned that infants and toddlers often bite to relieve teething or gum soreness, or think it’s just a game. Preschoolers typically bite because they haven’t yet developed the coping skills to deal with stress appropriately or the verbal skills to express their needs. Whatever the reason, we knew that this behavior is clearly upsetting to all involved. And has been known to continue as kids get older if not dealt with. Our job was to nip this behavior before it becomes a habit.
Here are a few steps you can take to help you handle this annoying (but common) behavior:
Step 1. Confront the Biter A.S.A.P.
Step in the very minute your child bites and call it what it is: “That’s biting!” Then in a very stern voice say: “You may not bite people!” Firmly express your disapproval, and quickly remove your child from the situation. Remember Mom: No matter what you hear from other parents, do not bite your kid back! It is not helpful, and in fact, you’re only sending him the messages that kids can’t bite, but adults can.
If your kid has developed a history of biting, you’ll need to take emergency action. Arrange a private meeting amongst your child and other caregivers (such as his teacher, coach, daycare worker, babysitter) with whom he’s displaying the behavior. Create a consequence everyone understands: this could be the loss of a privilege, time out, or going home. You’ll want to all be on the same page and consistently enforced whatever consequence you all agreed upon. All the moms in our playground, for instance, decided to get on the same page together. Because we all responded the same way (yes, there was one mom who was a bit too laid-back, but we knew we couldn’t change her behavior), we were more successful in stopping our four-year-old Vampire Wannabees.
Step 2. Comfort the Victim and Boost Empathy
Kids always need to know that biting hurts! So in the presence of your kid focus your concern on the victim. “I’m so sorry! That must hurt. What can I do to help?” Doing so shows your child not only that his action caused pain but also how to convey sympathy. If possible, find a way to help your child to make amends. He might offer the victim a Kleenex or band-aid, draw a picture to apologize, say he’s sorry, or give the other child a toy. Do also apologize to the child’s parents on the spot or with a phone call. (Word to the wise: I learned the hard way that it is far better that I make the call then having the parent hear the story from someone else).
Step 3. Teach a New Behavior to Replace the Biting
If your toddler is teething, she’s probably biting because of sore gums. In that case, offer something appropriate to bite on: such as a frozen juice bar, a hard plastic teething ring, or toy to relieve the discomfort.
Kids often bite because they haven’t developed the verbal skills to communicate their needs or frustrations. Identify what skill your child lacks, and then teach a more appropriate way to respond that will replace the urge to bite. Practice the new skill together, until he can successfully use it on his own. One youngster bit because he didn’t know how to say he wanted a turn. Once his dad recognized the problem, he taught his son to say: “It’s your turn, then it’s my turn.” The biting quickly stopped. If your child has trouble verbalizing feelings or needs, teach him to say: “I’m getting mad.” Or: “I want to play.” Remember to let him know how proud you are when he uses good control.
Step 4. Anticipate Biting Behavior as the Best Prevention
If your child has developed a pattern of biting, then supervise those play times closely. You can then immediately step in and stop your biter before it happens. Put your hand gently over his mouth firmly saying: “You may not bite. Use your words to tell what you need.” Then show how: “I want a turn.” Sometimes you can distract your child from the situation: “Would you like to play with the clay or blocks?” You may have step in a few times before the biting is stopped, so watch closely then intervene pronto.
The most important part of this Mommy Secret to learn is that kids usually bite because they lack the ability to handle their frustrations. It’s up to us to help find better ways to get their point across.
Photo credit: Sabine 75; CC license
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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is available at amazon.com
The Magic of Motivation…with a little help from Chuck E. Cheese
Last updated on October 16th, 2013 at 09:58 am
A while ago a friend asked me for ideas to help motivate her child to brush her teeth. I know many people struggle with issues of motivation, whether dealing with special needs children or typical kids, so let’s look at some ways to get your child to cooperate with your requests – or the teacher’s requests, or the coach’s requests….you get the idea..
Key in to what the child wants. Kids (and most adults) don’t believe in “something for nothing” but the simple “if, then” equation makes sense to them. The “then” part is up to you, but it will be more effective if the child is working toward earning something they value. Extra video game time seems to be a hot commodity in my house, but it could also be a certain item, a trip to a movie or a later bedtime. Make sure the task and the reward are equal – setting the table one night may earn an extra 5 minutes of bedtime, while an entire week of doing it can be rewarded with a bigger privilege like a trip to a movie.
By now you probably have the word bribery floating around in your mind, but remember that bribery is illegal and usually involves getting someone to do something that is also illegal. This is the very scientific method of behavioral conditioning. Basically you can increase a desired behavior (doing homework, brushing teeth) by positively reinforcing the act whenever it occurs. You can use a chore chart or marbles in jar or any other method of tracking behavior. You can also use these methods to reduce an undesired behavior, like nose picking or swearing or whatever else you find to be an issue in your house.
You can get pre-made behavior charts all over the internet, like here from Chuck e. Cheese, or you can make them yourself. They don’t need to be fancy, but they do need to be true to your child. And you need to be true to your word – don’t promise something you are not willing to actually provide (like a puppy) because if properly motivated your kids will shock you with their earning power. And don’t feel that the rewards need to be something that will break the bank – sometimes just a “mommy and me” afternoon is enough.
Video Games and their Impact on Child Aggression and Empathy
Last updated on May 30th, 2017 at 10:06 pm
“Can’t I just play one more hour?”
“But there’s nottttthhhhthinnnng else to do!”
“Chill out, Mom. The game is not that violent.”
There’s no doubt that video games are a part of the plugged-in generation’s lifestyle. But are you aware just how much of an impact video games have? Check out these stats:
REALITY CHECK: Did you know that:
- 99 percent of boys and 94 percent of girls ages 12 to 17 play computer, web, portable or console games?
- More than 90 percent of kids play video games 30 minutes a day though boys spend twice as much time playing than girls.
- In fact, video gaming is so widespread among American kids that studies show that nearly every teen plays games in some way, regardless of gender, age or economic status.
For some kids games are “everything.” That’s why there’s also growing concerns among parents about video games that range from: making kids more aggressive, developing sedentary lifestyles, squelching cognitive development or academic potential. After all, it’s very easy for kids to fall into the habit of spending too much time in front of those controllers.
The truth is too much video game playing isn’t healthy for anyone and can rob our children from experiencing the great outdoors, reading for pleasure, getting enough exercise, doing their homework, as well as learning to get along with others. But don’t rush to judgment too quickly. Over the last decade video game makers have come a long way and playing some of those games actually benefits our kids’ learning and motor dexterity, and even helps keep them in better shape.
Here are solutions to help you wade through those tough choices and know whether playing that video game is actually aiding or hindering your child’s development.
Parenting Solutions for Kids and Video Games
Know Your Child
For my two cents, I don’t think it’s healthy for any kid to play violent video games. But don’t get me wrong, playing one video game is not going to cause irrevocable damage. Just please know that some children are influenced by aggressive content. If they continue playing violent games they will stress more and become more aggressive and less empathic. Research finds that video games may decrease our kids’ capacity to feel for others:
Video Games May Decrease Empathy
A University of Toronto study with 150 fourth and fifth graders found that those spending the most time playing violent video games are also most likely to agree with statements such as: “People with guns or knives are cool,” and “Parents should tell their kids to fight if they have to.” Those same kids are also more likely to disagree with statements such as, “When I’m mean to someone I generally feel bad about it later,” or “I’m happy when my teacher says my friend did a good job.” Many child experts (myself included) are concerned that violent video game playing may desensitize your child to empathy-or that glorious capacity to feel for another.
Kids who are more sensitive, have an aggressive or hyper temperament, or are predisposed to aggression by witnessing or experiencing it are also more likely to be aggressive after playing certain video games.
A review by the University of Michigan of over 85 studies found that “video games increase aggressive thoughts and angry feelings, aggressive behaviors and decrease helping behavior.”
But you don’t need research to prove that to you. Just monitor your child’s behavior closer. If you notice he becomes more wound up or aggressive and you think it’s due to playing that game, the solution is simple: Take away those controllers and stay abreast of late-breaking research so you can make responsible parenting decisions as to what is best for your child. Be clear as to not only which games are off-limits but how long your kid is allowed to play.
Be Selective As to Video Content
Set clear parameters as to which games you will allow your kids to watch. Ratings established by the Entertainment Software Rating Board are prominently labeled on the outside of each video game box. (By the way, game raters include child development experts, retired school principals, teachers, as well as parents). Teach your kid those ratings so there are no questions or arguments.
Video Game Ratings
EC (Early Childhood-Ages 3+): No inappropriate or objectionable material
E (Everyone Ages 6+): May contain minimal violence, some comic mischief or crude language
T (Teen; Ages 13+) May contain violent content, mild or strong language and suggestive themes
M (Mature-Ages 17+) May include more intense violence or language; mature sexual themes
AO (Adult Only-Ages 18+) May include graphic depiction of sex and violence
Watch the Whole Game
Many games appear mild at the lowest skill level but grow increasing violent as the player’s skill increases. So if the box with the rating is missing, watch what your child is playing all the way through to the end or ask your child to give you a demo. These games can appear deceiving.
One of the most popular-sellers, “Grand Theft Auto” begins as a fast-pace racing game, but as a player moves up in the competition (and later into the game) points are earned for knocking a policeman off his motorcycle and running down a pedestrian. You can also hire a prostitute, have sex with her, then knock her out and get the money back. Yes, such games are rated for adults, but kids say they can gain access to them easily and many parents never watch beyond the first scenes, not realizing how inappropriate is the content of following scenes. And a recent study found that nearly 80 percent of E rated games contain some violence.
Take Time for Friends
UCLA studies find though certain video games can increase kids’ IQ, they do so at the expense of learning crucial social skills. So don’t let video game playing detract from being with friends. You may also want to put limits on game playing when friends come over or restrict video game playing all together. Don’t be surprised that once you set limits for video playing in your home that your kid decides to spend more time at his friend’s house. If the friend’s parents are allowing unlimited video playing, it may be time to speak with them and share your own policy. They just may decide to adopt a one-hour limit as well.
Teach Anger Management
A study of 1254 preteens found that a big reason they play video games is to manage their feelings, including anger and stress. In fact, kids who play violent games are more likely to play to release anger. Make sure your child knows healthy ways to release anger such as exercise, healthier eating, journaling upset feelings, talking to someone about their upset thoughts, deep breathing exercises or meditation. Then encourage your child to use those strategies to get their anger out.
The long and the short on video games is that there needs to be more research to determine the long-range impact on our children. Meanwhile, keep a closer eye on your child’s behavior. And remember, you do pay the electric bill and are the parent. It’s okay to say, “NO!”
When A Parent Should Worry
Here are red flags that may signal that video games are a negative influence:
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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has been released and is now available at amazon.com.
Bullying: 10 Things We Can Do to Keep Them Safer at School
Last updated on October 6th, 2015 at 12:18 am
We know our kids will have the new school supplies they need to start school, but have we given them the tools they need to deal with more than the reading, writing and arithmetic?
With the new school year quickly 
approaching, now is the perfect time to sit down with our children and talk about bullying.
Studies estimate that 1 out of 3 children are bullied, and over 150,000 children a day, skip school because they fear being bullied by another student.
As parents, there is much we can do to help our children avoid, prepare for, and deal with bullying. This will ease our children’s minds, and ours.
What do we do…
1. We realize, that no matter what we do, OUR KIDS WILL FACE CONFRONTATION in their lives. In school, in college, in the work place, in their neighborhoods, in marriage, as parents. Confrontation is part of life. We have to prepare them for it.
2. We need to help our children understand that it is never okay to fight. For the most part, nothing good comes of fighting. Fighting is not the answer. When our children are 40 and they have a disagreement with a coworker, they can’t use their fists to solve the problem then. Why would we teach them that that is how to deal with conflict now. It is not a skill that will serve them through their lives. That said, we need to teach our children to stand up for themselves in self-defense. They should know that if they need to defend themselves because they are being, or going to be physically attacked, then they defend themselves. And, that if they do have to fight in self-defense, that we will not be angry, but understand. They need to know that they always defend themselves if/when things turn physical.
Then, we need to…
3. Talk to our children when they are young. Waiting until our kids are bullied is not a good time to start addressing the issue. Use situations and find ways to bring up the subject and discuss it when they are young. Children who feel embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are very unlikely to come home and share how they feel. Make it clear to your children that you are always there to listen, and that you can relate. If it is hard to talk to them, round up some children’s books on the subject, or ask your spouse to help. Don’t scare your children, but inform them.
4. Role-Play: Give your children different scenarios and teach them how to handle them. “What do you do if…?” (someone calls you a name, makes fun of you, someone takes your lunch, someone hits you). Go through each situation and teach them what to say and do. It will empower them, and when they are faced with the bully they wont be as intimidated because they will have had experience and practiced ways to handle the situation.
Role play simple words and actions…
- Stand up straight and tall – Shoulders back
- Don’t show emotion
- Use a firm voice
5. Teach Conflict Resolution. We have to teach our children how to deal with conflict and confrontation. Teach them to manage their anger, communicate, and listen. Teach them how to compromise and be patient. This is done through everyday life situations and role-play. As conflict happens in your home, between siblings, use it to teach. We also must be good examples of conflict resolution in our own adult lives.
6. Let children work things out themselves. As parents we can be very quick to step in and stop the arguing and disagreements between our children. We decide who we think is the winner, and then go about our business. We feel good because the conflict and contention has stopped. We need to let our children work out their own disagreements. If we will sit back and watch, they will almost always be able to solve their own problems. Family situations are the perfect place for them to practice working through conflict when dealing with others. There is no better schoolroom than our home.
7. Keep our Ears Open. When our kids try and talk to us, we have to listen. They will drop little hints when there are bullying problems. It is easy to miss the cues when we are not really listening to what is being said. When our kids’ talk to us, we need to put everything else aside and really be in the moment to listen. Kids will tell us there is a problem long before bullying turns physical, listen to them.
8. Acknowledge Verbal Abuse. Just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean it is okay. Verbal bullying causes children to feel the same things as physical bullying: fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety, emotional distress, and lower self-esteem. Don’t blow off your child’s concerns.
9. Give them a hobby, interest, sport, talent, where they can excel. Build their self-confidence. We should involve our children in healthy activities where they find success. Something they like, that challenges them and where they can excel. Whether it is sports, a hobby or an interest. These activities will boost their self-confidence and belief in themselves, teach them how to deal with success and failure, solve problems, deal with others and speak their minds. A strong self-esteem is our child’s best defense against bullying.
10. Model/Teach Empathy As parents, we need to model kind, gentle behavior for our children. They learn by watching us. Be sure that the other adults and kids that are around our children demonstrate empathy as well. We need to teach our kids to try to understand other’s points of view and to feel compassion towards others. If we are always raising our voices, showing impatience, and arguing, they will do the same. Empathetic children are also less likely to become bullies themselves.
As parents, we can do a lot to help our children deal with bullying. Send your children to school with more than just new pencils. Send them with confidence and strength to deal with conflict and stand up for themselves.
WERE YOU EVER BULLIED AS A CHILD? AS AN ADULT? HAS YOUR CHILD BEEN BULLIED?
