Should I Worry that My Tween’s Height Dropped Below Average?

By their third or fourth birthday, most children achieve a consistency in their growth status compared to other children. A child who is taller than the others tends to remain that way.

Before puberty, the average child grows 2 to 3 inches and gains 3 to 5 pounds a year. If your child is maintaining that growth rate but his peers are suddenly accelerating in growth, the most probable explanation is that he has a delayed onset of puberty. This can be perfectly normal, since maturation varies from person to person. If that’s the case with your son, he’ll catch up in due time.

If, however, he has stopped growing in height and weight for no apparent reason, you need to talk to your pediatrician to see if a medical condition is affecting his growth.

Middle School Food Allergy Blues

Remember those long, warm summer days when your child would wake up and come running into your bedroom to say good morning? That faint pitter patter, shuffling mixed with the familiar scent that only belongs to your child and nobody else’s? Hours of cuddles, hugs, late breakfasts and kisses- endless, silly kisses. Then, the beginning of Middle School and all of that just STOPS. No more affection in front of their friends or asking your child if they want another hug. Suddenly, your child is their own person and with food allergies, this new found individuality offers a brand new level of anxiety to keep under control as a parent.

Time to Switch Gears

This will begin a new phase to your life as a food allergy parent. No more “helicopter parent” because this may cause your child embarrassment- I mean, who else starts Middle School and has a parent tagging along all of the time? Before opting to be a living extension of your child, first consider how your child will feel about it as well. Think back to when you started Middle School and ask what would have been acceptable for your parent to be a part of during the school year. As difficult as this will be, I promise that Middle School events are far less food-oriented so that in itself will allow both of you a little extra breathing room. After all, this also means a new learning curve for your child and how they will continue to handle their own safety too.

Ask Your Child’s Permission First

I know this may seem like the opposite of what you have done (ever!) but trust me, this one is especially important to both of you. Rather than declaring that you have signed up for every single committee, every function and all things that may include even a stitch of food, sit down with your child first. Find a time that seems to be comfortable for both of you – that can also offer an extra bonus of bonding time as well. Our son seems to be more willing to talk to us when we go to say good night and he’s winding down from his day. It’s one of the few times during the day when he is not rushing, not stressing about a school assignment or talking to his friends. Sit on your child’s bed, begin with another subject and then ease into what they would like to see you be a part of.

Become a Silent Super Parent

There are ways to still be the helicopter parent, but in disguise. Once you and your child have established the new limits, begin to include the teachers. Many teachers are already feeling overwhelmed with the large number of students in their classrooms. When it comes to a child with life-threatening food allergies, they are always looking for extra back-up. Offer to bring in some of the foods for any class festivities as well as extra wipes. I have often joked that I will be the quiet person in the back of the room collecting garbage and silently wiping down all of the desks. It sounds funny but schools are always asking for wipes so why not tackle two things at once? Help a teacher, keep your child safe and go home knowing that the potential for an allergic reaction has been limited.

Transform into the Cool Parent

Sometimes, this even makes you the cool parent without even trying. Many parents work and many children of those parents often wish that their mother or father was going with them to these fun school outings. Never once have I been asked why I chaperone so many trips and so often. What I have had positive experience with very often include my son’s classmates approaching me, saying hello and asking me if I have any of those “awesome goodies that I had like last time”. They don’t ask of they are allergy-friendly and we don’t tell- but my son is always the first to offer to share even though he cannot have whatever his friends are having. It’s like this with adults too- we all want whatever someone else has that’s different. Thus begins leaving the label of allergy parent and becoming the cool parent.

It’s Ok to STILL Worry

Any parent, allergic or not, will always worry about their child regardless of what happens- always. Remember that this is natural and this does not mean that you are over-protective or under skilled as a parent. When it comes to any situation with your child, it’s always better to check and double-check until you know that the situation is as controlled as it can be by you. Just remember that the new found “cool parent” gets better results if this is handled a bit more calmly rather than when you initially became a food allergy parent. (Unsure? Let me reshare how it most likely was then continue to read- just click here.)

Remember- just as you are getting comfortable with this new found parenting and food allergy freedom, High School will begin! 🙂

Athlete’s Foot – A 12-Year Old Boy’s Cautionary Tale

When our son Elliott turned 12, he was by nature independent-minded, stubborn and argumentative (but cute!). Add to his natural tendencies the typical behavior of tweendom, and it was not surprising we ended up in the situation that led me to write this post.

This is a cautionary tale about boys, stubbornness, personal hygiene, failed parental nagging….and athlete’s foot.

Elliott had for months paid no attention to taking his shoes off when he got home from school or came in after playing. Since he’s often home a couple of hours before we return from work – and our first thought in the door is usually not “Dude, have you taken off your shoes yet??” – we frequently discovered his shoes still on at bed time.

It doesn’t help that he has genetically sweaty/smelly feet (particularly noticeable as he nears puberty) – and is often out shooting hoops with friends or tearing through the neighborhood in search of spies – which all just adds to the wet, warm biome in his shoes. But we’d given him ample reasons and months (years?) of coaching about the need to let both his feet and his shoes breathe, and yet he still didn’t listen.

Sometimes you just have to let them fall, fail, learn for themselves. So when Elliott came to me last week to show me the scaly scabby area on the bottom of his foot – which I’ve since discovered is the “moccasin” variety of athlete’s foot – I made sure to connect the dots between his behaviors and this undesired outcome. The next day I came home to find his sneakers propped up in front of the lit fireplace, drying out! And now he is putting anti-fungal cream on the bottom of each foot (yes, it’s on both) two times a day – and was excused from gym class (which he loves).

So, if you have a tween boy who isn’t responding to your gentle prodding – or well deserved nagging – about personal hygiene, feel free to use this cautionary tale.

And for added impact, here are some things about athlete’s foot I wish I had known earlier:

• Athlete’s foot does not just come with a rash…it itches, stings and burns!
• This fungal infection can spread to other parts of the body – including the hands and groin area
• It can be difficult to get rid of, especially if it spreads to the toenails
• Infection of the toenails can result in thickened, cracked nails – or they can fall out
• More severe infections may require prescription ointments and anti-fungal pills
• After you have had athlete’s foot once, you are more likely to get it again

My Middleschooler has Frequent Headaches – Should I Worry?

Preteens and teens often suffer from frequent headaches. There are many potential causes of headaches, and it is often difficult to determine why they occur. Here’s what to do and when to worry:

1. Take your child to the pediatrician. A physical exam can eliminate somewhat obvious issues, such as hypertension or visual problems.

2. Have your child keep a “headache diary.” It may help to document when headaches occur, how long they last, what makes them milder and what circumstances surround their onset. If a triggering event such as diet, stress or anxiety consistently occurs before a headache, treatment and prevention become much easier. If nothing is evident in the diary, medical tests may be necessary.

3. Get medical attention. A series of symptoms require more advanced medical attention, including:

• Worst-headache-of-my-life symptoms
• Headaches occurring with exertion
• Headaches associated with nausea or vomiting
• A stiff neck
• Seizures
• Recent head trauma before the onset of the headache
• Blurred vision, slurred speech or serious behavioral changes
• Increasing frequency
• Headaches that impair daily functioning

5 Things Not to Say to Your Tween Daughter

The tween years are all about developing a positive self-image, good decision-making, healthy self-discipline and better mood regulation. What you say to your tween and how you use your nonverbal language to communicate with her may have a lasting impact on her view of herself. As conflicts arise you might find yourself blurting things out that you wish you could take back. Reflect on some common parent-daughter foibles to help yourself stay on the path to positive communication with your tween.

If you catch yourself being judgmental or shaming breathe through it, after reading these five things not to say to your tween, you’ll make better choices next time.

“Your dad noticed.” Tweens can be nervous about what other people see and notice about them, especially their dads. The father-daughter relationship is an important one. Your tween’s first line of dealing with boys who become men is in the relationship between father and daughter. If a tween’s dad is going to notice things about a tween, it’s time for him to speak directly to her. The tween years can feel uncomfortable to a dad, at times. Help your husband to talk openly with your tween about her relationships, her body and her friendships. The more comfortable dad is the more comfortable your tween will be.

“I don’t like that friend.” The tween years are a time when children move from practicing in their relationships to making choices about whom to befriend and who to avoid. If you feel your tween could be making better choices in her friendships help her to identify what makes a good friend. Talk with her about what kinds of friendships make her feel happy, safe and “lifted up.” Open-ended questions that allow self-reflection and not self-judgment such as “How do you like your friends to talk with you?” and “When you share something private with a friend, what are you hoping she does with that information?” will help your tween to develop the skills to observe and reflect on her relationships and improve her decision-making skills.

“You’re too young to like a boy.” With the changes occurring in a tween’s body and brain, developing attraction to boys is a natural process. Often in fourth and fifth grade tweens begin to notice boys. Having crushes can be expected, although not required. Instead of telling your tween how she is allowed to feel guide her to develop attractions that are based on honesty, caring and compatibility. Part of the growing communications with her girlfriends will be drawing comparisons about whom they like. Encourage the freedom to feel differently than her friends without making the object of their affection out to be a “bad guy”. Discussing what they like in boys and what they do not like is the beginning of sorting out whom they will date in high school and college. The tween years are when you lay the groundwork for healthy choices and good decision making about courting behavior. Open communication is the first line to healthy decision-making and problem solving.

“I never want to hear you say that again!” As your tween begins to define herself as a person independent of how you think and feel, she’s going to say things you wish had not come out of her mouth. Instead of being directive and setting up a control struggle wonder aloud about what she meant and help her to understand that what she says in the world reflects on whom she is inside. Gentle direction will win almost every time over bossy intimidation.

“You’d be beautiful if…” You were a tween once. How did it feel when others told you to lose weight, hide your big ears or wear different clothing? Research shows that the developing self-image of a tween persists through adulthood. So help your tween love herself as she is. If she needs to get more exercise, to eat better or choose less revealing clothes, show her the path to success with loving guidance not shameful embarrassment.

Hey mom, you might be new to this whole ‘tween-thing’, your tween is as well, so open-up, talk it out and seek advice from friends you trust. You’ll get the hang of it, just as your tween will.

My Son Has Gynaecomastia (Man Boobs) – What Can He Do?

Gynaecomastia (*gynecomastia) (sometimes referred to as “man boobs”) is a common condition that causes boys’ and men’s breasts to swell and become larger than normal. It is most common in teenage boys and older men.

What are the signs of gynaecomastia?

• Signs vary from a small amount of extra tissue around the nipples to more prominent breasts. It can affect one or both breasts.
• Sometimes, the breast tissue can be tender or painful, but this isn’t always the case.

What causes gynaecomastia?

Gynaecomastia can have several causes.

Hormone imbalance

Gynaecomastia can be caused by an imbalance between the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Oestrogen causes breast tissue to grow. While all men produce some oestrogen, they usually have much higher levels of testosterone, which stops the oestrogen from causing breast tissue to grow.

If the balance of hormones in the body changes, this can cause a man’s breasts to grow. Sometimes, the cause of this imbalance is unknown.

Obesity

Some growth in breast tissue is not due to extra body fat from being overweight, so losing weight or doing more exercise may not improve the condition. However, a common reason for gynaecomastia is that being very overweight (obese) can increase levels of oestrogen, which can cause breast tissue to grow.

Newborn baby boys

Gynaecomastia can affect newborn baby boys, because oestrogen passes through the placenta from the mother to the baby. This is temporary and will disappear a few weeks after the baby is born.

Puberty

During puberty, boys’ hormone levels vary. If the level of testosterone drops, oestrogen can cause breast tissue to grow. Many teenage boys have some degree of breast enlargement. Gynaecomastia at puberty usually clears up as boys get older and their hormone levels become more stable.

Older age

As men get older, they produce less testosterone. Older men also tend to have more body fat, and this can cause more oestrogen to be produced. These changes in hormone levels can lead to excess breast tissue growth.

Other causes

In rare cases, gynaecomastia can be caused by:

• side effects of medication – such as anti-ulcer drugs or medication for heart disease
• illegal drugs – such as cannabis or anabolic steroids
• drinking too much alcohol
• a health abnormality – such as kidney failure or liver disease
• Klinefelter’s syndrome (a rare genetic disorder)
• lumps or infection in the testicles

Treatment for gynaecomastia

If you’re worried about breast tissue growth, see your GP (*doctor).

If your GP thinks treatment is needed, there are two types of treatment for gynaecomastia:

• surgery to remove the excess breast tissue
• medication to adjust a hormone imbalance

Your GP can discuss the treatment options with you. Read more about male breast reduction surgery.

Procedures such as breast reduction surgery are not usually available on the NHS, unless there is a clear medical need for them. For example, if you have had gynaecomastia for a long time, it has not responded to other treatments and it is causing you a lot of distress or pain, your GP may refer you to a plastic surgeon to discuss the possibility of surgery.

Always see your GP if the area is very painful or there is an obvious lump. Sometimes, the lump may need to be removed. Gynaecomastia is not related to breast cancer, but if you’re worried about breast swelling, see a GP.

Read the answers to more questions about men’s health.

Further information:

• Is my penis the right size and shape?
• Male breast reduction surgery
• Teen boys’ health
• Puberty
• Men’s Health Forum: male breast reduction

Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US readers.

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