Let’s face it. It’s a tougher time to be growing up, and the data confirms it. Bullying is fiercer. Peer pressure is tougher. Kids are also more aggressive at younger ages. Girls are meaner. Of course we can’t always be there to pick up the pieces or help our kids stand up for themselves, nor should we. After all, the more our children see us as their rescuers, the more they learn to rely on us to solve their problems.
The secret is help our kids learn how to be more assertive and speak up for themselves. Here are seven ways to help your child learn to be respectfully assertive especially in those more difficult situations when they need to hold their own!
1. Model assertiveness
Be the model you want your child to copy. Don’t be meek. Stand up for your views even if they may not be unpopular. Let your kids know that even though you might feel uncomfortable, you always feel it’s best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others. Your child is watching your behavior and will copy. So ask yourself if you are an example of assertiveness you want your child to copy? For instance, do you speak up to your girlfriend who is pushing you to do something you may not want to do? Or what about holding your own to that relative who wants you to allow your young kids to watch that PG movie you feel is inappropriate?
2. Be a democratic household
Hold debates. Use family meetings. Listen to each child (it doesn’t mean you agree with them). When kids know their opinions count they are more likely to speak out and feel comfortable doing it.
3. Acknowledge your child’s assertiveness
Let your child know you value people who speak their mind. Reinforce your child’s assertiveness. “I like how you spoke up!” Encourage those confident, assertive behaviors in your child. Let her know you honor her opinions.
4. Find less domineering friends
If your child is a bit more timid and always hangs around a bossy playmate, provide him the opportunity to find a less domineering pal so he will be more likely to speak up and gain confidence.
Watch out for domineering siblings as well. Make sure your child has the opportunity to practice his voice and not be squelched by a brother or sister (or even other parent).
5. Provide early leadership opportunities
Research from the Girl Scouts of America says kids say their confidence in speaking up and leading others dwindles by the fifth grade. Kids also tell us they gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, team building, etc. and the earlier the better.
So provide opportunities for your child to be a member of a team, take charge of a project or lead others. You might enroll your child in public speaking or theatre to build confidence in speaking in front of others!
Find a platform that fits your child’s passions, talents, and comfort level!
6. Teach your child C.A.L.M. assertion
Here’s a skill that I’ve shared with hundreds of kids around the world-and I do mean that literally. I’ve taught C.A.L.M. to kids in Taipei, Colombia, Finland, Malaysia, Mexico, Canada as well as hundreds of 
schools from coast to coast in the US. It is a strategy that boosts assertiveness, but also helps the child learn to defend himself to others and hold his own. It’s the basic skill to stop teasing, negative peer pressure as well as bullying and victimization.
The photo image on the right is high school students who are teaching the skill to elementary students in a near by school as part of their service learning project. The “cross age tutoring” model is also a fabulous way for children to learn a new new skill.
There are four steps to learning the skill. Each part is essential. You may need to help your child practice each of the four steps separately until he or she can comfortably use all four parts on his or her own.
4 Steps to Being Assertive and Staying C.A.L.M.
C – Stay Cool
If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don’t appear as confident.
A – Assert
Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations. “No!” “Not cool.” “Because I said so!” “I don’t want to.”
L – Look Eye to Eye
The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact. If your child is timid or eye contact is difficult, suggest he look between the persons’ eyes on the spot in the middle of their forehead. I’ve also taught children on the autism spectrum to look behind (or through the person). The trick is to “appear” confident.
M – Mean It!
Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone–but not yelling tone–to get his point across.
7. Role-play “assertive posture and voice tone”
Kids learn best from seeing and practicing skills. So help your child rehearse assertive phrases like: “Stop it!” “No, not this time, thanks!,” “Hey, cut it out!”
Practice using the skill so your child has a firm-sounding tone and until your child has the confidence to hold his own without you. And when he does, congratulate yourself. You will have taught your child a critical skill that he will need to use in every arena of his life but now and forever.
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Teens today are 40 percent less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Why is a lack of empathy—along with the self-absorption epidemic Dr. Michele Borba calls the Selfie Syndrome—so dangerous? First, it hurts kids’ academic performance and leads to bullying behaviors. Also, it correlates with more cheating and less resilience. And once children grow up, it hampers their ability to collaborate, innovate and problem-solve—all must-have skills for the global economy. The good news? Empathy is a trait that can be taught and nurtured. UnSelfie is a blueprint for parents and educators who want activate our children’s hearts and shift their focus from I, me, and mine… to we, us, and ours. It’s time to include “empathy” in our parenting and teaching! UnSelfie is AVAILABLE NOW at amazon.com.
Puberty is the process of growing from a boy into a young man. Here’s what to expect.
When will I start puberty?
If puberty hasn’t started yet, don’t worry. Most boys begin when they’re around 13 or 14 years old, but some start earlier and some later.
We all grow and change at different rates, and there’s nothing you can do to make it happen sooner or later. Your body will change when it’s ready.
It’s normal to feel confused or worried sometimes. It can help to talk to someone you trust, such as your dad, mum, brother or a trusted teacher.
What will happen to my body?
There are plenty of signs that puberty has started. Every boy is different, but here are some of the most common changes to look out for:
Getting taller
Your body grows, and it may become more muscular.
Bigger penis and balls
Your testicles and penis grow, and they may feel itchy or uncomfortable.
Unexpected erections
Your body produces more hormones, so you might get erections when you least expect them.
Spots and sweat
Hormones can make you sweaty and spotty, but as long as you have good personal hygiene you can still look and feel healthy. Find out about acne.
Wet dreams
You start producing sperm, and you may have wet dreams in which you ejaculate (release fluid containing sperm out of your penis) while you’re asleep. This is normal.
Hair growth
Areas of your body become more hairy, including your armpits, legs, arms, face, chest and around your penis.
Deeper voice
As your voice begins to break, you might sound croaky for a while, or you might have a high voice one minute and a low voice the next. It will settle down eventually.
Mood swings
You may have mood swings and feel emotional, but your feelings will settle down in time.
Find out more about boys’ bodies, including penis size and sperm.
Puberty is when a girl grows up into a young woman. Every girl goes through it, but it can be a tough time. Here are the changes to expect.
When will I start puberty?
Puberty usually happens between the ages of 10 and 14, but every girl is different.
We all grow and change at different rates, and there’s nothing you can do to make it happen sooner or later. Your body will change when it’s ready.
Your breasts may grow quickly or slowly. You might have your first period, then not have another one for months. There’s no such thing as “normal”, so don’t panic if your experience is different from other girls.
If you feel confused, you’re not the only person. Try talking to someone you trust, such as your mum, dad, sister, friends or a teacher you trust.
What will happen to my body at puberty?
During puberty, it’s normal to experience the following changes:
Growing taller
You’ll get taller, and this might happen quite quickly.
Breasts and hips get bigger
Your breasts and hips get bigger. You might feel itchy or uncomfortable when this happens. This is normal.
Hair grows on your body
Hair grows under your arms and around your vagina. Some girls develop hair in other parts of their body, such as their top lip. This is normal.
Periods start
Your periods will start at some point during puberty. You might get period pains before or during your period. Find out about periods.
Vaginal discharge begins
You may notice that your vagina produces vaginal discharge (fluid). This is normal. It’s your vagina’s way of keeping clean and healthy. The discharge should be colourless or white, and shouldn’t smell. If it looks green or yellow and smells, see a doctor because you might have an infection, such as thrush (this is common and easily treated).
Spots and sweat appear
Hormones can make you sweaty or spotty, but as long as you have good personal hygiene, you can still look and feel healthy. Find out about acne.
Feelings go up and down
You might have mood swings and feel emotional, but your feelings will settle down eventually.
Find out more about girls’ bodies, including breast size, dealing with periods, pregnancy and sex.
Only 60% of teenage girls have the recommended amount of iron in their diet. A lack of iron can make you feel tired, faint and breathless. It can also make it difficult to concentrate, which makes studying and taking exams more difficult. But it’s easy to get more iron into your diet. Registered dietitian Azmina Govindji explains why iron is so important for girls and young women, and how to get more iron into your diet.
Why is it so important for teenage girls to get enough iron?
“Girls start their periods when they go through puberty, which is usually during the teenage years, and with blood loss comes iron loss. It’s important to ensure you have adequate iron from a variety of foods to avoid the unpleasant physical effects of iron deficiency, such as tiredness and breathlessness.”
How do you know if you’re short of iron?
“Symptoms of iron deficiency include tiredness, feeling faint, and breathlessness, but iron deficiency can only be diagnosed through a blood test. If you believe you may be low in iron because you’re feeling tired and lethargic, speak to your GP (*pediatrician or family doctor) or a registered dietitian. If your blood iron levels are found to be low, you may be prescribed a supplement.”
Should all teen girls take an iron supplement?
“No. You can usually get all the iron you need by eating a healthy balanced diet. Only take an iron supplement if you have been advised to by your GP (*pediatrician or family doctor) .”
Can you recommend some easy tips to get more iron into your diet?
“Iron-containing snacks include dried fruits such as apricots and raisins, and unsalted nuts. Keep these foods in your bag and you’ll have healthy iron-rich treats when you’re feeling peckish (*hungry). Red meat is a very rich source of iron, although you don’t need to eat it every day. Most breakfast cereals are fortified with iron, so they’re a great addition to your daily routine.”
Checklist of iron-rich foods
- Red meat (beef, lamb, pork) is rich in iron that is easily absorbed. As a general rule, the darker the meat, the more iron it contains
- Poultry contains some iron, and the leg meat is richer in iron than the breast meat
- Fish contains some iron, especially oily fish (such as mackerel and sardines) and molluscs (such as mussels)
- Green leafy vegetables, such as watercress and kale
- Baked beans
- Boiled or poached egg
- Wholemeal bread
- Fortified breakfast cereal
- Dried figs and apricots
- Raisins
- Sesame seeds
Meal ideas
If you’re concerned that you’re not getting enough iron in your diet but don’t know where to start, try some of our meal plan ideas:
Breakfast
- Fortified breakfast cereal with lower-fat milk
- Poached/boiled egg on wholemeal toast with baked beans and a grilled tomato
Lunch
- Sardines on wholemeal toast
- Chicken salad with watercress, tomatoes, raw carrot and new potatoes
- Bean salad with chickpeas, red kidney beans, onion, garlic, lemon juice, cucumber and tomato
- Pitta bread with houmous, red pepper and celery
Dinner
- Beef or vegetable stir fry with spring greens and cashew nuts and brown rice
- Spaghetti bolognese with beef or lamb mince (*ground beef or lamb) and salad (or soya mince and lentils for a vegetarian option)
Snacks
- Dried fruit, such as apricots or figs
- Almonds
- Small bar of dark chocolate
- Small fruit flapjack
Read More Articles About Food and Diet
Editor’s Note: *clarification provided for our US readers.
From www.nhs.uk
My child is now officially a tween. She has one foot still firmly planted in childhood, wanting to play games and pretend and collect stuffed animals. With the other foot she has started to dip her toe into the shallow end of early womanhood. This terrifies her, and it terrifies me even more.
Just yesterday, even as she complained about the smell as I polished my nails, she flattened her hands out on the table and asked for a manicure. She has started to put together cute, funky outfits and has a good eye for coordinating colors. The child that would not even let us brush her hair has now even expressed interest in wearing clips and bows in it.She insists on wearing (low) heels when she does her chores. She has already had her heart broken by a friend and been disappointed by many others. She is so eager to be part of a group that I worry that she will make some bad choices or give in to peer pressure. I guess every tween mom has those worries, but not every mom is worrying about a child with a developmental delay.
Inclusion is becoming a slippery slope. In the near future while she is spending time with typically developing kids her own age, she will be presented with choices she many not be equipped to make. Will her friends understand this? Will she understand this?
In many ways she is truly a “tween” – a high functioning kid but still very much dealing with special needs and at the same time a blossoming teenager wanting to go out with friends. Do I shield her from these situations and have her miss out on learning opportunities and experiences? Or will I give her some freedom, but sneak a GPS into the hem of her shirt? Should I claim to be dropping her off at the movies but then spy on her from a few rows back?
I am going to have to take the upcoming future one day at a time. Like her progress up until now, we will probably see her take two steps forward and one step back…in increasingly higher heels. Whether she takes actual physical or metaphorical falls, we will always be there to catch her.
The length of the menstrual cycle varies from woman to woman, but the average is to have periods every 28 days. Regular cycles that are longer or shorter than this, from 24 to 35 days, are normal.
“The menstrual cycle is the time from the first day of a woman’s period to the day before her next period,” says Toni Belfield, a specialist in sexual health information and a trained fertility awareness teacher.
“Girls can start their periods anywhere from age 10 upwards, but the average is around 12 years,” says Belfield. “The average age for the menopause (when periods stop) in this country is 50-55.”
Between the ages of 12 and 52, a woman will have around 480 periods, or fewer if she has any pregnancies.
What Happens During the Menstrual Cycle?
To understand the menstrual cycle, it helps to know about the reproductive organs inside a woman’s body. These are:
- Two ovaries (where eggs are stored, develop and are released)
- The womb (uterus), where a fertilised egg implants, and a pregnancy grows
- The fallopian tubes, two thin tubes which connect the ovaries to the womb
- The cervix, the lower part of the womb that connects to the vagina
- The vagina, a tube of muscle connecting the cervix to the outside of the body
The menstrual cycle is controlled by hormones. In each cycle, rising levels of oestrogen cause the ovary to develop an egg and release it (ovulation). The womb lining also starts to thicken.
After ovulation, the hormone progesterone helps the womb lining grow thicker, ready for pregnancy.
The egg travels down the fallopian tubes. If pregnancy doesn’t occur, the egg is absorbed into the body. Levels of oestrogen and progesterone fall, and the womb lining comes away and leaves the body as a period (the menstrual flow).
The time from the release of the egg to the start of a period is around 10-16 days. Watch an animation about how the menstrual cycle works.
Periods
A period is made up of blood and the womb lining. The first day of a woman’s period is day one of the menstrual cycle.
“Periods last around three to seven days, and women lose about three to five tablespoons of blood in a period,” says Belfield. Some women bleed more heavily than this, but help is available if heavy periods are a problem. Find out about treatments for heavy periods.
Ovulation
Ovulation is the release of an egg from the ovaries. A woman is born with all her eggs. Once she starts her periods, one egg (occasionally two) develops and is released during each menstrual cycle.
After ovulation, the egg lives for 24 hours. “If you release more than one egg in a month, you will produce that second egg within 24 hours of the first,” says Belfield.
Pregnancy happens if a man’s sperm meet and fertilise the egg. Sperm can survive in the fallopian tubes for up to seven days after sex.
A woman can’t get pregnant if ovulation doesn’t occur. Some hormonal methods of contraception, such as the combined pill, the contraceptive patch and the contraceptive injection work by stopping ovulation.
When is the Fertile Time?
“Theoretically, there’s only a short time when women can get pregnant, and that is the time around ovulation,” says Belfield.
It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly when ovulation happens unless you’re practising fertility awareness (FPA guide to natural family planning). In most women, ovulation happens around 10-16 days before the next period.
Fertility awareness can be used to plan or avoid pregnancy, but has to be taught by a trained fertility awareness instructor. It involves monitoring vaginal secretions, taking your temperature every day, and keeping a calendar of your cycle to help pinpoint when ovulation is likely to be happening.
“It’s not accurate to say that women are fertile on day 14 of the menstrual cycle,” says Belfield. This might be true for women who have a regular, 28-day cycle, but it won’t apply to women whose cycles are shorter or longer.
Vaginal Secretions
Vaginal secretions (sometimes called vaginal discharge) change during the menstrual cycle. Around the time of ovulation they become thinner and stretchy, a bit like raw egg white.
Find out more about getting pregnant, fertility and period problems.
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schools from coast to coast in the US. It is a strategy that boosts assertiveness, but also helps the child learn to defend himself to others and hold his own. It’s the basic skill to stop teasing, negative peer pressure as well as bullying and victimization.
