How to Teach Kids to Be Active Bystanders to Reduce Bullying

Studies show that active bystanders can do far more than just watch. In fact, student bystanders may be our last, best hope in reducing bullying. Active student bystanders can:

• Reduce the audience that a bully craves
• Mobilize the compassion of witnesses to step in and stop the bullying
• Support the victim and reduce the trauma
• Be a positive influence in curbing a bullying episode
• Encourage other students to support a school climate of caring
• Report a bullying incident since 85 percent of time bullying occurs an adult is not present. Students are usually the witnesses

When bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can stop the bullying more than half the time and within 10 seconds. [Pepler and Craig]

There are parameters to activate student bystanders, so get educated! Here are a few facts to ensure success:

• To ensure success you must first mobilize students to be active bystanders.
• You must give students permission to step in.
• You must also teach specific strategies so they can step in.
• Each strategy must be rehearsed or role-played, until kids can use it alone. (I’ve had schools have students role-play these in assemblies, make them into chart-reminders that are posted around the school, and even have students create mini-videos of each strategy to share with peers).
• Not every strategy will work for every student, so you must provide a range of strategies.
• Ideally you must enlist your peer leaders – those students on the highest popularity tier who other students look up to – to mobilize other peers.
• Adults must be onboard with the approach and understand what bullying is and how to respond. Adults must listen to student reports on bullying and back students up. The biggest reason kids say they don’t report: “The adult didn’t listen or do anything to help.” Step up adults!

The best news is that child advocates and parents can teach kids these same bystander skills. Doing so empowers children with tools to stop cruelty, help victims feel safer and reduce bullying. Here are the three steps:

STEP ONE: Teach Students Tattling vs. Reporting

Kids must realize that safety is always the primary goal, so stress to students:

• “If someone could get hurt, REPORT!
• “It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”

Teach students the crucial difference between “Tattling” and “Reporting” so they will know when they should step in because a child is bullied or when to step back and let two kids handle things for themselves because it’s just friendly teasing. Also identify specific trusted adults children can go to and report bullying incidents if they do identify bullying. Here is the crucial difference:

• Tattling is when you trying to get kids IN trouble when they aren’t hurting themselves or other.
• Reporting is when you’re trying to help keep kids OUT of trouble because they may get hurt (or they are). Report bullying to an adult you trust. If the adult doesn’t listen, keep reporting until you find an adult who does listen.

STEP TWO: Teach What Bullying Looks and Sounds Like

The next step is to teach students what bullying behaviors look like so they will know when they should step in and not when the behavior is mere teasing.

1. Explain 3 parts of bullying:

1. Bullying is a cruel or aggressive act that is done on purpose. The bully has more power (strength, status, or size) than the targeted child who cannot hold his own.
2. The hurtful bullying behavior is not an accident, but done on purpose.
3. The bully usually seems to enjoy seeing the victim in distress and rarely accepts responsibility and often says the target “deserved” the hurtful treatment.”

2. Teach: “Five Bullying Types”: Depending on the child’s age, bullying can take on difference forms including and children need to know what those forms. Bullying can be:

1. Physical: Punching, hitting, slamming, socking, spitting, slapping;
2. Verbal: Saying put downs, nasty statements, name calling, taunting, racial slurs, or hurtful comments, threatening;
3. Emotional: Shunning, excluding, spreading rumors or mean gossip, ruining your reputation;
4. Electronic or cyber-bullying: Using the Internet, cell phone, camera, text messaging, photos to say mean or embarrassing things;
5. Sexual: Saying or doingthings that are lewd or disrespectful in a sexual way

3. Mobilize Student Compassion Students could make posters, power-point presentations, skits, or projects about bullying. The key is for students to understand the real definition of bullying. And they must know that the staff is serious about supporting them and will back them up and respond.

4. Use Literature or Videos: You might also use literature or video clips to help students understand the definition of bullying. Here are a few literature favorites: Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig; Say Something by Peggy Moss Gardiner; Teammates by Peter Golenbock; The Bully Blockers Club, by Teresa Bateman.

STEP THREE: Teach “Bully BUSTER Bystander” Skills

I teach the acronym BUSTER as a mnemonic to help kids remember the skills more easily. Each letter in the word represents one of the six bystander skills.

Borba’s Six “Be a Bully B.U.S.T.E.R.” Skills

Not all strategies work for all kids. The trick is to match the techniques with what works best with the child’s temperament and comfort level and the particular situation.

Don’t forget to ask students for their input and additional ideas. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me!

1. B -Befriend the Victim

Bystanders often don’t intervene because they don’t want to make things worse or assume the victim doesn’t want help. But research shows that if witnesses know a victim feels upset or wants help they are more likely to step in. Also, if a bystander befriends a victim, the act is more likely to get others to join the cause and stand up to the bully. A few ways bystanders can befriend victims:

• Show comfort: Stand closer to the victim.
• Wave other peers over: “Come help!”
• Ask if the victim wants support: “Do you need help?”
• Empathize: “I bet he feels sad.”
• Clarify feelings: “She looks upset.”

You can also encourage students to befriend a bullied after the episode. “That must have felt so bad.” “I’m with you. Sorry I didn’t speak out.” “That happened to me, too.” “Do you want me to help you find a teacher to talk to?” Though after the episode won’t reduce the bullying at the moment, it will help reduce the pain of both the targeted child and the witness. It may also help other children recognize there are safe ways to defend and support a targeted child.

2. U -Use a Distraction

The right diversion can draw peers from the scene, make them focus elsewhere, give the target a chance to get away, and may get the bully to move on. Remember, a bully wants an audience, so bystanders can reduce it with a distraction.

One of the best distractions I’ve ever seen was a teen who saw bullying but did not feel safe stepping in to help (and most children as well as adults do not). So he got crafty. He unzipped his backpack and then walked nearby the scene and threw the backpack to the ground. Of course, he made it appear as though it was an accident, but it was a deliberate and brilliant act. “Oh no,” he said. “All my stuff is on the ground and the bell is going to ring. My grade will get dinged. Can anyone help?” And the teen drew the audience from the bully to help him pick up his papers. The target also had a chance to sneak to safety.

Ploys include:

• Ask a question: “What are you all doing here?”
• Use diversion: “There’s a great volleyball game going on! Come on!”
• Make up false excuse to disperse a crowd: “A teacher is coming!”
• Feigning interruption: “I can’t find my bus.”

3. S -Speak Out and Stand Up!

Speaking out can get others to lend a hand and join you. You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which could egg the bully on even more. Students also must learn how to assert themselves and say that speaking up to a bully is the hardest of the six Bully Buster Strategies. The students in the photo are learning my “CALM Approach” when speaking up to a bully. Best yet, older students are teaching the skill to younger students. Stress that directly confronting a bully is intimidating and it’s a rare kid who can, but there are ways to still stand up to cruelty. Here are a few possibilities:

• Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare.
• Name it: “That’s bullying!”
• Label it: “That’s mean!”
• State disapproval: “This isn’t cool!” “Don’t do that!” “Cut it out!”
• Ask for support: “Are you with me?”

4. T -Tell or Text For Help

Bystanders often don’t report bullying for fear of retaliation, so make sure they know which adults will support them, and ensure confidentiality. You must give students the option of anonymous reporting. An active bystander could:

• Find an adult you trust to tell. Keep going until you find someone who believes you
• Call for help from your cell.
• Send a text to someone who can get help. Many schools now have a text service.
• Call 911 if someone could be injured.

5. E -Exit Alone or With Others

Stress that bullies love audiences. Bystanders can drain a bully’s power by reducing the group size a few ways. Students bystanders could:

• Encourage: “You coming?”
• Ask: “What are you all doing here?”
• Direct: “Let’s go!”
• Suggest: “Let’s leave.”
• Exit: If you can’t get others to leave with you, then walk away. If you stay, you’re part of the cruelty. Leaving means you refuse to be part. Just quietly leave the scene.

6. R -Give a Reason or Offer a Remedy

Research finds that bystanders are more likely to help when told why the action is wrong or what to do. Students could:

• Review why it’s wrong: “This isn’t right!” “This is mean!” “You’ll get suspended.” “You’ll hurt him.”
• Offer a remedy: “Go get help!” “Let’s work this out with Coach.”

Final Thoughts

The right comments and behaviors can make peers stop, think, consider the consequences, and even move on. Those seconds are crucial and enough to stop the bullying or mobilize other students to step in and help.

Bystanders can make a difference. They can be mobilized to step in and reduce bullying-that is if they are taught how.

But it’s up to adults to show students safe ways to do so, help them practice those strategies so they are comfortable using them in the real world, and then support and believe them and acknowledge their courageous efforts.

Hundreds of students today skipped school because of peer intimidation and bullying. It’s time to rethink our strategies and teach bystanders how to step in safely and speak out against peer cruelty.

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Bullying-prevention and character expert Michele Borba, Ed.D. has spent the past three decades studying youth violence and bullying and worked with more than a million students, parents, educators, and law enforcement officials worldwide. The result is End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy: The Proven 6Rs of Bullying Prevention That Create Inclusive, Safe and Caring Schools. Based on the 6Rs: Rules, Recognize, Report, Respond, Refuse, and Replace, the book utilizes the strongest pieces of best practices and current research for ways to reduce cruelty and increase positive behavior support. Also included are guidelines for implementing strategies, nurturing empathy and caring relationships, collecting data, training staff, mobilizing students and parents, building social-emotional skills, and sustaining progress. The result is a proven framework that will reduce bullying, create safer more inclusive schools and produce more kind-hearted, empathetic children. End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy was released February 19th and is now available at amazon.com

Sun Safety for Kids: Healthier Skin for Life

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Seven Sun Safety Facts Your Teen Needs to Know

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Video: How to Protect Young Children from Poisoning

In this 2-minute video, Katrina Phillips of the Child Accident Prevention Trust talks about what you can do to protect your child from poisoning.

https://youtu.be/yWHCJJR8ykA

 

Editor’s Note: Video Highlights

• The most common culprit for child poisoning is everyday painkillers
  • It’s important to put them somewhere where a small child can’t be tempted by the bright colors and where they can’t reach them
• The other common cause of poisoning for young children is household cleaning products
• Note that child safety caps on medicines and cleaning products can slow young children getting them open, but they’re not actually childproof
  • Some three and four year-olds can open those caps in seconds, so it’s important not to rely on child safety caps to keep young children safe from poisoning
• There are other things around your home that you wouldn’t suspect could be poisonous to small children but are – including:
  • Perfume on your dressing table
  • Aromatherapy oils that you might have in your bathroom
  • Small amounts of alcohol, like the dregs left in the bottom of a glass
• You need to think about what might be harmful to a small child and put it somewhere where they can’t see it and where they can’t reach it
• Also, get your gas appliances serviced every year – and fit a carbon-monoxide alarm that will sound a warning if levels of the poisonous gas are too high in your home
• Finally, if you think your child has swallowed something poisonous, it’s important to get immediate medical advice and help

Pediatrics Academy Issues Updated Infant Safe Sleep Guidelines

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) held their annual conference this week in San Francisco, and has used this event as a platform for announcing new or updated policy guidelines in a number of areas. One we reported on earlier this week was about New Guidelines on Children’s Exposure to Digital Media.

We report here on another set of updated guidelines – this time focused on safe sleep environments for infants.

The Problem

More than 3500 infants die each year in the US from sleep-related deaths. This number includes cases of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), plus other sleep-related deaths like accidental strangulation in bed. The rate of infant sleep-related deaths had been dropping up to the 1990s – but little change has been seen in recent years. The issues behind these deaths can all be addressed by similar improvements to enhance the safety of a baby’s sleep environment.

Overview of the Guidelines

Several of the elements outlined in the updated policy are not new, though nonetheless very important. The AAP has long been recommending that babies be put to sleep on their backs (supine position) – and that soft bedding be avoided. They also emphasize the importance of breastfeeding and avoiding smoking and drug use while pregnant – and exposure to smoke/drug use after birth. While most people are likely aware of the risks to babies from exposure to these toxins, not all may know that smoking and drug-use environments are associated with increased infant sleep-death risk, including SIDS. Details of all the guidelines are listed in the box at the end of this article.

What is particularly new and notable in these guidelines is the recommendation for babies to sleep in their parents’ room for up to the first year after birth – especially for the first 6 months when 90% of SIDS cases occur. Research suggests that infant sleep-related deaths could be reduced by 50% through “room-sharing” – as long as the baby is sleeping in their own safety-approved crib or bassinet and not in the parental bed.

“Couches and armchairs are extremely dangerous places for infants.” – AAP Guidelines

The authors of the new guidelines note that “bed-sharing” greatly increases risk for SIDS and other sleep-related infant deaths – and are “especially dangerous” in the following cases:

• When one or both parents are smokers, even if they are not smoking in bed
• When the mother smoked during pregnancy
• When the infant is younger than 4 months of age
• When the infant is born preterm and/or with low birth weight
• When the infant is bed-sharing on excessively soft or small surfaces, such as waterbeds, sofas, and armchairs
• When soft bedding accessories such as pillows or blankets are used
• When there are multiple bed-sharers
• When the parent has consumed alcohol and/or illicit or sedating drugs
• When the infant is bed-sharing with someone who is not a parent

“Skin-to-skin care is recommended for all mothers and newborns immediately following birth” – AAP Guidelines

The updated guidelines FOR PARENTS from the AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS on safe sleep environments for infants are:

• Back to sleep for every sleep. Babies should be put to sleep on their backs on a surface that meets the Consumer Product Safety Commision (CPSC) should be used. These include cribs, bassinets, portable cribs or play yards. Once babies are able to roll into different positions they can be allowed to sleep in those positions.
• Use a firm sleep surface with NO soft objects or loose bedding. Infant beds should have firm mattresses and tight fitting sheets – and nothing else – including no crib bumpers.
• Breastfeeding is recommended. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS and the more that a mother exclusively breastfeeds, the greater the reduction in risk. But the authors note that “any breastfeeding is more protective against SIDS than no breastfeeding”.
• Room-sharing with the infant on a separate sleep surface is recommended. Having the baby sleep in its own crib or bassinet is best, but bedside sleepers that are CPSC-approved can be used. No safety guidelines have been developed for in-bed sleepers and there is currently no evidence regarding their ability to reduce SIDS risk – so these are not recommended.
• Avoid overheating and head covering in infants. AAP does not provide specific room temperature guidance, but states that babies should wear only one more layer than an adult would to be comfortable in the room.
• Consider offering a pacifier at nap time and bedtime. Although experts do not yet know why, use of pacifiers has been shown in multiple studies to guard against SIDS. The pacifier should be used when laying the baby down to sleep. It does not need to be put back in the mouth if it falls out while the child is asleep.
• Avoid smoke exposure and alcohol/illicit drug use during pregnancy and after birth. Prenatal and environmental smoking exposure are major risk factors for SIDS.
• Prenatal care and immunization of infants is important. Both prenatal care and infant immunization have been shown to have a protective effect against SIDS.
• Do not use home cardiorespiratory monitors as a strategy to reduce the risk of SIDS. There is no evidence these reduce risk of sleep-related death.

The Academy has also recommended against use of products marketed to reduce risk of SIDS – such as wedges and positioning devices. These are not CPSC-approved and do not have scientific evidence to support their claims, and may actually pose hazards. They also caution against swaddling. However, the authors do support daily tummy time for babies to promote development.

Finally, AAP has also provided guidelines for health care providers (including in NICUs, nurseries, and childcare centers), public health officials, and manufacturers. These can be found on the AAP website.

 

 

Back to School Safety Tips…for Parents of Gen Z

Summer is winding down and a new school year is right around the corner. A new school year can bring changes in routine and even the schools themselves.

The following is a list of safety tips we have compiled and distributed for back to school time and may serve as a nice guide or refresher to help us all get back into our school year routine.

School Zone Driving Safety Tips

• Be on the lookout for school zone signals and ALWAYS obey the speed limits.
• When entering a school zone, be sure to slow down and obey all traffic laws.
• Always stop for school busses that are loading or unloading children.
• Watch out for school crossing guards and obey their signals.
• Be aware of and watch out for children near schools, bus stops, sidewalks, in the streets, in school parking lots, etc.
• Never pass other vehicles while driving in a school zone.
• Never change lanes while driving in a school zone.
• Never make U-Turns while driving in a school zone.
• Never text while driving in a school zone.
• Avoid using a cell phone, unless it is completely hands-free, while driving in a school zone.
• Unless licensed to do so, never use handicap or emergency vehicle lanes or spaces to drop off or pick up children at school.
• Please look out for kids with their head down, looking at the phone and not at the street they are crossing.

Riding Your Bike to School

• Check with the school to make sure your child is allowed to ride their bicycle to school. Some schools do not allow students to ride bicycles to school until they reach a specific grade.
• Make sure your child always wears a bicycle helmet! Failure to wear one could result in a traffic citation. Furthermore, in the event of an accident, helmets reduce the risk of head injury by as much as 85 percent.
• Obey the rules of the road; the rules are the same for all vehicles, including bicycles.
• Always stay on the right-hand side of the road and ride in the same direction as traffic.
• Be sure your child know and uses all of the appropriate hand signals.
• Choose the safest route between home and school and practice it with children until they can demonstrate traffic safety awareness.
• If possible, try to ride with someone else. There is safety in numbers.

Playground Safety

• MA supervisor must always be present when children are at the school’s playground. Make sure your school has someone who monitors the playgrounds at all times.
• Playground equipment should be surrounded by shock-absorbing material that is at least nine inches thick.
• Protective surfaces should extend six feet in all directions around the playground equipment. For swings, it should extend twice the height of the set.
• Due to strangulation hazards, do not attach ropes, jump ropes, clotheslines, pet leashes or cords of any kind to playground equipment.
• Be watchful of sharp edges or points on equipment.
• Alert the school if you notice anything strange about the playground equipment at your child’s school.
• Spaces that can trap children, such as openings between ladder rungs, should measure less than three and a half inches or more than nine inches.
• All elevated surfaces, such as ramps, should have guardrails to prevent falls.

Walking to School

• Leave early enough to arrive at school at least 10 minutes prior to the start of school.
• Use the same route every day and never use shortcuts.
• Go straight home after school. Do not go anywhere else without permission.
• Always use public sidewalks and streets when walking to school.
• Demonstrate traffic safety awareness and pick the safest route between your home and the school and practice walking it with your children.
• Try and walk to school with other students. There is strength in numbers.
• Teach your children to recognize and obey traffic signals, signs, and pavement markings.
• Only cross streets at designated crosswalks, street corners and traffic controlled intersections.
• Always look both ways before crossing the street and never enter streets from between obstacles like parked cars, shrubbery, signs, etc.
• Always walk and never run across intersections.
• Avoid talking to strangers. Teach your children to get distance between themselves and anyone who tries to approach or make contact with them.
• If a stranger does approach your child, make sure they know to immediately report the incident to you or a teacher.
• Teach your children to never get into a vehicle with anyone, even if they know them, without your permission.

Clothing and School Supplies

• To prevent injury, backpacks should have wide straps, padding in the back and shoulders, and should not weigh more than 10 to 15 percent of a child’s body weight.
• When placing items in a backpack, place the heavier items in first. The closer the heavier items are to a child’s back, the less strain it will cause.
• Children should use both backpack straps and all compartments for even distribution of weight.
• Remove drawstrings from jackets, sweatshirts, and hooded shirts to reduce the risk of strangulation injuries.
• Art supplies in the classroom should always be child safe and non-toxic. Be sure they have “CONFORMS TO ASTM D-4236” on their packaging.
• Make sure your child’s school is up-to-date on the latest recalled children’s products and toys.

School Bus Safety

• Make habit of arriving at the bus stop at least five minutes before the scheduled arrival of the bus.
• Make sure your child stays out of the street and avoids excessive horseplay while waiting for the school bus.
• Be sure the bus comes to a complete stop before getting on or off.
• When riding the bus, make sure your child understands they must remain seated and keep their head and arms inside the bus at all times.
• Do not shout or distract the driver.
• NEVER walk in the drivers “ blind spot “ which is from the bumper to about 10 feet away from the bumper.

I hope this helps to get us all back into our school routine and I hope everyone has a great and safe school year!

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