9 Ways to Help Your Children Cope with Painful Emotions

Last updated on June 22nd, 2018 at 01:48 am

The social-emotional development of our nation’s children is foremost in our minds. We have all hugged our children and expressed gratitude for their health and well-being. We pray for those families who now are hurting so deeply. Some of whom are very close to our own hearts.

When life is difficult or complicated and our children are in a stress-response, we need to co-regulate with them. Our words and actions can help the children “Find Calm”. What we say, think and do in these intense or painful moment matters.

Co-regulating is about being present and ready to sit with the child in their fear, hurt or pain. Here are 9 ways you can say, “Your feelings matter”. “Together, we will get through this.” Feel free to grab these mantras if one rings true for you. Let us share some love and kindness when moments get tough.

• “We can embrace your BIG feelings. Let’s breathe through them together”
• “Let’s move through your BIG feelings together
• “Your feelings truly matter to me”
• Let’s choose how many minutes you will be in these BIG feelings.”
• “You have the power to feel deeply and still be balanced and calm.”
• “Help me better understand how you feel.”
• “Let’s Be Calm Together.”
• “I am right here with you. We will work through this together.”
• “We can work through these intense feelings together.”

 

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Written for real parents with anxious, angry and over-the-top kids, Bloom is a brain-based approach to parenting all children. Taking its lead from neuroscience and best practices in early childhood mental health, it offers parents, teachers and care providers the words, thoughts and actions to raise calm, confident children, while reducing the need for consequences and punishment. The first book of its kind, it provides pages full of printable mantras you can carry with you, hang on your fridge or use in your classroom to raise emotionally competent kids. Stop second-guessing the way you handle misbehaviors, and learn why they occur in the first place. Bloom is available at amazon.com

 

 

How To Survive When Your Special Child’s Medical Needs Resurface

Last updated on February 8th, 2018 at 11:30 pm

When my child was born she ended up with some potentially serious medical conditions. They turned out to be minor – really minor – but could have been much, much worse. The other day one of them reared its ugly head (and I mean ugly). Frankly, I had almost forgotten about this particular bugaboo but just like riding a bike, it all came back to me.

When it hit, I could hardly breathe. It seemed that all the progress we had made went right out the window, or maybe I had just imagined it all. I couldn’t believe that I had actually let myself forget all that we had been through and I was angry with myself because I had dared to let my guard down. Realistically you can’t really live with your guard up 24/7 year after year. I know that now that the moment has passed…

So, here are some things that help me get through when it seems that we have taken a step backwards:

Keep it in perspective

Things may not going well today but that doesn’t automatically mean they will continue to spiral down tomorrow, or next week. Everyone deals with ups and downs, no matter how perfect their lives may seem on social media.

Get yourself help

Ask friends or family to take on some tasks to lighten your load, or outsource the work if you can afford it. If the prognosis is truly dire, seek professional counseling or a support group even if you think you don’t need it. Parents and caregivers of kids with special needs sometimes have to be superhuman, but superhuman still has the word human in it. Sometimes we humans need help.

Take care of yourself

Eating and showering may seem pointless when dealing with your child’s medical crisis (no matter how small) but you can’t take care of your child if you don’t take care of yourself. Find time to keep up with good nutrition, basic hygiene and sleep. These things will help with your stress level and overall health so you can be at your best for your child.

Find your outlet

Don’t feel pressured to load up on yoga classes or whatever the latest exercise trend might be…unless yoga works for you, of course. Maybe washing your car is therapeutic for you, or you feel truly relaxed while brushing your dog. Find what helps you unwind, whatever that looks like for you. And when you find it, let me know what it is because I am still looking for mine!

How To Simplify Your Family’s Holiday Season

Last updated on March 2nd, 2018 at 11:45 am

The holidays are always a stressful time of year for me. My parents divorced when I was 12 and my dad remarried when I was 15. Christmas not only stretches old wounds, but has also grown more complicated as I have grown older and added both my birth family and my husband’s family to the equation. Through the years I have come to learn what I need as well as what my families need from me during the holidays. Here are some things I’ve learned that have helped me simplify my holiday season and I hope that they will help you too.

Accept that I’m not going to be able to see everyone: With four families, six siblings, and a step-son it has become fundamental to my peace to not try to see everyone for the winter holidays. Thankfully, my families understand that, so they never make me feel obliged to change my plans.The factors that go into who I choose to spend the holidays with change year by year. When my husband and I first married, it was important to me that I spend Christmas with his family, especially his son. However, this year I’m choosing to spend it with my dad and step-family because my father is getting older (and Christmas is his favorite time of year) and both of my step-siblings will also be in town, so I’ll get to spend time with them as well. I usually share a meal with my mother before or after Christmas so that i’m not trying to make everything happen in one day. Ultimately, who I end up with on the holidays depends on where I can afford to go, which family members will be where, who I spent last year’s holidays with, and where I am most comfortable.

Divide and conquer: I know this one will come across as strange to a lot of people, but my husband and I actually do really well spending holidays apart. Since his family is closer than mine his visit will just be for an afternoon. This leaves me free to make the drive to my families and stay several days without having to worry about our apartment or my dog because I know Nick will be home to look after everything. This takes a lot of the stress of traveling off of me and keeps me from having to rush my trip. It also means that both of our families get to see us, so we aren’t leaving anyone out and we get to bring home food from two different places 😀 Nick and I generally prefer to celebrate one another at different times from the holidays. We don’t have our own celebrations for Christmas or Thanksgiving and prefer to create our own special times throughout the year regardless of the day. We celebrate the holidays for our families and being separate doesn’t bother us as long as our families are happy. After we’ve loved on them, we come back together and start planning for our own next adventure as a couple.

Write letters: I don’t just mean sending people Christmas cards with pics of you and your children or pets. I mean writing real, heartfelt letters. When I know I’m not going to be able to see my whole family I try to put special effort into loving on the ones who I won’t physically be around. I do this with my friends as well. It will ease the distance and let them know that you aren’t neglecting them just because you aren’t coming to see them.

Teamwork makes the dreamwork: Ask for help. Really, it’s okay, I promise. Whether it’s seeking backup because a family member makes you uncomfortable or asking your cousin to hold your toddler or asking your significant other to drive because you are tired, whatever it is, ask. The holidays can be a physical and emotional workload, everyone knows it, but we seem to have trouble talking about it. The more honest we are with one another and the more we communicate our needs the more we can help each other and have a truly beautiful Christmas.

Breathe and create space: The holidays are hard for a lot of people. Planning trips and visits and dinners is a hassle, especially with children. Remember to pay attention to what you as an individual need to not just maintain your peace, but actually enjoy the time of year reserved for family and friend love. Whether it’s sending the kids to bed early so you can enjoy a glass of wine or listening to an audiobook or your favorite music on the drive, go out of your way to do something specifically for you. And don’t forget to rest (you are not obligated to do everything), drink lots of water, and breathe.

Remember, the holidays are supposed to be fun. You are not obligated to buy the most expensive gift or make the most delicious dish or have the most well-behaved children. You are simply there to love on your family and be loved by them. What are you some ways that you deal with holiday stress? Have you come up with your own little tricks and practices to make the holidays simpler? We would love to hear them in the comments section. Happy holidays!

3 Things Parents Can Do To Help Kids Calm Under Pressure

Last updated on January 1st, 2018 at 02:48 pm

Self-regulation is the ability to monitor and control our own behavior, thoughts or feelings altering them in accordance with the demands of a situation. While we often expect children to be well-modulated, it is most helpful when we teach them what being regulated “feels like”.

Whether you teach, love or parent children from pre-school to high school, having the “felt sense” of internal regulation is helpful at any age. Here are 3 simple activities to help students experience self-regulation. RIGHT CLICK on the IMAGE to download for personal and professional use.

1. Talk with your children about the fact that we all have an engine inside us that revs up or calms down depending on what we are doing. When we feel excited, anxious or nervous our engines rev up. We need to be our brains “best coaches” by helping our bodies calm down.

2. Model for the child how to “coach” their brain.

Step 1: Help your child begin to notice his own escalation. “Let’s talk about what it feels like when you are in class and your teacher calls on you. What happens to your body? Does your heart begin to race? Do you think, ‘It’s my turn now, she’s going to ask me a question.’”

“In that moment, you want to coach your brain to be alert while your body remains calm. So when you hear your name called, take a big deep breath and turn toward your teacher so that you can hear what she asks you.”

Step 2: “When we feel anxious we tend to rush, so remember, go ‘Slow-Mo’. Slowing down and being present will help you to focus, think and respond.”

3. Practice. Role-play different scenarios. “What happens when…” How will we be our ‘brain’s best coach’? What will we say to ourselves? What will we notice about how our body feels? What will we do to remain alert yet calm? Think about a time when you feel calm. How does your body feel then? That’s the feeling we are aiming for when we feel anxious or stressed.

Helping children begin to be mindful of the felt sense of the difference in feeling revved up or calmed down is the beginning to better self-control.

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Written for teachers, educators, and clinicians whose work involves playing, talking or teaching children who would benefit from better executive function and social-emotional learning skills, 70 Play Activities incorporates over 100 research studies into printable worksheets, handouts, and guided scripts with step-by-step directions, to empower children to learn and behave better. “With 70 Play Activities we aim to improve the trajectory of children’s learning by integrating the newest neuroscience with activities children love!” With over 70 activities designed to improve thinking, self-regulation, learning and behavior, your tool-kit will be full and your creative brain will be inspired to craft your own meaningful exercises. 70 Play Activities is available at amazon.com

 

Student Mental Health – How to Get Help When They Need It

Last updated on February 15th, 2018 at 05:57 pm

Mental health problems are as common among students as they are in the general population.

How to Cope With First-Year College Stress: Self-Help Tips

Last updated on September 1st, 2017 at 01:53 pm

Starting university can be a stressful experience. How you cope with the stress is the key to whether or not it develops into a health problem.

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