Top 10 Things A New Mother Must Know

Here are the top things every new mother should know:

  1. Don’t let the baby eat dirt
    (If the baby poops green…don’t worry)
  2. Don’t let the baby eat grass
  3. If the baby screams when you take away the bottle, chances are you didn’t put enough rum in it
  4. Should a rash develop, have yourself checked out immediately
  5. Mother in laws who think you are incompetent give helpful10 things a new mother should know advice can become clumsy around this oughta take care of the old bat accidental kitchen spills
  6. Teething is normal. Stay away from baby if urge continues
  7. Don’t try to pawn the gas smell on the baby. We all know it was you
  8. Mothers and fathers do things differently and that’s o.k. The baby will grow up to know the truth love you both and realize that you are always there for them I do way more
  9. Sucking snot out of baby’s noise is to be expected. Using a straw is not.
  10. If screaming and crying persist, go into another room or you will wake the baby

About the Author

Mother, wife, writer, friend, employee, feeder of fish and cats (all right, so I don't always remember to feed the fish-it's not my fault they can't talk to remind me), cleaner of house and clocks and I am the author of , as well as (to say the very least)- not necessarily always in that order or always done well but getting done nevertheless (-: ...I love my son more than air, I would drink tomato sauce from the can if it was socially acceptable, my husband and I want to throw live grenades at each other on a daily basis but love each other still (strong love beats live Battleship and in life)! 10 years and still going strong. Email me at


2 Responses to “Top 10 Things A New Mother Must Know”

  1. I love this, made me laugh. 🙂 I guess because I just had a baby myself. 🙂

    .-= Dawn (Painter Mommy)´s last blog ..My 1 Year Old is a Screamer =-.

  2. Christina says:

    this was so cute!! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

    .-= Christina´s last blog .. =-.

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