3 Ways Food Allergy Parents Can Exhale
Parenting is always difficult and comes with no instructions. There will be moments of joy but also moments of complete fear and anxiety. Imagine being the parent of a child who has life threatening food allergies where every bite of food must be checked and double-checked. Now repeat this for the rest of your life. Does it sound a bit like parenting to the max with even less time of feeling that you are doing everything right? It can be but it can also be a learning experience that will not only strengthen your feelings of being a parent but also the way your food allergic child views you.
The most important thing to remember is that every single parent feels that they never fully guide their child the right way. Regardless of anyone’s situation, any mother and father will most definitely give you the list of what they feel are their flaws. There is no perfect situation for anyone, no way to ensure that what you do each and every day will be the best of what you should have done. What you can make sure of is to realize your best each day, each hour, each minute is the best that you were capable of doing for that time and that will always be okay. You may argue this within your thoughts … you will argue this within your own thoughts and that is also acceptable. We cannot grow if we do not question.
How do parents, especially food allergy parents, learn to let go and exhale while still being the best parent that they can be? Here are three simple tips that anyone can try:
- Put Your Accomplishments on the Map For food allergy parents, any outing or vacation can be stressful. The thought of reaching outside of your family’s comfort zone can cause anxiety, feelings of inadequacy and sometimes even a loss of allowing yourself to be adventurous. We tend to want to stay within our safe bubble because that is where situations can be more regulated. When it comes to having safe foods, it is a big step to visit a foreign country where language may be a barrier to safety vs. dining in your own kitchen. Luckily, there are ways to travel, dine safely and even share your explorations with other people that share the same fears. Imagine flying to a country and having your own allergy translation card in hand to give you the extra freedom to travel. Now imagine sharing this with millions of others who are curious about where to go and how to do it. Food allergy parents find comfort in having their child prepared. Whether they need to advocate for their child or their food allergic child is ready to speak for themselves, having a food allergy translation card and an ID Card are key to food safety anywhere (local and otherwise). Praise your family’s accomplishments by sharing your journey to inspire others to travel as well. Your life may not feel perfect, but it will always be a journey to improve and enjoy.
Take a Night Off This probably sounds nearly impossible with schedules, food limitations and other daily family routines. With a bit of additional communication, it can be done. Food allergy parents cook a lot- more than the average parent for safety reasons. Although this can be viewed as a stepping stone to learning more about the food that we eat and how to nourish your food allergic child, everyone needs a break occasionally. It may even feel like a guilty pleasure, but it is imperative that understanding that time off is not selfish, it is self-love and self-preservation to recharge. One option is to hire a personal chef to come to your home for the night and prepare dinner for the family. While this may sound impossible to a food allergy parent, companies such as CookinGenie are a very affordable option which are not much more than what someone would spend on a very nice dinner at a restaurant. These services typically include a personal chef who shop, cook, serve and even clean up for you. While their chefs offer menus for a pick and choose option, these menus can also be tailored to dietary needs. The experience is relaxing and the best part- you and your allergic child can see a chef in action as they prep your evening’s meal.- Ask Your Allergic Child for Help Food allergy parents- please read and reread that. Asking for help is always exceedingly difficult for any parent. Asking your food allergic child for help does not show weakness- it encourages responsibility, creativity and better communication. The earlier that you have your food allergic child involved in what needs to be done to keep them safe, the less all of you will stress about it. It will become part of your daily routine and give some of the obligation to your child. How does this help? Children are encouraged to think about new ways to utilize their safe foods. Helping increases their individuality for things such as packing their own lunch, preparing safe snacks for a trip, and even suggesting new foods to try when they see a new allergy-friendly product become available. Sharing that even mom and dad need help gives them the strength to know that they can always ask for help as well without feeling discouraged or ashamed. It is absolutely okay to want to do everything yourself but it is not okay to have to do everything yourself.
In summary, if your child sees you stressed, they will stress. If your child sees you struggling, they will feel it too. These little creatures that we create are so more observant than we give them credit for. In a society that often teaches us to always be strong, always be take-charge why not change the rules? Your life is not everyone’s life and it should be on your own terms. Happiness can be felt just as much as stress can. Make sure your child feels more of the happiness.
What NOT to Share: A Back-to-School List for Food Allergic Kids
How many of you adore hand-me-downs, gently used items or family trades? I admit, I absolutely do. It’s like an untapped resource for unexpected gifts. The anticipation of going though the items to see what will fit and what kinds of items are hiding inside. Many of us love it but few actually own up to it.
But what happens when you have an allergic child who receives these golden goodies? The truth is, there are items that may not be safe to share. Thankfully, with all of the current research and information being passed along, we continue to have better odds at keeping our child’s allergic reactions to a minimum. A simple start is to consider things that you may not have in the past; the back-to-school items that are being distributed as we speak.
Backpacks– Every child needs one but who was the last child to have it? With food allergies, consider what the previous owner housed inside of that bag. After all, snacks and lunches are a daily part of the school day so what’s to say that a previously-owned backpack might not have traces of those foods in them. Bags break, drinks spill and special classroom goody bags tend to open up between the time they were given out and when they actually made it home. If you have a child with food allergies, this might be something that cannot be chanced.
Water Bottles & Thermos– Yes, we all love to get the cute little character thermos or the pink and sparkly princess cup for our children but a sip from these may turn into a drinking disaster. Yes, these items can be washed and even run through the dishwasher but allergens have a sneaky little secret- they like to hide in hard to reach places. These crevices cannot always be made safe enough for your child with food allergies. There has even been reported proof that heat does not always get rid of allergic particles. Instead of getting excited about the brightly colored items, become enthusiastic about keeping your child safe instead.
Lunchboxes- Same scenario, different shape. Don’t get me wrong, as a parent you cannot help but have an overwhelming need to want to give these items to your child, especially if their favorite new show is plastered all over the front of it. But alas, think back to when your child had their last lunchbox; how many days did it come home with food particles and dripping from the day’s accidental overturn?
Calculators- Yes, your eyes did not deceive you- calculators. Simple fact about calculators- they come with many, many tiny areas that foods can be hiding out. This also includes school issued calculators. If you have a choice, purchase your own and label it clearly with your child’s name so there is no confusion about who it belongs to. If budget is an issue, check the flyers for coupons and ask if you can use someone’s business discount card for an office supply store. After all, the price of your child’s life is still worth more than buying an overpriced school item.
Glue Sticks- And by this I mean those leftovers from the end of last school year that somebody started to use but didn’t finish. Why avoid them? Glue is sticky and it’s another way for food particles to get trapped, literally. And if you are a parent who has attended one of those crafty class parties, you have seen how fast the glue sticks travel to and fro. Luckily, glue sticks are one of the cheaper school items that you can find at any dollar store or even included in the lower sale priced items in back-to-school sales.
Band Instruments- This is a personal pet peeve of mine anyway because as much as someone can tell me they have thoroughly cleaned an instrument, they still cannot tell me that it’s the cleanest thing to share. I know it may silently kill your pocket book when you are weighing the cost of a new instrument versus a used one but stop and look at your child- would you chance saving those extra dollars instead of saving their life? It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Being a parent is always difficult, whether your child has food allergies or not. We all have to spend a lot of time thinking of how we can keep our children protected from anyone and anything. Our hearts go with them each and every day that they leave us. And although we are brought up being told that it’s nice to share, sometimes it’s nicer not too.
Summer Camp for a Kid with Food Allergies? Absolutely!
I know what you are thinking right now – me, send my allergic child away, to a camp? Are you out of your mind? How, where and what do you think I could do to stay sane while my child is away? I have some answers and (hopefully) you will find them helpful.
First, I would like to say that I understand the complexity of the entire scenario of sending your allergic child to a camp. I understand that it requires a lot of extra work and effort but what is it that is delaying the possibility- is it your fear of the unknown? If the answer is yes, that is ok and absolutely normal. With a few simple precautions, you could take the next step to having your child do what every other child without food allergies does.
The easiest way to start is something that Dr. Michael Pistiner of AllergyHome shared at the US Anaphylaxis Summit in Washington D.C.: “A.C.T. – Avoid, Communicate, Teach”. Be able to explain which foods must be avoided to ensure a safe environment for your child at camp as well as the others who may have food allergies. Communicate openly with the camp staff on all levels so that they feel comfortable working with you as much as possible. Teach them because many times, people are embarrassed to tell you that they are unsure of how food allergies should be handled. The more you make yourself approachable and willing to share your information, the easier it will be to begin to open up those doors for your child to enjoy that summertime rite of passage.
Searching for a camp that will be able to accommodate your child’s needs may be a bit tricky but I’m happy to say that there are more and more allergy-friendly camps that are becoming available to parents. These camps also include dairy free, asthma and children who have skin conditions that are excited to spend summertime with others in a fun environment. Not sure where to start the search? Here’s a sample of just a few of these camps right here:
Allergy-Friendly Summer Camps
Asthma Camps
Dairy Free
Skin Conditions
Now, one of the most important parts of what you need to remember may seem just a teeny bit selfish at first but just let the thought sink in for a bit. This will also be your time to relearn how to be your own person outside of being a food allergic parent. Let’s face it, when was the last time you did something that was for yourself? You – not the nut allergic child’s mom, not the protective parent and not the unconditional caretaker but you as your own person. I am not saying you have to go wild but I am reminding you that finding yourself and allowing you to find yourself is a very healthy and necessary thing to do. Even if you allow yourself ten minutes a day, you will find that it helps you to de-stress just a bit, can refocus you and it can even give you just enough space for you to sit back and watch your child impress you on how educated they are about their food allergies because of you.
We all choose how we want to handle our situations. The unknown can be extremely scary but small steps can lead to bigger steps, bigger steps to leaps and bounds. Be cautious (be VERY cautious) but also be willing to show your child that new things can be achieved. Show them that they are important enough for you to try. Show them that life is not built around fear but of the strength of what they can achieve, bumps in the road and all. Show them that food allergies are a part of them, not the end of them.
It’s Fall and My Child Won’t Stop Sneezing – Ask a Pediatrician
Just when you and your children have made it through the summer with all the allergic sneezing and coughing seen mostly at the beginning of the summer, Fall arrives and is ushered in by ragweed season. Here we go again: watery itchy eyes, sneezing, runny itchy nose, etc. Now throw in the contact between children of like ages occurring in school rooms across the country and what is a parent to think? Is this allergy, or might it be a cold? Good question, but in fact it makes very little difference if your child is otherwise healthy and feeling well.
While it is true you will begin to see infectious agents causing this situation, this is a child who need not be kept out of school and who need not necessarily be given any medicine to “cure the cold” (there are no existing medicines to cure a cold). There is a certain period of being contagious regardless of the effects of medicines on the symptoms for every infectious disease. In school aged children most of these illnesses are viral in nature and are very similar in their symptoms to allergic issues.
The contagious period often begins before the symptoms begin and are unaffected by the use of medications!
Regardless what many parents believe, I truly believe that “treatment” is only needed if the symptoms appear to be greatly influencing the life of the child; that is, interfering with appetite, sleeping, playing or school work. Unless that occurs, one is treating insignificant symptoms, such as cough, or fever and more to the advantage of the parents than the child. All medications have side effects and the over-the-counter cold preparations usually contain several medications of differing pharmaceutical classes; each designed to relieve a certain symptom, e.g. cough, runny nose, fever, etc. Most of the time your child does not need all features of these medications (but that’s the only way it comes) and side effects can occur.
Add to that the fact that even using the exactly correct medicine for the symptom, the over-the-counter medication is not liable to achieve the desired result. Also a good proportion of symptoms at this time of year may be allergy related and will respond even poorer to the over the counter cold medicines.
Other posts will deal with such issues as fever and use of antibiotics, but for now, you should be equally concerned about what goes into your child’s body whether that is foods or relatively useless medicines. Remember, as a parent, whether you sleep well at night or not is not as important as whether your child is perfectly comfortable even though there may be an annoying cough that you are listening to very intently all night.
You’re tired and yes you’re annoyed (it’s OK to be annoyed) but when you tentatively venture into your child’s room, most likely you’ll find he/she is sleeping, well, like a baby.
Middle School Food Allergy Blues
Remember those long, warm summer days when your child would wake up and come running into your bedroom to say good morning? That faint pitter patter, shuffling mixed with the familiar scent that only belongs to your child and nobody else’s? Hours of cuddles, hugs, late breakfasts and kisses- endless, silly kisses. Then, the beginning of Middle School and all of that just STOPS. No more affection in front of their friends or asking your child if they want another hug. Suddenly, your child is their own person and with food allergies, this new found individuality offers a brand new level of anxiety to keep under control as a parent.
Time to Switch Gears
This will begin a new phase to your life as a food allergy parent. No more “helicopter parent” because this may cause your child embarrassment- I mean, who else starts Middle School and has a parent tagging along all of the time? Before opting to be a living extension of your child, first consider how your child will feel about it as well. Think back to when you started Middle School and ask what would have been acceptable for your parent to be a part of during the school year. As difficult as this will be, I promise that Middle School events are far less food-oriented so that in itself will allow both of you a little extra breathing room. After all, this also means a new learning curve for your child and how they will continue to handle their own safety too.
Ask Your Child’s Permission First
I know this may seem like the opposite of what you have done (ever!) but trust me, this one is especially important to both of you. Rather than declaring that you have signed up for every single committee, every function and all things that may include even a stitch of food, sit down with your child first. Find a time that seems to be comfortable for both of you – that can also offer an extra bonus of bonding time as well. Our son seems to be more willing to talk to us when we go to say good night and he’s winding down from his day. It’s one of the few times during the day when he is not rushing, not stressing about a school assignment or talking to his friends. Sit on your child’s bed, begin with another subject and then ease into what they would like to see you be a part of.
Become a Silent Super Parent
There are ways to still be the helicopter parent, but in disguise. Once you and your child have established the new limits, begin to include the teachers. Many teachers are already feeling overwhelmed with the large number of students in their classrooms. When it comes to a child with life-threatening food allergies, they are always looking for extra back-up. Offer to bring in some of the foods for any class festivities as well as extra wipes. I have often joked that I will be the quiet person in the back of the room collecting garbage and silently wiping down all of the desks. It sounds funny but schools are always asking for wipes so why not tackle two things at once? Help a teacher, keep your child safe and go home knowing that the potential for an allergic reaction has been limited.
Transform into the Cool Parent
Sometimes, this even makes you the cool parent without even trying. Many parents work and many children of those parents often wish that their mother or father was going with them to these fun school outings. Never once have I been asked why I chaperone so many trips and so often. What I have had positive experience with very often include my son’s classmates approaching me, saying hello and asking me if I have any of those “awesome goodies that I had like last time”. They don’t ask of they are allergy-friendly and we don’t tell- but my son is always the first to offer to share even though he cannot have whatever his friends are having. It’s like this with adults too- we all want whatever someone else has that’s different. Thus begins leaving the label of allergy parent and becoming the cool parent.
It’s Ok to STILL Worry
Any parent, allergic or not, will always worry about their child regardless of what happens- always. Remember that this is natural and this does not mean that you are over-protective or under skilled as a parent. When it comes to any situation with your child, it’s always better to check and double-check until you know that the situation is as controlled as it can be by you. Just remember that the new found “cool parent” gets better results if this is handled a bit more calmly rather than when you initially became a food allergy parent. (Unsure? Let me reshare how it most likely was then continue to read- just click here.)
Remember- just as you are getting comfortable with this new found parenting and food allergy freedom, High School will begin! 🙂
Will Immunotherapy Reduce My Child’s Allergies…Is It Worth It?
Immunotherapy is a series of injections that helps build the body’s immunity to substances that trigger allergy symptoms. Each shot contains a tiny amount of the offending allergen. Over time, your immune system builds up a tolerance, which means that those sniffles and watery eyes lessen or even disappear.
Since immunotherapy is a commitment — the entire course takes years — it’s recommended for people who have multiple allergies and suffer from symptoms at least three months out of the year. Speak with your pediatrician about your child. Most doctors, including myself, advise that children should be at least 5 years of age to start allergy shots.
If your child is a candidate, consider whether or not you’d be able to take him to the doctor’s office regularly. He’ll need to get shots once a week for several months, and then once a month or so for two to five more years.
Next, check in with your insurance company. Most cover immunotherapy, but some have a yearly maximum or deductible. It’s important to have a clear idea of what’s covered before you begin treatment.
The good news:
- 85 to 95 percent of patients experience a significant improvement in their allergy symptoms.
- And for most, those benefits last for life.
- What’s more, immunotherapy will protect your child from developing allergy-induced asthma and other types of allergies.
Has anyone in your family tried immunotherapy? Did it work?
