Posted by Dawn Allen on February 18, 2010 · 31 Comments
Travis is in the Air Force and we were stationed at Scott AFB in 
Illinois for quite some time. Illinois was the only place Noah had ever lived…but he was used to moving. We had to move several times from one house to another. This time it was from one house on base (that was scheduled to be renovated) to a brand new house that had just been built down the road. We were all excited, we had never lived in a brand new house before nor one so big. Noah was worried about how we were going to get all of our stuff to the “Empty House”.
Looking back in my memory files, I realize that I don’t have a lot of memory of the day of the accident. Not of the little stuff. I don’t even remember what day of the week it was.
Thursday I think. July 26, 2007.
There was a buzz in the air that morning. Everyone was excited. Noah just celebrated his 5th birthday the day before, and he was anxious to play with his new scooter. I had a lot of things to do. Noah had some birthday cake for breakfast. Sure! Why not. I didn’t want to fuss and argue that day. Happy as a lark he was.
I filled up the back of the van with boxes of kitchen stuff to bring to the new house. Noah added a couple of things to put in his new room. The girls helped. I brought several loads of small things down to the new house that morning…setting everything up just right. The bigger stuff would come later when Travis could get off work and we could rent a truck.
I remember backing into the double garage with a little bit of difficulty because the driveway was curved. I didn’t think much about it. I couldn’t bring much in the van because everything had to be weighed so we could get paid from the Air Force for this move. So I headed back home where all the kids in the Cul-de-sac were playing. It was a beautiful, sunny day.
All the kids got out of the road. I had my windows rolled down and I could hear the older kids shout, “Car”. Everyone would dart into the yards and wait for the car to go by and park. They had a good system going.
I backed the van up to the house and parked it. Noah was playing on his new bright colored scooter. I walked 
down the driveway to check the mail and saw Noah at the top of the driveway, beside the van getting ready to take off like a rocket down my way towards the road. I ran up beside him and gave him a “Smoochie” and told him “I love you.” “Thanks Mom” he said, and away he went. I will be forever glad I said that to him.
The girls were fussing in the house. That was nothing unusual. We were watching a friend’s dog. I had forgotten about that until just now. Lucky was the dogs name, and he happened to be hanging out at our place so I didn’t have to go back and forth to let him out. This is where I draw a blank some.
I just remember after coming home, that I went upstairs in my room and lay down in bed. I was tired already, and the thought of all the work ahead of me for that day made me even more tired. My ear bothered me. It was plugged and in a little pain. I thought I was getting an ear infection.
Travis came home. Noah was excited and followed him up the stairs to where I was. He wanted to talk about the money he got for his birthday. $30.00 is a lot of money to a 5 year old. I heard Noah tell his dad…” You know dad I’m richer than YOU! I have a Million Dollars!” Travis asked him what he was going to do with that Million Dollars. Noah said he was going to buy Orange Tic-Tacs – his favorite treat to get when he went to the Shoppette with his Dad. We all got a great laugh out of that. Noah climbed on the bed with me, and Travis started changing his cloths. Sooner or later Noah was told to go play outside.
Travis and I made plans to go get the truck. Travis knew of a place to rent trucks in the town, not too far away. I kind of dreaded getting up off the bed, because I really didn’t feel well. But I did. I was excited to move into the new house, and there was a lot to be done. I told the girls that we were going to go get the truck, and that I would have to drive the Van so their dad could drive the truck back. I was outside by the van when I asked Beth if she would watch Noah. She didn’t want to and Noah wanted to go with us. I was perfectly fine with him going with us. I didn’t mind at all. It shouldn’t take long after all.
Noah was excited. He was dressed in new cloths that he got from Gramma, and told me after he got buckled into his seat that he “Looked Hot”. Something he undoubtedly picked up from his sisters.
When we pulled into the truck rental place I wondered if the place even rented trucks, because it looked more like a place that just had storage units to rent. I didn’t see any trucks. The parking lot was covered with white rocks. They crunched when I drove over them and parked. Travis got out and went in to do business.
Noah hummed and chattered away behind me in his car seat. It was taking longer than he thought it should so he unbuckled his seat-belt and walked up to stand next to me while I was sitting in the driver’s seat. Noah asked where we were, and I told him this is the place where we are going to borrow a truck so we can take all our stuff to the new empty house. Satisfied with that he wanted to go in and be with his Dad. I told him that was fine, and I would watch him walk to the door. He went in and I called my mother on the phone to tell her that we were moving that day, and we talked a little bit. I saw Travis come out of the building. There was a vehicle on both sides of the van so I couldn’t see Travis after a couple of seconds. I figured Noah was with Travis, happily trotting behind him.
Some time went by and I saw Travis driving the moving truck in my rear-view mirror. I thought they were ready to go because it looked like Travis was setting up the truck to pull out into traffic. I assumed that Noah was in the truck with Travis. But Travis had told him to go wait by the doors to the building. I told my mother that I had to go, because Travis was getting ready to leave. I snapped my cell-phone shut and threw it in the empty seat next to me. I put the van in reverse, threw my arm over the passenger side seat and backed out of the parking spot by looking out the back window.
I heard a bump. I thought it sounded like I ran over a box, but I thought to myself I hadn’t gotten out of the van to put a box behind the van. Suddenly I realized what might have happened, quickly, faster than I could ever explain, I threw the van in drive and parked it again in the spot it was in. Terrified, I jumped out of the van and ran to the back of it. I could hear Travis screaming “NO” as he got out of the truck.
Noah was laying on his belly with his head turned to the left side on the hot rocks that made the parking lot. I tried to pick Noah up, but Travis screamed for me not to. Noah was then on his back, unconscious. I ran into the building where I screamed for someone to call 911! I couldn’t speak anything but that. “My son has been hurt, call 911”
I know someone called, I remember seeing them calmly talking on the phone, but I couldn’t calm down. Travis stayed with Noah, shading his head from the sun. I could not compose myself and ended up crumpled on the floor in the building screaming.
It seemed like it took a very long time for the ambulance to come. I couldn’t watch when they did get there. I was far too out of it. I know they took Noah into the ambulance and they were breathing for him and doing what they could until the helicopter got there. Again it seemed to take a long time. I didn’t feel like we had this kind of time to waste waiting…Something had to be done. I tried to go in the ambulance to keep an eye on my boy, but the police officer wouldn’t let me. He told me it would be better for Noah if I was not in there while I was so upset. I went back into the building. I think I passed out. Blood was on the walls. My glasses were gone. A police officer came in and talked to me. I remember telling him that I didn’t see Noah. I didn’t know he was there! He tried to comfort me, but I think I was beyond needing a pat on the back. I heard the helicopter coming. Before it landed in the road, I tried to see Noah again. The officer standing by the ambulance still would not let me get in.
Quickly they moved Noah from the ambulance to the helicopter and away he went to Childrens hospital in St. Louis. I was left feeling panicked with a strong need to GO! I needed to GO to the hospital. But we could not drive because Both Travis and I were too upset. Someone from Travis’s office came to drive us to the hospital. By this time, almost everyone who needed to know what happened knew. The drive to the hospital was painfully long. I just cried.
When we got to the hospital I plowed through the front doors, Travis was behind me with my purse. I didn’t even realize I had gone through a security check point until Travis told me to wait up. I just needed to get to 
my son! I asked someone where Noah Allen was. They knew who he was and were expecting us. I remember being led to a small waiting room. No one else was in there. It was quiet…just Travis and myself. I sunk to the floor. Travis stood crying. I didn’t want to be in that room. I couldn’t believe what just happened. I don’t know how much time had passed when someone came in and gave us an update, and told us that Noah was in a coma. I was somehow relieved that at least he was sleeping and not feeling any pain. She took us to the trauma room where they were working on Noah. They were getting him ready to have a CT scan done, and bring him into surgery.
My poor boy lay there on that bed, a nurse breathing for him, and other nurses and doctors rushing around fussing over things I couldn’t even begin to understand. I felt better that I was with Noah. I had decided that he was going to be OK. And we are just going to have a long road of recovery. He might never be the same, but at least I would still have my son.
I don’t remember if they took him away, or if we were taken out of the room. A nurse approached me and asked if I was Dawn Allen. Just like in the movies, I started crying. I thought she was going to tell me that Noah had passed away. I didn’t recognize her as one of my friends until she told me who she was. She just happened to be working in the ER that day. It was time to go to another waiting room on another floor because Noah was going into surgery. The next thing I remember is being wheeled out of a different ER room where I was admitted as a patient. Evidently in the elevator on our way up to the next floor I passed out.
When Travis wheeled me out of the room there were a lot of people from the base there to support us. I remember seeing them and feeling comforted by the fact that they were all there. Everyone introduced themselves. I remember that most everyone were Pastors, Fathers, and the such. We were waiting to talk to the doctor. We didn’t wait very long. The doctors came in the room still in their surgical garb.
The only thing I remember is one doctor telling Travis and I was that Noah was a very sick little boy. Everything after that is a blur. Noah was in Children’s ICU, being kept alive with life support.
During the next couple of days family showed up from out of state, and we had a huge amount of support from the base, and the local church we attended. There were always two people at the hospital with us for the whole time we were there…sometimes more. I hardly left Noah’s bed, as his body continually got worse.
Finally on Saturday, July 28th 2007, tests had shown that Noah’s brain was no longer functioning. We had life support turned off. Family and friends gathered around his bed. Noah’s “million dollars” and his Orange Tic-Tacs lay next to him. We all said our goodbye’s.
We had two funerals for Noah. One was for our Air Force family and our Church family in Illinois. Then the next day Noah’s body was flown to Maine for his final funeral at his grave side. This is where I draw a blank. I have almost no memory for about 6 months after we had the life support turned off. I rely on what my family and friends tell me happened. Travis remembers it all. He was/is my rock. Travis had to make the arrangements. I was useless with grief and guilt and the desire to end my life. I do remember feelings more than I remember events. I remember I hated waking up. It meant I was still alive.
To this day – two years and 7 months later, I still struggle. 
I have terrible memory problems, major depressive episodes, guilt, hallucinations and super anxieties. Sometimes I feel as though I am a terrible burden to my family. Travis is still my foundation…my rock. We share a bond stronger than ever. I am so blessed to have him.
I am told I am my own worst enemy. No charges were ever brought upon me because it clearly was a horrible accident. Guilt and sorrow are overwhelming at times, and there are still times when I wish someone would run over me and I could be done with this world and go to my baby boy in Heaven, Lord willing.
For now, until I can meet with my son again I have sentenced myself to life.
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Note from Pediatric Safety: Our love and support go out to Dawn and her family…and we are grateful to her for sharing her story to help others. Tragedies like this happen way too often. For more information and how you can help, please visit http://www.kidsandcars.org
Thank you for sharing your story Dawn. I can only imagine how difficult and heart wrenching it must have been to tell, but you may have saved a child’s life by doing so! Many thanks for your story and for sharing your beautiful pictures of Noah.
Hugs to you. Your a brave lady.
Leslie
A case of Bad Things Happening to Good People. We will never know or understand why. There really are no words to say. No parent can even imagine. Sorry for your loss is not enough yet I am, truly.
Dawn Allen is a inspirational woman that has so much courage. How do parents go on after a horrid tradegy like this? Dawn toughs it out each day for her survivors who need her. She is what bravery is all about. By sharing her story, she can help others.
I worked in EMS for 25 years and I am aware of the dangers of parking lots, backing in vehicles and how automobiles can change the lives of many in seconds. I witnessed them first hand.
My heart goes out to Dawn and her family. I read her story with a heavy heart. I hope this helps others. Bless Dawn and Noah, too.
It is courageous of you to share such a wrenching story. Courageous to expose yourself and to let other people know how quickly an accident can occur. Hopefully your courage will help someone out there avoid a similar accident. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
.-= Rebecca Wear Robinson´s last blog ..How easy is it to watch your children? =-.
I’m at a loss – I want to write all of these eloquent words of support and comfort but they allude me.
Know that you are getting virtual hugs and love from NY and many prayers! God bless you darlin’!
Tami
.-= Tami´s last blog ..Review: Ultracept Antiseptic Handwash =-.
I can’t even find the words to say how truly sorry I am for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you are in. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it helps other parents realize that things like this happen, even to the best of parents.
Lots of hugs and prayers…..
Dawn, I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your sweet Noah. My heart is truly broken for you and your family. Since the Christian singer, Steven Curtis Chapman, lost his daughter because his son accidently hit her a year ago, I have been so aware of my boys when I pull out of my garage. I have 2 huge blind spots and it scares me so badly that one of my boys or one of their friends might be there!
Your loss and testimony will help others be more aware and possibly save the life of a child. Thank you so much for putting your heart out there for us. I wish simple words would be able to help you be comforted and alleviate your burden. I can only imagine the pain, guilt and hurt you carry around. I’m not sure if you have a faith, but God wants to carry your burdens and relieve you of the weight you carry.
Blessings to you and your precious family.
.-= Mimi´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday ~ Rugby’s Snowball Catch =-.
Oh Dawn, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a strong woman. My heart goes out to you and your family.
.-= Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..My Kids Sleep Weird. Period. =-.
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss, Dawn. It takes so much courage to write this down and share it. Thank you for doing so and for reminding all of us how very fragile life really is. I send you all the love in my heart.
I am so sorry for your lost. God is a good God and I know he is looking after Noah. May God be with you
always.
Love and Blessings
Dawn, I am so incredibly sorry for everything you have gone through. I am a mother of 2 and can not begin to imagine your pain. I hurt for you. I pray that you can move past your guilt and find comfort in your pain. Thank you for taking the time to share your story!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am stationed at McGuire and appreciate this being shared here. I see too many careless drivers here in housing who I’m sure think this would never happen to them. I am hoping they will see this and realize, yes this can happen to them, especially when it can happen to an attentive, loving parent. If this can save even just one child, I will be forever grateful.
Many prayers to you and your family. I cannot even try to understand how you feel, but know my heart is breaking for you as I’m reading this through my own tears. May you find peace in sharing your story.
There is no good that comes out of this, but your sons memory educates others about being more mindful and careful when we are in our cars and distracted. Your story was written by the heart and I hope it has the strong impact it has had on me and with others.
Hi Dawn,
Words cant express how truely sorry I am and my condolences go out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story, this will help others to be more aware of their surroundings. Everything happens for a reason and your story and loss may help save others in the future. As hard as it is now I hope that you can someday learn to forgive yourself and live again. I’m sure if your son was here he would be devastated to see his mommy so sad, he wouldn’t blame you. The rest of your family needs you. If you haven’t already I strongly suggest grief counseling, and if you have tried that already and found it didn’t work, keep trying until you find the right person to work with. I am happy that you have your husband but we can all use a professional and expert in issues we face in life.
R.I.P Noah! You went to live in harmony and wait with the Good Lord patiently for every one you love here on earth. You and your family are in my prayers.
Kelly Reid
Thank you for this story, My husband and I too are very concious when our kids are outside. I feel your sorrow and pain. I dont know how I would act or feel if anything were to ever happen to my babies. I love them more then anything in this world. I always hear sad stories about loved ones leaving and really if it was my time to go all I ask, is that it happens before any of my kids. I would have to much heartache to deal with. I have had so many bad things happen in my life where I am a strong person but my strength has weakend over the years with other things that have happened. Again thank you for your story, I hope others read it and are carfull whith letting thier kids out of sight. To many people drive to fast down our street and its suppose to be 15 miles an hour but people dont drive that slow here and no cops patrol this area much or at all. Thank you again.
Dawn I admire your courage in sharing your story, it is a very important message! Noah your angel is standing beside you and smiling knowing that you are using your pain to help other families!
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..My First Wordless Wednesday! =-.
My name is Lea and I want you to know something about this person Dawn, she is one of my dearest friends, and my hero. To have seen these two mother and son together, you knew you were witnessing love at it’s finest, this woman loved her son with everything she had, and Noah loved his mother with every bit of his little body. She is by far braver then I ever possibly could be in this situation, she has more strength then I will ever have.
I love ya Dawn and family
God Bless You, you i’m sure just with your story saved a little ones life.
Lea
Lea. I love you.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..The Accident…..The story. =-.
I just read your article and my heart goes out to a fellow Mother who has lost a child. I lost my beautiful daughter Chloe Bella on Dec. 29, 2005. Chloe and her twin brother were 2 1/2 at the time. They climbed onto a counter in the kitchen and got into some prescription medication. They were both in comas but my son Kevin came out of it. And just as he did, Chloe got worse. We lost her before her Daddy was able to get home from Iraq. I know each and every emotion that you felt and are still feeling today. There is not a moment in the day that I don’t think of her and her sweet smile. And all the “what ifs and whys” I too felt like I was in a fog for months and months.
I know words cannot express my deep sympathy for you and your family! You are in my thoughts and prayers and just know that you are not alone…Noah is and always will be with you!
I have attached the article that was put in the Torch magazine about my baby girl and her twin brother. I have been working very hard trying to educate people about the dangers of prescription medication and how important it is to lock it up. It is not safe just put up.
Please feel free to contact me
Billie
Billie,
Thank you for sharing your story.
I want to get in contact with you. I will follow your link. I hope to find a way to Email you.
If you come back and read this, I want you to know…. It’s OK to still love your daughter and keep her a a part of your life. I do little things that keep him alive with me, and it helps so much. My be quirky to others….but it’s comforting to me. And that’s all that matters.
Love and prayers.
~Dawn
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..The Accident…..The story. =-.
Dawn, I opened my inbox tonight to find an email from our Key Spouse at the USAF EC and I read your story. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding me of how fragile life really is. I am so sorry for your loss. Many prayers to you and your family from Fort Dix, New Jersey.
May you have peace knowing that your little one is resting in the Arms of Jesus’ Love. May you have strength in sharing your story; and may you and your family feel God’s great comfort–for you as parents and for your other precious children.
“The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24 KJV
Early this week I was distress over many common things that had me loosing sleep. Then I read of this incident involving you, your family, and your son; which made me realize how petty were the things I thought had a grip on me. Reading of something that by-far out weighs my managable annoyances is really sobering for the soul.
May God bless you and your family,
Maurice Young
Such a painful story. Thank you for sharing it so honestly and openly… it took a lot of courage. Unlike some here, I am not an expert on these sorts of things, and I do not possess a degree in any sort of psychology… but I do know what major traumas can do to your life… from personal experience. But after years of therapy, and being in recovery from the drugs I chose to do so I could be numb and not feel the pain, I have learned I had to find some way to forgive for myself; to somehow find some acceptance and peace. (Trust me… I know this is much easier said than done) I had to understand that in blaming, hating and hurting myself, I was furthering other people’s pain, and keeping their sadness at the forefront, as well as forcing them to worry about me and my sanity (which at times felt like it was holding on by a thread.) This in turn, proceeded to make me feel guiltier and even worse about myself. Somehow the cycle had to stop. It seems to me…in my un-expert opinion, that you have already begun the slow and painful journey of healing… by writing your story and warning others… doing your part to try and stop this from happening to others. I am so glad you didn’t choose the route I did with drugs. I understand now that it did nothing but prolong my healing process. For me, I had learned that sometimes “getting out of me” helped me to make it from day to day. And in helping others; I slowly began to be a bit gentler with myself. I was in a support group for women with traumas, and in hearing some of these ladies talk about abuse or rapes, I was always the quick one to say, “it was not your fault” Yet it was so hard to believe it about myself and my situation. But also, for me, it was helpful to not forget about those around me who were also affected. And in being able to soothe them, I was slowly subconsciously embracing myself, and there was a sense of comfort for me. I was able to feel a small sense of pride that I helped another, and that small shot of pride was so needed for my self-esteem, which at that time was non-existent. As I read your article I couldn’t help thinking about Beth. And I wondered if she is feeling the same pain and guilt you are. So I urge you to ask yourself, if she came to you in tears and said, “I feel like it was my fault because I didn’t want to watch him like you asked” would you ostracize her, or embrace her and remind her it was an accident? And when you respond to that question with “of course I’d embrace her”, than I pray you realize you deserve the same love and compassion. And lastly, allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. Ignore those around you who may, in thinking they are helping, suggesting to “move on” or “get over it.” For those who say those things, they just do not, and God willing…will not ever know the kind of despair we have felt. I wish you luck and offer my heartfelt empathy and my support… I wish somehow I could do more. Please be gentle with yourself.
Suzanne Hantke
Dawn……your story brought tears to my eyes. Your candid description of the accident as well as the events surrounding it,, and the open sharing of your pain and guilt, leaves me in awe of your courage and strength. I’m sure that many others might have made the choice to not deal with it and would certainly have hidden from anyone or anything that would force them to relive the horror of that day. Your willingness to put this horrific accident in the eyes of the public, knowingly subjecting yourself to more pain and suffering by doing so, just proves to me that you are a great mom and a compassionate person: you are willing to expose yourself to more hurt if it will save the life of another child and save the parent from what you have gone through. I admire what you are trying to do and wish you success.
Sending love and support, for your continued recovery,,
Sandy Stewart
Dear Dawn:
We send our deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family.
Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. Know that you are saving the lives of children by speaking out. You will never know the names of the children who will be spared; but you have blessed their families by raising awareness regarding these predictable and preventable tragedies.
Awareness about this issue is incredibly important. Most people do not know that at least 50 children are backed over every WEEK in the US. Forty-eight of those children are treated in hospital emergency rooms and at least 2 children die EVERY week after being backed over.
We would like to talk with you if you are open to that. Please contact us via the http://www.KidsAndCars.org website.
Jannette,
I would LOVE to get in contact with you.
I have sent several email’s through KAC.org website to no avail.
Perhaps I will be able to reach you this time.
~Dawn
I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain you have endured losing a child.
I hope God gives you the strength to carry on for your family until you can spend eternity with Noah again.
Dawn,
I was thinking of you and I found this article you wrote.
I remember the first time you wrote out the story. I left McGuire shortly after you did.
You continue to grow. I know the painful memory will alway be there, but hold tight to all the other memories. You and Travis were blessed with a wonderful boy for five incredible years. May those years remain always imprinted upon your heart.
I hope someday to hear again from you. I can be found on facebook and with my name and LCSW@YAHOO.
Love, PatriciaSimsLCSW
This post has also been sent to the Dr. Phill show, and The Doctors show.
Also to a contact at McGuire AFB, New Jersey, with hopes of spreading the word of more awareness and vigilance for parents and caregivers.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Love to Everyone,
~Dawn
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..The Accident…..The story. =-.