One [Cybersafety] Rule to Rule Them All

Last updated on August 9th, 2026 at 04:32 pm

Have your children ever done something that you specifically told them not to do? Did you ever do something that your parents told you not to do when you were a child? The answer to both of those questions is probably yes. That’s why I never recommend that parents give their kids an order about cybersafety that is too restrictive.

Examples of this would be forbidding them from installing a given app or banning them from using a device or app as a punishment for a previous incident. As parents, we need to protect our kids, but the only way to do that completely would be to lock them away in a virtual prison and never allow them access to the Internet. Not exactly a practical solution.

I think it’s fair to say that many parents are concerned about what might happen to their kids when they’re online. We’ve all heard of horrific stories involving cyberbullying, sextortion, posting inappropriate content, etc. The natural reaction is to prohibit, even for a short time, their ability to use technology, often for a long time. I think that’s the worst thing that a parent can do.

The problem is that if something bad does happen to them, the child now has two reasons not to come to their parents for help. They may already fear getting into trouble in the first place for what happened, but whether they do or not, they are sure that they will get into trouble for doing something that their parents expressly forbid them from doing.

If this does happen, the potential for disaster grows exponentially because the chances of them coming to their parents for help go down with each passing second. I’ve seen this happen with people I know.

What Parents Should Do Instead

Instead, parents should concentrate on teaching their children the proper use of technology and the ramifications of using it improperly.

As a backup plan, all children should develop a HELP Network to help them through their online (and offline) problems:

Children should start by Heeding their instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Granted, wisdom takes time, which is something by their very nature, they don’t have a lot of at this point of their life.

Next, they should Establish their inner circle. If a child is too afraid to speak to their parents about something that happens online, they need to have someone in their circle that they can speak to about it. This can be a teacher, pastor, neighbor or an older sibling (who may have gone through something similar already).

Once the inner circle is there, they need to Let someone in that circle know what is happening.

Finally, they need to Protect their friends if they need it. Reaching out to friends in advance or when they see their friends acting out of character, they should offer whatever help they can provide. Even if they can’t help them directly, they can help by letting them know that they’re not alone in this and may be able to direct them to someone in their own HELP Network who can help them as well.

Remember, the goal is to make it possible for the child to get help before things get out of hand, not to make them fear possible discipline.

Boredom vs. Structure: Is One “Better” for a Special Needs Child?

Last updated on August 9th, 2026 at 04:31 pm

There is a lot of parenting buzz about letting your kids be bored because only then will they tap into their imaginations and learn to be self-reliant. Childhood boredom can lead to many wonderful things like invented games, improvised plays and backyard expeditions. Then again, many children with special needs need structure. Some get very anxious when they are unsure where to go and what to do. Others get lost in time and distractions in ways that are not beneficial or can get up to activities that are destructive or unsafe. Throughout this article please understand that when I refer to unstructured time I never mean for it to mean unsupervised time. Safety is crucial! Also, this is not about boredom in school – this is about the summertime, weekend, hanging out at home type of boredom. So how do you balance your child’s need for structure with the healthy benefits of downtime?

I was faced with this dilemma of schedule vs. free time on only the fourth day of summer break, when my special needs child dramatically threw herself on my bed and sighed, “I’m bored.”

As always, take the unique needs of your child and your family into consideration. If you work, if your child is in a summer program or camp or if your child has a caregiver this may not all be up to you. You will need to get input from your child’s team to see how he or she tolerates unstructured time before you can decide how much boredom to allow at home.

Even when it seems like I am letting my kids hang around the house doing nothing, I always have a secret schedule in my mind and am always watching the clock and listening to the sibling rivalry. Sometimes I have to step in and redirect, sometimes I can let it play out. Sometimes I have to force them all to unplug, or go outside or read.

If your child needs structure and scheduling, try building some imagination time into the daily agenda. Start small, maybe ten minutes, and build the time up as your child can tolerate it. Knowing there is an end time may also help the child feel less anxious about free time.

Some children have trouble making choices. In this case you can schedule something like reading time or art time, but allow your child the choice of what book to read or what art materials to use. If that is too overwhelming, you can give your child two or three options and let them choose. Then stop giving the options. Eventually you can work up to giving your child bigger choices, like reading time or art time. Even using the phrase “play time” instead of “free time” may offer the child a hint about appropriate choices during this time. If the idea of unstructured time is very overwhelming to your child, brainstorm a list of things they could do during free time, then post it somewhere or keep it in a notebook so you can consult it as needed. You may even want to make a Boredom Jar so the suggested activities will be randomized when your child pulls one out.

As always, if unstructured time doesn’t work for your child right now that is fine, but as our kids grow up and we try to teach them to be independent you can revisit it at a later date.

3 Ways Music Improves Kids’ Learning, Relationships & Confidence

Last updated on August 9th, 2026 at 04:32 pm

When we think of music, often what comes to mind is song. We may think of Broadway musicals, Bach or Justin Timberlake. In our minds, we might imagine orchestras or pianists.

 

Music has been central to civilization for thousands of years. In fact, before we had language we used musical tones and sounds to communicate. The tone of a grunt signaled a message in our prehistoric ancestors, while the beat of a drum brought village people together in unity far and wide. What we think of a little less often is what music is made of and how it impacts our learning, behavior and social relationships.

Music is all around us as we hear the subway cling and clatter, the pitter-patter of our children’s footsteps and the ambient noise inherent in life. Music engages our sensory, motor and auditory pathways in the brain fostering engagement and synchronicity (Patel & Iverson, 2014).

Curiously, the ability to synchronize with a beat is associated with learning language and grammar (Corriveau & Goswami, 2009; Gordon et al., 2015). At its core music is made of beats and rhythms that create sound, melody and even movement. These beats and rhythms are meaningful scaffolds we can use in school, at home and in life to enhance foundational aspects of our learning, behavior and character.

Here are three ways to incorporate music into your family life to foster growth in learning, behavior, confidence, social relationships and character.

TRUST – Engaging in music with your children, classmates and workmates can enhance a sense of cohesion, emotional safety and trust. Our brains and bodies love to entrain, that is, join together in synchrony with others. Moving, tapping and singing in synchrony provide us with a felt-sense of togetherness, safety and trust. Consider for a moment, the smile on an infant’s face as he plays clapping games with his mother. Think about your own emotions as you walk by a classroom of students harmonizing in song.

“Musical engagement provides opportunities to improve social cohesion, psychological safety and trust in our relationships.”

What can you do? Sing more with others. Whether acapella, with the radio or as you complete your tasks of daily living, turn up the music and sing along. Choose songs that are known to all and enjoy the feeling of camaraderie and togetherness as you sing out that tune, together.

LEARNING – Even if you aren’t a musical performer, songs, chants, poems and raps are a wonderful way to learn academic knowledge. Music provides a rhythmic foundation on which to layer information in order to encode it and make it learned knowledge.  Further, consistent beats, specifically in 4/4 time, stimulate the brain’s natural interest, comfort and familiarity with patterns and sequences. Help your children learn their math facts, historical knowledge, literature and foreign language saying simple repetitive words with rhythm for better encoding and retrieval of learned knowledge.

“We are musical beings, even our neurons fire like an orchestra.”

MOVE IT – Clapping, tapping, stepping, marching and bouncing to a beat provide a firm scaffold on which to layer learning. Start by clapping or stepping to a simple quarter note at 85-120 beats per minute and increase tempo as the children become familiar with the beat.

On the downbeat add the content to be learned, for example, C-A-T CAT.  You can also say the words syllabically, HO – USE HOUSE with a double clap on the fourth beat. Imagine learning your history facts to a beat, “Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, created Thanksgiving Day, he championed for freedom, as the children played.” Mix and match beats with rhythm, movements, sounds and words for an engaging social experience. The words can rhyme, but they don’t have to.

Music is magical. It has the ability to help us calm or energize, connect and reflect, enhancing our thinking skills, learning and character by engaging us as musical and prosocial beings.

Enjoy building confidence, character, and social connections as you chant, sing, move, and create to the sounds of music.

For more musical learning ideas see Musical Thinking and 70 Play Activities for Better Thinking, Self-Regulation, Learning and Behavior.

References:

• Corriveau K, Goswami U. (2009). Rhythmic motor entrainment in children with speech and language impairments: tapping to the beat. Cortex, 45: 119–130.
• Gordon R, Shivers C, Wieland E, Kotz S, Yoder P, McAuley J. (2015). Musical rhythm discrimination explains individual differences in grammar skills in children. Developmental Science, 18: 635–644.
• Patel, A. D., & Iversen, J. R. (2014). The evolutionary neuroscience of musical beat perception: the Action Simulation for Auditory Prediction (ASAP) hypothesis. Frontiers in Systems Neuroscience, 8, 57.

Helpful websites:

www.letsplaymusicsite.com

http://thekiboomers.com

https://meludia.com/en/

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Written for teachers, educators, and clinicians whose work involves playing, talking or teaching children who would benefit from better executive function and social-emotional learning skills, 70 Play Activities incorporates over 100 research studies into printable worksheets, handouts, and guided scripts with step-by-step directions, to empower children to learn and behave better. “With 70 Play Activities we aim to improve the trajectory of children’s learning by integrating the newest neuroscience with activities children love!” With over 70 activities designed to improve thinking, self-regulation, learning and behavior, your tool-kit will be full and your creative brain will be inspired to craft your own meaningful exercises. 70 Play Activities is available at amazon.com

 

Empowering Children Through Chores

Last updated on August 9th, 2026 at 04:33 pm

How to Help If Your Child Has a Seizure: Call EMS and Don’t Panic

Last updated on May 3rd, 2026 at 02:41 pm

Some children are prone to seizures and having met many of these parents and taken many of these children to the hospital, I know these parents are acutely aware of what to do and how to do it in the event of another seizure.  It’s the children that have never had a seizure before and you the parents that have never had to deal with one before that we will focus on. The type of seizure most commonly encountered by children having their first seizure is the febrile seizure. The American College of Emergency Physicians published a number of great findings about febrile seizures and stated the following:

Simple fever-related (or febrile) seizures are common among children under age 5. Although these seizures can be frightening to parents and other caretakers, they are generally harmless. Annals of Emergency Medicine, the scientific journal of the American College of Emergency Physicians, published the following advice for parents and caretakers about simple febrile seizures.

Children at Risk

• Febrile seizures tend to run in families and are not preventable. Children of parents with a history of these seizures are about four- and one-half times more likely to experience a febrile seizure, and if both parents had febrile seizures as children, their child is 20 times more likely to experience one.
• About 30 percent of children who have a febrile seizure will have another one, usually within a year of the first seizure.
• Simple febrile seizures are common among children ages 6 months to 5 years.
• Febrile seizures have been associated with viral infections, Roseola, and Shigella, which is a bacteria that causes bloody diarrhea.
• There are no risk factors for febrile seizures related to geography, race, or ethnicity.

Signs and Symptoms

Here are the signs and symptoms associated with simple febrile seizures:

• Simple febrile seizures generally occur in the first few hours of a high fever or rapid rise in body temperature.
• These seizures generally occur only once in a 24-hour period and usually last less than a minute, but can last 15 minutes or longer.
• May cause loss of consciousness.
• May cause rhythmic muscle contractions.
• May cause child to clench teeth or bite cheek or tongue.
• Child may stare or become unresponsive.
• May cause face, arms, and legs to twitch, and arms or legs to jerk.
• Eyes may roll back.
• May cause difficulty breathing.
• May cause child to lose bladder or bowel control.

Advice to Parents

Parents should seek immediate medical attention for a child or infant experiencing a febrile seizure, even if the seizure does not appear life-threatening (e.g., child’s breathing is not constricted). Although the seizure may end before medical helps arrives or before the child reaches the emergency department, it is important to have a physician rule out other causes for a first-time seizure, especially meningitis. While the child is experiencing a seizure and until help arrives, parents should:

• Protect the child from injury.
• Lay the child face-up on the floor. If the child vomits, turn on the left side to prevent inhaling vomit or mucus into the lungs.
• Do not place anything, including your fingers, in the child’s mouth.

After a Seizure

• In the emergency department, a child who has had a seizure will be evaluated for serious diseases, such as pneumonia or meningitis. This may require diagnostic tests such as blood work, urinalysis, x-rays, or a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). Most children who experience a simple febrile seizure will not require admission to the hospital.
• Medicines generally are not given to prevent simple febrile seizures. In addition, medicines given for fevers, such as acetaminophen or ibuprofen, have not been shown to prevent febrile seizures, but are often recommended because they relieve body aches and fever.
• After a seizure, a child may be sleepy or experience memory loss, headache, or confusion.
• Febrile seizures can recur if the child has another fever.

The final thing I would like to add to this is that there is no reason to delay calling 911 if your child starts to have a seizure or you think they are having one please call and allow the professionals to help.

Good luck and Be Safe.

DistrACTION Cards: Because Kids Already Know Shots Hurt

As a pediatrician, I have a confession to make.  I’m ashamed to admit that in residency I was amused when kids ramped up the drama getting shots.  I’m not talking about a sadistic pleasure watching a 4 year old get poked repeatedly, I’m talking about an artistic appreciation of the wailing, screaming, and ninja-like thrashing performance when the nurse brought in the tray and….cleaned the child’s arm.  With cotton.  Gently.  Yep, it was hard not to restrain a snicker when you alerted the child that, far from being near death from pain, the procedure hadn’t started yet.  See?  Cotton.

As a pain researcher, I now know that fear dramatically increases pain perception.  Not only that, but focusing on the site where you expect pain naturally enhances your body’s perception of pain.  Just like focusing on bite of gourmet food enhances your perception of nuances of the flavor (“Oh, cilantro!”) focusing on a painful procedure enhances that pain to occupy your entire consciousness.  Not great if you don’t want pain.

Pain relief has become a major focus of medical professionals and children’s hospitals in recent years. While topical anesthetics have been around for decades, only 7% of pediatricians use methods to decrease the pain of needles.  Recent innovations to address pediatric pain have been introduced, in part due to the realization that needle fear has jumped from 25% to 63% of children. This 252% increase is theorized to result in part because there are five times more live-saving vaccines that are now routine, and the realization that some vaccines need to be given at older ages to work well.  Older age means kids remember the event, have greater cognitive powers to focus on the event, and thus can develop ongoing issues with needles when they experience vaccines as traumatic..

One physiologic way to deal with pain has been spotlighted here before, putting the cold and vibration unit Buzzy “between the brain and the pain”.  The body feels sensations of cold and massage, and has less bandwidth to perceive pain. The sensation can even be disrupted, just like cold running water eliminated the pain of a burned finger.  What I realized soon after developing Buzzy, however, was that a kid who is bound and determined to let you know how much they hate shots can feel pain from an alcohol swab.  For a highly anxious kid who hasn’t seen Buzzy before, the explanation of “how this is going to make it better” might even focus them more on the procedure. I realized I needed something to help the child who is already afraid…something to decrease the fear AND take the focus off the poke.

Fortunately, kids have amazing imaginations, and — Ooh, look at that! —are pretty easy to distract.  An easier, faster, and less expensive way to address pain and even boredom comes from the delightful curiosity kids have about new things, especially when they’re brightly colored. The very trait in kids that can be frustrating in long lines or car trips can actually be a huge advantage in managing pain.  In fact, some of the more traditional hospital distractions (blowing up a balloon, etc.) had been proven to decrease children’s distress with medical procedures consistently by about 50%… But for this situation – for the child walking in terrified – we needed something more…but what? And thus, the DistrACTION cards were born….

What we’d learned was that controlling pain wasn’t enough for anyone  – Fear, Focus on the procedure, and Pain all contribute to the experience.

To optimally pull a child’s attention away from a painful procedure, Child Life therapists use a variety of techniques, from blowing out (pinwheels, balloons, deep breathing) to visual distractions, both passive (videos) and active (Where’s Waldo??).  Pulling from the distraction pain literature, I distilled the elements that seemed to be most helpful.  In a stressful situation, too much difficulty (math problems) can be counterproductive.  This is why “Where’s Waldo”, while a good active distraction, is actually less effective for most medical situations: he’s just too hard to find.  The concept, though, is useful – visual active tasks like finding work well.  Adding rote elements like counting can be good, but it depends on how hard it is to find something. “How many of something can you find” can be too easy if they’re right there – you could stop after one.  “Find 6 of something”, however, is a concrete task which adds visual input to the cognitive task and gives the comfort of rote familiarity. The trick is distracting effectively for the right situation, giving just the right amount of challenge with the comforting ritual of counting.  It’s that simple.

DistrACTION cards have 10 questions on the back of each one, stratified by age groups.

They include questions that require simple finding for younger kids (Where is a purple cow?) with some questions that only adults could get (Can you find all the suits in a deck of cards?)  Classic counting, how many cows?, was found to be too easy for older kids, so questions add difficulty by asking “How many cows are wearing a costume?”)

After creating the DistrACTION^® Cards for medical procedures, investigators around the world started testing them.

1. First, Buzzy plus Distraction was tested for IV access in Turkey. Used correctly, Buzzy decreases needle pain 50-80%, and has been highlighted in Phlebotomy Today as a way to help draw blood in anxious patients. When DistrACTION is added, both together reduce pain from IV insertion 88%.
2. Investigators then started evaluating the DistrACTION cards alone. In the first study, pain was reduced 50% with the “Monkeys” set of cards alone; even cooler, 97% of kids said the procedure was better than previous times they’d had blood drawn.
3. Subsequent studies comparing other Child Life techniques found that DistrACTION cards decreased pain more than playing with a kaleidoscope; another study found the cards more effective than blowing a balloon, or playing a singing cartoon game.

The DistrACTION cards have now been clinically proven in three studies to be even better than other distractors in hospitals

Beyond pain management though, we found a terrific secondary benefit.  When you can distract a child well enough to reduce pain in an unfamiliar environment, adding DistrACTION cards to a situation that is “merely boring” is extremely effective.  From a 2 hour junior high concert recital to (one emergency nurse admitted) sitting through Mass, the cards have been extremely helpful for everyday behavior support.  They’re waterproof, so they even work on the beach. No batteries, no screens – who knew?

I think the coolest thing for me has been that now, I get amused when a child seems very anxious, starts to ramp up the drama… and then is told “It’s already done!”  As kids learn how distraction helps them deal with their own pain, the lesson sticks, even when there are no cards around.  At a recent doctor visit for HPV vaccination, my older son said “Wait!  You don’t have DistrACTION cards?  Ok, ok, no problem…” he looked around the room and found red, blue and yellow speckles on the tile floor.” “No problem.  When I need the shot, I’m counting confetti!” When he didn’t even flinch with the poke he was almost as proud of himself as I was!

HEALTHFUL HINTS

1. Distraction is an extremely effective parenting technique for multiple situations  quite apart from pain management.  Trouble starts brewing when children get bored, but a child who learns how to entertain themselves will have that skill their whole lives.
   • It’s critical to not depend on a battery powered source for distraction – whether it’s a small book, Distraction cards, or a small pot of play-dough, props help  avert a boredom-induced meltdown.  Once you learn the level of difficulty that keeps a kid engaged, the world around becomes a perfectly good distraction.  “OK, I spy with my little eye…”
   • YOU are the best distraction for your child.  While older kids can ask each other questions or read the questions on the back of the cards themselves, human interaction keeps a distraction interesting.
2. For injections and medical procedures, there’s a difference between offering distraction and forcing a kid not to watch.  Let the 20% of kids who prefer to view the procedure do so – it may be it’s own distraction for them, or a way for them to feel in control of the situation so they’re less afraid.

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